Final chapter here folks! Yes this is it! A final word will be posted at the end. Enjoy!
Releasing the Pain
Even though she was no longer suicidal, Lily was still grieving for Angel. She still stayed up all night writing and crying, barely able to drag herself from bed the next morning. She did well in school, but only because he had always been particular about that. She couldn't have cared less about it. She tried to tell herself that he would not have wanted her to be depressed, but she couldn't shake the sadness.
In the midst of all this, her mother's forty-fifth birthday rolled around. Her parents had invited the whole family to their house. It was the worst night of her life. People kept asking her these monotonous questions. How have you been? How's school? What do you want for Christmas? She felt like making flash cards. I'm gay and depressed. School sucks. For Christmas I want to move away.
Periodically one of Angel's old friends would call to see how she was, but it was never Collins. She couldn't blame him. His love for Angel had seemed so pure. Losing him was probably a living Hell. So, it surprised her greatly when the maid announced a call from 'that man, Tom Collins'. She snatched the phone from her and put it to her ear. She thrilled to hear that deep familiar voice say:
"Hey, baby."
"Hi, Collins."
"How are you?"
"Ah, well, you know…"
This was a question she was not prepared to answer truthfully. He sensed it.
"Yeah, me too. But you know that's not what he would've wanted."
"I keep telling myself that too, but I just can't let go."
"I know, baby. Listen; I need to ask you a favor. It's completely up to you. I'm planning his funeral and I think it would be great if you could make a eulogy. I'll be doing it and so will Mimi, Maureen and Mark. It's going to be on Halloween."
Silence. And then in a very small voice.
"Thank you for giving me this, Collins."
He gave her the time and address.
"You can bring Juliet if you want."
She smiled.
"Thanks. I'll see you then."
"Okay."
"I love you, Collins."
She heard him chuckle bashfully.
"I love you too. Bye."
"Bye."
*************************************
Peter's Volvo pulled up outside the church. Collins was outside smoking a cigarette. Lily got out and ran to him.
"Collins!"
He opened his arms and scooped her up. Oh, how she loved his embrace.
"My beautiful girl!"
Juliet and Peter got out as he put her down.
"Collins, this is Juliet and her father Peter."
Peter shook his hand and Juliet nodded.
"I'm very sorry for your loss, Mr. Collins," she said. "Lily told me so much about you and Angel I feel like I knew him."
"Thank you very much, Juliet. I appreciate that."
They walked inside. The church was small and Collins' budget was tight, so they had decided to have a wake/funeral.
Lily looked around. All Angel's friends were there, including a large black drag queen named Amazing Grace, who'd owned the drag house that he'd worked at after leaving home. Lily knew her from photographs Angel had sent.
The next couple her eyes fell on was a complete shock. Benny with Mimi on his arm!! Lily looked at Roger. He was by the casket alone.
"Babe," Juliet whispered, "I'm gonna go use the restroom."
"Okay."
She walked away. Lily made her way towards Mimi.
"Lily!" she cried and they embraced. Then she exchanged greetings with Mark, Maureen and Joanne. She said nothing to Benny, but fixed him with the worst glare she could. Then she headed to the casket. Roger smiled at her.
"Hey," he said.
"Hi, Roger."
They stood together and gazed upon Angel for the last time.
"He looks so peaceful," she murmured.
"Yeah."
A short pause. Then she said:
"Thanks for calling me. I'm sorry I broke on you."
"Nah. We all did the same thing. Everyone loved him that much."
"None more than me."
Their conversation was cut short as the preacher called everyone to sit for the service. Juliet came and sat beside Lily.
"I don't know how I'm gonna do this," Lily whispered.
"It'll be okay, babe. I'm right here."
Lily sighed and braced herself. First the preacher gave a speech so nonspecific it made her sick. Then Mark gave a speech relating a comic story about Angel and some lost Midwestern tourists. Mimi and Maureen's orations were more about Angel's friendship. Maureen even did hers in the second person, as though he was there listening. Lily loved them for all the heart they put into them.
After them, Collins got up. Lily paid even closer attention. She wanted to hear what he had to say most of all.
"This is a poem that I wrote for Angel back when we first met," he said. "I've put it to music for this occasion."
He began to sing in the most beautiful voice Lily had ever heard. It was low as thunder and sweet as rain.
"Live in my house
I'll be your shelter
Just pay me back
With one thousand kisses
Be my lover
And I'll cover you
Open your door
I'll be your tenant
Don't got much baggage to lay at your feet
But sweet kisses I've got to spare
I'll be there and I'll cover you
I think they meant it
When they said you can't buy love
Now I know you can rent it
A new lease you were, my love
On life
All my life
I've longed to discover something as true as this is
So, with a thousand sweet kisses
I'll cover you
With a thousand sweet kisses
I'll cover you
Oh, lover, I'll cover you"
Everyone applauded at full volume. Collins had long since started crying, and Lily had broken her vow not to weep. His love was so true and pure. It seemed to her the way it worked out, was the things you loved most were the things that were taken from you.
Collins cleared his throat.
"Our final speaker today will be Tiger Lily Dumott," he said.
Her heart was in her mouth. She squeezed Juliet and walked to the stand. She had made sure that she looked good. She wore a long black dress, her hair plaited down her back in a French braid. Her already large eyes were made larger by the dark makeup that Peter had applied so carefully. She was going to do Angel proud with this speech. She took a deep breath and spoke into the mike.
"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Lily and I am Angel Dumott Schunard's cousin."
Another deep breath and she went on.
"I was much honored when Tom Collins called me and asked me to speak today. This is my last gift to Angel. Now, I'm a poet. Words flow easily to me. But the things I say now are completely improvised. Each time I sat down to write something nothing came, because there really are no words to describe what was to me, what we had. Relationships like ours only come along once in a lifetime. Unfortunately there was a great rift in our relationship. Forces that, at the time, seemed greater than us tore us apart and by the time we found each other, it was almost too late.
"There is one memory I have about Angel that is worth sharing. It happened several months ago during my unsuccessful escape to New York. Angel and Collins took me to a party at The Life Cafe. Most of you in this room know what I mean. Anyway, we're all at this party and we're all just chilling out together and I looked at Angel's face and he was just glowing. He was surrounded by all his friends and I could just feel all the love they were showing him. I was overjoyed. I remembered when we were growing up he didn't have many friends because he was shy and confused about his sexuality and his place in the world. Now had a family, a real family who saw deeper than the surface. They saw what an amazing person he was inside. I wanted nothing more than to freeze that moment and stay in it forever. That was the way life was supposed to be. Angel and I loving each other forever.
"When Roger Davis called me on the night of Angel's death I thought about, attempted, to kill myself. I couldn't bear the thought of losing Angel again. But just before I let go, and I will swear this until I breathe my last, I heard Angel's voice. I felt his arms and smelled his scent. He made me put the gun down. 'No day but today,' he said. It was then that I realized that I never would lose Angel. He would always be watching over me. And I would see him again in another world. So while I will never forget Angel Dumott Schunard I will be moving on with my life because that is what he would've wanted. His motto had always been 'today for you, tomorrow for me.' Because he was always giving to others. Now he will be rewarded for his kindness at last. The day will finally be for him and not us. Tomorrow is finally here.
"With those final words I release my pain and I set Angel free. Thank you."
The response was tremendous. Lily received a standing ovation. Everyone was teary eyed. Lily simply walked off, crying. She stole a glance at Collins. He was crying too, but with a smile.
*******************************
Lily did not weep as they put the casket in the cemetery behind the church. She had no tears left. People started leaving. Mimi and Roger (who had broken up) left in a fight. Mark had a job interview. Lily stood alone by the grave and read its words.
In loving memory of Angel Dumott Schunard
1979-1997
No Day but Today.
"Lily," Juliet called, "it's a long walk back to the car. You wanna get started?"
"No, babe, you go. I'll catch up. I need a few more minutes."
She nodded compassionately and walked away. When she was gone Collins came up and stood beside her.
"Would you like me to go?" she asked.
He shook his head.
"Your speech was…" He searched for words, but gave up. "God…"
"I'm sorry if I-" she started, but he cut her off.
"It would've made Angel proud."
She needed to hear that.
"I just did it to help let go," she said. "But I will miss him."
He nodded heavily.
"You know, after you left he told me that he felt good enough to let go because he'd seen you. He said you and I were the two most important people in his life."
She looked at him disbelievingly.
"I never thought he'd die," she sobbed after a moment. "I mean…he couldn't die. He's Angel damn it! Angel was never gonna die!"
He placed a strong hand on her shoulder.
"Even angels fall, baby," he whispered. "I think it'll take us both a long time to truly understand that."
She nodded slowly.
"Well, I should go."
"Yeah, maybe."
And then, on impulse she murmured.
"Hold me."
He did. And the bond was sealed. Into his ear, she said:
"Thank you for bringing happiness into his life."
"He brought meaning into mine."
He set her down and, like a woman in a dream, she walked away. When she reached the top of the hill, she turned and looked back at him.
That would remain frozen in the philosopher's memory forever. The image of a beautiful young woman in a long black dress standing underneath a cloudy sky, her red braid floating in the wind, black makeup and tears cutting runnels down her cheeks. As beautiful as an angel.
A fallen angel.
The Very, Very End
Well…I guess that's it. My very first fanfic ever is finished. I'd just like to say thank you to my reviewers for giving me such happiness, really you guys are awesome. Also, thank you to my new friends Daydreamer, Maureen the Drama Queen, Angel of the First Degree and AngelRentFan1. I love you all.
This is dedicated to Wilson Jermaine Heredia with obsessive love and pathetic devotion.
