Severus Snape - Master Chef

by Barbi Bee

A/n 1: the characters are not mine they are merely borrowed

A/n 2: this story is in answer to a WIKTT challenge to have Severus Snape dressed in drag (women's clothing)

A/n 3: completed challege rules to date [with explanation]

1) Severus must cross dress in the fic (Make up is optional, though extra points awarded is used well - see extras section). For reasons of traveling in disguise when doing business for the Order, because he likes the feel of lace and satin against his skin, for both reasons or different reasons all together. Your call, there must be a reason why

he does it, whether he likes it or not.[Avoiding DEs on the rampage]

2) Hermione must discover Severus' secret. [He's a closet Chef]

4) Their first kiss must be shared while he is in drag, extra points is he's wearing lipstick.

5) A very drunk/oblivious Lucius tries to pick up on Severus while he's in drag in a bar (Leaky Cauldron, Three Broomsticks or other bar).

6) A reference to Sirius as a crossdressing glam rocker during Marauder-Hogwarts days.[Rocky Horror - Frank'N Furter]

9) Must be after Hermione graduates Hogwarts.

10) Severus is heterosexual (sorry slash fans, I like my Severus het.)

11) Severus' nose cannot be changed, he must remain hook nosed. Potions or charms cannot hide/change it.

12) Hermione makes a reference to Neville's boggart Snape in drag.

13) Any rating G through NC-17, though I prefer R and NC-17 stories, but an R or NC-17 story does not guarantee the "best" story.

14) One shots or multi-chapter stories welcome.

15) If you have already written a cross dressing fic, you can tweak it (or not) and submit it for the challenge.

Optional:

3) Voldemort can be alive or dead.

4) Virginity: either both are or both aren't virgins.[Rocky Horror Picture Show Virgins, that is]

Extra Points:

1) As mentioned, Severus wearing make-up.

2) Also mentioned before, Severus' lipstick smeared during first kiss with Hermione.

4) The use of Opera length strand of pearls.

9) Reference to Dame Edna by a character or through narration, doesn't matter.[Danny La Rue substituted instead with kind permission from Betz]

A/n 4: to Lama - insane is what I call it too.

to Imhilien and Caoilte - Severus looked like a recent widow and Lucius thought he might be in with a chance



This chapter is for Imhilien and Margaret Read

Chapter 3

Shortly after Hermione and Severus arrived in Penzance, Hermione made a phone call to her Great-Uncle Daniel in London. She very quickly explained Severus' situation and asked if he could meet them in Plymouth in two days time. Daniel agreed and said he would arrange to have them picked up at the bus station when they arrived.

Hermione and Severus then found a small Motel to stay in for the next two nights, while they sorted out both their finances and future plans. Not having a great deal of money, things were going to be tight unless they got temping jobs along the way. This was mainly because Severus' money from his time on Tresco had been placed in Escrow due to his 'death' and Hermione had only managed to save just over £1200 during her ten week stint.

Having bought a map from reception, the pair decided to make London their first major destination, working their way slowly along the coast in order to get there without being noticed. Plymouth was to be their first stop followed by Exeter, Bournemouth, Southhampton and finally London. They planned to stay in each place no longer than a week, unless circumstances forced them to change their plans, arriving in London around the middle of October.

With travels plans having been made, the next thing on the list was documentation. Using her wand, Hermione created Driver's Licences, Passports and NHS Insurance Cards under the names of Linda Millbanks and Primrose Greenhand, (Hermione needing to do the transfigurations because Severus' wand had been broken in the fight with Lucius and Wormtail). While she was doing this, Hermione mentally thanked her New Zealand penfriend, Nicolette, for introducing her to the Barrow-Downs website. Nicolette, a fanfiction writer, having acquired her pen-name of Imhilien from the site had proceeded to mention it to Hermione in one of her letters.

Arriving in Plymouth they were met by Daniels chaffeur and limosine, to be whisked off to one of Plymouth's finest hotels where Daniel was waiting for them. When the introductions were first made Severus couldn't help but wonder just how this sophisticated older English gentleman could be of any help, other than providing much needed funds. When he uttered these words aloud though Hermione and Daniel both laughed.

"I'm sorry Severus, I guess I didn't introduce Uncle Daniel properly. May I introduce Mr Danny La Rue - Female Impersonator."

"Who?"

"Well I guess you're not one of my many fans then, are you."

"Sorry, no."

Hermione whispered something in Daniel's ear and he dissapeared into one of the suites bedrooms. While he was doing whatever it was he was doing, Hermione and Severus explored the rest of the suite. Two bedrooms, bathroom, lounge and dinette it was well appointed and quite luxurious. After some twenty minutes Daniel reappeared or rather a stunning woman in her fifties appeared in his stead, seeing the change Severus was quite flabergasted and now knew exactly how Uncle Daniel could help.

The next day the two men went shopping for "Linda's" new wardrobe. Day wear, evening wear, night wear, leisure wear and underwear were all on the list of things to buy and the two men had loads of fun doing so. After the clothes were bought it was off to find shoes , make-up and a good hairdresser/beauty salon. By the time they returned to the hotel that evening they were both exhausted but exhilirated with all they had achieved. Hermione was in for a shock when she was presented with the new "Linda Millbanks", a woman in her early thirties with a figure that any woman would be proud to own, and all done without magic (wizarding variety, that is). Uncle Daniel had proved once again that he truly was a Master (or Mistress) of his craft.

Spending the week with "Linda and Primrose" Daniel instructed them in the finer arts of being a Lady. Things such as how to sit, how to eat, how to hold ones silver and glassware, how to drink, how to dance, how to walk and even how to run, should the occasion render it necessary. All things a young lady of quality would have learnt at finishing school and then some. He also taught "Linda" how to deal with Masculine issues without making them obvious, using the Ladies Powder room instead of the Gentleman's for example, supressing and/or dealing with one's baser instincts ,so to speak, as an erection while wearing an evening gown did absolutely nothing for the cut of the dress and would also give the game away.

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When the week was up the three of them traveled to Exeter together where Daniel left them at a mid-range Hotel and also gave them £10000 to tide them over, before returning to London where he had a performance to prepare for. Now that the need to find work was not quite so pressing, Hermione and Severus decided to take a look around town. A poster outside a local theatre advertised a midnight screening of the 'Rocky Horror Picture Show' and Severus insisted they return for the performance, first though they had to do some shopping as they did not want to be seen as virgins. Hermione was somewhat puzzled by that remark as she didn't see what her sex-life or lack thereof had to do with seeing a movie.

"You are a virgin, aren't you?"

"That is absolutely none of your business and I'll thank you to change the subject."

"No need to get testy. I meant a Rocky Horror virgin - someone who's never seen the show."

"Oh. Well why didn't you say so in the first place then, instead of letting me make a fool of myself? So we need confetti, water pistols, newspaper and what else?"

"You lying little Gryffindor, you're not a virgin are you?"

"Nope. Saw my first show with Harry,Ron and the other Gryffs the week after we graduated, and have been at least twice a year since then. What's your history?"

"Lily Evans introduced us to the show when we were in sixth year. Can you imagine me, the Marauders and our lovely 'Mudblood' all getting dressed up to go see it?"

"Not really, but why did you call Lily a mudblood? Its very rude and I for one hate the name."

"It was my nickname for her, stopped the wrong people thinking we might be friends. Because we were, all six of us."

"What about that incident with the Whomping Willow?"

"Real enough. Sirius ended up on the wrong side of the marauders after that and realised he'd have to change his ways. Lily persuaded me to give them a chance and I never regretted it, not til the night she died anyway."

"Ok. So what sort of costumes did you used to wear?"

"Lily and I usually dressed as tarty French Maids, Wormtail as Igor, Prongs and Moony as Brad and Janet and Padfoot as Frank'n Furter himself in the Bustier and Fishnets."

"You haven'y got any pictures have you, because I would love to send one to Harry - he'd get a real kick out of it."

"I'm not sure, they'll be back at Hogwarts if I do. Remus would probably be your best bet though as he was our unofficial photographer at the time."

"Like Colin Creevy you mean?"

"Nowhere near as bad as that. Just shots when we went out, that kind of thing."

Their shopping completed, they returned to their Hotel to sort out their costumes for the night's entertainment. As Severus and Lily had done many years earlier the pair were going to go as slutty french maids. Low-cut white blouses, very short black mini skirts, fishnet stockings, black stilettos and frilly white aprons were the uniform of the day along with overly done make-up and hair-dos.

At 11:00pm they left the hotel and went to the theatre. They got their tickets and with the other Rocky Horror aficionados they went in to see the show. When they eventually emerged they were both grinning like teenagers, drunk with the euphoria that went with the cult movie.Returning to their Hotel, they quickly changed and dropped off to dreamland like a pair of sailors adrift in the sea of tranquility.