Mission Underway! Dimension Hopping Can Be Murder!

   "Damn it, where are they? We were supposed to meet twenty minutes ago!" Maeve muttered angrily to herself, clutching her suitcase tightly and weaving through the crowds of people currently…well, crowding the station of the Inter-Realm Transport System. "As if constantly waiting for Kieran isn't enough! Now I've got to stand here, waiting for Kieran and our new little college friend to show up!"

Finally, just as she was about to storm, fuming, to a pay phone to call Sylfia and tell her that she, for one, was out, two voices shouted, one directly into each ear,

   "Guess who!"

Stiffening, Maeve turned slowly, vowing to keep a careful reign on her temper until after she made sure she had the right culprit before pulpifying him. As her eyes met Kieran's, she smiled far too sweetly, Kieran began to back away.

As he turned, she leapt, and two minutes later, stretched and sighed contentedly as he lay, twitching, on the ground. Then she turned to the grey-eyed brunette watching this odd scene in equal parts of horror and curiosity and amusement.

   "Hi! I suppose you're the one who'll be working with us for this mission?"

The girl nodded mutely.

   "I'm Maeve," the older woman said, holding out a hand.

   "I'm Lara," the brunette replied, taking Maeve's hand as Kieran dragged himself to his feet.

   "Hey, why did you beat me up, and then go make friends with Lara immediately?" he demanded, hurt. "She shouted in your ear too, you know."

   "You probably put her up to it," Maeve said, glaring frostily at Kieran.

   "Can't argue with logic," the young man shrugged. "Take your bags, ladies?"

   "No, thanks," Lara said, smiling a little too widely, as though uncertain of what else to do. "I've got it."

   "Maeve?"

   "Forget it," she replied immediately. "Knowing you, you'd throw it at a cow or something."

   "Are you still mad about the last time?" he pouted.

   "Okay, do you have any idea how hard it is to get replacement wings in the mortal realm?" she demanded. "That suitcase had all my stuff in it!"

   "But the cow wasn't moving," Kieran pointed out calmly.

   "You could have thrown a rock at it."

   "Of you could have, like, tried to nudge it out of the way," Lara pointed out. "You don't always have to use the violent approach."

At this, both Maeve and Kieran stared at her oddly.

   "Yeah, I guess not," Maeve admitted after a long moment of silence.

   "But what else do we use?" Kieran asked, utterly confused

   "Reason?" Lara suggested. "Logic?

   "I…guess that could work," Kieran said slowly, frowning thoughtfully. "But…what if we went into a store and they were trying to way overcharge for what we wanted? You'd almost have to be violent in that case."

   "Or you could go to a different store," Lara said patiently.

   "Okay, that's all well and good," Maeve spoke up, "but all situations aren't that simple. What if all the stores in the area are overcharging?"

   "Then I'd say the price of what you need has gone up, and you should probably just pay it."

   "Just…pay…it," Kieran repeated slowly, tentatively trying out the words. "Okay, okay, okay, but what if all the shops are sold out of what you need? I'd say that warrants the hurty approach."

   "But what will it solve?" Lara protested despairingly.

   "Solve?" Maeve repeated, then laughed. "You're so cute, Lara. Okay, here's a situation for you. Say you have this partner, and he's always being a real idiot. Like, he shows up late, acts like a twit on missions, and just generally makes everything way harder than it has to be."

   "Maeve, are you talking about Kieran?"

A pause.

   "So, what's your advice? Tell me how to deal with him non-violently."

   "Well," Lara said thoughtfully, "the most effective way I can think of is for you to withhold sex until he gets his act together."

   "Oh, Maeve would never do that to me!" Kieran cackled as Maeve turned an unhealthy shade of purple. "She wants it too much."

   "And you're just askin' for something a lot more painful," she growled at him.

   "Be still, my beating heart! How do you always know just what turns me on?" he cooed.

   "Oh, dear," Lara giggled. "Did I misread your relationship?"

   "A little," Kieran admitted.

   "A lot," Maeve corrected through gritted teeth. "Look, the train's here. Can we just get going?"

   "All right! Everyone got their tickets?" Kieran asked.

Maeve looked at Lara. Lara looked at Maeve. Both looked at Kieran and shook their heads slowly.

Kieran's smile wilted slightly, and then returned in full force.

   "All right! Everyone to the ticket booth!"

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   "All right! Everyone got their tickets now?" Kieran asked enthusiastically half an hour of long line-up, squalling children, and grumpy ticket booth girl later.

   "Yeah!" Lara exclaimed just as enthusiastically.

   "Yeah," Maeve said flatly.

   "Great!" Kieran said. "Then let's get to the train!"

   "Um, Kieran?" Lara ventured timidly.

   "Yeah, Lara?"

   "The train left while we were in line."

Kieran's smile wilted a little more than it had before, and then once again returned in full force, if with a slightly pained quality.

   "All right! Let's go return these tickets and see if we can catch the next train!"

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   "All right! Everyone got their new tickets?" Kieran asked through slightly clenched teeth another half hour of patient explanation and less patient argument with the aforementioned grumpy ticket booth girl later.

   "Yeah!" Lara exclaimed with wilting enthusiasm.

   "Yeah," Maeve said with growing impatience.

   "Great! Then let's get on the train!"

Maeve peered out the window of the station.

Lara peered out the window of the station.

Maeve looked at Lara.

Lara looked at Maeve.

   "We don't see any train," they said together.

Kieran took a deep, calming breath.

   "When does the train get here?"

   "I think the next train comes at eleven-forty-five," Maeve said wearily.

   "And what time have you got now?"

   "Nine-thirty," she replied flatly.

Kieran slumped forward in despair. Then, resolutely, he straightened up and pasted a very artificial smile on his face.

   "All right!" he said as cheerfully as an Amazon princess at a Promise Keepers' convention. "Then let's find a place to get a nice cup of coffee while we wait for the next two hours."

   "Coffee?" Maeve asked doubtfully.

   "Good thinking, Maeve," he congratulated her. "Let's find a place where we can get a nice stiff drink while we wait for the next two hours."

   "Okay!" Maeve and Lara exclaimed together, with matching enthusiasm for the first time.

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   "Maeve," Kieran slurred, draping an arm heavily over her shoulders, "did I ever tell ya that yer my bestest friend? My cutest friend, too," he added with a wink.

   "Uh, that's great, Kieran," Maeve said, patting him on the head and moving as far over as the narrow barstool would.

   "And what am I?" Lara asked with mock-hurt. "Chopped liver?"

   "Yer too young to be my friend, kid!" Kieran declared, wheeling about to shake a stern finger at her, and immediately falling off his stool from too sudden a jolt. "Ow…"

   "Hey, Maeve," Lara murmured to the older woman.

   "Yeah?" Maeve asked wearily, downing the remainder of her Irish coffee.

   "Do you think we should tell him that he's been drinking non-alcoholic beer for the last hour and a half?"

   "No, Lara, let him have his fun," Maeve replied, rolling her eyes in fond exasperation as Kieran giggled wildly from the floor.

   "Hey, Maeve, guess what," he called.

   "What, drunkard?"

   "I can see up your skirt! Helloooooooooo, nurse!"

A silence fell over the bar. A still, heavy, oppressive silence.

The early-morning merry-makers – all six of them – came to a dead halt.

Drinks sat on tables and bar alike, utterly unheeded.

And somewhere in the distance, a dog barked.

   "Okay, that's it," Maeve growled, hopping off her stool and directly onto Kieran's stomach.

   "Ow!" he shrieked. "Spiky heels!"

   "It can only get worse, bud," she informed him sweetly, wrapping her hands tightly around his throat.

   "Aaaaaaaaaack!" he noted curiously.

After about fifteen seconds, Maeve found herself being distracted from this new, wildly amusing game by a light, repeated tapping on her shoulder.

   "Yes?" she asked innocently, turning to Lara.

   "You do know you're wearing pants, right?"

Maeve went still, pondering this. It did Kieran little good, however, as she kept her hands wrapped tightly around his neck.

   "Gee, I guess I am," she finally laughed sheepishly, climbing off of Kieran and releasing him.

   "That's okay," Kieran wheezed. "I could see down your shirt. It would've been a good way to go."

A silence fell over the bar. A still, heavy, oppressive silence.

The mid-morning merry-makers – all six of those exceedingly alliterative souls – came to a dead halt.

Drinks sat on tables and bar alike, utterly unheeded.

And somewhere in the distance, a dog barked.

In after days, every denizen of the bar sober enough to recall the incident would confess to noticing a definite application for the term 'déjà vu'.

   "This man does not learn," Lara observed sadly as Maeve leapt.

However, it seemed that Luck was going to decide with the fickleness typical to her that she would take up temporary residence with Kieran. And so it was that, just before Maeve's claws – which had an absurd tendency to appear only when she was angry, along with her gigantic hammer and an ominous gathering of thunderclouds – reached his eyes, the clock struck eleven-thirty.

   "Crap!" three disgruntled love fairies yelped, leaping to their feet and bolting from the bar.

   "Uh, guys?" the bartender, known for his somewhat doormatish tendencies, called after them hesitantly. "Guys? Guys?"

He pouted.

   "No money for me…"

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   "Made it," Kieran gasped as he dropped exhaustedly into his seat on the express train between Argentis realm and Mortal.

   "Now, there's a miracle," Maeve groaned, shoving her purse into the overhead compartment and collapsing into her seat next to Kieran.

   "Wasn't that great, guys?" Lara squealed, turning around in her seat in front of them with an energetic bounce.

   "Y-yeah. Great," Maeve agreed with no enthusiasm whatsoever.

   "Seriously! When I saw Kieran jump over the guard and run in front of the train, I wished I'd had a camera!"

   "Funny," Kieran said, laughing weakly. "I wished I'd had nine lives, like a cat."

   "Don't ever take a chance like that again," Maeve said severely, glaring at him.

Kieran stared at her for a moment, head tilted to the side, blinking in confusion.

   "After all, if you die, I'll probably get in trouble," the blonde finished airily.

   "Thanks, friend," Kieran said beamingly. "I love ya too."

   "Never mind that," Maeve said briskly. "Let's get our plan straight for when we get to the mortal realm. Now," she continued, withdrawing a file folder from inside her jacket and spreading it out on the tray table bolted to the back of the seat in front of her, "Lara, you know you've got Miss Filia and Mr. Xellos to deal with, right?"

   "We thought it would be best to give you some hands-on training," Kieran hastened to add.

   "Yup!" Lara replied cheerfully. "It'll be fun!"

   "Gods grant you keep that enthusiasm," Maeve sighed, rubbing her forehead in weariness and just a touch of sympathy for this exceedingly innocent girl with no idea as of yet what she was getting into. "So, do you know where the two little lovebirds are?"

   "Oh, I'll figure it out," Lara replied easily.

   "I think Kieran's rubbing off on you, kid," Maeve said, sweatdropping hugely.

   "Cool!" Lara chirped.

Kieran beamed.

Maeve did not.

   "That's not a good thing," she told the younger girl gently. "What I mean is, it might not be as easy to locate the clients as you think. You should at least have some idea of where you're going. After all, we're working on a time limit, and the realm's a big place. Not only that, but...ah...finding Xellos might not be as easily as you're anticipating."

   "Hey, don't sweat the details," Lara said, waving away Maeve's protests. "That's what my dad always said."

   "Oh, yeah? What's your dad do?" Kieran asked.

   "Actually, he's a janitor at Love Fairies Inc."

Maeve glanced sideways at Kieran.

Kieran glanced sideways at Maeve.

As one, they decided that they would be running to the nearest gas station from now on when they needed to use the "little fairies room".

   "Uh, anyway," Maeve said, anxious to get the topic onto something else, "Kieran, what do we want to do with the other two couples? Do we each take one couple, or deal with them each together, and each take the male of the female like we usually do?"

   "To be honest, I'd rather team up for the other two couples," Kieran replied. "It tends to take less time that way, and then we'll be free sooner to help Lara with Mr. Xellos and Miss Filia."

   "And how do you know I'll need help?" Lara asked defensively.

Maeve and Kieran exchanged amused looks.

   "You dear, funny little girl," Maeve chuckled.

Lara blinked.

   "What?"

   "You'll see," Kieran said ominously. "You'll see."

  "That's what I was afraid of," Lara said somewhere between a sigh and a whimper. "This really won't be as easy as I thought! Is it too late to become an accountant or something instead?"