Author Note: This started out as a 55 word fic, but was taken down by the people behind fanfiction.net, so I added to it. The original is the first letter of Hawk's to his father, and each little section is 55 words in it's self, except the last one, with is a 100 word drabble, in honour of TakenHawkeye, who does the best drabbles in the whole of the writing world, well, in however much of that writing world I've seen so far. ;)

**~~*~~*~~*~~**

Dear Dad.

I refused to operate on a man today. Was I wrong?

Frank took the case instead. Is he better than me?

BJ hasn't said a word to me since OR finished. Does he hate me?

The soldier died this morning. Is it my fault?

Does anyone still respect me? I don't.

Love Hawkeye.

**~~*~~*~~*~~**

BJ glanced over at Hawkeye. After coming back from surgery, all Hawkeye had done was write a short letter and stare into space. He'd thought about saying something, but he wasn't sure what. Without a sound, BJ turned out the light above his bed, and settled down. He would talk to Hawkeye in the morning.

**~~*~~*~~*~~**

'Sidney? It's Colonel Potter ... I heard about the football game, what was the final score? ... Fifteen to eight, huh? Good game. Listen, it's about Hawkeye. We're worried about him. He refused to operate on a kid today ... can you come down? Two days, huh? Better than nothing. Ok, Sidney, take care ...'

**~~*~~*~~*~~**

Margaret was worried. Why did Hawkeye say no to that last patient? He'd never say no, even if it meant he'd die from exhaustion. No was not part of Hawkeye's vocabulary. She tried to remember what the boy had looked like. Tall, dark hair. She shrugged. Soldiers all looked alike with their insides blown apart.

**~~*~~*~~*~~**

One person wasn't worried about Hawkeye's odd behaviour. Frank was sleeping well, having gone to bed early. It didn't bother him that Hawkeye was acting strange, or that a young man had died on the table in front of him. Things like that only kept empathetic people like Hawkeye awake. Frank wasn't one of them.

**~~*~~*~~*~~**

Father Mulchay watched the corps men take the last dead man onto the truck. He made a cross with his hand and thought about the last session. Hawkeye refused to operate on a soldier, very uncharacteristic of him. Father Mulchay made another cross with his hand before retreating back to his tent, across the compound.

**~~*~~*~~*~~**

"Daily report by Corporal O'Reilly. Seven patients lost in surgery from the last batch of wounded, all Major Frank Burns' patients. One of said deceased patients was originally Captain Pierce's, but he did not wish to operate, so Major Burns took over. Colonel Potter has asked Sidney Freedman to come and review Captain Pierce's behaviour..."

**~~*~~*~~*~~**

Klinger was in his tent, thinking. Word had got around that Hawkeye had cracked. Only a psycho Hawkeye would refuse to operate on someone. Klinger hoped Hawkeye wouldn't be sent home, the Colonel wouldn't want to discharge two people in the same month. Still, Klinger really hoped the surgeon would be ok, everyone liked Hawkeye.

**~~*~~*~~*~~**

Dear Dad.

I know why I couldn't operate a few days ago. Sidney told me.

When I looked at that soldier, a kid, really, I was sick of it. I wanted the war to end, so we could go home and no-one else would die.

When I saw that kid, he reminded me of me. I was afraid.

BJ didn't hate me, and no-one had stopped respecting me, or so Radar tells me. Except Frank. He never respected me in the first place.

Well, I'm not going home, though I wish I was. Tell everyone I'm alright, just.

Love Hawkeye.