Note to all readers: I haven't updated this in months because I didn't really have high hopes for it. Recently I noticed that it had accumulated a few reviews and people wanted to know what happens next. Well here you all go. I don't really have any idea of where to go with this; I just like the idea of Pippin mouthing off to the Orcs. If any of you have any ideas at all, please, share them with me. I'll do my best to update this as often as possible.

Pippin spoke up at once. " I think I can help!"

Lugdush glanced back at the body he had been carrying for the past 3 days. "And what do you know about Orcs, pathetic Halfling?"

Pippin, unfazed, answered, "Why, I've been in the company of Orcs for about 72 hours now! I feel I've learned quite a bit. Enough to help you with your troublesome boy even!"

Lugdush roared at Pippin. "You have no right to say ANYTHING about my son!"

Pippin again replied with no fear in his voice. "Yes, yes, I suppose I was out of line. Though, I do have some advice for you."

Grishnakh stared at Pippin with a grim fascination, while shrugging his shoulders with the weight of Merry on top of him. Merry gave a loud snore.

Ugluk was the first one that responded, "What have you to say?"

Lugdush kicked Ugluk then turned again, "Yes, what have you to say, Hobbit?"

Pippin waited for a moment to build up the suspense, then he finally started. "You need to talk to your family more, Lugdush. Obviously, your boy isn't killing and looting his little black heart out as a cry for help. I bet he wants more attention from his father."

"I can see what you're saying, freakish little non-evil thing, but I can't help going to war."

"Well, you could have faked your death or something. You would have, if you really loved your son."

Grishnakh spoke up for the first time. "So if Lugdush really loved Nutglush, then he'd pretend to be dead? I don't think I follow."

"I suppose you wouldn't," Pippin said snidely.

Ugluk spat on the ground, "Cocky little bastard, isn't he?"

"I'm right here you know!" Pippin called out.

Grishnakh, "And what do we care if you hear? We're gonna eat your legs anyway!"

"You see, that's your problem. It's always about the maiming. Where's the love?"

When Pippin spoke these words he knew he crossed the line. Lugdush turned about and snarled at him just as Ugluk beat him over the head with the stale bread, which was now hard as granite. Everything went black.