Chapter Eight: Confessions to a Sick Man
Sanji had lost his appetite.
//All
because of you. That was a perfectly good bird too.//
He
sat beside Zoro's bed, watching him sleep.
//Why
can't you just stop being a dickhead and just get better?//
Sanji
wanted to get up and hunt for the doctor, but he didn't want to risk
leaving Zoro alone and coming back to find him with Kell. He didn't
trust that man at all. Sanji was just about to make his decision when
Kell walked in.
"No change yet?" He said looking at Zoro.
"No."
"Hm." Kell was gazing at Zoro intently, as though trying to make up his mind.
Sanji decided to try for it.
"I want the truth. What the hell happened between you and Zoro back then?"
Kell smiled and went to the other side of Zoro's bed and sat down. He discreetly placed his hand over the swordsman's.
Sanji's eyes narrowed.
"Well?"
The doctor sighed. "Zoro and I were lovers."
Sanji's heart stopped and he knew the surprised had registered in his face in a very obvious way.
Kell seemed somewhat satisfied with himself. "I see you didn't realize. Well not a lot of people would really. With him being the way he is. All prickles and needles."
//So
Zoro's gay and that's good sweet Jesus thank you thank you thank
you for that but what the hell is with this asshole and who the hell
does he think he is holding Zoro's hand-//
Sanji
interrupted his own thoughts. "What happened?"
Kell raised his eyebrow. "What happened between Zoro and I is between Zoro and I."
//The
hell it is.//
"Don't
fuck with me. Zoro is my nakama."
Kell seemed taken aback. He glanced at Zoro then back at Sanji.
"Well then...I see he's very important to you...but tell me first...are you lovers?"
"No." Sanji snapped.
Kell smiled smugly. "Unrequited then."
"I don't know what you talking about."
"It's written all over your face, CHEF Sanji. You were jealous of me from the start. You were jealous when you realized that Zoro and I had some history together. You're jealous now. That isn't the love shared between just nakama."
"What's it to you?" Then Sanji decided to go for it. "If you think you still have a chance with him-"
"That's for Zoro to decide." Kell sighed. "And to tell you the truth, I don't know why Zoro left me when he did. We were quite content at the time. We were in the beginnings of the most wonderful dream when all of the sudden, I was jerked awake and he was gone."
"He must not have been very happy then. You're not a very attentive lover."
Kell glared at Sanji.
"I may not have been a very attentive lover, but at least I was his lover. You're too cowardly to even admit you're gay-"
Zoro stirred. He groaned softly.
Zoro heard a faint voice. It sounded like someone was arguing. He tried to clear the haze out of his mind.
"Zoro, can you hear me?" He recognized it as Kell's. He frowned inside.
//His
voice used to be soothing. Did it change? When did it become so
annoying?//
"Zoro!
Zoro! CAN YOU HEAR-"
Zoro opened his eyes. "I can hear you. Shut up."
Kell's frowning face came into focus.
"Wake up marimo. Your lazy ass interrupted my dinner." Sanji's voice wafted over Kell's.
Zoro closed his eyes again.
//And
when did his voice become so nice? I coulda sworn it was louder and
whinier than that.//
"You
callin' me lazy, shitty cook?" He said, yawning. He opened his
eyes again and saw Sanji sitting with a grin on his face at the end
of the bed. Kell was beside him, inspecting him closely.
//Hm.
Interesting that these two men are on your bed at the same
time.//
Zoro
sat up.
"What happened to me...?"
Kell opened his mouth to say something, but Zoro interrupted.
"I was asking Sanji."
Kell's mouth was promptly shut.
"You passed out cold. You've had a bit of a fever." Sanji said, suddenly very interested in the design of a rug draped on the floor.
//What's
wrong with him?//
An
icy cold panic started to creep up on Zoro.
//Kell
talked to him. What if-//
"I
need to talk to Sanji. Alone." Zoro said. Kell looked somewhat
defeated. He shot death glares at Sanji on his way out of the
room.
For some reason Sanji didn't feel anymore relaxed now that Kell was gone.
Zoro didn't really know how to start this conversation. "So, Sanji..."
"Kell told me that you and he...used to be..."
//Of
all the damned ways for him to find out...he finds out from my
ex.//
"We
were lovers. Got a problem with that?"
Sanji looked at Zoro wide eyed. "No. But…"
"But what?"
"You two seem to have some bad history, and this doesn't seem like the best place for you to recover."
Zoro was surprised at that answer. "You really...don't care?"
"Care? Care about what?" Sanji said with a nervous laugh.
"That...I..."
"That you're gay? Not my business who you get your rocks off with." He grinned.
//Oh God
I'm horrible at this. Why am I so nervous all of the sudden? He knows
something is wrong. He knows I'm acting weird-//
Zoro
sighed and eyeballed Sanji wearily. "I know. I just thought
you'd be a little more... disturbed."
Sanji snorted.
"Do you really think stupid shit like that matters to me?"
Zoro didn't answer.
"Why do you think I'd be homophobic?"
Zoro frowned at Sanji. He didn't really know why he was pushing the issue. It just seemed as though Sanji should have a problem with it, or else it wasn't normal. "Come on Sanji… you just seem like such a… I dunno, straight guy. Pro-straight and bullshit like that."
Sanji blushed. "Not...exactly."
"I mean, but you're in love with Nami-"
"Not...exactly."
Zoro was confused.
"I mean you're always chasing women, but with Nami... You're in love with her...aren't you?"
"Not...exactly."
Zoro growled. "Is that all you can say?"
"Not...okay. Just because I'm a "ladies man" doesn't mean that I would automatically be prejudiced against homosexuals. You love who you love. I believe in love most of all. In all forms."
//Is
that what people think of me?//
Zoro
looked at Sanji with a puzzled look on his face. It was like he was
truly seeing the cook for the first time.
Sanji found the look to be akin to that of a curious puppy dog. He couldn't help but grin. Zoro didn't say anything. He just continued to look at Sanji.
//
I should tell him. I want
to tell him. I
shouldn't, he's-//
"Zoro."
Sanji blurted out. "I-" Sanji stopped short. He was
terrified. His heart felt like it might leap out from his chest. He
couldn't breathe.
"What is it?" Zoro said, looking somewhat alarmed. "What's wrong?"
Sanji was paralyzed.
//I
can't do this. I am a coward. I don't care anymore. If I tell
him-//
"Sanji,
what the hell is wrong with you?" Zoro said throwing back the
covers and moving closer to Sanji.
Sanji lowered his head. "I'm a liar. And a coward."
Zoro shook his head. "What? What are you talking about?"
"I've lied to everyone from the beginning. Everyone except Nami. Luffy knows, but I didn't tell him. Nami did. I..."
"Sanji spit it out for fucks sake."
"I-" Sanji swallowed. "I also… prefer… men."
Zoro stared, open mouthed. Sanji would have laughed, but he felt more like he was going to throw up. Seconds that felt like an eternity passed by and still Zoro just stared open mouthed.
"...Zoro?" Sanji said. He waved his hand in front of the swordsman's blank eyes. Suddenly Zoro closed his mouth and glared. Color rushed to his face until he looked entirely red. And angry.
Sanji prepared himself.
"You...you lousy piece of shit!" Zoro yanked Sanji by the cuff of his shirt. "That was it? Shitty cook you nearly gave me a damned heart attack! I thought it was something actually significant like you were really a marine or some shit like that! You stupid bastar…" He trailed off. "Wait. You said you… you're gay?"
Sanji hung by Zoro's death grip. "I-I...I'm gay."
Zoro released Sanji, sat back and stared.
//This
is a joke.//
"Are
you lying? I swear if this is some kind of joke-"
"Why would I lie about this?" Sanji snapped. He blushed and mumbled, "I wouldn't lie about this. There wouldn't be a point. I wouldn't make a cruel joke out of it either."
Zoro continued to stare. He was speechless.
//I'm
speechless.//
//So
am I.//
//He's
gay.//
//Yes
he is.//
//He
knows I'm gay.//
//Yes
he does.//
//We're
gay.//
//Yes you are.//
//When
the hell did all this happen!?//
Sanji
looked at Zoro, somewhat terrified and worried. He wasn't sure if he
should say something or not. He wanted to know what the swordsman was
thinking. Not that it would help much.
So he decided to make for another topic.
"So...do you wanna tell me about Kell?" Sanji said.
That seemed to bring the swordsman out of his reverie. He cringed. "Not really, but I might as well, if we're in the mood to divulge things we'd never thought we would."
"You don't have to-"
"I know. But I guess I need to. I've never told anyone before."
Zoro took a deep breath and began his story. Sanji listened patiently without interrupting. But with every word Zoro spoke, his anger grew.
"Why didn't you kill him?"
"Despite the fact that he helped pirates, he saved other lives too. His hospital is for the whole island of Bertonneau. It would have been an unjustifiable murder and I am not a murderer. So he screwed me over personally, it doesn't give me the right to endanger these people for a personal vendetta. I would kill him now, but things are still the same. He doesn't deserve to die. And now I'm a pirate. I should be grateful for people like him who are willing to help people like us."
"I'd still kick his ass." Sanji grumbled.
Zoro's heart beat a little hearing Sanji's words. "I just want to get the hell out of here."
Sanji frowned. "But that's the thing Zoro. I don't think you're going to get any better here. He's stressing you out and even you need peace and quiet to heal."
Zoro ran his hands through his hair. "I know."
"Maybe we could get you to the next island to rest there."
"It's an idea. And it's not here. But I think you'll have a hard time getting the vaccine from Kell. He wants me here, and I doubt he'll give it to me if it means that I'd leave. It isn't made anywhere else either."
"He'll give us the vaccine or he'll die. It's as simple as that."
