Memories by Orenji Yume

An Umi/Clef fic

A/N: Alternate Universe, OOC, only Umi and Clef are present in this fic, and there'll be numerous flashbacks.

STORY: A short, simple Umi/Clef fic (Clef's POV). Umi and Clef have known each other since young, and now Umi's 17 and Clef's 18. But Umi met with an accident and suffered from amnesia. Now, taking this chance during the Winter holidays, they're recreating their memories of each other...I'm sorry if I didn't write well. Enjoy!

(Note about chapter 2: This chapter may be slightly draggy... (response to reviewers below))

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Magic Knight Rayearth, CLAMP does.

And if that one does not pick up from where they fell, not matter how cruel reality is, and only mopes around, pitying themselves...then not only will they hurt themselves, they will hurt their beloved ones as well...

……Flashback……

It was wintertime. The two of us were lying in the snow, staring into the depths of the night. At that time, we were around 10 years of age. Both of us had our fur coats buttoned to the top, hugging our bodies, which were in sought for warmth. Umi had her arms crossed behind her head, her hair was in a mess, and strands of hair got tangled in the snow. And then, she turned to face me, eyes blue and intense, observing me as I watched her in wonder. Giggling to herself, I could only imagine what she was thinking.

"Clef...if I lose my memory one day, what would you do?" Her marine eyes shone, as she waited for my reply.

After exchanging a few glances at her, I finally told her, "I guess I'll have to take care of you."

Nodding slowly, Umi looked away, "But...I wouldn't remember you...so how would you take care of me?"

"Huh?" I blinked at her, and then I replied in a serious voice. "I'll still have to take care of you even if that is the case." I frowned at myself. Why does she ask such questions? What is she thinking anyway? That thought didn't even cross my mind...

"Why?" She asked. "Why would you still take care of me?"

I sighed, she still wouldn't let the matter rest, "Because...because I'm supposed to, that's why..."

"Why?" She repeated that word once more, as she turned her gaze towards me. "Why is that so?"

Seeing her penetrating gaze, I felt my face glow a pale red. Why does she have to keep pursuing the matter? Can't she just be satisfied already? I saw her still waiting for me to say something. And then, I started to sink into a deep chain of thoughts. Why do I have to take care of her? I'm her closest friend but... I recalled the tone in which I spoke to her. I guess I was kind of solemn upon answering... A wave of confusion was being set loose on my heart. I...I...I'm not too sure why...

She leaned forward towards me, eyes wide and eager, "Yes?"

My face reddened as I saw her cherry red lips, just inches away from my own. My heart skipped a beat when I felt her breath tickle my face. I think...I think that...

"Because...I-"

"I know the answer!" Jumping onto her feet, Umi swung her arms in the air. "Because...you would be responsible for me losing my memory!" And then she laughed to herself.

Those words of hers hit me like a pounding wave would. Now the waves of confusion were gone and replacing them, were the flames of anger. I quickly got up to my feet and denied, "No! That won't happen! It's not because of that! It's because..." Burning out the flames was the flowing, pink river called 'embarrassment'.

"What?" She grinned.

Rubbing my face, I did my best to get rid of that dreaded colour from my face, "Because...because..." I felt pressured; my heart was about to burst any minute. "It's just not what you said!! I can promise you that!" Huffing, I folded my arms and turned my back towards her.

How could she say such things while being so relaxed? I don't understand her sometimes... She shouldn't fool around with such thoughts. Losing one's memory... I felt a shiver run down my spine upon that thought. Losing one's memory...it can't be an enjoyable experience...

……End of flashback……

She must have influenced me with the habit of asking out of the blue questions. Leaning back in the chair, my eyes fell onto her sleeping figure. I guess I did cause her to lose her memory after all...How could I? Back then, I already promised her...but now I broke it. I felt a pang in my heart and I struggled to erase it away. Running my fingers through my hair, I thought to myself. If she knew this...she would've hated me for it...Why not? I know that I already hate myself for it...

The doctor had told me. Umi had lost her memory. Whether she could still remember a few details was not confirmed. But when I heard that she has lost almost all of her memories, to me it was just as good as losing everything. How could one retrieve it all back? Even if one could...it would be so difficult.

Even the doctor had said. We shouldn't put too much pressure on her, or she may not be able to take it and her condition may be worsened. I don't want that...I don't wish to force everything inside her mind. I can't even force myself to tell her the cause of her suffering.

Trying to control my feelings, I took a deep breath and rubbed my eyes. I don't want to be in a depressing state when she awakens...it wouldn't be a very nice first impression...

……Flashback……

I was only about 4 years old when I first saw her. She had recently moved in the house next door. I was outside in the garden wandering around, when I saw a figure opposite me. Running up to the fence, I tiptoed and managed to catch a glimpse of her before I fell down. Rubbing my sore arms, I stood up to see her staring at me inquisitively.

"What's your name?" She hoisted herself up and climbed over the fence, before landing on her two feet. "I'm Umi." She reached out a hand towards me, smiling.

"I'm Clef..." I gladly took her hand and was being pulled up. "Do you live next door?"

She nodded in response and then asked another question, trying to stifle a giggle, "Is it me...or are you shorter." Her hand stretched above me as she measured the difference in our height. "Haha, you're about half-a- head shorter than me!"

Frowning, I grumbled. Why does she have to pick on my height? I may not grow much now...but I will in future! Wait...what is her age? Maybe she was older than me...that would explain why.

"How old are you?" I questioned her.

With her right hand, she stuck out three fingers, "I'm 3 years old. And you? Are you younger?"

"No..." I frowned even deeper. "I'm 4..."

Patting my back lightly, she giggled, "Never mind, we'll see whether you grow later on! But for now..." She winked at me and said. "I'll look after you!"

"No!!"

She laughed even harder than before, "Haha! Alright! We'll look after each other then!"

Smiling at her, I agreed and made a promise to myself to be taller than her in the future. If I don't...then I'll make her shorter! Somehow...I'll ask my parents when I go inside.

……End of flashback……

Chuckling, I shook my head at that thought. I'm already taller than her...I guess I don't need to make her shorter, though I'm still not too certain how to make that possible. I wonder how...I should've asked Umi that before... Closing my eyes, I tried to picture her reaction.

Just then, I heard her moan softly. Opening my eyes, I went up to her and held her hand. At least it wasn't as cold as before... Still, I blew on our hands and rubbed her hand against mine. Wait...I remember something else...on that day she asked me if she had lost her memory...what would I have done...?

……Flashback……

When I finally snapped out of my thoughts, I saw her smiling at me, "Clef...would you do me a favour?"

"What?" I sat up, hands dragging through the snow.

Going up to me, she leaned her head against my chest, "If one day...I do lose my memory..." She looked into my eyes, as if trying to search for some hidden truth that I'd kept away for so long. "Would you take care of me? And...help me find back my memories?"

Without thinking, I slid my arms around her and answered in a soothing voice, "Yes...yes..." I've never seen her with such a sad expression before...and her pleading tone...it just cut through my heart like a knife would. "You don't have to worry, Umi..."

"You promise?" She raised her hand with her finger tucked in except her little finger.

Hooking my little finger together with hers, I assured her, "Yes, I promise you, Umi."

"Thank you, Clef..." She released her little finger and hugged me. "Thank you..."

A bit abashed, I hugged her back. It felt good...to have her hugging me like this. My heart was filled with warmth and comfort. To know that she was in my arms safe and sound brought some light into my heart. And her touch...it was so soft...and gentle...

……End of flashback……

I blushed at what I had thought at that time. Scratching my head, my eyes travelled to Umi. I made another promise...and I'm not going to break it, Umi. Trust me, not this promise. Bringing her hands to my lips, I kissed it lightly and then closed my eyes. Please...let her wake up soon...She's been lying here for three days already...let her wake up now...

Her parents were abroad, so I was the only one left for her. I had already told them of the news. Though they didn't blame me, but I could sense that they were disappointed with me. They could not leave their work for the time being, so that means Umi will have to rely on me. I have to regain her parents' trust. So...I have to help Umi bring back her memories...no matter what happens...I caused it, so I have to fulfill my promise.

"Clef..." I thought I heard her mutter under her breath.

Blinking, I stared at her. What did she just say? Did she just say my name? Or...was it just my imagination? Making me hear things...I brought my hand towards her head and stroked her hair. Say it again...then I'll know that it's for true. That you still remember me...

"Clef..." She had repeated my name at that instance. But this time, her eyes were wide open now. She was awake!

Without any hesitation I hugged her close to me, as if she would vanish if I didn't do so. As I shut my eyes, a tear or two slipped through and dropped onto her hair. I did not feel her make any movement, at least not sudden ones. But when I drew away from her, I could tell that she did not recognise me. It was all written in her eyes.

Shock...and a bit fearful. Though Umi had said my name, I guess she did not remember my features. I could only stare at her in the eyes. At that time, I was slightly torn in the heart. At that moment, I felt like I should be dominant over her. I should tell her through eye contact that she did know me, and she shall not fear me or hate me.

I guess that in her mind, she registered that idea of me wanting her to somehow recognise me. But then she only backed herself against the wall and looked away. Her muscles seemed to have become numb, as she did not dare move a single inch, not even blink. The atmosphere was stagnant. But I only realised it when she pulled her hand away from mine. Neither of us had noticed that our hands were still in contact.

I reprimanded myself severely for such behaviour mentally, and then let out a small smile as I turned away, "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to act like that just now. Please forgive me."

Upon hearing my words, Umi relaxed a little, "It's okay..." She smiled back, relieved. Rubbing her hand, she ventured. "Who are you? Do I...know you?" I could hear from her voice. A bit shaky and with a nuance of puzzlement. But if I took another perspective, I would have most probably thought that there was hidden sarcasm in her words.

"I'm Clef," I replied, still looking away from her, in fear I might frighten her in some way if I did not do so. "And..." I gulped, trying to find the best way to phrase my answer. "You used to know me..." My mouth and my mind were not corresponding very well, what I had in mind had been totally different from what I had just said.

But in the end, I guess my own selfish thoughts still got the better of me. When the doctor had warned me not to get too emotional, I ensured that that I wouldn't, that I'd know what to do. Thinking that I'd be clear- headed and not clouded by engulfing emotions, I was at ease till now. It was hard to accept the fact that she didn't know me anymore, a pity I only understood that fully now. And now, she could see me struggling with my conflicting emotions. It was embarrassing and torturous at the same time.

……Flashback……

We were around the age of 13. It was summer time and the sun was hanging high in the sky, shining down hard upon us. There was still some wind refreshing us, but very faintly. Umi had a wide-brimmed straw hat on her head, and she was wearing a strapped, floral summer dress. She had one leg stretched out over the grass, and the other drawn up towards her. We were sitting next to each other, staring out at the scenery before us. And then, she kicked off her shoes and pushed herself up.

"What are you doing?" I asked. But she did not answer. She only responded by walking around, and finally stopped in front of a tree nearby. The tree shaded her from the sun, and I could make out part of her shadow being cast over the tree's own shadow.

Placing a hand over the tree bark, she spoke, "Why not come into the shade? It's better than where you are."

"You were the one who wanted to let the sun's rays pour over you," I argued, quoting part of what she had said to me before. "So why did you suddenly change your mind?" Shading my eyes from the sun, I carried on. "And besides, you have a hat on, I don't."

Going towards me, she removed her straw hat and fitted it onto my head, "There, you can have it then." Bending over to my eye level, she smiled. "How is it? Comfortable?"

Frowning, I dumped the hat back on her head, "Thanks, but no thanks. And besides, it's not meant for me."

"Okay..." Dragging me, she headed towards the tree. "But let's go there anyway."

What was she trying to do? Is she implying anything? Sometimes I suspect that she has a hidden motive in whatever she does or says. But sooner or later I would forget about it all and no longer have any suspicion. And then the cycle starts all over again. She never does say what she actually wants to, either that she gives a light nudge in the matter and then trails off, expecting me to get the message. But I don't all the time.

"Clef," Umi began, and then asked bluntly. "How do you feel about me?" Once we had reached the tree, she leaned against it and turned her head towards me, waiting for an answer.

Being hit with such a question that is near to the heart, I couldn't find the right words. I didn't wish to embarrass myself, nor did I wish to hurt her feelings in any way possible. Looking away, a deep blush was set upon my face. Silence was set loose, as at that time, it seemed that I could hear nothing else except my own thoughts. Why does she have to ask such questions?

And then, as fast as she had posed that question, she answered it as well, "It's okay. I get it."

"Huh?" I sneaked a peek at her. What does she mean? I thought I saw a bit of disappointment reflected in her eyes as she looked above. Did I just hurt her? I quickly told her. "Umi, it's not like that!"

"Hm?" She stared at me. "Then what is it besides a close relationship? Almost as close as..." Seeing the way her eyes looked at me, I knew what was the next word. But what I did not expect, was that she did something else, to express herself without saying that word. "Clef...is it me...or are your lips dry?" Without hesitation, she brushed her lips against mine. She continued doing so for a minute or two, before pulling away.

I knew I saw her redden, before running out of the shade and into the sun. During that whole time, I did not dare move, in fear that she would stop when I did so. Placing my hand over my lips, I watched as she lay down on the grass, with her arms and legs spread out.

Though I did could only guess her feelings for me then...but what I did know was...my lips weren't dry at all...

……End of flashback……

"What do you mean?" Umi rubbed her head, wincing. "I...I don't seem to remember you at all..."

"What do you remember?" I could feel tears filling my eyes. "Besides the name 'Clef'..."

Almost as if that word was an alien to her, she said, "Clef...? I..." Putting her head in her hands, she clenched her fists. "No...no, yes...I do remem-no I don't! Wait!" Burying her head deeper into her hands, she shook her head and cried out. "I don't know anything!!"

This caused me to grab her by her shoulders, "W-what do you mean? You...you truly have forgotten everything?" My eyes were brimmed with tears now. "Nothing at all?"

"I...I...I don't know!" She pushed me away and hugged her knees. "Just...leave me alone...I don't wish to see you anymore. Leave...I don't know you...no...no, I don't. So...if you can, don't come back..." Gripping her hand over her forehead, she muttered to herself. "It aches...a lot...I don't know why, I don't know anything...why am I even here...?"

As if those words had taken physical shapes when they were being said, they had smashed my now fragile heart into a million pieces. I've pushed her to her limits. Having a hand over my heart, I clutched my chest, it hurt. Now those jagged million pieces were now piercing my body. My head was throbbing violently. Now...I didn't seem to know anything as well...

"Leave!!!" That word echoed in my head.

Automatically, I got up, and walked away from her. Tears freely flowed down my face and onto the floor. Swiftly, I wiped my tears away. Leave...that was what she was telling me now. It's hard to think that once we were so close to each other. Almost as close as...

The second I went outside and closed the door behind me, I sat down on a chair nearby and let all my feelings out. Even if she didn't recognise me now, I didn't feel right pouring my emotions out in front of her. I didn't want to let her worry, that was what I used to think. Now...? She was asking me to leave...just that one, simple reason.

Now I hate myself. She, as well as I, we were both emotionally unstable. And I was the cause of it. Calming myself down with a few deep breaths, I ignored curious stares and stood up. I needed some fresh air...maybe that would do me good for the time being. And then I could try getting close to her later on...one step at a time...

Though I had a more positive thought in mind...her cries still haunted me as I walked down the corridor...

And I've just seen you in the worst state of all...

END

(Response to reviewers)

toysrusgirl: Thanks! Greatly appreciate it! Mm.I made this chapter longer than the previous one. I'll try to make each chapter longer as I go along.

Shy-Lil-Dreamer: Thank you! Yes, I continued it! And I'm going to do so until it finishes! Thanks for the comment! I really appreciate it!