(Chapter orignally posted 1/16/04, major revision 1/17/04, minor revision 1/26/04)

Author's Note: Well, here it is, the moment of truth. I'm not completely satisfied with this chapter. I know how I wanted events to unfold, but I just couldn't seem to get it into writing. I have revised again and again, and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. I do hope that it all makes sense, and does not seem too terribly farfetched. And Severus may seem to be a little "soft" at this point in the story, but don't worry... he's just in shock. He'll eventually return to his surly, sexy self. :)

Thank you again for reading my story. All questions, comments, and constructive criticisms are welcome if you would like to leave a review

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and the characters from the books in the series are copyright JK Rowling, and are not being used for profit, only for personal enjoyment.

Chapter 5 ~ Tarnished Armor

Hermione watched silently as the man, whom she had disliked for nearly half her life, so delicately handled her son. HIS son, she reminded herself.

"How could I have been so stupid?" she wondered as she watched him rocking the child. She did not realize that she had spoken the words aloud.

Severus ceased his rocking when he heard her speak. He was surprised that she was still awake, and was not expecting to be caught at such a vulnerable moment.

"What do you mean by that, Miss Granger?" he asked softly, with a quirk of his eyebrow.

"Stupid for not telling you the truth. Stupid for hiding these many months. Stupid for what I did... that night..." she trailed off with a sigh.

"It happened the night of the Final Battle," she began.

She couldn't continue, she didn't know how to tell him what she... what they both... had done...

She paused for a moment, remembering vividly the details of that night.

*+*+*+*+*+* Flashback *+*+*+*+*+*

The battle was nearly over. Hermione lay helplessly on the sidelines, recovering from a Death Eater's hex that she hadn't quite managed to dodge. Luckily, somebody had thrown up a shield in front of her at the last minute, and she hadn't been hit with the full force of the curse.

She lay there and watched the ongoing battle as her potions professor tossed aside his Death Eater garb, revealing his true loyalties as he joined the Order for what they all hoped would be the end of Lord Voldemort's reign of terror. There he stood with the rest of them, at Harry's side, helping to ward off the Dark Lord's minions as Harry prepared to duel with Voldemort himself.

She watched the man ~ the "evil" head of Slytherin, the surly Potion's Master whom all Gryffindors dispised, the man that they had always called a "greasy git" ~ as he stood there, fierce in battle, valiantly fighting to protect the Boy Who Lived, and she was struck with the thought that she had never witnessed such a magnificent sight.

And she realized now, that her professor had been the one to save her earlier ~ throwing up that shield in front of her, and taking out the Death Eater who had attacked her.

Hermione had always been a girl with both feet planted firmly on the ground. She was not prone to flights of fancy, nor was she a giggling school girl, daydreaming of her Prince Charming... but now, as Severus broke away from the battle to return to her aid, sweeping her up into his arms and apparating them both to safety, that is exactly how she felt ~ like her Knight in Shining Armor had come to her rescue.

He apparated her to safety, and as they arrived at a quiet grove in the middle of the Forbidden Forest, he suddenly dropped to his knees, almost dropping Hermione as he let out a cry of surprise. She fell with him, nearly landing on top of him, still clinging on to him as he grabbed his left forearm in shock.

"Professor Snape? Are you alright?"

He did not respond immediately. He gazed at his arm in wonder, as he rolled up his sleeve and gently touched the area where, years ago, he had been branded as a servant of the Dark Lord. "It's gone!" He whispered hoarsely. "It's gone!"

"Does this mean..." Hermione began, not finishing her question lest the answer might not be true.

"The Mark is gone. HE is gone. Voldemort is dead." Severus closed his eyes as he whispered, and did something that he hadn't done in nearly 20 years. He cried. It was the first tear he had shed since that long ago meeting with Albus Dumbledore. It seemed a lifetime ago, that day that he turned away from the Dark Lord. It was the turning point in his life, and it had been the last time he had ever cried. Until now, as one single tear escaped from under his closed eyelids, rolling down his face before coming to rest on his cheek, near the corner of his mouth.

He opened his eyes and met Hermione's astonished gaze, as she asked him, "Is it really over? Or is this just a dream?"

"It's real. He's gone," his voice choked with emotion as he repeated it over and over, "It's over. He's gone."

Hermione suddenly realized that she was clutching him tighter, as if to reassure herself that this was not a dream, and as she looked into his eyes she had the sudden urge to kiss her savior. She reached up and brushed away that single tear, tracing the wet trail that it had marked on his face, before leaning forward to brush his cheek with her lips.

He turned abruptly and her kiss landed gently on his lips. Suddenly, what she had intended to be a chaste kiss of gratitude turned into a desperate, heated, passionate kiss. A kiss unlike either of them had experienced before. A kiss brought on by an onslaught of pent up emotions. A kiss from which neither of them could break free. She didn't resist as his hands found their way to the hem of her skirt, and she in turn began to tug at the bottom of his shirt. In only a matter of minutes, she was underneath him on the soft ground, her skirt raised above her hips and his trousers undone as he pressed against her. Riding on a tidal wave of emotions resulting from the events of that evening, they each took what the other was willing to give.

Hermione didn't quite understand what had compelled her to give in to him with such wild abandon, but she had given herself to him willingly. When it was over, she had no regrets.

Which is why it hurt so much when he pulled away with a look of shame.

"It's OK, professor..." she said in a whisper, trying to hide the hurt and confusion in her voice.

"It is most definitely NOT OK." He was suddenly back to being the greasy git she had grown up knowing. "I shouldn't have let you kiss me."

"What? Did you think I was trying to seduce you?" she asked, dumbfounded. "Do you think I intended for this to happen?"

"Miss Granger... I don't care if you intended for this to happen," he sneered, "but I intend to forget that it ever did!"

She had been fighting to keep her emotions in check, but when he shouted these words at her and began to walk away through the forest, Hermione lost control. She pulled her wand from her sleeve, muttering to herself, "So, you want to forget... "

"This. Never. Happened." she muttered angrily as she pointed her wand into the forest, aiming for the spot between the trees where she had seen him disappear, "Obliviate!"

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*END*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

She shook her head as she was jolted back the present. How could she make him understand what had caused her to do what she had done? Words did not seem adequate to tell the story. She almost wished that she had a pensieve, so that he see her memories and relive that night in full detail. Suddenly remembering that Severus was a skilled Legilimens, a thought occurred to her.

"Look into my eyes, Professor..."

Severus, understanding what she wanted, began to protest, "Don't you think that a bit drastic?"

"I know of no other way to make you understand. It is because of me that you no longer have your own memories of that night," Severus' eyes grew wide at this statement as Hermione continued, "so the least I can do is let you share mine. It is time, Professor, for you to know the rest of the story."

The look in her eyes convinced him that this would be the only way that he would learn the entire truth. It was now or never.

*+*+* Flash ~ Sweeping Hermione into his arms and apparating her to safety ~ Flash ~ Severus dropping to his knees ~ Flash ~ Crushing his mouth to hers desperately ~ Flash ~ Hermione laying beneath him on the ground as his hands forced her skirt up ~ Flash ~ Hermione's tears as he looked back at her in shame ~ Flash ~ Hermione raising her wand as he stalked away through the trees *+*+*

Having put together enough flashes of her memories to understand why he had no memory of conceiving this child, Severus broke eye contact with Hermione. The silence was deafening as he sat there, gaping at her, unable to speak. Finally, thoroughly drained and fighting back tears, Hermione began to speak again.

"When I thought about it later, Professor, I knew how stupid I had been. I needn't have taken away your memories. In time, we both may have come to terms with that night's events. And then, when I realized that I was pregnant, how could I tell you? I was afraid that you would turn me away, not believe such ridiculous story. Or if you did believe, that you would again want to forget, or demand that I terminate the pregnancy."

"Now, seeing you there, holding my son... YOUR son... I realized again how stupid I have been."

Severus arose from the chair, handed the child back to Hermione, and without a single word, walked away.

He walked out of the room and, Hermione was sure as she watched him leave, out of her life, for good this time.

*****

Severus didn't know what to say to the girl. After seeing those flashes of her memories, he felt a shame like none that he had ever felt before.

He wandered into the kitchen, feeling the need for a strong drink. He did not idulge in liquor often, but oh how he wished he had a bottle of firewhiskey right now. Disappointed, but not surprised, he did not find any in store. Instead, he turned to the stove and started heating water for tea. He slumped heavily into a chair at the table, bowing his head into his hands as he went over and over the events that he had just witnessed in his mind.

Over and over again he saw himself crushing his lips to hers... holding her against the ground as he pushed into her... looking at her in shame before he walked away...

Having only seen flashes of her memory was like putting together a jigsaw puzzle with pieces missing. Putting together the pieces that he had, Severus did not get the full picture, and in his mind he was convinced that he had raped the girl.

"How could I have forced her to... and then, I just walked away..." he muttered as he slammed his fist down on the table, drawing blood on his knuckles.

**Go back into the room and talk to her**

"How can I face her again? After all that I've already done to her?"

**How do you think she will feel if you walk away from her again?**

"Surely, she won't want me to be anywhere near her again... or her son, for that matter."

**Stop being so bloody stupid. Go talk to the girl!**

By the time the water was boiling, he had composed himself enough to return to Hermione's room and finish their conversation. He poured himself a cup of tea and made his way back to the bedroom.

*****

Hermione wasn't sure how long she lay there crying after he walked out, and it was with a mixed sense of shock and relief that she watched him walk back into the room a short while later, carrying a steaming cup of tea.

"I'm sorry, Miss Granger... I just needed to think..." Severus tried to explain as he set the tea on her bedside table and pulled up the chair next to the bed, bowing his head into his hands as he sat, inhaling sharply as he wondered where to go from here.

"Miss Granger," he began, "I know it's too little too late, but I'm sorry for what I did that night. I do not expect you to forgive me so easily for hurting you. I wish I could explain my behavior... I don't know what I was thinking! Reliving it through YOUR memories does not allow me to remember what *I* was feeling at that moment in time. Maybe, in time, I will remember... and then, I can offer you a proper apology."

He got up and began to pace the room as he continued, his voice this time a bit sharper as he ranted, "I have always felt as though I was forgetting something important that evening. Like I had lost time somewhere. But I never imagined that I... that WE... "

"Professor Snape," Hermione interrupted, completely unaware that he had drawn the wrong conclusion from her memories, "there is no need to explain. It took me a long time to get past it, and reliving it tonight has brought back so much of the pain I had felt for so long. But this time, I think I understand..."

Hermione hesitated a moment before continuing, "I want my son to know his father, Professor," she looked up at him, "that is, if you would like to be a part of his life."

Severus was stunned. He didn't know what he was expecting her to say, but he certainly wasn't expecting to hear THAT. His jaw dropped, and he found his mouth unable to form the words that he wanted to speak. He furrowed his brow as he contemplated what she had just said.

Hermione, taking this as denial, hastily added, "Of course, I do understand if you don't..."

"Miss Granger!" Severus interrupted sharply. He took a deep breath before he continued, trying to take control over his emotions as he began to confess to some of his innermost feelings. When he finally continued, he paced back and forth in front of her, speaking as if he were lecturing one of his classes, "I never planned on having a family. It would have only complicated things. I could not, in good conscience, endanger an innocent life by becoming emotionally involved with anybody. Especially, the life of a child."

"And even now, with Voldemort gone, I have never considered building a life of my own... starting a family. I didn't feel that I deserve, need, or want it at this stage in the game."

"However," he paused as his voice lost just a bit of its edge, "unplanned and unexpected though this turn of events has been, I can not deny that I would like to know my child. I am honored that you would allow me to have a place in your son's life, even though I do not deserve that much."

"OUR son's life, Professor Snape," Hermione breathed with a sigh of relief, "and I want you to understand that I'm not asking for anything more than you are willing to give. Just allowing your son to grow up knowing his father is enough," she took another deep breath before she continued, "and, if you intend to be a part of our son's life, then I think it would be wise if you would call me Hermione."

Severus paused for a moment, "Very well, Hermione. And, if you would like, you may call me Severus."

"Thank you, Severus," she hesitated as she wondered what to say next. With a nervous grin, she asked, "And what should we call our son?"

Severus was speechless. He felt as though, considering what he had done to Hermione, he did not deserve the priviledge of naming their son. Besides, he hadn't even known that he had fathered a child before this evening. Hermione had probably been thinking of names for months now, and he would not interfere if she had already decided.

"I will leave that decision to you, Hermione. Believing that I would never have a child to name, I have never given it any thought. Did you have any ideas?"

Hermione brushed away a tear as she quietly spoke, "Samuel, after my father," Severus nodded in approval, "and for his middle name, if you do not object, I choose Remus."

Severus arched his eyebrow at her, "Name my son after a werewolf?" he asked with a sneer on his face. He looked at Hermione and nodded, trying to wipe the expression off of his face as he continued, "Considering what he has done for you and my son, I have no objection."

"Samuel Remus Granger", Hermione smiled as she looked at her son.

Severus wasn't expecting the slight stab of disappointment he felt when he realized that his son would not carry the name Snape. "Samuel Remus Granger," he repeated. And then he smiled to himself.

Granger or Snape... it did not matter what the child was called, so long as their son grew up knowing his father.