Chapter Twelve: The Future
Kell closed the distance between them. Zoro melted into the embrace, full of regret, longing, and sadness. He continued to kiss the other man back with a resigned fierceness. Kell felt all these emotions run through the other man, and slowly ended the kiss. He brought his hand up to Zoro's face and caressed his skin, looking kindly into the black eyes in front of him.
"You could come back. It's not as bad as all that. It wouldn't be that hard Zoro. We could go back to the way we were."
Zoro shook his head. "You can't turn back time. I loved you Kell. Don't ever forget that. I will always have a place deep inside me, only for you. You were my first love. I'm just so sorry. "
Kell waited for a sharp pain that he knew was coming. When he met only a dull ache, he sighed and stepped back.
"It was too good to be true. Maybe if you had walked through that door on your own instead of being carried in his arms." Kell shook his head.
"What do you mean?"
Kell laughed, somewhat bitterly. "You love that man Zoro. I see it in you. I thought I could erase it from you, because it was just barely there. There was nothing real between you two. But just like I can't change time, I can't change who you're meant to be with."
Zoro still looked at Kell, not comprehending. "Sanji doesn't love me Kell. I'll admit, I have feelings for him. But there's no way-"
Kell snorted and walked to the door. "That man feels the same way about you as you feel about him, if not stronger. Jeez Zoro, I thought you'd be getting better at this as you got older. You've gotten worse!" He smiled. "Not that I'm wishing him well or anything, or that I'm even encouraging a relationship with that man. If I had it my way, I'd tie you to that bed right now and continue to have my way with you the rest of the day." He sighed. "But that's the difference between the doctor and the chef I suppose." He took a last look at Zoro and left, closing the door behind him.
As the door closed Zoro didn't feel a last moments panic. He didn't feel inclined to make a last effort. No last attempt.
//I
didn't think I could do to it for a moment. There aren't any
uncertainties with Kell. I'm guaranteed to be loved back with him.
But I don't want to go back. I just want a future. With him. Sanji.
Even if it's a future as friends. I could never betray myself by
staying with Kell. I hurt him so much. He's better of without
me.//
Zoro sighed
and rubbed his face. His eyes never got puffy when he cried. His skin
was too tough. He didn't cry a lot. Hardly ever. It was rare for him
to talk as candidly as he did with Kell.
//I
remember. I used to be like that all the time. So open. And weak. I
didn't need to act tough. Kell was the tough one. I was just able to
live without all of the aggressive attitude. But it's apart of me
now. I feel weird, talking like this. But it came easy. It won't come
easy with Sanji. He's almost as bad as me. It's not even me, to be
that way. Maybe it is, but just with Kell. Maybe it can be that way
with Sanji.//
He
breathed deeply. It came easier now. He felt better. Cleaner.
Fresher. There was still the impending doom of the Sanji issue, but
he felt somewhat resolved. A knock came at the door again.
"Come in." Zoro said.
It was the nurse. She handed him a sheet and waited for a moment as Zoro read it.
"Patient release form? What is this?" Zoro asked, not understanding.
"Your blood test results showed that you no longer carry King's Evil in your system sir. Dr. Jax deemed you fit and healthy and ready to go. Your hospital bill has been waived. You're free to go sir." The nurse smiled. She handed him a bag. "Here are your clothes. You'll need to sign out at the front desk with Cathy."
He took the bag and she left. His clothes were freshly cleaned and mended.
Sanji sat, brooding in the tavern. Around him a party still raged. Shank's crew, Luffy, Nami, and Usopp were having a ball. He sipped moodily at his beer and scowled. Luffy screamed incoherent words at him from time to time, and Nami would send him a sympathetic wink when she wasn't dancing. Usopp was so thick in the crowd that he hadn't been seen for hours. Finally Shanks got up on a table and stomped his foot several times. The noise died down after a moment or two.
"Alright men! To showers! To beds! I'll not have any of my men passing out in the street or the bar disturbing these good people!"
A collective cheer rose up from the several townspeople that were present. A groan came from the men.
"I'll hear none of your groans you scabberous dogs! Get to!" Shanks demanded.
Good-naturedly the pirates filed out of the bar and headed up the street to inn. All that remained as the townspeople filed out was Sanji, Nami, Usopp, Luffy, Shanks, and Ben. Luffy was asleep on the table as Nami look at him incredulously.
"I'm not carrying you." She sighed. Ben smiled and offered to carry him to the inn.
"Thanks! He's so much trouble." She said kindly and followed Ben out of the bar. Shanks grinned as he saw his friend being carried out the door.
"Wait for me!" Usopp said, gathering up his bag and goggles from the counter. He waived at Shanks. "Good to see you again! Bye Sanji! Cheer up!" He said encouragingly as he left.
Sanji rolled his eyes but silently thanked the awkward man. Shanks walked over to his table and sat down across from him.
"You haven't moved from this spot all night my friend. Something bothering you? Worried about your nakama? He's still in the hospital I heard."
Sanji sighed. "Something like that."
"Ah." Shanks said. "You know, he's tough. If he could take on Mihawk, this is nothing."
"He's already beaten the illness. Right now it's a battle of the soul, I think." Sanji looked at his beer with a mixture of expressions on his face. It was somewhat forlorn, with a mixture of worry and spite. But it changed so quickly from one to the other that Shanks couldn't pin it exactly.
"Well, I'm not sure I follow you. But whatever it is, I'm sure Zoro will do what's right. By himself and his nakama."
Sanji laughed bitterly. "Yes. What's right by him and what's right by us may not be the same thing."
Shanks thought for a moment.
"You know, this island has some really interesting history to it. There are always new tales popping up that sound as though they're as old as the island itself. The one I heard most recently was of a medicine man and a warrior. The medicine man loved the warrior, but the warrior was so strong, and protected his clan so fiercely, that he was the only one who ever needed the medicine man. This did not help the clan or the medicine man to trade with others, because the warrior killed off anyone to trade with. The clan began to starve, and the medicine man suffered. The warrior did not see his mistake; he did not see that he caused his people to suffer. Then one day the warrior fell ill from a mysterious disease. The medicine man did all that he could to make the warrior better, but the illness kept the warrior sick for a long time. While the warrior was sick, people began to come to the clan again to trade, and the medicine man prospered from the warrior's absence. The medicine man felt sorry for betraying the warrior like he did, but he saw how his clan prospered. Soon the warrior got better, and saw that his own clan and lover had betrayed him. In his anger he left the clan, and never returned. The medicine man was heartbroken. He knew he should have told the warrior what was happening, and how the village had become rich. He did not have faith that the warrior would understand. He did not give him a chance. But in the same turn, the warrior left in his anger, without giving his lover a chance to explain. To this day, the ghost of the medicine man wanders unhappily in the deserts, in search of the warrior, in hopes that he might explain and beg his forgiveness. Neither the warrior or his ghost was ever heard from again." Shanks ended his story and took a sip of his beer. Sanji looked at Shanks, trying to search for a deep, underlying meaning that might come with the story.
"That's a good tale Shanks. But how does that apply to me in anyway?" Sanji said.
Shanks thought for a moment. "Well.it's a good story. You might tell it to Zoro when he gets better. But you have to tell him that I told it to you." Shanks smiled and chugged down the rest of his beer. He got up and went to the door. "G'night."
Sanji smiled, shaking his head. "So drunk. He's worse than Luffy." He looked at the clock.
//It's
late. I should get to bed. Tomorrow is bound to be busy and filled
with hangovers.//
Sanji
left a couple of pieces of gold on the bar and said good night to the
bar tender. He stepped into the fresh night air. The sky was clear.
Stars shone brightly next to the nearly full moon. It was cool, but
the breeze was warm. He let the wind embrace him as he walked down
the empty, silent street towards the inn. The sandy streets blew dust
at his feet. He pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and lit in his
mouth. He took a deep drag and blew out.
//I
wonder if they talked. Don't think about it. I won't be able to
sleep. Tomorrow… what will it bring? Such a profound question.
Tomorrow. Indeed.//
Sanji
passed the large building that was the hospital. It was quiet, and a
lot less busy than he expected it to be. He saw the lights of the
emergency room. Through the double doors he could see Cathy sitting
at her desk, scribbling on some paper. A man walked up to the front
desk and handed her a paper. She smiled, got up, hugged him over the
counter and kissed him on the cheek. He turned and headed for the
door.
//…Wish
that were Zoro.//
Sanji
stared at the man as he walked out the doors. He seemed to be heading
towards him but Sanji dismissed the thought. He couldn't see him very
well in the dark.
"Sanji?"
Sanji started. He dropped his cigarette. It was Zoro.
"Zoro! You scared the shit out of me! I didn't know it was you coming out of there." He stamped on the cigarette. "What are you doing? Why are you out here? Did you talk to Kell?" Sanji asked, trying to sound unconcerned. He began to walk and Zoro followed him.
"I'm leaving. Kell gave me a doctor's release with a clean bill of health, and yes, I talked to him."
"What? What about the blood test?"
Zoro looked at him. "How did you know about the blood test?"
Sanji smiled apologetically. "I was the one who suggested it."
"What? Why?"
Sanji scratched the back of his head. "Well, it's a long story. But you're out now, so you must be happy about that. So…"
Sanji wanted to be daringly casual and ask what had happened between Kell and him, but he didn't have the nerve.
Zoro looked at him in the moonlight as he walked. He smiled.
"So."
Sanji pulled another cigarette out of his pocket. Zoro grabbed his hand. They both stopped. Sanji looked at him.
"Smoking's bad for you. You should really stop." Zoro took the cigarette and threw it.
"And since when have you taken it upon yourself to look after my health?" Sanji said, laughing and continuing to walk.
//Have a
little courage.//
Zoro
shrugged. "Since you became my nakama."
//Look
towards the future.//
"Sanji,
Kell told me what really happened. And I want you to know. I don't
know why. But I've kept a lot of things from Luffy and everyone else.
I don't intend on telling them about this either. But I want you to
know what happened. This isn't easy either. I'm not someone who
easily puts their problems, past, and feelings on the line. You know
that. It's even hard to admit that
without being disgusted
with myself."
Sanji nodded and kept walking, but at a slower pace. Zoro proceeded to tell Sanji of what Kell told him.
"But if that's true… Zoro, aren't you staying?"
Zoro looked at Sanji and laughed. "Aside from the fact that I made a promise that I never intend to break with Luffy, and aside from my vow to become the strongest swordsman there is… Kell and I had our chance. Fate or destiny or whatever can't be changed and I can't make things the way they were. I don't love him anymore Sanji. I regret. I regret all that was lost. But that is all I can do. Right now… I can only look to the future."
Sanji was at a loss for words, so he just tried to contain his smile. But he couldn't. He knew he was grinning like an idiot, but life was too good right now.
Zoro noticed the smile, even in the dark.
"What are you grinning about?"
"Heh. Nothing. I'm just ready to get out of here. Ready to get back out there."
Zoro nodded. A feeling of disappointment settled in him, however.
//I can't be satisfied with just this.//
//Give it time.//
//No!
No more time. I wasted and ruined enough time as it is.//
"Sanji."
Zoro said abruptly. Sanji stopped and looked at Zoro.
"At the rate we'll never get to the inn Zoro." Sanji said, trying to sound annoyed.
Zoro opened his mouth to speak, but nothing would come out.
"What is it?" Sanji said, starting to get worried again. "What?"
"I." Zoro began. "I need to...tell you something."
Sanji began to get frustrated and nervous. "Just tell me dammit! You're starting to piss me off!"
"Well it isn't easy!"
"Stop being a baby about it and just tell me!"
"Who are you calling a-"
Sanji covered Zoro's mouth with his hand. "If you're not going to tell me, then don't get me worked up like this. If you're going to say it, say it. But don't jerk my chain."
Zoro nodded. Sanji glared. "Are going to tell me or not?" Zoro nodded. Sanji removed his hand.
"Sanji… do you have a last name?" He blurted out.
//What
in the hell!?//
Sanji's
eyes widened and his jaw dropped.
"Is that-"
"No! I mean I lo-..Sanji." Zoro took a deep breath and swallowed his fear. "I love you."
