Author's Note: groan I know I've said this before, but believe me when I say that THIS was the hardest chapter I've ever written. It was so tempting to just rush them into things... but I knew I couldn't do that! I've been building up to it for so long, I want to make sure it was just.... perfect.
One of the things I promised myself when I began this story was that I would not "Americanize" it if I could help it. But, when I got a bit of writer's block in the middle of this chapter, a song came on the radio that inspired me. Fortunately, it seems to fit in the era of this story, so I've written a verse of it into one of the later segments of this chapter.
So, on with the story! Will they or won't they? You'll have to read to find out. And please, no throwing heavy objects at me when you reach the end of the chapter. I think I could handle rotten tomatos or eggs, but nothing that could knock me unconscious or I won't be able to continue. :p
One big final note: Thank you so much to my reviewers! Every single word means the world to me! I would have probably stuck to my original outline and had this complete in 20 chapters if not for your encouragement. I'm so thankful that you've given me the motivation to flesh it out a bit more... I don't even know how many chapters it will end up being now, but I am enjoying writing it more than you can imagine. Thank you, also, to all of my silent readers. Each and every one of you out there inspire me to continue.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and the characters from the books in the series are copyright JK Rowling, and are not being used for profit, only for personal enjoyment.
*****
Chapter 24 ~ "I Hope You Dance"
"Dance with me?"
Ever so slowly, Severus raised one hand to cup Hermione's face. She leaned into his touch, closing her eyes as his thumb brushed away a tear. His other hand found its way to her waist, and she moved closer to him as she felt it come to rest on her hip. Hesitantly, Hermione laid her head against his chest, tucking it snugly beneath his chin as his hand moved from her cheek to the back of her head, his fingers tangling in her soft hair as he ran them through the length of her silky curls, gently caressing her back as his hand made it's way to her waist and back up again, finally coming to rest on her shoulder.
"Is this... what you wanted?" he asked her quietly.
Hermione simply nodded her head.
"But there is no music..." he rasped.
"Isn't there?"
Severus sighed as he bowed his face into her hair, inhaling deeply as his thoughts went over the events that had led up to this moment. One minute, Severus had thought Hermione to be on the verge of confessing a secret love for Remus Lupin... the next minute, she was looking at him with tears in her eyes as she asked him to dance.
For all that he had dreamed of her, nothing he had ever imagined had even come close to how it actually felt to hold her in his arms. He marvelled at the feel of her soft curves pressed against him. He had a hard time believing this was real, and he found himself slowly caressing her as committed every contour of her body to memory, storing them away with his other memories of her ~ the scent of her hair, the sound of her voice ~ in the special places of his heart and mind that he reserved for the mother of his child.
He felt her pull her head away from his chest and tilt it up towards him, and he looked down at her just as her cheek came to rest against his. It was all he could do to suppress a shudder as he realized that her soft lips were nearly brushing his jaw. And then he felt it... the music... the steady rythym of her heart as it beat against him.
*****
Hermione didn't know how she came to be in Severus' arms. One minute, he was brushing a tear from her cheek, the next minute, she found herself sighing softly as she lay her head against his chest. She marvelled in the feel of the contour of his strong chest through his robes, delighting as she inhaled the musky scent that was uniquely Severus.
It didn't matter that there was no music... Hermione could hear Severus' heart beating, matching the rythym of her own as they began to slowly sway back and forth. For the few tender moments they had shared in the past, nothing compared to this. She lifted her head and let her cheek come to rest against his, closing her eyes as she let her hand drift to the nape of his neck, feeling the silky texture of his hair as it brushed against her fingers.
"Hermione, I..."
"Hmmmm???"
"I hear the music," Severus said in a hoarse whisper as she felt him take a deep breath and lift his head to gently press his lips to her temple. Hermione tightened her arms around him as she once again buried her head against his chest, and one of his hands began to softly caress the swell of her hip.
They stood there, locked into an embrace more intimate than either of them had ever experienced before, their feet barely moving as they continued to sway to the music that only the two of them could hear.
*****
They stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity, dancing well into the night until the fire had burned down to nothing more than glowing embers. Severus reluctantly pulled away, his eyes searching her beautiful face as he reached up again to caress her cheek, leaning in to place another kiss to her temple as he whispered "It's getting late... I should go..."
As he turned to go to his rooms, he felt her soft hand reach out and grab his.
"Stay with me?"
Abruptly, he turned back to her, his eyes searching hers once again. What was that he saw in her eyes? Surely, it couln't be.... desire?
Desperately, he reached out and grabbed her by the shoulders, pausing only a moment before pulling her back to him and crushing her in his embrace as his mouth sought out her soft lips.
*****
Hermione felt a pang of disappointment when Severus pulled away and bid her goodnight. As he turned away, she knew that she couldn't let him go... she wanted him to stay, to feel his arms around her again, to feel the strength of his warm chest as she rested her head upon it.
She didn't even know what she was going to say to him as her hand darted out and grabbed one of his, and was almost as surprised as he looked to be when she blurted, "Stay with me?".
The next thing she knew, she was back in his arms, crushed against his chest once more. His kiss was firm, yet tender, as his warm lips met desperately with hers. She responded in kind, her mouth softly carressing his. She couldn't suppress a soft moan as his lips found her jaw, leaning her head back as he traced a path down her neck to her shoulders. Gasping as his hands slid up her arms, one of them sliding around her to hold her as the other began to caress her breast, she knew that she would not let him leave.
"Please, Severus..." she began, forgetting what she wanted to say as he reached down to scoop her up into his arms. He carried her across the room, laying her gently on her bed, and leaning over for one last kiss before whispering, "Good night, Hermione."
****
Was this real? Surely, this beautiful creature wasn't standing here before him, asking him to stay... letting him kiss and touch her in ways that he could have only dreamed about. He swept her up into his arms, carrying her across the room and laying her gently on her bed.
But no... he couldn't do this. He didn't want to take her this way. He could see that she wanted him, but he didn't want this time to be a result of them getting carried away in the aftermath of the emotional events of the evening. Look what happened last time! He could not... would not allow himself to hurt her again as he had that night in the forest. For even now... even though he knew that he hadn't forced her that time, he still knew that he had hurt her in the aftermath of their passion.
Regretfully, he leaned over, kissed her gently, and whispered "Good night," before turning around and rushing off to his room, leaving Hermione lying on the bed gaping at the robes billowing behind him as he walked away.
Even the long cold shower he subjected himself to couldn't diminish the desire he was feeling for Hermione that night. He stalked over to the liquor cabinet, reaching his bottle of brandy. He swirled the liquid around in the bottle before changing his mind. He would not taint the sweet taste of her lips... the taste that was still lingering on his own lips... with a liquid as vile as that. Putting it back, he opted instead for a glass of red wine.
He groaned as he sat in the chair by the fire, sipping the sweet wine, remembering the taste of Hermione's kiss, and cursing himself for being so bloody stupid.
*****
Hermione leaned back against her pillows and groaned her frustration. Why did he leave her like that? She could see that he wanted her, but she hadn't been able to convince him to stay.
Maybe he didn't want her, after all. Maybe it was all for the best, she thought as she remembered the first and only time they had been intimate, that night in the forest, and how he had wanted to forget it ever happened. If she was grateful for one thing tonight, it was that she wouldn't have to see him walk away in shame afterwards.
She sighed as she rose from the bed, he legs shaking as she made her way to the bathroom and began to draw a bath. Slipping into the warm water a few minutes later, she tried to lean back and relax... but every time she closed her eyes, all she could see was Severus. She could still feel his warm hands on her skin, still hear his heart beating as his arms had held her so close.
When she emerged from her bath, she was nearly grateful to hear her son crying in the next room. Yes... she needed a distraction. Furthermore, she needed the comfort of holding her son in her arms. Not even bothering to don a dressing gown after she quickly slipped a silky nightgown over her head, she walked to Samuel's room and gently lifted him into her arms.
Looking down at him, all she could see was Severus. Their son was looking more like his father every day.
As she sat and nursed her son, Hermione sighed, "Why does your father have to be such a complicated man, little one?"
She had a hard time getting Samuel back to sleep that night... but she was not going to bother Severus for help. Not tonight. No, she would have to see him again soon enough, in the morning. Surely, she could manage one night pacing with her son on her own. It wasn't as though she would be able to fall asleep tonight, anyway.
Remembering the intimate dance she had just shared with Severus, Hermione began swaying back and forth with her son. Her gentle humming soon became a soft song... remembering the lyrics of an American song that she had heard playing on the radio one day in London, she began to sing the verse that struck a chord with her this night:
"Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin', Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter, When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance, And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance."
She didn't hear the door open behind her, nor did she sense any other presence in the room as she placed her now-sleeping son in his crib.
"I hope you dance," she whispered the last line of the song to her son as she leaned over and kissed him goodnight. As she stood to leave the room, she felt warm breath on her hair as a pair of warm arms wrap around her waist from behind.
*****
Severus had heard his son begin to cry, but as he approached the door, he could hear Hermione in the nursery tending to Samuel. He leaned against the door, contemplating whether he should go in. No, he decided. She rarely needed help with her son during the night these days, and he didn't know if he could bear seeing her again so soon. He was afraid that he might do something that they would both regret. But when he heard Samuel begin to cry again, and the sound of her feet shuffling back and forth through the nursery a few minutes later, he decided to check on them. Silently opening the door, he stepped into the room. He watched silently as Hermione danced with their son, singing him to sleep.
Her voice was low, but pleasant... to Severus, it was one of the sweetest sounds he had ever heard. He couldn't take his eyes off her, in her bare feet and flimsy nightgown, as she swayed back and forth. What was that song? It certainly wasn't wizard music, and he stepped closer to hear the words that she was singing. He was almost close enough to reach out to her as she laid Samuel down in his crib.
"I hope you dance," he heard her whisper. He couldn't resist reaching out and slipping his hands around her waist as she leaned in to kiss her son goodnight.
Hermione gasped and turned around, still in his arms, her eyes locking with his just as intensely as they had so many times earlier in the evening. Images of those eyes ~ reflecting the stars as they stood in the gardens, crying as she asked him to dance, full of desire as she asked him to stay ~ flashed through his mind. Her eyes never lied... if he hadn't realized it earlier that evening, he realized it now. She had truly wanted him to stay, and as he looked into them once again, he could see that she still did.
He leaned in and softly captured her lips with his own, and knew that no other kiss would ever compare to this. Not the desperate kiss that he had shared with her only an hour ago, not the sweet tender kiss he had shared with her only weeks ago, and certainly not the kiss that had led to their passion that night in the forest. He didn't even remember that first kiss, but knew in his heart and soul that it could have been nothing compared to this one.
When he felt her responding, her mouth sweetly carressing his own, he once more reached down and swept her into his arms. This time, there was no doubt in his mind where he would be staying tonight.
One of the things I promised myself when I began this story was that I would not "Americanize" it if I could help it. But, when I got a bit of writer's block in the middle of this chapter, a song came on the radio that inspired me. Fortunately, it seems to fit in the era of this story, so I've written a verse of it into one of the later segments of this chapter.
So, on with the story! Will they or won't they? You'll have to read to find out. And please, no throwing heavy objects at me when you reach the end of the chapter. I think I could handle rotten tomatos or eggs, but nothing that could knock me unconscious or I won't be able to continue. :p
One big final note: Thank you so much to my reviewers! Every single word means the world to me! I would have probably stuck to my original outline and had this complete in 20 chapters if not for your encouragement. I'm so thankful that you've given me the motivation to flesh it out a bit more... I don't even know how many chapters it will end up being now, but I am enjoying writing it more than you can imagine. Thank you, also, to all of my silent readers. Each and every one of you out there inspire me to continue.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and the characters from the books in the series are copyright JK Rowling, and are not being used for profit, only for personal enjoyment.
*****
Chapter 24 ~ "I Hope You Dance"
"Dance with me?"
Ever so slowly, Severus raised one hand to cup Hermione's face. She leaned into his touch, closing her eyes as his thumb brushed away a tear. His other hand found its way to her waist, and she moved closer to him as she felt it come to rest on her hip. Hesitantly, Hermione laid her head against his chest, tucking it snugly beneath his chin as his hand moved from her cheek to the back of her head, his fingers tangling in her soft hair as he ran them through the length of her silky curls, gently caressing her back as his hand made it's way to her waist and back up again, finally coming to rest on her shoulder.
"Is this... what you wanted?" he asked her quietly.
Hermione simply nodded her head.
"But there is no music..." he rasped.
"Isn't there?"
Severus sighed as he bowed his face into her hair, inhaling deeply as his thoughts went over the events that had led up to this moment. One minute, Severus had thought Hermione to be on the verge of confessing a secret love for Remus Lupin... the next minute, she was looking at him with tears in her eyes as she asked him to dance.
For all that he had dreamed of her, nothing he had ever imagined had even come close to how it actually felt to hold her in his arms. He marvelled at the feel of her soft curves pressed against him. He had a hard time believing this was real, and he found himself slowly caressing her as committed every contour of her body to memory, storing them away with his other memories of her ~ the scent of her hair, the sound of her voice ~ in the special places of his heart and mind that he reserved for the mother of his child.
He felt her pull her head away from his chest and tilt it up towards him, and he looked down at her just as her cheek came to rest against his. It was all he could do to suppress a shudder as he realized that her soft lips were nearly brushing his jaw. And then he felt it... the music... the steady rythym of her heart as it beat against him.
*****
Hermione didn't know how she came to be in Severus' arms. One minute, he was brushing a tear from her cheek, the next minute, she found herself sighing softly as she lay her head against his chest. She marvelled in the feel of the contour of his strong chest through his robes, delighting as she inhaled the musky scent that was uniquely Severus.
It didn't matter that there was no music... Hermione could hear Severus' heart beating, matching the rythym of her own as they began to slowly sway back and forth. For the few tender moments they had shared in the past, nothing compared to this. She lifted her head and let her cheek come to rest against his, closing her eyes as she let her hand drift to the nape of his neck, feeling the silky texture of his hair as it brushed against her fingers.
"Hermione, I..."
"Hmmmm???"
"I hear the music," Severus said in a hoarse whisper as she felt him take a deep breath and lift his head to gently press his lips to her temple. Hermione tightened her arms around him as she once again buried her head against his chest, and one of his hands began to softly caress the swell of her hip.
They stood there, locked into an embrace more intimate than either of them had ever experienced before, their feet barely moving as they continued to sway to the music that only the two of them could hear.
*****
They stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity, dancing well into the night until the fire had burned down to nothing more than glowing embers. Severus reluctantly pulled away, his eyes searching her beautiful face as he reached up again to caress her cheek, leaning in to place another kiss to her temple as he whispered "It's getting late... I should go..."
As he turned to go to his rooms, he felt her soft hand reach out and grab his.
"Stay with me?"
Abruptly, he turned back to her, his eyes searching hers once again. What was that he saw in her eyes? Surely, it couln't be.... desire?
Desperately, he reached out and grabbed her by the shoulders, pausing only a moment before pulling her back to him and crushing her in his embrace as his mouth sought out her soft lips.
*****
Hermione felt a pang of disappointment when Severus pulled away and bid her goodnight. As he turned away, she knew that she couldn't let him go... she wanted him to stay, to feel his arms around her again, to feel the strength of his warm chest as she rested her head upon it.
She didn't even know what she was going to say to him as her hand darted out and grabbed one of his, and was almost as surprised as he looked to be when she blurted, "Stay with me?".
The next thing she knew, she was back in his arms, crushed against his chest once more. His kiss was firm, yet tender, as his warm lips met desperately with hers. She responded in kind, her mouth softly carressing his. She couldn't suppress a soft moan as his lips found her jaw, leaning her head back as he traced a path down her neck to her shoulders. Gasping as his hands slid up her arms, one of them sliding around her to hold her as the other began to caress her breast, she knew that she would not let him leave.
"Please, Severus..." she began, forgetting what she wanted to say as he reached down to scoop her up into his arms. He carried her across the room, laying her gently on her bed, and leaning over for one last kiss before whispering, "Good night, Hermione."
****
Was this real? Surely, this beautiful creature wasn't standing here before him, asking him to stay... letting him kiss and touch her in ways that he could have only dreamed about. He swept her up into his arms, carrying her across the room and laying her gently on her bed.
But no... he couldn't do this. He didn't want to take her this way. He could see that she wanted him, but he didn't want this time to be a result of them getting carried away in the aftermath of the emotional events of the evening. Look what happened last time! He could not... would not allow himself to hurt her again as he had that night in the forest. For even now... even though he knew that he hadn't forced her that time, he still knew that he had hurt her in the aftermath of their passion.
Regretfully, he leaned over, kissed her gently, and whispered "Good night," before turning around and rushing off to his room, leaving Hermione lying on the bed gaping at the robes billowing behind him as he walked away.
Even the long cold shower he subjected himself to couldn't diminish the desire he was feeling for Hermione that night. He stalked over to the liquor cabinet, reaching his bottle of brandy. He swirled the liquid around in the bottle before changing his mind. He would not taint the sweet taste of her lips... the taste that was still lingering on his own lips... with a liquid as vile as that. Putting it back, he opted instead for a glass of red wine.
He groaned as he sat in the chair by the fire, sipping the sweet wine, remembering the taste of Hermione's kiss, and cursing himself for being so bloody stupid.
*****
Hermione leaned back against her pillows and groaned her frustration. Why did he leave her like that? She could see that he wanted her, but she hadn't been able to convince him to stay.
Maybe he didn't want her, after all. Maybe it was all for the best, she thought as she remembered the first and only time they had been intimate, that night in the forest, and how he had wanted to forget it ever happened. If she was grateful for one thing tonight, it was that she wouldn't have to see him walk away in shame afterwards.
She sighed as she rose from the bed, he legs shaking as she made her way to the bathroom and began to draw a bath. Slipping into the warm water a few minutes later, she tried to lean back and relax... but every time she closed her eyes, all she could see was Severus. She could still feel his warm hands on her skin, still hear his heart beating as his arms had held her so close.
When she emerged from her bath, she was nearly grateful to hear her son crying in the next room. Yes... she needed a distraction. Furthermore, she needed the comfort of holding her son in her arms. Not even bothering to don a dressing gown after she quickly slipped a silky nightgown over her head, she walked to Samuel's room and gently lifted him into her arms.
Looking down at him, all she could see was Severus. Their son was looking more like his father every day.
As she sat and nursed her son, Hermione sighed, "Why does your father have to be such a complicated man, little one?"
She had a hard time getting Samuel back to sleep that night... but she was not going to bother Severus for help. Not tonight. No, she would have to see him again soon enough, in the morning. Surely, she could manage one night pacing with her son on her own. It wasn't as though she would be able to fall asleep tonight, anyway.
Remembering the intimate dance she had just shared with Severus, Hermione began swaying back and forth with her son. Her gentle humming soon became a soft song... remembering the lyrics of an American song that she had heard playing on the radio one day in London, she began to sing the verse that struck a chord with her this night:
"Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin', Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter, When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance, And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance."
She didn't hear the door open behind her, nor did she sense any other presence in the room as she placed her now-sleeping son in his crib.
"I hope you dance," she whispered the last line of the song to her son as she leaned over and kissed him goodnight. As she stood to leave the room, she felt warm breath on her hair as a pair of warm arms wrap around her waist from behind.
*****
Severus had heard his son begin to cry, but as he approached the door, he could hear Hermione in the nursery tending to Samuel. He leaned against the door, contemplating whether he should go in. No, he decided. She rarely needed help with her son during the night these days, and he didn't know if he could bear seeing her again so soon. He was afraid that he might do something that they would both regret. But when he heard Samuel begin to cry again, and the sound of her feet shuffling back and forth through the nursery a few minutes later, he decided to check on them. Silently opening the door, he stepped into the room. He watched silently as Hermione danced with their son, singing him to sleep.
Her voice was low, but pleasant... to Severus, it was one of the sweetest sounds he had ever heard. He couldn't take his eyes off her, in her bare feet and flimsy nightgown, as she swayed back and forth. What was that song? It certainly wasn't wizard music, and he stepped closer to hear the words that she was singing. He was almost close enough to reach out to her as she laid Samuel down in his crib.
"I hope you dance," he heard her whisper. He couldn't resist reaching out and slipping his hands around her waist as she leaned in to kiss her son goodnight.
Hermione gasped and turned around, still in his arms, her eyes locking with his just as intensely as they had so many times earlier in the evening. Images of those eyes ~ reflecting the stars as they stood in the gardens, crying as she asked him to dance, full of desire as she asked him to stay ~ flashed through his mind. Her eyes never lied... if he hadn't realized it earlier that evening, he realized it now. She had truly wanted him to stay, and as he looked into them once again, he could see that she still did.
He leaned in and softly captured her lips with his own, and knew that no other kiss would ever compare to this. Not the desperate kiss that he had shared with her only an hour ago, not the sweet tender kiss he had shared with her only weeks ago, and certainly not the kiss that had led to their passion that night in the forest. He didn't even remember that first kiss, but knew in his heart and soul that it could have been nothing compared to this one.
When he felt her responding, her mouth sweetly carressing his own, he once more reached down and swept her into his arms. This time, there was no doubt in his mind where he would be staying tonight.
