Author's Notes: Just a reminder that you can find a link to my Yahoo group in my profile here at fanfiction.net. Feel free to jump in to discuss HP fanfic (mine, or others), or just to listen to my ramblings.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and the characters from the books in the series are copyright JK Rowling, and are not being used for profit, only for personal enjoyment.
*****
Chapter 29 ~ "Carry The Memories With You"
Hermione and Severus continued working diligently on her project every evening. Slowly but surely, as the weeks went by, they were continuing to mend their relationship... as friends. Neither of them would acknowledge their true feelings, fearing that if they had another row, it would be impossible to work it out.
Severus continued to supply Hermione with new books, documents, and ideas for her research. They had taken to sitting on the hearth rug in front of the fireplace, papers and open textbooks spread wide on the floor in front of them, as they discussed Hermione's notes and compared them to Severus' own years of research. The Potions Master loved to just sit and watch Hermione deep in thought, biting her lip as she concentrated on her work... her expression eventually changing to a brilliant smile as she grasped new concepts and pieced bits of their information together to come up with new theories.
Severus took satisfaction in the knowledge that HE was the one making her smile now. He had envied Remus for it for so long, not knowing how to make her smile that way himself. At the end of the night he would return to his quarters, smiling in satisfaction... he should have known that books and academic research would do the trick.
For all of Hermiones new theories, they both knew that they were nowhere close to finding the lycanthropy cure. Severus was sure that it would take a number of years of further research... but he couldn't object to that. He could go on forever with her like this. When he retired to his room at night, he would lay in his bed, marvelling at the fact that, less than a year ago, he never would have imagined a life with Hermione Granger in it... now, he could not imagine life without her companionship.
*****
One morning in early spring, Remus had invited Hermione for tea in his quarters.
"I have exciting news, Hermione!" he smiled with a glint in his eye, "The renovations on the cottage are nearly complete! Your mother will be able to move in by the end of the month... whenever she's ready!"
Hermione squealed in delight and the two of them spent the morning making plans to go to London and help with the move.
She couldn't keep from smiling as she walked back to the dungeons that afternoon. When she encountered Severus outside of his office, he looked at her with a bemused expression. He reached out to take Samuel into his arms, quirking an eyebrow at her in question.
Hermione giggled, "My mother is coming! I mean... she is moving in! Of course, you know that... but she is coming in just a few weeks!"
He smiled at her, "I'm happy for you, Hermione. When will she be moving in?"
Hermione frowned, "Oh, I don't know for sure. I'll have to ask when I owl her and let her know I'm coming to London..."
"You're going to London?" Severus frowned.
"Yes. I... I need to go home one last time. And she'll need help packing... I can't let her do it alone."
Severus was stunned. He knew it was selfish, but he didn't want her to go. He cleared his throat and asked, "Will you be taking Samuel?"
"Er... yes." Hermione frowned, shaking her head, "I'll be gone for at least a week or two... I can't leave Samuel that long!"
Severus tried to maintain an impassive expression as she told him how long they would be gone. He couldn't imagine them being away from him... not even for a single day, let alone a couple of weeks! He forced himself to respond as he passed Samuel back inot Hermione's arms, "Let me know when you will be going." And with that, he whirled around and stalked out of the dungeons, hoping that Hermione couldn't see his disappointment.
*****
By the weekend before Easter, Hermione learned that her mother had put all of her affairs in order, and wanted to move in over the holiday break. Hermione had decided to go to London for the week prior to the holiday to help her mother pack up her belongings. Remus would join them at the end of the week, after the students left for their break.
That Sunday, Severus accompanied Hermione to Hogsmeade to see her and Samuel off on the train. That morning, he had spent every spare moment he had with his son, even skipping breakfast to squeeze in an extra hour with him. He had not been separated from Samuel since the first week after the Christmas holiday, and he was not looking forward to spending time away from him. When it was time to board the train, he held Samuel tight to him for a final goodbye. He looked at Hermione, "Take care of my son..."
"I will, Severus..." she smiled nervously. How was she to say goodbye to him? A handshake? Too formal. A hug? Too personal. She sighed to herself as she reached out to take their son into her arms, and was surprised as Severus leaned in to place a firm kiss to her temple.
"Have a safe trip, Hermione."
She nodded as she replied, "See you on Saturday." As she boarded the train, she afforded herself one last glance behind her, she opened her mouth to say something to Severus, but could not form the words that she was thinking, *I'll miss you.*
*****
"Good afternoon, Severus. I take it Hermione and Samuel are well on their way to London by now?" Albus asked as Severus entered the school.
Severus nodded solemnly, "They are, Albus."
Albus reached out and clapped Severus on the shoulder, "Severus... they'll be back before you know it."
"I should have kept Samuel here, Albus. Certainly, Hermione will be of no help to her mother if she's got her hands full with him for two weeks?"
"If it worries you, Severus, perhaps you could join them?"
Severus sneered, "And leave my class in Lupin's hands for an entire week?"
"Well, then..." Albus chuckled, his eyes twinkling as he continued, "Perhaps, after Friday, when the students leave, you could..."
"I appreciate what you are trying to do, Albus. But I doubt Hermione would appreciate my interference."
"I don't think she would mind, at all," spoke a voice from behind them.
Severus whirled around, "Lupin. Must you continually make a habit of butting into other people's affairs?"
"Affair? Is that what you're calling it now, Severus?" Remus smirked.
"Lupin..." he snapped, but Albus intervened.
"Come now, gentlemen... that's quite enough," his eyes twinkling, he turned to Severus, "If you plan to accompany Remus to London next weekend, you'll need to put your differences aside."
"I think I'll not be going. I might rather enjoy a couple days of peace and quiet after the students leave."
*****
Hermione had taken the train to King's Cross, where a cab was waiting for her to drive her home.
Home. Hermione sighed. She hadn't thought of her old house as 'home' for a long time... she hadn't even been back there at all since her father's death. Going now, she realized that her stay would be bittersweet. One last time, she would relive the memories of her childhood. She smiled at the thought of her bedroom... was it still the same? She was startled out of her reverie when they finally pulled up in front of the house.
After the driver dropped her off, helping her with her trunk and leaving her at the door, Hermione stood on the porch for a few minutes, smiling at the familiarity of the flower gardens, the trees, the hedges. She could close her eyes and see her father lovingly tending the garden, pruning the rosebushes and planting the spring flower bulbs. Sighing, she opened her eyes and faced the front door, hesitantly reaching for the knob. It was unlocked. As she stepped into the foyer, a tearful smile spread across her face. That warm, secure familiarity of her childhood home was still there. She only wished that she would enter the kitchen to see her father sitting at the table, newspaper spread before him as he sipped his coffee. She held back a soft sob as she acknowledged that he would not be there. How could she stay in this house with his memories? Just as she was tempted to turn and run away, her mother appeared.
"Oh, Mum!" she sobbed.
Elizabeth rushed forwards, sweeping Hermione and Samuel into her arms. They stood there, crying on each other's shoulder as they comforted one another.
Her mother led her into the living room, where they sat on the sofa, sipping tea as Hermione adjusted to being back in her childhood home. Her mother hadn't packed much from this room, and very little had changed. Everything that made that house a home for so many years was still in the same place. Hermione smiled as her eyes glanced over the many family photos on the mantle. She sighed, "Mum, how do you do it?"
"Do what, Hermione?"
"How do you stay in this house all alone with these memories? And now, how can you leave them all behind?"
"It wasn't easy at first," Elizabeth smiled at her gently. "Memories are all I have left of your father, Hermione. Moving away was one of the hardest decisions I've had to make in my life. But your father's memory is not just alive in this house... he's here," she placed a hand over her heart, "and that is something I can carry with me when I go."
Hermione and her mother had spent the rest of the week packing Elizabeth's belongings. She would have new furnishings in the cottage, so only had personal effects to pack up. Every picture, every memento held a lifetime of memories. They shed many tears that week, reliving Hermione's childhood and sharing fond memories of the happy family they had been when her father was alive. The hardest day of the week had been the day that they had packed up all of her father's belongings. All of his clothing would be given to charity, but it was something that Elizabeth had not been able to bring herself to do alone. There were many items that they would not part with. Among them was her father's pocketwatch. It had been handed down through generations of Granger men, and as Elizabeth gently packed it away with her own jewelry, Hermione wondered if one day it would belong to Samuel.
Hermione left the packing of her room for last. Most of her childhood mementos were already in her quarters at Hogwarts, so she had nothing much, besides a number of old books and some pictures of her own, to take with her. Leafing through a photo album, she found her favorite picture... Hermione as a toddler, curled up against her father's chest with a blanket in one hand and her favorite plush bunny clutched in the other hand. She put the album down, and walked to her closet. Reaching up to the shelf, she found the plush bunny rabbit, wrapped up in that old blanket and smiled.
Samuel was laying in her old bassinet that her mother had stored in the attic for all of these years, one of the few pieces of furniture that would go with Elizabeth to the cottage. Hermione walked over to place the bunny and blanket snuggly beside the sleeping child. Maybe one day he would curl up on his own father's chest with them as she had done so many years ago.
A little while later, Hermione had finished packing her personal belongings and curled up in her bed. She fell asleep dreaming of the picture of her and her father. The image morphed into a picture of Samuel and Severus. She smiled in her sleep as she whispered, "Severus..."
It would not be the last time she murmured his name in her sleep that night.
*****
By mid-week, Severus was going mad missing his son.... he couldn't help but wonder how Samuel was faring. Did Samuel miss him? He smiled as he remembered the way Samuel's eyes had recently begun to light up in recognition every time Severus picked him up... his smiles of delight as Severus elegant fingers would playfully tickle him... the way he cooed in response to his father's voice. How much will his son have grown by the time he would see him again next week? He thought about Samuel's recent attempts to roll himself over. Would he finally do it when Severus wasn't around to witness it? He hoped not.
He sighed as he realized that he was missing Hermione, as well. He had tried to keep himself busy, but kept thinking of the past nights as he had sat with her, listening to her talk about her independent study. Hermione's passion in her research had astounded him. He had always known that the girl was brilliant, but her theories on lycanthropy these past weeks surpassed any expectations he had of her. He tried to pass the time by focusing on digging up new material for her research, but he kept seeing images of her face... the way her eyes would light up when she had a new theory, her smile when he praised her work.
The nights were the hardest for him... he was having trouble sleeping again. Nearly every night, he had found himself wandering around the nursery at night, closing his eyes as he inhaled the sweet baby smell of the room. He tried to resist the temptation to enter Hermione's room. Seeing her quarters without her in them, smelling her scent in the air... it would be too much. But by Friday, he couldn't resist. He entered her quarters on the pretext of looking over her research, but the minute he entered the room, her absence hit him harder than it had all week. He sat in front of the fireplace, closing his eyes and imagining her sitting next to him. Suddenly, he thought he heard her voice whispering, "Severus..."
His eyes flew open and darted around the room. Of course, there was nobody there. He shook his head and chastised himself for foolishly thinking that she was there. With a sigh, he returned to his quarters and tried to get some sleep. Just as he was drifting off, he heard it again.
"Severus..."
This time, it was not the voice of his friend, it was the breathy whisper of his lover. He tried to force it out of his mind, but even after he fell asleep the voice continued to haunt him. In his dreams, he could see her face. Her loving smile as she held their son... her eyes dancing in the firelight as they sat together each evening... her tears the night that they danced... and her dreamy expression as she lay in his arms after making love.
He dreamed of holding her like that again, touching her... kissing her...
It was nearly dawn when he woke up in a cold sweat. He had been dreaming of her for a long time, but this night, it was so much more intense... it had seemed so real. Even when he opened his eyes, there was one image that he couldn't get out of his mind... the image of holding her as they made love....
*Love* Severus shook his head as he thought, *What IS love?* He spent the rest of the night trying to answer that question. By morning, he knew what he had to do.
Saturday afternoon, the students were heading for home for the Easter holiday, and Remus was preparing to leave for London. Severus caught up to him at the main entrance and approached him.
"Lupin!" he called.
"Severus... come to see me off?" Remus smirked.
"I'm coming with you."
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and the characters from the books in the series are copyright JK Rowling, and are not being used for profit, only for personal enjoyment.
*****
Chapter 29 ~ "Carry The Memories With You"
Hermione and Severus continued working diligently on her project every evening. Slowly but surely, as the weeks went by, they were continuing to mend their relationship... as friends. Neither of them would acknowledge their true feelings, fearing that if they had another row, it would be impossible to work it out.
Severus continued to supply Hermione with new books, documents, and ideas for her research. They had taken to sitting on the hearth rug in front of the fireplace, papers and open textbooks spread wide on the floor in front of them, as they discussed Hermione's notes and compared them to Severus' own years of research. The Potions Master loved to just sit and watch Hermione deep in thought, biting her lip as she concentrated on her work... her expression eventually changing to a brilliant smile as she grasped new concepts and pieced bits of their information together to come up with new theories.
Severus took satisfaction in the knowledge that HE was the one making her smile now. He had envied Remus for it for so long, not knowing how to make her smile that way himself. At the end of the night he would return to his quarters, smiling in satisfaction... he should have known that books and academic research would do the trick.
For all of Hermiones new theories, they both knew that they were nowhere close to finding the lycanthropy cure. Severus was sure that it would take a number of years of further research... but he couldn't object to that. He could go on forever with her like this. When he retired to his room at night, he would lay in his bed, marvelling at the fact that, less than a year ago, he never would have imagined a life with Hermione Granger in it... now, he could not imagine life without her companionship.
*****
One morning in early spring, Remus had invited Hermione for tea in his quarters.
"I have exciting news, Hermione!" he smiled with a glint in his eye, "The renovations on the cottage are nearly complete! Your mother will be able to move in by the end of the month... whenever she's ready!"
Hermione squealed in delight and the two of them spent the morning making plans to go to London and help with the move.
She couldn't keep from smiling as she walked back to the dungeons that afternoon. When she encountered Severus outside of his office, he looked at her with a bemused expression. He reached out to take Samuel into his arms, quirking an eyebrow at her in question.
Hermione giggled, "My mother is coming! I mean... she is moving in! Of course, you know that... but she is coming in just a few weeks!"
He smiled at her, "I'm happy for you, Hermione. When will she be moving in?"
Hermione frowned, "Oh, I don't know for sure. I'll have to ask when I owl her and let her know I'm coming to London..."
"You're going to London?" Severus frowned.
"Yes. I... I need to go home one last time. And she'll need help packing... I can't let her do it alone."
Severus was stunned. He knew it was selfish, but he didn't want her to go. He cleared his throat and asked, "Will you be taking Samuel?"
"Er... yes." Hermione frowned, shaking her head, "I'll be gone for at least a week or two... I can't leave Samuel that long!"
Severus tried to maintain an impassive expression as she told him how long they would be gone. He couldn't imagine them being away from him... not even for a single day, let alone a couple of weeks! He forced himself to respond as he passed Samuel back inot Hermione's arms, "Let me know when you will be going." And with that, he whirled around and stalked out of the dungeons, hoping that Hermione couldn't see his disappointment.
*****
By the weekend before Easter, Hermione learned that her mother had put all of her affairs in order, and wanted to move in over the holiday break. Hermione had decided to go to London for the week prior to the holiday to help her mother pack up her belongings. Remus would join them at the end of the week, after the students left for their break.
That Sunday, Severus accompanied Hermione to Hogsmeade to see her and Samuel off on the train. That morning, he had spent every spare moment he had with his son, even skipping breakfast to squeeze in an extra hour with him. He had not been separated from Samuel since the first week after the Christmas holiday, and he was not looking forward to spending time away from him. When it was time to board the train, he held Samuel tight to him for a final goodbye. He looked at Hermione, "Take care of my son..."
"I will, Severus..." she smiled nervously. How was she to say goodbye to him? A handshake? Too formal. A hug? Too personal. She sighed to herself as she reached out to take their son into her arms, and was surprised as Severus leaned in to place a firm kiss to her temple.
"Have a safe trip, Hermione."
She nodded as she replied, "See you on Saturday." As she boarded the train, she afforded herself one last glance behind her, she opened her mouth to say something to Severus, but could not form the words that she was thinking, *I'll miss you.*
*****
"Good afternoon, Severus. I take it Hermione and Samuel are well on their way to London by now?" Albus asked as Severus entered the school.
Severus nodded solemnly, "They are, Albus."
Albus reached out and clapped Severus on the shoulder, "Severus... they'll be back before you know it."
"I should have kept Samuel here, Albus. Certainly, Hermione will be of no help to her mother if she's got her hands full with him for two weeks?"
"If it worries you, Severus, perhaps you could join them?"
Severus sneered, "And leave my class in Lupin's hands for an entire week?"
"Well, then..." Albus chuckled, his eyes twinkling as he continued, "Perhaps, after Friday, when the students leave, you could..."
"I appreciate what you are trying to do, Albus. But I doubt Hermione would appreciate my interference."
"I don't think she would mind, at all," spoke a voice from behind them.
Severus whirled around, "Lupin. Must you continually make a habit of butting into other people's affairs?"
"Affair? Is that what you're calling it now, Severus?" Remus smirked.
"Lupin..." he snapped, but Albus intervened.
"Come now, gentlemen... that's quite enough," his eyes twinkling, he turned to Severus, "If you plan to accompany Remus to London next weekend, you'll need to put your differences aside."
"I think I'll not be going. I might rather enjoy a couple days of peace and quiet after the students leave."
*****
Hermione had taken the train to King's Cross, where a cab was waiting for her to drive her home.
Home. Hermione sighed. She hadn't thought of her old house as 'home' for a long time... she hadn't even been back there at all since her father's death. Going now, she realized that her stay would be bittersweet. One last time, she would relive the memories of her childhood. She smiled at the thought of her bedroom... was it still the same? She was startled out of her reverie when they finally pulled up in front of the house.
After the driver dropped her off, helping her with her trunk and leaving her at the door, Hermione stood on the porch for a few minutes, smiling at the familiarity of the flower gardens, the trees, the hedges. She could close her eyes and see her father lovingly tending the garden, pruning the rosebushes and planting the spring flower bulbs. Sighing, she opened her eyes and faced the front door, hesitantly reaching for the knob. It was unlocked. As she stepped into the foyer, a tearful smile spread across her face. That warm, secure familiarity of her childhood home was still there. She only wished that she would enter the kitchen to see her father sitting at the table, newspaper spread before him as he sipped his coffee. She held back a soft sob as she acknowledged that he would not be there. How could she stay in this house with his memories? Just as she was tempted to turn and run away, her mother appeared.
"Oh, Mum!" she sobbed.
Elizabeth rushed forwards, sweeping Hermione and Samuel into her arms. They stood there, crying on each other's shoulder as they comforted one another.
Her mother led her into the living room, where they sat on the sofa, sipping tea as Hermione adjusted to being back in her childhood home. Her mother hadn't packed much from this room, and very little had changed. Everything that made that house a home for so many years was still in the same place. Hermione smiled as her eyes glanced over the many family photos on the mantle. She sighed, "Mum, how do you do it?"
"Do what, Hermione?"
"How do you stay in this house all alone with these memories? And now, how can you leave them all behind?"
"It wasn't easy at first," Elizabeth smiled at her gently. "Memories are all I have left of your father, Hermione. Moving away was one of the hardest decisions I've had to make in my life. But your father's memory is not just alive in this house... he's here," she placed a hand over her heart, "and that is something I can carry with me when I go."
Hermione and her mother had spent the rest of the week packing Elizabeth's belongings. She would have new furnishings in the cottage, so only had personal effects to pack up. Every picture, every memento held a lifetime of memories. They shed many tears that week, reliving Hermione's childhood and sharing fond memories of the happy family they had been when her father was alive. The hardest day of the week had been the day that they had packed up all of her father's belongings. All of his clothing would be given to charity, but it was something that Elizabeth had not been able to bring herself to do alone. There were many items that they would not part with. Among them was her father's pocketwatch. It had been handed down through generations of Granger men, and as Elizabeth gently packed it away with her own jewelry, Hermione wondered if one day it would belong to Samuel.
Hermione left the packing of her room for last. Most of her childhood mementos were already in her quarters at Hogwarts, so she had nothing much, besides a number of old books and some pictures of her own, to take with her. Leafing through a photo album, she found her favorite picture... Hermione as a toddler, curled up against her father's chest with a blanket in one hand and her favorite plush bunny clutched in the other hand. She put the album down, and walked to her closet. Reaching up to the shelf, she found the plush bunny rabbit, wrapped up in that old blanket and smiled.
Samuel was laying in her old bassinet that her mother had stored in the attic for all of these years, one of the few pieces of furniture that would go with Elizabeth to the cottage. Hermione walked over to place the bunny and blanket snuggly beside the sleeping child. Maybe one day he would curl up on his own father's chest with them as she had done so many years ago.
A little while later, Hermione had finished packing her personal belongings and curled up in her bed. She fell asleep dreaming of the picture of her and her father. The image morphed into a picture of Samuel and Severus. She smiled in her sleep as she whispered, "Severus..."
It would not be the last time she murmured his name in her sleep that night.
*****
By mid-week, Severus was going mad missing his son.... he couldn't help but wonder how Samuel was faring. Did Samuel miss him? He smiled as he remembered the way Samuel's eyes had recently begun to light up in recognition every time Severus picked him up... his smiles of delight as Severus elegant fingers would playfully tickle him... the way he cooed in response to his father's voice. How much will his son have grown by the time he would see him again next week? He thought about Samuel's recent attempts to roll himself over. Would he finally do it when Severus wasn't around to witness it? He hoped not.
He sighed as he realized that he was missing Hermione, as well. He had tried to keep himself busy, but kept thinking of the past nights as he had sat with her, listening to her talk about her independent study. Hermione's passion in her research had astounded him. He had always known that the girl was brilliant, but her theories on lycanthropy these past weeks surpassed any expectations he had of her. He tried to pass the time by focusing on digging up new material for her research, but he kept seeing images of her face... the way her eyes would light up when she had a new theory, her smile when he praised her work.
The nights were the hardest for him... he was having trouble sleeping again. Nearly every night, he had found himself wandering around the nursery at night, closing his eyes as he inhaled the sweet baby smell of the room. He tried to resist the temptation to enter Hermione's room. Seeing her quarters without her in them, smelling her scent in the air... it would be too much. But by Friday, he couldn't resist. He entered her quarters on the pretext of looking over her research, but the minute he entered the room, her absence hit him harder than it had all week. He sat in front of the fireplace, closing his eyes and imagining her sitting next to him. Suddenly, he thought he heard her voice whispering, "Severus..."
His eyes flew open and darted around the room. Of course, there was nobody there. He shook his head and chastised himself for foolishly thinking that she was there. With a sigh, he returned to his quarters and tried to get some sleep. Just as he was drifting off, he heard it again.
"Severus..."
This time, it was not the voice of his friend, it was the breathy whisper of his lover. He tried to force it out of his mind, but even after he fell asleep the voice continued to haunt him. In his dreams, he could see her face. Her loving smile as she held their son... her eyes dancing in the firelight as they sat together each evening... her tears the night that they danced... and her dreamy expression as she lay in his arms after making love.
He dreamed of holding her like that again, touching her... kissing her...
It was nearly dawn when he woke up in a cold sweat. He had been dreaming of her for a long time, but this night, it was so much more intense... it had seemed so real. Even when he opened his eyes, there was one image that he couldn't get out of his mind... the image of holding her as they made love....
*Love* Severus shook his head as he thought, *What IS love?* He spent the rest of the night trying to answer that question. By morning, he knew what he had to do.
Saturday afternoon, the students were heading for home for the Easter holiday, and Remus was preparing to leave for London. Severus caught up to him at the main entrance and approached him.
"Lupin!" he called.
"Severus... come to see me off?" Remus smirked.
"I'm coming with you."
