"I had to fall to lose it all, but in the end it doesn't even matter"

~~~~~~~~Haru~~~~~~

            I walked to school, the autumn sun warm on my face, but the wind nipping at me. I was tired and rather grumpy. Sleep hadn't come very easy last night. I tossed and turned thinking of what Akito had said. I don't know why, just because a stupid girl got to live near Yuki when I didn't. It wasn't that big of a deal, who cares? Nothing was going to change at all.

            I stopped walking for a moment and sighed. It was getting to me, I could lie to myself all I wanted and it wouldn't matter. I needed to talk to Yuki, and see this girl for myself. Akito was still wrong, I was just jealous. It wasn't fair some random stranger got to live with Yuki and I didn't. I couldn't change it though, so no use in complaining. I continued to walk, my head down and the wind whipping around me, a cold reminder that I walked alone.

~~~~~~~Yuki ~~~~~~

            This new girl Tohru had been living with us for a couple of weeks now. It changed quite a few things around the house. For one thing the food got much better. For another that stupid cat came to live with us, but that wasn't due to Tohru of course. I wanted to send Shigure through the floorboards when I found out he allowed Kyou to live with us.  Kyou went and put a gash in that poor girl's forehead first thing. Stupid cat. It was strange, but even though he was around, the air felt lighter now. Tohru seemed to take our problems and minimize them. Of course I kept silent about Haru; it was unknown how even the sweetest person would react to that sort of thing. I tried to keep quiet about most things actually, I wasn't about to let her see me weak.

Haru and I still called each other almost every night, and met up after school. I hadn't had him come to the house with Tohru there yet, I was still too nervous. I wasn't ashamed, I just didn't feel like having someone who seemed to accept me start to repel me. It was strange now, because when I would talk of Tohru, Haru's tone got annoyed, or listless. Tonight was no exception.

"She's really nice… it's amazing she even acts nice to that stupid cat. It's kind of nice to have her around. That and she's a better cook than I ever could be," I told him with a laugh.

A flat voice came from the other end, "yeah that's nice."

I frowned and then sighed, "Haru… what's wrong?"

"Nothing," he answered, still deadpan.

"You're lying Hatsuharu Sohma and you know I can tell," I told him.

I heard his deep sigh from the other end, "no, everything is fine, I've gotta go." I heard someone call out Haru's name in the background, telling him not to hang up the phone.

"Hatori wants to talk to you Yuki, hold on."

The phone clicked and thunked as Haru set it down. I heard Hatori's voice from a distance, "Haru could you step out for a moment?"

"Hello Yuki," Hatori said in his tone that he always used to tell me Akito needed to see me.

I sighed deeply, already knowing what was going to come from his mouth.

"Akito wants you to come to the main house tomorrow Yuki. I would advise coming," he stated.

I shut my eyes in disgruntlement, "yes I know, I will. At least I'll be able to see Haru."

"I'm afraid not, Akito is sending him out tomorrow, he doesn't know you are coming."

"Oh… never mind then. I'm going to bed now, goodnight." I hung up the phone not waiting for Hatori to respond. I went to bed, my heart distressed with fear of the day to come.

I walked to the main house the next day, trying to feed my confidence. I was terrified. I hadn't seen Akito since he had attacked me. He had scarred more than my back; my mind had still not recovered. I entered the house and made my way to that long ominous corridor. I headed down the corridor, deciding I could do this. It didn't matter what fate awaited me, I could get through it.

I reached his door and knocked. The airy voice of fear beckoned me in. I entered, feeling myself shake slightly, like so many times before.

"Sit down Yuki, don't be nervous," Akito said tenderly. I obeyed his command like a whipped dog. He smiled at me, and I feared he could hear my heart beating. It wouldn't surprise me. It was beating hard enough to give me a headache.

"My dear Yuki…." Akito said quietly, caressing my cheek, "why did you argue with me… it will amount to nothing when it comes to the end…"

I narrowed my eyes, "the end?"

"Yes… you and Haru are over," his lip curled into a heartless smile.

My heart skipped a beat, the certainty he spoke with put a block of ice in my chest. "What do you mean?"

"You are going to end your relationship with Haru. Tonight. You will not tell him about this meeting. Make something up. You will also not tell any other member of the family or your little friend Tohru-kun. This is between you and me."

I gaped at him, he couldn't be serious. Just up and leave Haru? Insane, preposterous. I felt a bubble of fury rise in me, and spat out, "what if I refuse?"

His torrid glare sent razors to my mind, and I regretted snapping back so fast. "You will not refuse."

I felt my eyes glaze over with water, I couldn't refuse. I wouldn't survive if I refused, but how could I survive without Haru? How could I hurt him?

"You will not refuse, or tell him the true reason why…." Akito said nonchalantly, "or Haru may have to pay for you inadequate behavior."

I stood up and started to leave the room, when Akito's voice chimed out almost cheerfully, "goodnight Yuki, remember what I said."

~~~~Haru~~~~~

My thoughts were all over as I was returning from the ludicrous errand Hatori had sent me on. I hefted the bag on my shoulder, rolled my eyes and mumbled to myself, "birdseed… he sends me out for birdseed for Akito…."

My mind kept wandering to Yuki, and that girl Tohru. How much Yuki talked about her. How he praised and seemed to like every little thing about her. I would only admit to myself that it bothered me. Momiji had already met Tohru, when he came to my room ranting about how great she was, I had slammed the door in his face. I had also found out she had came to the main house. I had missed her. It bothered me that she had come to the house and no one told me. Part of me felt like I was a dark secret or something.

When I wandered into the house and set the bag of birdseed on the table I noticed the answering machine's new message light flickering. I pressed the button and heard Yuki's voice. The tone he had was mournful, it sounded though he had been crying, "Haru, come to the park as soon as you can. I will be on the bench near the pond, the one by the woods." The message made me freeze. Something was wrong. I ran back outside, and flew to the park as fast as my feet would carry me.

I rounded the path that Yuki and I had walked so many times before, holding each others hands, laughing quietly at children feeding ducks or other such things. I slowed my pace, seeing Yuki ahead of me. He was sitting on the bench, his elbows resting upon his knees, his head buried in his hands. I walked over slowly in a daze, Yuki never acted like this. I walked over to him, my heart a trapped bird fluttering in my chest, "Yuki?.. What's wrong?"

He sat up quickly, as though I had startled him. His eyes were teary, and wet lines were drawn on his face. I stumbled over to him, sitting on the bench. I started to put my arm around him when he stood up and pulled away from me. I gazed at him stunned, "Yuki?"

He turned his back to me and hugged his elbows, "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry."

"Sorry for what?" I was too surprised from his recoil to move to him again.

"Haru… we have to…" his voice cracked slightly and he choked, "we're done, we can't be together anymore."

I just gaped at him for a moment, certain I had heard him wrong, or had stumbled into a nightmare. When it sunk in that this was really happening, a ton of bricks hit me and I stood up, my mind was in shock. "What?! Why! What did I do?!" I felt my voice start to go frantic, and I struggled to regain my calm. Yuki had his back to me and he was hugging his elbows tighter. "No Haru it isn't you it's me. I'm so sorry… I didn't want to hurt you."

I went up to him and turned him around, staring him in the face, my hand on his shoulders "Then why the hell are you doing this?! Give me a damn reason!"

Tears slid down Yuki's face, "I can't I'm sorry Haru, I'm sorry, I..."

"Tohru…" I let go of him and took a few steps back, "I KNEW IT! I knew this would happen."

It was true; all those things I had been thinking were true. I had been trying so hard to convince myself I was overreacting. That I was being childish. I had been right. Good god, the rat had made a fool of me.

"DAMN YOU YUKI, HOW COULD YOU!" I screamed at him, and turned and ran aimlessly, not knowing my destination, just knowing it had to be away from that spot. I heard Yuki call out after me, "No Haru, that's not it!"

I glanced back. Yuki was standing there, staring at me with tears going down his face. I felt a pang ordering me to go back, an old habit. Instead I ran. Snow started to fall around me. Snow; it was Yuki. It was his cold soul on me. He had tricked me, he was nothing but a stinking frigid rat, worthy of his name.*

I continued to run till I came to a dead end alley. I nearly ran into the wall but stopped myself just in time. My chest heaved, my throat on fire, my eyes stinging. "How could he… how could he do this to me" I thought to myself. I replayed the words in my head he had ever said to me. "Haru, I love you." "Haru we'll always be together." "Haru you are not stupid." He had lied to me, deceived me. I punched at the wall till my knuckles were bloody, and then sunk to the ground, exhausted. The one I loved most had been tricking me. My plans of being with him forever dashed in an instant. It was too much, I couldn't deal with this. Something glinted on the dingy ground and I grabbed it. I raised the sharp glass shard in my hand to my neck, and looked to the sky. I would be deceived no more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Yuki literally means "snow" in Japanese.

*sniff…* I feel bad now… r&r don't worry this is not the end!… That'd be lame.