Chapter 8 - Confessions

With a yawn, Hermione rolled onto her side and bumped into Harry's sleeping form. She froze not wanting to wake him. Carefully she turned toward Ron's bed to see that he was still asleep. She swung her legs off the bed wanting to get back to her room before anyone discovered she wasn't there.

The bed creaked loudly and Harry groaned. "Hermione?"

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "Go back to sleep."

"Where are you going," he asked sleepily, rubbing his eyes.

"Back to my room," she said quietly.

"Stay."

Hermione raised her eyebrows. "You're half asleep." She waited and watched him as he closed his eyes and fell back to sleep. She reached out and brushed the bangs off his forehead glimpsing his scar. She wondered at how little she thought about his scar.

For most people it was what made Harry who he was, it was his stamp of identification, so to speak. She realized that since she had first met him, that first year on the Hogwarts Express, she hadn't really looked at his scar. It was always there. She just never really took note of it. It had never been an issue for her. She felt bad for the people who could never get past it and get to know the person behind the scar. They didn't know what they were missing.

Smiling, she got up and tiptoed out of the room. Quietly she closed the door behind her and turned to go to her own room.

"Well, well Miss Granger," said the oily voice of Professor Snape.

Hermione froze.

"If we were still at Hogwarts I would probably take 100 points from Gryffindor."

Hermione gritted her teeth. "Then I guess it's a good thing we're not at Hogwarts."

"Nevertheless, what were you doing in Potter and Weasley's room?"

Hermione turned and faced Snape. "I was just leaving. I need to get back to my room."

"Perhaps Professor Dumbledore should be informed of your late night field trip."

Hermione turned her back to him and began walking away.

"Did nothing I say to you the other day sink in, Miss Granger?"

Keeping her back to him she said, "you're turning this into something it's not."

"Then you didn't spend the night in Potter's room?"

Hermione turned angrily. "Are you insinuating that Harry and I were... with Ron in the room?"

Snape stared at her.

"Nothing happened?" She shouted.

"Hermione?" She turned and saw Ron and Harry standing sleepily in their doorway. "Is something wrong?" Asked Harry eyeing Snape.

Hermione's face burned with embarrassment. "No," she said quickly and turned and nearly fled to her room.

Harry stared at Snape. "What did you say to her?"

Snape ignored him. "I came to make sure Mr. Weasley was up and ready to go. We're leaving in twenty minutes." Then he turned and left Ron and Harry to stare.

"I'm going to get ready," said Ron wearily.

"I'm going to go check on Hermione," said Harry. He made his way to her room. He waited outside her doorway and listened. Knocking lightly, he called out, "Hermione?" There was no answer so he tried again. "Hermione?"

When she didn't answer again Harry cracked the door open. "Hermione, I'm coming in."

She was sitting on her bed staring at her hands.

"Hermione, you can't let Snape bother you."

"I'm not. I just can't help thinking of the wonderful time I have to look forward to."

"It'll be alright, Hermione."

"Yeah, whatever."

Harry didn't know how to respond so he just took a seat next to her and sat in silence.

"He really is an old bat," muttered Hermione and Harry laughed. "How am I going to be able to stand spending all that time with him."

"You'll get through it," said Harry reassuringly. "Just pretend this is another bit a of school work you have to get through."

"At least when it's school work I have you and Ron to help me through."

"You mean, you help us through."

Hermione smiled. "You guys help me every bit as much as I help you."

Harry looked at her somewhat surprised. "I always thought we were a bit of a distraction for you."

"You are," smiled Hermione. "But you also remind me of why I do it."

"How?"

"Well, the way I see it, every piece of information I can cram in will be helpful."

"For the war," stated Harry.

"Yes," replied Hermione simply. "I want to... I have to be as useful to you as possible."

"Hermione, you already are. I wouldn't have made it through half the stuff I've had to do without you and Ron."

"Thanks," said Hermione. She watched him carefully. He looked as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. In truth he had this air of responsibility and seriousness hanging on him since Sirius had died. The thought of Sirius jolted Hermione's mind back to the book she was hiding from Harry and she knew she had to give it to him, no matter what information she might be giving up.

"Harry," Hermione began. "I have something I want to show you. Will you come with me?"

"Sure," he said getting up. She stood as well and led him to the Black library. She went to the desk where she had locked Sirius's diary and performed the charm to open the drawer.

"I found this yesterday," she said handing the book to him. "I wasn't going to show it to you, but you deserve to see it more than anyone."

Harry took the book and opened it. "Where did you get this?" He asked.

"I found it," said Hermione softly. They were interrupted when the door swung open.

"Jeez, you guys. I was looking everywhere for you. I'm leaving soon," said Ron exasperated. Harry and Hermione stared at him.

Ron looked at them questioningly. "What? Hey, isn't that the book you had yesterday?" He asked noting the book in Harry's hand for the first time.

"It's Sirius's diary," she whispered.

"You had no right, Hermione," said Harry angrily.

Hermione turned to him, surprised by his anger. "What?"

"This is private. How could you read this?"

"I know, I'm sorry, but you didn't leave me much choice."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you're not telling us the whole truth."

"Truth about what," interrupted Ron. "What are you guys talking about?"

"Ask Harry," said Hermione suddenly angry as well.

"Hermione, I don't know what you're talking about," said Harry.

"Stop lying, Harry." The three friends stared at each other. "Tell us why it has to be you?" Said Hermione through gritted teeth.

"Not this again," said Harry.

"Yes this again."

"Oh God, Hermione. Can't you just drop it."

"No, I won't drop it. Damn it, Harry, you tell us or I swear I won't go anywhere. And neither will Ron."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Yes you will."

Hermione filled with rage and she stepped forward and pushed Harry with both hands as hard as she could. He took four steps backwards before regaining his balance. "What the hell is your problem?" Yelled Harry.

"Hermione," said Ron weakly reaching out to pull her back.

"Ron, you know he's not telling us everything."

"Maybe Hermione, but that's up to him."

"Typical," spat Hermione.

"What's typical," questioned Ron.

"You taking his side," she said hotly.

"Hermione, I'm not taking his side. I'm only saying that if Harry is keeping something from us..." He raised his eyes to Harry at this point. "Then that's his right. Eventually, when he's ready he'll talk to us."

Harry turned away from his two best friends, the two people who loved him more than any other people in the world. He couldn't face them, Ron with his open honest face, so sure of him, and Hermione, pleading silently.

Without looking up he spoke, "I was determined to get you guys off without saying anything, but it doesn't look like you're giving me much of a choice. If I tell you everything, will you promise to go like we planned."

Hermione and Ron looked at each other then looked back to Harry. Ron nodded slowly, but Hermione remained still.

"Hermione?"

"Ok," she said in a small voice.

"Let's sit," said Harry. They all sat close together on the floor, Ron and Hermione facing Harry.

Harry took a deep breath and began. As he told them all that he had learned after that awful day at the Department of Mysteries, they went through the same emotional roller coaster Harry had gone through, anger disbelief, sadness, and finally acceptance. At one point Ron reached out and took hold of Hermione's hand and they held on to each other for support.

When Harry had finished Ron could only stare in disbelief, but Hermione took a deep choking breath and sobbed, "Oh Harry." When the tears began flowing hard, Ron pulled her into an embrace and held her.

"I'm sorry," Harry muttered with his head in his hands.

Ron shook his head and reached out one hand and squeezed Harry's shoulder. "Don't be sorry, mate. It's not your fault."

Hermione looked up through a tear stained face. "You can't really want us to go, not now."

"I do," said Harry simply.

"Oh but Harry..."

"Hermione, you promised."

"This is too much."

"I shouldn't have told you."

"No," said Hermione quickly. "I wanted to know. I'm glad you told us."

"But Harry," interrupted Ron. "You can't really mean you're going to go after You-Know-Who."

"I don't know," said Harry shaking his head. "I don't think that's up to me."

"Who is it up to?"

"Voldemort," said Harry simply.

Ron paled. "Harry, I agree with Hermione. This seems insane."

Harry got up angrily. "You guys act like this is what I want. I don't want this. Don't you think I'd rather pack up and get back to Hogwarts this very minute? I. Don't. Have. A. Choice."

"Why can't we just go back to Hogwarts?" Asked Ron desperately standing up too.

"Because of me," said Hermione softly from the floor.

Harry knelt in front of her. "Hermione, he's gone after you, he'll go after Ron next and then he'll come for me. I have to do this." He reached out and touched her face gently. "The only way I can deal with this is if I know you guys are safe." He lowered his voice to barely a whisper. "If I know you're safe."

"What about you being safe?" She whispered back.

"I'll never be safe as long as he's alive. You know that."

"I can't leave you. Please don't make me."

Harry sighed and dropped his head. "Ron, can you give us a minute."

"Sure, no problem," Ron said quietly. He left the room and closed the door softly behind him.

Harry sat comfortably next to Hermione with his back against the wall. "I know you've been through a lot these past couple of days, but I really need you to come to terms with this."

"I know."

"Why is this so hard for you? We've been through dangerous stuff before."

"Yeah, but it was different somehow."

"How?" Asked Harry.

Hermione hung her head.

"Does this have anything to do with what Snape said?"

Hermione turned scarlet.

"Hermione," Harry continued. "Eventually we do have to talk about that. And I think we ought to get things out in the open before you go."

"Harry," said Hermione hesitatingly.

Harry waited expectantly.

"I don't know," she whispered.

"Ok," said Harry quietly.

"It's just not something I ever considered before," returned Hermione, equally quiet.

Harry could feel her eyes on him, but he couldn't meet them. A million thoughts and feelings were popping in his mind. The truth was he had never thought of Hermione in that way before. But, since Snape's cold words outside her door the other day he had done little but think about it.

Without looking at her, he started to speak. "When you fell yesterday, I thought you had died. You were so still." He paused and took a deep breath. "I started thinking about what Snape said to you and then to me."

"To you? What did he say to you?"

Harry smiled. "He said that I'd be well advised to check my feelings too. He said they would be our downfall."

"What are you saying," asked Hermione.

Harry looked into the eyes of his best friend and it was as if he was seeing her for the first time. He knew he should feel embarrassed. That was how it had been with Cho, but for some reason this was completely different. And when he placed one hand on her warm cheek and pulled her in for a gentle kiss he felt the emptiness in his heart slowly being filled.