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Chapter Eighteen:
Between Darkness and Wonder
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It was the dark before dawn, when the world was quiet and nothing stirred in the world outside. Mist hung thick over the hills, a light rain falling gently in a wispy curtain that veiled the ground. It seemed as if the world was in mourning for things lost and forgotten.
Sydney arrived at the safehouse, cloaked by the shadows of the night. The big house was dark and her heart leapt into her throat at the sight of it. She shoved past Sark in a rush to get to the front door; he followed her slowly with a cautious step.
The silence of the night was broken by her cries for a man who could not hear her voice, "Vaughn!" Her pleas were lost in the emptiness of the big house. She turned on Sark, anger flashing in her eyes, suspicion filling her.
"Where is he?" She demanded, Sark stepped away from her, hands up, pleading innocence.
"I don't know, I was told that they would both be here by the time we arrived." Sark frowned as he glanced around the darkened hallway. Sydney grabbed him and slammed him back against the wall, the force of her anger giving her a rush of adrenaline in the late hour.
"Are you setting us up, Sark?" Her words were like daggers that sliced his flesh and he flinched beneath the force of her blow. With a heavy sigh, he removed her hands from him and shook his head.
"Sydney, you really must calm yourself. I did precisely what I was ordered to do, I brought you here. William and your precious Vaughn should be back shortly. I must leave you here and return to the Covenant headquarters before the price on my head gets any higher."
Sydney stepped away from him and her glare lessened somewhat in its intensity. She did not necessarily enjoy Sark's presence, but she didn't know if she wanted to be left alone in this place. Sark saw her hesitation and softened slightly.
"If it helps to ease your conscience at all, you should know that your parents have been tracking my car since the moment we left their sight. They should be here within a few hours and until then, I think that you can handle yourself."
Sydney returned the full force of her glare back on him and Sark recoiled from her slightly. "Thank you so much for the reassurance that I can handle myself, Sark."
Sark shook his head with a bemused smile and took a step toward the door; "You know it better than I." He frowned and glanced back at her from the doorway, "You'll be okay right?"
Sydney scoffed, "I'll be fine. You just make sure you contact me if you discover anything about Vaughn before I do, you understand me?" She stood before him; hands on hips, an imposing figure cut from the shadows. Sark grinned and bowed slightly.
"Of course, Madame."
Sydney muttered something under her breath but it was lost in the sound of the door snapping shut behind her. She took a deep breath and calmed her troubled soul. First she needed to look around the house, find some evidence that Vaughn had been there. Then she would try to call her father and see if he had any answers for her.
She was making her way into the kitchen when she heard a noise at the rear of the house. Tensing immediately, she felt her gun slide into her hand from its holster without consciously reaching for it. Hugging the wall, she crept through the shadows to investigate the noise. It came again, louder this time, a crash as if someone had collapsed. Her brow furrowed in concern and she peered cautiously around the edge of the wall.
Her eyes landed on Vaughn, collapsed on the floor. He was crouched on his knees, forehead pressed to the cold linoleum. The back door was hanging open, wind whistling through the opening. Vaughn was rocking back and forth slowly, his hands clasped over his head. Faintly, she could detect a low moaning sound emanating from his throat as if he was in great pain.
Her heart sank in her chest at the sight of him, fresh agony ripping free of the sutures in her soul. Tears welled up in her eyes and she approached him slowly, feeling her love for him grow to consume her with every step.
"Vaughn," her voice was barely audible above a whisper as she crouched beside him but he heard her. His head snapped up and she swallowed hard at the sight of his dirty face, stained with blood, dirt and something that looked a lot like soot. What scared her most was the expression on his face, the agony in his eyes. It was there as if it had been permanently etched into his flesh, but the expression vanished as soon as his eyes landed on her. The agony melted into a deep sorrow and she could see love in his eyes, shining out at her.
"Oh God, Sydney." He fell against her, his arms encircling her tightly as he sobbed against her breast. Sydney felt her heart breaking into shards that stabbed her soul like glass. Her heart was gripped by the raw intensity of his pain and she swallowed her tears, pulling him into her arms and rocking gently. Her hands rubbed his back soothingly in a circular motion and she planted kisses on every exposed inch of flesh. His sobs wracked his entire frame, his weight falling heavily against her. The intensity of it scared her; she had never seen Vaughn this lost.
She stroked his hair gently and murmured soothing words into his ear. His throat had been scraped raw by his tears. She could hear it in the husky, broken tone in which he had spoken her name. Her own tears spilled forth, mingling with his. She could not contain her grief over the state of this broken man whom she loved so desperately.
"Vaughn," she whispered his name softly, attempting to stir him from his daze of grief. He looked up at the sound of her voice and she struggled to swallow her tears in order to speak.
"What happened?" She asked gently. He stared up at her with glazed eyes and shuddered, his gaze turning inward.
"They're all dead," he whispered. His voice was hollow, he could not bring himself to feel any more emotion than that which already gripped him so strongly. Sydney frowned, fear mixing with concern in her heart and she touched his face lightly.
"Who?"
Vaughn shook his head and gazed at her, his eyes clearing slightly. He reached up to stroke her hair gently and pulled himself up to a sitting position. They switched roles suddenly as he pulled her into his arms and buried his face in her hair.
"The Covenant," the words were muffled by his lips in her hair but she heard him nonetheless. He pulled back to lean his forehead against her's and she looked up at him. His eyes were large and wet, his voice shaking as he struggled to maintain control over himself.
"I killed every last one of them with a Rambaldi device. Everyone in the building went down in flames. I was the only one left standing." He shook his head; his gaze fixed on an image she could not see.
"Oh, Vaughn," Sydney pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth tenderly. Her eyes were brimming with tears as she contemplated the import of this.
"I had to do it, Sydney." Vaughn's voice was desperate suddenly, filled with guilt. He seemed to be pleading for understanding but she knew that it was more likely from himself, than from her. He pulled back and stared deep into her eyes, those green orbs whirling with a storm of emotion.
"I had to make a choice and I couldn't let them hurt you," his voice broke and his hand dropped down to touch her stomach gently. "I couldn't let them hurt either of you."
Sydney shook her head, slightly confused, but she knew that whatever Vaughn had done had been for the right reasons. "I know, baby. It's okay, we're fine." She pressed a kiss against his closed eyelids, another on the nape of his neck and smiled at him. "Everything is going to be okay."
Vaughn looked at her for a long time. She thought that she could see him beginning to release the pain, but it flared back up just as suddenly in his eyes and he forced himself to look away from her. When he spoke again, it was in a clear voice that surprised her. All dizzying emotion was gone, all incoherence and confusion had vanished and he spoke calmly.
"I killed my father, Sydney," his voice did not break; his words did not falter. It was one thing he was certain of in the mess of what had occurred that night.
Her eyes widened at his words and he could not meet her gaze. Gently, she stroked the side of her face with the palm of her hand, easing his eyes toward her.
"I don't know what is true anymore. I kept thinking the whole time that I had to be strong for you, and now here I am." He laughed at himself, bitterness filling the sound. "A mess on the kitchen floor and not even drunk. I need you to hold me up because I can't even do it myself."
Sydney gripped his arms and shook her head, "Yes you can. Don't tell me that you are suddenly weak because you hate what you've done. I know you better than that, Michael Vaughn. I know you are stronger than this."
He looked up at her with wide eyes and for the first time, all sorrow drained from his face, replaced with a look she had grown familiar with. An expression of pure love. He drew her close to him and kissed her gently, his cracked lips breaking against hers like the tide coming into shore. She wrapped her arms around him and lost herself in him, breathing into him and inhaling the pain.
She pulled away slightly, still sharing his breath and met his eyes. "We should get off this floor and get you cleaned up." He glanced down at himself, an expression of disgust wrinkling his forehead. Blood smeared his clothes, the fabric had been burned away at parts and he was covered in soot. The ash of his father's body. He forced his eyes back to Sydney's and nodded. She snaked an arm under his shoulders and helped him to stand.
"Wait, there's something else," he gestured to the bag on the floor and Sydney knelt to pick it up. Vaughn took the bag from her, clasping it to him protectively. She frowned and glanced from the bag to his face, questions written in her eyes.
"There is a Rambaldi device in here," he explained. "The Telling machine. It's the last piece of the puzzle."
Sydney nodded gently and took the bag from him, slinging it over her shoulder. "The puzzle can wait, Vaughn. You are in no state to undergo any further mental exhaustion."
He nodded wordlessly and allowed her to slip her arm back around him, they moved together from the dark shadows of the kitchen and up the stairs. Vaughn halted in the stairwell, his eyes fixed on something on the wall. Sydney looked up and was greeted by a small photograph that hung framed on the wall; she recognized Vaughn's mother and a man that looked very much like Vaughn himself, their arms wrapped around a small child. Vaughn sighed heavily and stepped forward, hands pressed against the glass.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered. His face fell and Sydney wrapped her arms around him from behind, kissing the curve of his neck softly. He reached over to hug her gently and then removed the picture from the wall, clutching it to his chest. Turning back to her, he nodded and blinked away the fresh tears that burned his eyes.
They found a bedroom at the top of the stairs; a large room with a four poster bed and paintings hung on the walls. The color made Vaughn dizzy after the gray veil of mourning that hung over him. They crossed the room and Vaughn stopped to set the photograph down gently on the bedside table. He kissed his fingers and pressed them against the glass, before forcing his eyes away and back to Sydney.
Sydney helped him to the bed where he sat heavily, looking up at her. She kissed him softly and gripped his shirt in both hands, easing it over his head. She did the same with his pants and soon he sat naked before her, arms wrapped tightly around his chest. He was shivering though the room was quite warm. Sydney slid her own clothes off and wrapped herself around him. The weight of her skin against his halted the trembling and he breathed a sigh of relief that she was here with him, unharmed.
"I was so scared," she admitted. Vaughn turned his head to nuzzle her neck softly and she closed her eyes, savoring the feeling. He breathed against her skin, raising goosebumps where the whisper trailed across her flesh.
"You don't have to be scared anymore," he whispered in between kisses. Sydney's eyes flickered open and he saw a flash of pain hidden deep in the dark depths of her eyes. Her hand caressed his face, smoothing over the sticky blood and the ash. She pulled out of his grasp and stood before him, one hand outstretched in invitation. He accepted, his hand sliding into her's as if it had never left. They crossed the room together and Sydney pushed open another door to reveal a large bathroom. He glanced at her gratefully and together they slipped inside, turning the water on full blast.
Vaughn winced as the pressure of the water struck his fresh bruises and wounds but the touch of Sydney's hand on his skin eased it away. He met her gaze and wordlessly, she retrieved a washcloth from the door and lathered it up with soap. He closed his eyes and felt her smooth it across his face, washing away the blood and ash. She did the same for the rest of his body, easing it over the broken flesh, wounds he had not even realized he had. He had been so fixated, so driven by the thought of her that he had barely noticed his own physical pain.
She planted soothing kisses on every wound, every bruise. His collarbone, where a violent bruise was forming, blue and black beneath the pale flesh. His chest, where an ugly wound gaped open, blood seeping out slowly. His hands, that were burned by hot ash and pale fire. Finally she placed another kiss on his chest, over the steady pulse of his heart, where the wound was deepest and hidden inside.
He wrapped his arms around her, letting the hot water cascade over them. Stroking her hair gently, he pressed her to him, wanting nothing more than to feel her breathing, heart beating against him. He breathed deeply, inhaling the sweet scent of her skin as she buried her face into his slick skin. She planted kisses along the curve of his neck and whispered softly, her words lost beneath the roar of the water and the beating of his heart.
"Oh, my Vaughn," Sydney tilted her head up to meet his eyes and gently wiped away the tears that mingled with the hot water on his face. She smiled sadly and tightened her grip on him. "I wish that I could wash it all away."
He shook his head and kissed her softly, "The blood on my hands will wash away." He opened his hands, palms up to the water; she took them in her's and kissed the palm of each hand tenderly.
"The ash of my father's burned body will wash away," he glanced down at the swirling water at their feet. The last remnants of filth was spinning down the drain, tangled with hot water and tears. Sydney winced slightly at the thought and kissed him again.
"The memories will not wash away so easily," he whispered. "The pain." He smiled at her and sighed. "You are the only one who can wash away my pain."
She smiled back at him, her vision blurring with tears. He was always so strong, even when she was comforting him; he had words that would soothe her own pain. They were both standing stones to one another, pillars of strength that the other could lean on when needed. She had no idea what she would have done if he had died out there; she drew from his strength as much as he drew from her. In his eyes, she could practically read the summary of events that had occurred out in the wilderness, where men had fallen at his feet in flames and he had been the only one breathing in a matter of moments. A lone survivor of a holocaust of his own creation.
"What happened out there, Vaughn?" Her voice was filled with concern and a note of hesitation, she would understand if he could not yet speak about it but he knew he could not hide it from her.
"My father betrayed me," his eyes darkened with the memory and she watched him carefully, her hands stroking his back soothingly. "We went into Covenant headquarters, he was supposed to distract Sloane while I retrieved the Telling machine. In order to get out of there alive, I was supposed to activate a Rambaldi device that he told me would kill anyone who did not have our DNA, Rambaldi DNA."
Sydney's eyes widened at this admission, "What?"
He nodded, "Evidently, I am descended from Rambaldi on my father's side. Or so he told me, it could have been a lie because there was no such device. There was one that would kill anyone with our DNA," his hand trailed down to caress her stomach softly and his eyes hardened. "Including our child." Sydney smothered a gasp of fear; she had come so close to losing both him and their child. He met her eyes and she saw the pain written there in volumes.
"There were two boxes, red and blue. My father had told me to activate the blue one but before I could, I received a phone call." He laughed softly and shook his head in disbelief. Sydney frowned.
"Where did you get a phone?"
"Your mother planted it on me before I went to meet my father and it's a damn good thing she did too. There was a part of the prophecy which she had failed to tell us that said I would betray you in my blood," he sighed and his face fell. "I would betray you if I could not pay the dire price."
"What was the price?" Sydney asked softly, unsure if she wanted to hear the answer.
"My father's life. Your mother told me what the boxes really did. She told me to activate the red one, which would kill everyone within a two-mile radius except for me, the one who had activated it. She saved my life." He swallowed hard and looked back up at her, her gentle face that absorbed his words without judgement.
"What made you choose to trust her over your own father?" She was surprised that he had listened to her parent in place of his own. He frowned and thought for a moment before answering.
"In the end, I trusted my own instinct. I did not fully trust my father, though I still loved him. I was compelled to activate the red one and in the end, I knew that he would die no matter what choice I made. So I chose you." He smiled softly, pushing away the pain that stirred within him. Sydney's eyes were wet with tears now and she hugged him close to her.
"What do we need the Telling machine for?" She asked, after clearing her throat from the lump that had risen inside.
"He told me that you and I would have to activate it and in doing so, it would destroy all the Rambaldi artifacts. And just maybe, it will end this nightmare that has destroyed our dreams for so long." He sighed softly, "I suppose that we should do that. For some reason, I believe he was speaking the truth when he told me that, it fits with the prophecies. Or maybe I'm just hoping that we can finally end it all."
Sydney shook her head, "The Covenant is gone now, Vaughn. No one will try to use any more Rambaldi artifacts within the next few hours, it can wait." He nodded at her words, grateful to her for speaking them. He had already felt the power of one Rambaldi artifact tonight, he was not so eager to test another.
"You saved my life out there, Syd." Her brow furrowed as she gazed at him and he could not help but smile. "The thought of you kept me going. When the world was upside down and inside out, you were all I knew. You were my only source of strength."
She cupped his face with her hands and brought him to her, kissing him passionately. "I love you so much," she whispered. She pressed against his slick skin and felt him harden beneath the touch. She smiled against his lips and felt a rumbling of laughter rise from his throat. Without breaking contact, she fumbled behind him and turned the water off. Taking her cue, Vaughn swept her into his arms and carried her from the bathroom, his lips fixed on her's the entire time.
He settled her down gently on the bed, grabbing a towel off the bathroom door and drying her damp flesh with a gentle touch. She watched him with a smile that warmed his heart every time he glanced up to meet her eyes. She reached down to take the towel from his hand and sat up, stroking his flesh with the rough cloth of the towel. He shivered beneath her touch, this time from pleasure instead of pain. She grinned and discarded the towel to the floor, beside their dirty clothes. He covered her body with his own, enfolding her into his heated flesh. She yielded beneath him willingly, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling his lips to her.
He trailed kisses along the length of her body the way she had done for him moments earlier, disregarding the scars that marred her perfect flesh. He kissed her neck gently, easing his way down to her chest. His lips left faint imprints on her skin that faded quickly but she could still feel them burning her with their beauty, marking her for his own.
He kissed the curve of her breast lightly, her breath tangling in her throat at the sensation. His lips grazed over one nipple that cried out for attention, her fingers tightened on his skin and he grinned up at her before covering her with his lips. A low moan escaped her lips and her eyes filled with tears at the gentle way he worshipped her body.
His hands slid down her body, before resting on the swell of his stomach and soon his lips joined his fingers in caressing the skin there tenderly. He kissed her belly softly and framing it with his fingers, pressed his forehead against the flesh.
"Hello in there," he murmured. Sydney laughed softly as he spoke to their unborn child.
"Vaughn, I doubt she has ears yet." He glanced up at her with a sparkle of love in his eyes and smiled at her broadly.
"We're having a girl now?" His voice was lined with mirth and she pulled him up to her, kissing him soundly.
"Yes, I've decided. The fetus has no choice in the matter," she giggled softly and Vaughn grinned at her, shrugging slightly.
"I can't argue with that, I guess," Sydney smiled and slid her hands down his body, teasing him lightly. His eyes transformed quickly from amusement to intensity and she watched the way his eyelids fluttered at her touch. His hands cupped her's and bringing them to his lips; he kissed the palms of her hands gently. Sydney cupped his face with her hands and kissed him passionately, there was no more fear or pain in either of them. Together, the rest of the world melted away and there was nothing but Sydney and Vaughn, locked in a heated embrace.
She kissed his face where the tears had dried and he stroked her body with knowing fingers. His lips always returned to her own from their explorations of the rest of her body. Arching up beneath him, she gasped as he hit a sensitive spot and he grinned against her mouth. Her hands skittered lightly over the bruises and broken skin, every touch soothing the pain and igniting a fire in his flesh. The scent of her heated flesh filled him, replacing the lingering scent of smoke that hovered in his consciousness. Her whispers of love and moans of pleasure chased away the cries of those dying men and the sound of flames crackling across skin. The touch of her skin beneath his fingertips smoothed away the memory of the ash and blood that had clung to his flesh. In her arms, everything else fell away. She drove the memories out and filled him with her loving presence.
He gasped against her mouth as her fingers circled the hard length of him, stroking gently. She arched her hips against him, almost pleadingly and he obliged her gladly. He slid into her smoothly, filling her with everything he held in his heart. The warm heat of her enveloped him and he lost himself in her, moving slowly against her. She gasped for breath and her head tilted back, allowing him to cover her neck with feverish kisses. Her eyelids fluttered and she met his eyes that were gazing at her with an intensity she had long ago become accustomed to. There were fresh tears staining his cheeks and she felt a wave of love consume her for this gentle, passionate man. She kissed him passionately, lips devouring one another, breath dancing between them.
Vaughn could feel the tears squeezing out from his eyes but for the first time that night, they were not tears of pain or sorrow. He wept for the joy that filled him as she pushed him faster with her hips, moving against him at a faster pace. He wept not for what they had lost, but for what they had gained. An unshakable bond of love and trust, a child that grew inside of her, an end to the suffering.
Sydney met his eyes without fear; the only thing he could see in her was pure love. It was this that he fought for; the knowledge that she could unfold into his arms and not worry about who might hurt them in their vulnerable state. He watched as her face lit up with pleasure and her mouth opened, her cries of ecstasy formed words as they met his ears.
"Love you, love you, love you," she was saying. At the sound of her voice, he broke over the edge with her. Their voices mingled with pleasure, whispers of love and cries of joy. They went over the edge, catching each other as they fell. Like waves crashing on the shore, they were finally at peace together.
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