AN: Another POV switch in this chapter folks. The line like this ~~~ indicates
the switch. Thank you everyone for reviewing, your kind words helped me to
continue. There's one more chapter and an epilogue to go. They'll be up in the
coming weeks.
Seeing Isn't believing
by Yami Yue
Chapter Five
This whole situation didn't seem right. I ran everything over in my mind over
and over again and still it didn't make complete sense. His last words to me
rang in my ears. He'd seemed so crushed when he said them. The hurt and
anger I'd seen in his eyes haunted me. I'd been too angry to really think
things through before I'd said those things to him. Now that my anger had
cooled what had seemed so clear wasn't anymore. Kurama had been spending
a lot more time with Sata than me, but he'd been spending a lot more time with all
of his friends more than me because they'd all been helping him with the
apartment. At the time I hadn't minded because we did get to spend time
together, though little of it was spent alone with each other. I'd kept him
company while he studied or did his homework, helped him pack and unpack his
things. He'd even tried to include me in all the decisions when it came to the
apartment's décor. I knew little in the way of those matters so I let him make
most if not all the decisions. Sata herself never seemed to show more affection
toward Kurama than a little sister would her big brother. Kurama had told me
once there was more than one way to define love, perhaps the red roses had
meant the love of a friend. The image of them cuddled up together that night
flashed through my mind countless times and I couldn't help but wonder if the
way she'd placed her arm around his waist was meant to be protective,
not possessive.
I had to find out what really happened that night . I needed to know the truth.
I shook my head. Twenty four hours, it had only been twenty four hours since
our fight and I missed him terribly. I realized that whether or not Kurama had
been unfaithful I still loved him. He'd been wrong when he thought I didn't
want him anymore. I still wanted him, still needed him and wanted nothing more
than to patch things up between us and move on. First I was going to have a
talk with his friend and then have a talk with Kurama. "Face it, that fox has
his claws in you." I thought to myself as I stood. I headed toward Kurama's
apartment building determined to set things right.
"It's about time you showed up." Sata said as I entered her
apartment. "Your boyfriend's been getting steadily worse since last
night." I was surprised she knew who I was. I was sure Kurama hadn't told
her the true nature of our relationship. "Hn." was all I said. The
girl shook her head. "Even you couldn't be that cold." she
said teasingly. "You still care even if you are angry with him." I
said nothing. Still, she was right. I did care. "You're wrong about
him you know." she said. "What do you mean?" I demanded.
"He doesn't want me." she said. "Never has." "I'm not
after him either. We're friends that's it." "Then why were in his
bed?" I asked. The girl blushed. "Shuichi got sick so I helped him to
bed." She explained "He was sitting on the edge of the bed and as I turned
to leave he fell forward. When I pushed him back onto the bed I fell forward
and he fell backward onto my arm, then passed out." "I couldn't free my arm so
I covered us up and went to sleep." I cursed under my breath. Kurama had been
telling the truth and I'd been a fool and let my anger cloud my judgement.
"He misses you, you know." the girl said. My eyes widened slightly.
"I bet seeing you might make him feel better." I didn't think so, not after
what I'd done. "Go to him." Sata said. "Apologize. If he truly loves you he
will forgive you even if it isn't right away." I looked down at my hands and
caught sight of the ring on my finger. I held my hand up for closer inspection,
studying the tiny red rose that served as its jewel. He'd told me it's bloom
would only fade if one had been unfaithful to the other. I missed him terribly.
I closed my eyes, the fight replayed itself in my mind again, reminding me what
a fool I'd been.
I closed my eyes
A blind and cold hearted fool
Last night I lost my mind and came so close to loosing you
So close to loosing you
Misread your smile
Misunderstood you tears
Ignored your pleading voice and every sigh
Even your words of love I would not listen
I saw it all over again in my mind. The way his smile faded when I looked at
him. He'd been so happy to see me. The tears in his eyes as he walked away. I'd
wounded him. The way his voice and his eyes pleaded for me to believe him, to
hear him out. I'd coldly ignored him. He'd tried to reassure me, tell me I had
nothing to worry about, that I was the only one he wanted. Still, I
didn't listen. . .
It's a lesson I'll never forget
No communication gave rise to fear
Tell me – who's to blame ?
What I really meant to tell you – I panicked
Cause I would die if something happened to you
I'd die if something would . . .
I'd always been afraid I'd loose him to another, after all I am the Forbidden
Child, who could truly want me? I was so hurt and angry when I thought he'd
betrayed me that I didn't think before I confronted him. Instead of being
relieved to find out what I'd seen wasn't what I'd thought it was I lashed out
at him and hurt him deeply. If he would have told me he wasn't feeling well
before I left, I would have stayed. If only I'd listened. . .
But I'm so spoilt by your patience and devotion
That only now I recognize some of my cruel ways
Some of my cruel ways
Kurama had always been so patient, letting me set the pace of our relationship.
He'd shown me nothing but loyalty and love since we'd joined up with Yusuke and
Kuwabara. I'd returned that patience and devotion by breaking his heart. I
betrayed him with my coldness and mistrust and perhaps lost him forever. "No."
I thought as I opened my eyes. "I'm not going to loose him." "I'm going
to win him back no matter what I have to do, no matter what it takes."
It's a lesson I'll never forget
No communication gave rise to fear
Tell me – who's to blame ?
What I really meant to tell you – I need you
Cause I would die if something happened to you
I'd die if something would . . .
I turned and headed toward the window I'd used to come in. "Hey
Hiei?" Sata called. I turned my head to look at her. "Just remember
one thing. I'm not your competition. If anything I'm your ally. Anyone trying
to get between you two will have to answer to me." I smirked. "I
won't forget." I said. "Here." She said handing me two roses, one red the
other pink. "Take these to him." "The red one says I love you." she
explained. "The pink one says Please believe me." "He will understand."
I nodded. "Thank you." I said, then left. I went to the tree outside Kurama's
bedroom window. He lay on the bed sleeping. Tonight however, his sleep seemed
troubled. I studied him carefully as I slipped in through the open window. His
brow was furrowed his lips moved in silent speech. "It's now or never." I
thought as I stepped toward the bed. This time I was going to tell him what I
should have said before. . .
What I really meant to tell you – I love you
Cause I would die if something happened to you
I'd die if something would . . .
What I tried to tell you baby, What I tried to tell you darling
Could not live without you honey, would not live without you no . . .
If only you were with me baby, if only you were with me darling
Cause I've been waiting for you honey, I've been waiting for you . . .
I closed my eyes
A blind and cold hearted fool
Last night I lost my mind and came so close to loosing you
So close to loosing you
So close to loosing you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had the feeling I wasn't alone and was instantly awake. I could hear my
mother's soft breathing in the other room and I knew she was asleep. Someone
had alerted my senses and it wasn't her. I opened my eyes and saw the cause of
my alarm. Hiei was walking toward the bed. I watched him as he approached, but
said nothing. I sat up as he stopped at the side of the bed. Slowly, he reached
out and ran his fingertips over the tracks my tears had left on my face. My
eyes met his and he scowled. "I don't want to see that look in your
eyes." He said sternly. "What look?" I asked, having no idea
what he meant. He cupped my chin tenderly and moved closer. "Like you
couldn't care weather you live or die." He said. I narrowed my eyes at
him. "If you've come here to pick a fight I suggest you leave and visit
Kuwabara. I'm not in the mood." He lowered his eyes. "I didn't come to fight
with you Kurama." He said softly. "Then why are you here?" I asked. He lifted
his eyes to meet mine. "I missed you." He responded, his voice barely above a
whisper. I didn't let my expression betray my surprise at his answer but I'm
sure my eyes did. My mouth parted slightly to reply, but I wasn't sure what to
say. Hiei leaned forward and captured my lips in a gentle kiss. My eyes widened
and I pulled away as though burned. "What is he doing?" I wondered. "He breaks
my heart then comes to me with kisses and caresses?" "Don't." I whispered. "Not
unless you mean it." "I wouldn't have done it if I didn't." He replied, as he
lowered his eyes.
"I don't expect your forgiveness, but I'm asking for it anyway." He said
softly. " I lost my head when I saw you with Sata." He confessed. "I was hurt
and angry when I thought I'd lost you to another." "Instead of listening to you
I let my anger cloud my judgement and I hurt you, for that I'm sorry." I'm
sorry – Two words I'd never expected to hear from Hiei had just fallen from
his lips. He raised his eyes to meet mine and held out two roses to me. His
eyes betrayed the fear and sadness he felt. Doubt shone clearly in those
crimson orbs. "He's afraid I'll reject him." I realized. I looked at the roses,
one red, one pink. Instantly I knew what he was trying to say. "It's ironic how
our positions have changed." I said softly, breaking the silence. "Last night
it was me who needed you to hear me out now it's the other way around. What's
even more ironic is that I forgive you." I continued as I took the roses.
Hiei's eyes widened in surprise. "That doesn't mean I'm not still angry with
you." I said as I reached out with my opposite hand and pulled him toward me.
"Your words hurt me Hiei." I continued. "I didn't mean what I said Fox." He
responded. My lips lifted in a small smile. "I'm glad to hear that." I said
softly as I set the roses on the nightstand." Next time actually catch
me in the act before you accuse me." I said sternly. "I don't take matters of
the heart as lightly as I did in the past." Hiei nodded in agreement.
"I've always been afraid you'd betray me, I just didn't think it would happen."
He confessed. I raised an eyebrow at that. "You didn't think I would cheat on
you? or did you think I wasn't capable of cheating on you?" I asked. "Anyone's
capable of cheating on their lover Fox, I just didn't think you would." I
smiled. "It's my hope that I wouldn't." I said. "I'd hate to lose you that
way." Hiei climbed on the bed next to me. "So does this mean we're back
together again?" He asked. "Do you still want me?" I asked. Hiei gently
caressed my cheek. I shuddered under his touch. "Of course baka kitsune." He
answered. "Even if you had cheated on me I probably would have still
come back to you." I smiled. "Our first big fight and in less than twenty four
hours I run back to you asking for your forgiveness." He said with a shake of
his head. "Face it Fox you're stuck with me." I chuckled softly. "Then yes,
we're back together." I responded as I leaned toward him. Our lips met in a
gentle kiss and I thanked Inari that Hiei had come back to me. We broke from
the kiss and he gently caressed my cheek. I could feel my strength waning and
slowly laid back down. "What's wrong?" he asked. "I've come down with some
illness, drains all my energy." I answered. "Any idea what's causing it ?" he
asked. "No." I answered. He nodded. "Sleep now." He said. "We'll talk in the
morning." I smiled at him. "Yes dear." I said teasingly as he laid down beside
me. "Hiei?" I asked softly as I closed my eyes. "Hm?" he responded. "When I'm
feeling better remind me to show you how youko make up after a fight." I
murmured seductively. "I'll do that." He said.
******************************* Author's Notes *********************************
The song used in this chapter is My Cruel Ways by Basia From the CD The
Sweetest Illusion.
The flower meanings used in this chapter came from
http://www.clareflorist.co.uk/meanings.asp
I couldn't decide if the next part of the story was a one shot or just a long chapter, so I've decided it's the unofficial second part of the fic (it's not long enough to qualify as a second half, just a second part. ) So now it seems things are once again looking up for the happy couple, but what caused Kurama's ilness in the first place and can it be cured? You'll find out next week in the next part of the story: Foxfire.
Until next time my friends,
Yami Yue
