Chapter 1: The Truth About The Canary Cream and The New Cards

A water goblet began to fall and an arm quickly caught it.

"Ah, Fawkes! You make an exceptional water goblet. Good work, Minerva. I must, however, ask you to change...him...back..."

Dumbledore said, quiet amused.

"Only if you reveal the identity of the culprit who put that awful picture of me in the newspaper," demanded McGonagall.

I have been wanting to know now for quite some time, Albus!"

"Of course. Miss Granger took a roll of photographs, and I simply picked out my favorites," Dumbledore replied.

"YOU WHAT?! How could you do that to me, Albus?" McGonagall asked enraged.

"It was the biggest news since Severus and the Boggart...incident, and this time there were...pictures!"

"I see! Well, I believe that I will be taking Fawkes for a period of time."

"Oh, do you?" asked Albus.

"Oh, yes, indeed! And when I feel fit to bring him back; I will do so!" she screamed, as she snatched the water goblet, and

fled from Dumbledore's office.

"She's a firebrand!" he said, cheerfully, towards some of the pictures on his wall, "Now, you see why I always insist

on keeping her...Ah!"

***

Soon, Dumbledore made his way out of his office, down the corridors, and to the Start of Term Feast. He saw that he was

late, as the new first years had already been sorted into their houses. He tried to sneak up to the staff table, but

Professor McGonagall, of course, spotted him.

"You're late." she stated, quietly.

"A wizard is never late, Minerva McGonagall. Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to!" Dumbledore

said, laughing.

She ignored him and took up her goblet. It was indeed the water goblet of Fawkes, and McGonagall smiled, slyly, as

Dumbledore eyed her.

"May I have you attention?!" she said loudly, tapping the goblet so hard that she was obviously trying to crack it.

She continued tapping, and tapping, and tapping.

"That will be quite enough, Minerva." The Headmaster whispered, smiling.

"Do you think so, Albus?" she retorted.

Dumbledore stood up out of his chair and began to address the students, "Welcome to yet...another school year...here...

at...HogwartsSchoolofWitchcraftandWizardry!"

Some of the students looked at each other and laughed.

"As always, I have a few announcements to make. Firstly, just as...*every*...year, the Forbidden Forest is...

*forbidden*...to students," he continued, merrily, "And, of course, Mr. Filch wants me to tell you, and for

the four hundred and sixty...*third*...time, that magic is not to be used in the corridors between your classes."

Argus Filch, standing at the back of the Great Hall, grinned widely.

Dumbledore carried on, "Quidditch tryouts will be held during the second week of school. Normally, you would see

Madam Hooch for this, but as I have recently fired her candy ass, you will now need to see...Oliver...Wood!"

The whole school gasped in shock, as Dumbledore let out a small "Ah!" at the staff table.

"Did you hear that?!" Ron asked Harry and Hermione, "Wood's must be the new flying lessons teacher!"

"Well, that's good news. I bet it'll be fun," Harry responded.

Hermione said nothing.

"And before too many of you are overly excited we have another position to fill."

Harry stopped smiling.

"Like basically *all* years now, we have had new Defense Against The Dark Arts teachers," Dumbledore spoke and quickly

added, "Andthisyearisnodifferent!"

Ron and Harry now looked extremely worried.

"After the unfortunate fates of the ones before, I have decided to pick a more...reliable...teacher. Now filling in

and teaching...*two* classes...ProfessorSeverusSnape!" Dumbledore bellowed, gleefully, over the screams.

Many students began to protest, some simply continued shrieking, and some even ran out of the Great Hall bursting

with tears.

"No!" wailed Hermione.

"Yes!" replied Dumbledore, now looking the happiest he had yet at the feast, "Settle down now. I know this

is...unexpected...news, but I'm sure most of you are quite thrilled!"

All eyes turned toward Snape. He grinned so hugely that you could see everyone of his yellow teeth.

"It can't be! It just...*can't* be!" Ron yelled.

"Oh, it can! And it is!" Dumbledore chuckled, "Oh, and another thing! Slytherins and Gryffindors will have all classes

together this year! I would like to thank Professor Snape for this brilliant idea."

Ron looked as though he was about to burst into tears.

Harry had made no sound, and was simply sitting in his chair stunned.

"Let the feast...begin!" cried Dumbledore, joyfully.

***

Meanwhile, over at Grimmauld Place, Molly and The Order of Phoenix were having a feast as well.

"TONKS!" Molly Weasley yelled, "You spilled pumpkin juice all over my brand new tablecloth!"

"Sorry," Tonks apologized, "Evanesco. All better."

Molly didn't seem to think so. She gave Tonks an evil eye.

"When is Dumbledore arriving?" Remus Lupin asked changing the subject.

"Maybe he was ambushed," Mad-Eye growling his electric blue eye spinning faster than ever.

"Honestly, Alastor. That is the last thing that would happen," Molly stated.

"Well, then pass the mashed potatoes," Mad-Eye replied.

Everyone watched as he ran his fork through them. "Can't be too careful these days..."

Tonks let out a laugh but was silenced by Molly's piercing glare.

A knock was heard in the kitchen.

"Who could that be?" Molly inquired.

"It's Mundungus," Moody said, looking at the door, through the back of his head.

"Ah, I believe you can answer the door, Remus. If I have to see one more piece of stolen..." Molly's voice said rising.

"It's quiet alright. I'll get the door," Remus retorted mildly.

Remus went to the door and others continued eating.

"Mundungus, how nice to see you." Remus said, loudly, turning towards the others. He then looked back to see a tall,

bespectacled wizard with a white beard standing at the door way. Lupin fainted to the ground in shock.

"Ah! Hello everyone," said Dumbledore, gleefully, stepping over Remus's body.

"WHAT?! Dumbledore?!" Alastor yelled choking on his butterbeer.

"Yes, it is me! But I believe that Remus Lupin has fainted," Dumbledore smiled, "Maybe I should simply slap him until

he awakens?! What say you, Molly?!"

"Are you mad, Albus? All--" she began.

"Yes!" he said, slapping Lupin a couple of times.

"Albus! Just stand back!"

Dumbledore stepped away from Remus's limp body, "Of course."

"Ennervate," Molly muttered, pointing her wand at Lupin's chest.

He slowly opened his eyes to see Molly looking sternly at Dumbledore and Dumbledore smiling.

"Ah! He has...awakened," Albus stated.

"What...what happened?" Remus asked.

"You simply fainted at the sight of me! It was actually quite amusing. I was attempting to revive you by--"

"ALBUS!" Molly screamed.

Lupin got up, and began to complain about his cheek hurting.

"Yes! That must be a side effect of the Molly's spell. It sometimes happens when they are...incorrectly...

performed..." Dumbledore said, giving Molly "The Look."

Tonks burst into a fit of laughter. She then accidentally fell onto the floor, knocking over several plates.

"THAT IS IT!" Molly shrieked, as she stormed away.

"Anyway...I had to come in disguise. There are dementors everywhere. And one can never be too careful..."

Dumbledore whispered.

Lupin finally stood up from the ground, shook his head a little, and looked at Dumbledore.

"So what is this about, Albus?" growled Mad-Eye.

"Ah! Yes! Well, we should await the arrival of Mundungus Fletcher, and perhaps it would be best if

one of you would go and fetch Molly for me?" he stated.

"I will," Lupin replied, heading towards the hallway.

Another knock was heard at the door, as Remus and Molly re-entered the room. Tonks opened the door, and it was none

other than Mundungus.

"Ah!" exclaimed Albus.

"Look. It's Mundungus," Molly stated, a little too happily, and then her eyes narrowed at Dumbledore, "The *real*

Mundungus."

"Indeed!" Dumbledore cried.

"Yeah...well...sorry I'm late. I had a little trouble buying a ticket on The Knight Bus. They insisted that I

had already purchased one!" Mundungus told them.

"Imagine that," Molly said, blandly.

Dumbledore smiled. "How odd!"

Moody cleared his throat loudly, clearly signaling that they should get back to the real reason of the meeting.

"Er...Yes, Alastor. So sorry," Dumbledore apologized, "I have had you all meet here...Molly...Remus...Nymphadora...

M--"

Tonks coughed loudly.

"Sorry...*Tonks*...Mundungus... and Arthur--" he stopped, "Where is Arthur?"

Molly responded, "Working."

"Of course," whispered Albus, "I have called you all here to issue you the new...and *improved*...ChocolateFrogCards!"

"Cool!" Tonks squealed.

She was again silenced by a look from Molly.

"Enjoy!" Dumbledore exclaimed, passing the cards out.

"But where's the chocolate?" Tonks asked, disappointed.

Dumbledore looked as if he was doing some quick thinking. "Ah! Yes! I was...er...attacked by several viscous...

flobberworms. My only defense was to ward them off with the chocolate!" he explained, licking off what appeared to

be a smear of chocolate at the corner of his mouth.