Sentiments of gip-k: -This is the 18th chapter of SGCG2. The story is near the end. I surely hope all of you enjoyed it, even you fhb. I'm sorry if it really darkened your mood so much, but it is angst.

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Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin. It belongs to Watsuki Nobuhiro, its writer/illustrator. I am not seeking any profit from these fanfictions.

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---Every Dawn, Every Dusk---

I stayed weeping into my pillow, until I fell asleep. I was so disturbed and destructed, I could not even stay awake to see if Kenshin had bettered any. Did I really want to? He had ruined everything. Why did he have to come back and take my heart again? Why did he have to come again and fill my thoughts, and take my breath away? Why did I love him?

I did not know why, and perhaps I would never find the answer. Maybe Kenshin did not love me… maybe he never had. Kazuma had… I wished things could have gone back to normal. I should have run into his arms but I did not. I just didn't feel the same feeling anymore. It hurt.

The next morning I awoke, with sun streaming into my window. I squinted at it. My eyelids were so puffy I could barely see.

I forced myself out of bed. It was earlier than I had thought, and there was absolutely no sign of Megumi or Sanosuke.

I took a quick bath, washing away the now crusted tears from my face. I dressed in a simple pale pink kimono, and then took my place outside, sitting on the dojo steps to think. I was not hungry, and breakfast was not for a little bit, anyway. So why cook?

"Hey."

I heard a voice behind me, and turned my head a bit reluctantly to see who was speaking to me. It was Sanosuke, standing calmly against a wall, his hands casually tucked away in the pockets of his white pants.

"Hi," I said. I looked around. The question that popped out of my mind came out even more quickly than I wanted. "Where's Megumi?"

"She's sound asleep," Sanosuke replied. "I don't even think that the Tokyo train crashing into her room could wake her up at this moment."

I nodded. It could have been funny were I not so glum. I turned away from Sanosuke, and continued staring into space. We were both silent for a good amount of time, when finally, Sanosuke spoke.

"Aren't you going to ask how Kenshin is?" Sanosuke asked apprehensively.

I almost shook my head, but instead I stayed frozen, unshed tears blurring my already limited vision.

"Hey, I know things probably aren't the best for you right now," Sanosuke said. "But you've got to stop feeling sorry for yourself. It isn't healthy."

I felt sudden flares of rage suddenly ignite within me, and I rounded on Sanosuke immediately.

"What do you know about anything?" I demanded. "And I don't think I heard you saying anything about Kenshin being all right! Furthermore, you failed to consider the fact that maybe I've been through a lot more tough weather than you have, and maybe I just need a break! So leave me alone and go away!"

Sanosuke looked like he was ready to snap right back at me, when instead he let out a soft sigh.

"You're acting just like before," he said. "I thought you'd changed, Missy."

I sat frozen, my dark blue orbs locked with his brown ones. We stared at each other for a long moment, neither daring to move or speak.

"I'm sorry, Sano," I said, biting my lip. I slapped myself on the forehead. "None of this is your fault… it's all mine."

"Hey, I won't put it in your record book," Sanosuke said with a small smile. "And you're right about it being your fault-" I looked up again, glaring at him hard. His grin widened. "-Almost. I guess it was kinda my fault, too. I shouldn't have been so hard on you."

That seemed to make me feel a little better, and in gratitude I gave Sanosuke a small smile.

"Thanks," I replied.

"No problem."

The quiet soon reigned again. When I looked away, all my sorrows returned. I heaved a heavy sigh.

"I'm no Kenshin-" Sanosuke said finally. "But do you mind telling me what all this fuss is about?"

"Yes," I replied. I buried my face in my hands. A tear threatened to come out once again. "And it's not a fuss. It's a lot more complicated than that."

"Like how complicated it is to teach you how to cook right?" Sanosuke asked in mock-seriousness.

"Sano," I said threateningly.

"Okay, all right," Sanosuke replied. "I give up on trying to cheer you up. Whatever it is, though, don't blame Kenshin for it. It isn't his fault."

With that, Sanosuke began walking away. Then after a moment, I heard the sound of his footsteps halt.

"Oh yeah, and Missy?" he asked.

"Yes?" I replied, still not looking at him.

"Megumi said Kenshin's going to be all right. He's just going to take a while to get well."

With that, Sanosuke continued walking away. My eyes widened when I realized what he'd said, but when I turned my head, he was already gone.

I turned back around, and heaved one more little self-conscious sigh, then stood up. There was work to be done in the dojo.

By the time I had finished cooking, the sun was at its zenith. A few swirly cirrus clouds had appeared in the sky overhead, but otherwise it was quite clear and beautiful. I did not have to call Sanosuke into the kitchen for him to come and eat, and he gobbled up the food like he had not eaten in years.

"Thanks for cooking, Little Missy," Sanosuke said. "I know you didn't feel quite up to it, but I guess you gotta do what you gotta do, huh?"

I nodded numbly.

"Aren't you going to eat any?" Sanosuke asked. "I'm pretty sure you'd enjoy it a heck of a lot more than I did."

Suddenly, a question popped into my gloomy mind.

"Sanosuke, aren't you worried about Kenshin?" I asked abruptly. The words were off my lips before I could prevent them from coming.

"Of course," Sanosuke said quietly. "But after all, he's been in a lot of tough places, and he's always come through. He's not a just some kind of toy, and people aren't going to mess with him and win in the end. He's still got some of that Battousai in him, despite how innocent he can look sometimes. I see it in his eyes. I don't think he's ready to die."

A soft wind beat on the shoji of the house, and a chill ran up my spine. I simply nodded. Finally, after what seemed an eternity, Sano spoke again.

"I don't think that Kenshin wants you to starve yourself for him, Missy," he said. "I think you should eat something."

"Yes, I probably should," I said absently. I got myself a large portion of food, and ate it in silence.

When I was finished, I did feel stronger, and I actually went out to practice a little with my bokken. I kind of wanted to see Kenshin, but I did not want to disrupt his rest. He had sharp ears, and there was no telling what could awaken him, despite his injuries.

Megumi still was not up yet thirty minutes into my practice, which was a bit odd. I continued to train hard, eager to find the calm deep within myself. A few moments later, I heard someone calling me. I froze, and looked over my shoulder. The call had been faint, and so I thought I might have imagined it. I continued to train.

"Kaoru."

This time I actually started, and let my bokken drop from my hands and clatter noisily on the ground. Just as quickly I found myself rushing into the house- into Kenshin's room.

When I opened the shoji, I was shocked to see that Kenshin was just lying calmly in his bed. The covers were pulled up over him almost completely, with only his arms on the outside. The wrapping was still over his eye, but it looked a lot fresher, as though Megumi may have done it herself. Kenshin was pale from extreme loss of blood, and was so still that if for the slight moving of his chest up and down under the sheets, someone could have mistaken him for dead.

My breath caught. He was so beautiful… with his red hair spilling half down his face and his firm, smooth build. I could not help but feel drawn to him. I walked slowly, as if fearing he might start awake at any moment and at any time.

By the time I reached his bed a tight knot had formed in my belly, and I felt that my heart was beating so hard that that alone could wake him. I itched to reach out and touch him… I had not been with him for so long. My hand of its own reached to brush his cheek…

"He was calling you in his sleep again, wasn't he?"

The soft whisper that came from the corner of the room made me start. I covered my mouth with a shaking hand to contain the loud shriek that threatened to be yanked out of me, and backed hastily away from Kenshin's bed. My wide eyes roved immediately to the corner of the room.

"I didn't mean to startle you that badly, raccoon girl," Megumi said. "Since when did you become so damn jittery?" she demanded in exasperation.

"Megumi," I breathed a sigh of relief.

Megumi looked a mess, with her hair sticking out in all directions, her clothing wrinkled, and her face unwashed and the paint on her lips fading. She looked strangely refreshed, though, and the beginnings of a smile displayed themselves on her face.

"Who on earth did you think it was?" Megumi asked.

I did not even have to answer, for Megumi's attention roved over to Kenshin, and she walked hurriedly toward his bed, not even trying to suppress the noise her feet were making. She examined Kenshin carefully, feeling at his arm, taking quick peeks under the bandage on his eye. She landed a soft, yet firm punch on his abdomen where the gashes were covered.

"Megumi!" I exclaimed in sheer incredulity. Was she really even a doctor?

Megumi ignored my outburst.

"He's out cold," Megumi said. "He probably won't be awake for another month, maybe. Another week or so if we're lucky. I'd probably go with the second."

I let out a sigh of relief, and Megumi turned to me.

"But he won't be able to hardly move around for quite a long time after he awakes," she added gravely. "He'll need a whole lot of care and patience."

I nodded solemnly.

"I feel like I've been hit by a ten ton ship!" Megumi exclaimed suddenly. "Kenshin had better get well- I went through hell and beyond to keep him alive last night," Megumi froze for a moment. "I believe I smell fish. Ugh! I'm so hungry it'll be a miracle if I even make it to the kitchen in one peace."

I smiled, somehow encouraged by Megumi's carefree attitude.

"I'll be happy to assist you in getting there, then," I said cheerfully.

Megumi and I linked arms, and headed to the kitchen.

I watched her eat in total shock and amazement. She gobbled up food at twice the speed as Sanosuke, and ate, as it seemed, even more than he had!

"Whoa there," Sanosuke said, grinning as he entered the kitchen. "Slow down, fox lady. You're going to eat yourself sick!"

Megumi drained her cup of sake, and just continued eating. Sanosuke and I exchanged amused expressions.

Much later in that evening we all retired to our separate rooms. I almost tumbled straight unto my bed, feeling much better and hoping to have a better sleep. Then I saw the small wooden box that had the necklace that Kazuma had given me tucked neatly away inside of it. My face probably fell, for I felt the smile leaving my face near immediately. Kazuma…

The sun slipping down under the trees, and my entire room was bathed in an eerie blue hue. I let out a large sigh. It seemed not to take away any of my tension even a little. I decided to light my candles. I knew that I would not be sleeping for quite a long while.

I sat down gently on my bed. I took the small wooden box in my hands, and opened it once more. The diamonds sparkled. I caressed it gently with my finger, and nearly began to weep anew. I kept myself, though, and simply stared longingly at the lovely medallion. I wanted to wear it so badly. I did… but I was so unworthy.

"I want you to keep it, Kaoru…"

I could almost here Kazuma's voice whispering in my ear, the soft caresses of his fingers. I saw his sparkling gold brown eyes and wonderful smile… the one that lifted my spirits high above the wind and sky.

"Don't run away from the past, Kaoru…Smile, my dear Sweet Grass… you're so beautiful when you smile."

"I can't smile," I choked out. My words received no response, only the mockery of deep silence.

I wished I could smile… how many times had Kazuma told me all he ever wanted was my happiness? How many times had a smiled and maybe kissed him, promising love?

I remembered the time he had brought me beautiful flowers… anemones. They smelled so sweet- such a lovely scent.

As I continued on, striving within myself against my own feelings… chasing my heart for the answers… I was hit with the sudden realization of what Kazuma had said so many times over and over. All he ever wanted me to do was be happy… would that mean that he would accept the fact that Kenshin made me happy? Would he accept anything just for me- for my own personal and mental security? Maybe… maybe it was true. It seemed far too simple. What about the hurt expression in Kazuma's eyes when I had run away from it- had been unable to keep my promises? Was he truly happy then?

I suddenly felt my head nodding… how long had I been up? I shook myself out of it. I could find no rest in sleep. I stared once more at the medallion in my hands. I dared, reaching to take it out of the small wooden box. It sparkled so beautifully in the candlelight. I lit it slip through my fingers until I reached the latches. With a deep breath, I held it against my neck, and with a soft click the latches were connected. I squeezed my eyes shut. I opened them, and held up the medallion so I could see it. It was so lovely… it felt… right on my neck.

Before I knew it I had fallen asleep, the medallion still secure around my neck.

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gip-k's Post Chapter Statements: -Oh, it's awful! How can I stand to continue writing this? Ugh! I hated the way this had to end. This was supposed to be the last chapter THEN an epilogue. I did not have time, though. Yeesh! This will end up being longer than I had anticipated. Well, I'm willing to stay here for the ride. _

I have to make a few things PAINFULLY clear. This chapter was not good enough for some reasons- Kaoru has not made contact with Kazuma! She hasn't spoken to him, yet… but that will come. Now we know Kenshin will live (as always, following the long Watsuki-tradition of never killing the beloved Mr. Himura), but we are unsure if Kaoru will actually still choose him. Her heart is sore and rent. What will she do, NOW? Insert cliffhanger music

And now, the long-awaited special thanks.

Dragon Ladysupreme

Hey, thank you VERY much for reading the latest chapters. I really appreciate that. You can beat Kenshin up when he recovers. ^_^ _

Female Hitokiri Battousai

Sorry you disliked previous chapters. You do not have to continue reading this if you don't really want to. I can understand.

Crazed Fanatic Anime Fan

Hey, thanks again. I really appreciate that! I am looking forward to another baka sisters review! Also, where are YOUR updates? You haven't been writing much! (Frowns)

Varina

I'm glad you've been enjoying the story so much. I really love having new reviewers, and you're still here after so long. I really appreciate that. Kudos to ya!

Brittanie Love

The story's coming to an end soon- I wonder how you feel about that? Thank you so much for all your reviews and thank you most of all for reading! I really appreciate everything. You're a veteran reader! ^_^

Kakkabrat

You're feeling sorry for Kaoru, yes? Strangely, I am, too, and I am the one torturing her. O.O Thanks for all of your reviews! They're quite appreciated.

Waterflash

You're back! Thank goodness. ^_^ Thank you for reading my story. Again, much appreciated!

BubblyBoo

Thanks a lot for reading/reviewing my story! I had almost forgotten you did. O_O I think I e-mailed you twice, and ONCE from my OTHER e-mail address! Whoopsie. ^^"

Ethereal Waves

Yay! I love new reviewers/readers! Thank you so much for reading my story. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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(Throws candy in the air) Candy for all reviewers and readers! Even those I don't know about! ^_^

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