Disclaimer: Yeah, not mine. Alyssa's mine but other than Arty-poo, who needs her? I don't own Les Miserables either. In fact, I've never seen it. SO I don't know if/when it ever played in Dublin or how long it is, or anything like that, so just remember I'm making this up as I go along.
Okay, quick question. Somebody please tell me what a Mary-Sue is, because I don't know.
Kelsey—As for the talk with Holly and Trouble in chapter 3 and whether or not it's going anywhere, you'll just have to wait and see. *evil grin* The truth is it wasn't going to but I've got an idea. I don't know if it'll be this story or if I'll write another story.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Artemis took a deep breath and dialed the phone number Alyssa had given him. He waited as it rang once, twice, three times. Finally someone picked up, "Hello, Stone residence." It sounded like a young boy.
"May I speak with Alyssa?"
The boy was obviously yelling to somewhere else in the house, "Lyss! Oh, Lyss! It's that boy you've been talking to! Is he your booooyfrieeeeeeeend?"
"Stuff it, twerp," snarled Alyssa (unbeknownst to Artemis on the other end she was wrestling the phone away from her brother). "Hey, Junior. What do you want?"
"I wanted to talk."
"Can this wait? My brother's got an appointment with my fist."
"It could wait," he said icily, "but I'd prefer not."
"Tell you what, give me ten minutes to get rid of him and I'll call you back."
"No, stay on the line. I'll wait." He was not hanging up after he'd finally worked up the nerve to call her. Holly was right when she said it wasn't going to be easy.
"Suit yourself." He heard her set the phone down (but not hang it up).
When she came back, she asked, "So what did you want, Junior?"
"I have tickets to go see Les Miserables this Friday and I was wondering . . . er, wanna come?" Had he just said wanna? That wasn't even a word!
"Hey, are you asking me on a date?" she asked, a slight tease in her voice.
"Well, er," he started.
"Good. I'll see you Friday. Here's my address." She rambled it off. "What time are you going to pick me up?"
"6:30."
"Great. Later."
"Goodbye," he said, but the line had already gone dead. He sat there for a moment, rather stunned. Then he got up and ran into Butler in the hallway.
"Did you ask her?"
"She said yes."
"That's great!" said Butler, and he meant it. A girlfriend was just sort of thing that might bring Artemis a little closer to the reality of normal that the rest of the world lived in, not by much, but it could be a start. Butler had told Mrs. Fowl this as soon as his suspicions about Artemis's troubles had been confirmed. Girls certainly were trouble.
Artemis went back to his room and wrote to Holly. After her and Trouble's visit, she and Foaly had rigged up away for Artemis and her to exchange email, should he need any more advice. "But really," she had said, "You ought to talk to Juliet. She's a girl too and she'll be more in key with what you should probably wear and topics of conversation. Don't hesitate to talk to her about any of this."
Artemis emailed her the good news and a request for any more advice he might need. Then he did something he'd never done before and went to Juliet's room. He knocked on the door.
"Mrs. Fowl? Come in."
"It's me," said Artemis through the door.
"Arty?" she asked, startled. "Come in."
He entered and saw her sprawled across the bed, reading a wrestling magazine.
"Well, what brings you here?"
"Advice. I had a feeling you might be of more assistance than your brother in this topic."
"What topic?"
"Girls."
She grinned. "I knew it! We guessed that the week after you came home from school. The signs were all there. What do you need advice on?"
He tried to remain composed and unaffected as he said to her, "I'm going on a date on Friday."
"You are?" She just couldn't picture Artemis on a date. He was nothing like the boys she went out with.
"Yes, I am. Why should that be so shocking?"
"You've never been on a date before. Heck, you usually don't even talk to anybody. What do you need help with?"
"Everything. Here, I made a list." He handed her a typed out list. It read:
q What to wear
q What to say (topics of conversation)
q How should I act
q Miscellaneous
"What to wear," she mused. "I think you and I need to take a shopping trip. Where are you taking her?"
"We're going to see a show. Les Miserables."
Juliet winced. "That doesn't sound very relaxed, but it's your choice. Are you doing dinner too?"
"I hadn't thought about that."
"Do you want to take her out to dinner?"
"I don't know."
"Just pick."
"I suppose so."
"Before or after the show?"
"What do you recommend?"
"I think after, because then you'll be sure to have something to talk about."
"That makes sense."
"And that covers your 'topics of conversation' one too. What exactly do you mean by miscellaneous?"
"Anything else you can think of."
"Like whether to hold her hand during the show, or if it's okay to put your arm around her? Or maybe," she added slyly, "whether or not you should kiss her goodnight at the end of the date?"
Artemis blushed beet-red, his face rather akin to Root's normal color.
She grinned. "The best advice I can give you in that respect is to take your leads from her. You can try holding her hand, if she's receptive to that keep it up. If you want to put your arm around her, do it slowly so if there's any reason she might mind you can have plenty of warning and stop before making too much of an idiot out of yourself."
"And the last part?"
"As for kissing her, just judge that by how the rest of the date goes and whether or not you want to kiss her or think she wants to kiss you."
"Oh." He couldn't look at her as he asked, "Any advice about that?"
She didn't laugh or grin that time, though it was hard not to. She knew he'd shown a lot of guts and was pretty desperate if he was coming to her for help. She wondered where he got the idea; genius though he was, it was unlikely he'd thought it up himself. "Just do what comes natural. If it feels right, lean in for the kiss. When your lips are on hers your mouth'll know how to do the rest. You'll be fine." She patted his arm. "I'm glad you came and told me. Advice from my brother might not have been the greatest, but he would have meant well. Although he's wiser than a lot of guys. What made you think to come to me?"
He gulped. "Do you remember my friend Holly?"
"The fairy girl?"
"Yes."
"I was talking to her, well I was talking to Butler and her husband and she showed up and said that if I wanted good advice I'd be better off talking to her or you."
"Thanks for trusting me, Arty. You and me can go out shopping tomorrow and I'll find something for you to wear. We can pick a restaurant for you to go to too."
"Thank you, Juliet."
"Your welcome."
*
*
*
Preview
*
*
*
for
*
*
*
Next
*
*
*
Chapter
*
*
*
"Try on the next outfit. I'll be back in two minutes!"
Artemis sighed and went back to the dressing room. He came out in a camouflage shirt with matching pants and hat and army boots. Not his look at all. His skinny frame really didn't belong in these clothes. The weight of the shirt was probably going to break his back.
