Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl. *cries*

Sorry so long since the update. I've recently become addicted to Lily Evans/James Potter stories and I've been doing some reading. *guilty*

But I promise this is a nice long chapter and I really hope you liked it.

I replied to everyone who reviewed, it's at the end of the chapter.

Enjoy (it was fun to write but it took a while, hope you think it's worth the wait).

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CHAPTER 16: Day 2: Popcorn in the Dark

            Artemis gasped for breath.

            "Are you okay?" Alyssa asked, with a grin.

            "Just…fine," he panted.

            "You don't look it." She handed him a bottle of water.

            Artemis looked at the label: it wasn't Irish mineral water but he drank it anyway. He was parched. The outdoors did not agree with him. He was sunburned. He was sweating. He was dehydrated.

            Alyssa led him over to sit down on a rock. "I'm not sitting there," he said, glaring at her.

            "Why not?"

            "It's dirty."

            She pushed him down so that he was sitting. "You need to sit down. It's shady here. This is as good a place as any to break for lunch. Juliet! Butler!"

            Juliet was up ahead of them on the path, Butler behind. "Yeah?" asked Juliet.

            "Lunch sound good to you? Junior's looking a bit peaky." Around his parents, she was careful to call him "Artemis" and she did when they weren't there too sometimes. But half the time she slipped back into the habit of calling him "Junior".

            "Hey, Mud Boy," a voice whispered in Artemis's ear.

            I must be hearing things, he thought. "Alyssa, did you say something?"

            "I just asked if the Butlers were interested in lunch."

            "Oh."

            "Yeah, I can eat," said Juliet. Her and her brother joined the adolescents. Butler spread a blanket out over the dirt and grass. And the three of them sat down. After much coaxing and threats of brute force from Alyssa, Artemis sat too.

            Artemis became aware of a shimmering haze behind Juliet. So he wasn't hearing voices. Somehow, Captain Short had managed to tag along. "Juliet?"

            "Yeah?" She passed out the sandwiches and cans of cola.

            "Have you heard from your friend Holly this morning?"

            "Yes. Could hardly keep her from jumping in her car and driving up here to join us. As a matter of fact, she said she might just do that anyway."

            An excellent cover-up, thought Artemis. A clever way for her to say that Captain Short, er, Trouble was indeed here. But how?

            They ate, chatting a bit and when the finished, Butler put the remains and the blanket back inside the picnic basket.

            "Great. Now it's time for the hike back down," Alyssa said brightly.

            "Hike back down?" Artemis found the chicken salad sandwich squirming inside him.

            "No, we're going to sprout wings and fly. Of course we're going to hike."

            By the time they got to the bottom, Artemis wished himself dead.

            Alyssa was on the other side of the car, waiting for Butler to unlock her door.

            A voice whispered in Artemis's ear, "Having fun?"

            "I know you are there, Holly. How are is this possible?"

            "All to do with my choice in wardrobe. But you didn't want to be bothered with that."

            "Bother me with it now, would you?"

            "One of Foaly's blackout suits. And my trusty LEP helmet."

            Artemis didn't have to see her to know she was smirking.

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By the time the got home and got cleaned up (Artemis insisted he need another shower after so much exercise and sweating, but then ended up in much pain when the hot water hit his burnt skin), it was nearly dinner.

            "Arty, are you feeling alright?" asked Mrs. Fowl.

            "You don't look well," added Artemis Senior.

            "The outdoors didn't agree with me," he said sourly.

            "You're sunburned. Poor baby. It was unusually hot today. Well, I've got some Aloe Vera in the cupboard upstairs. It'll cool your skin off and help you feel better."

            "Thank you," he said grudgingly. "Pass the green beans, please."

            Alyssa chatted to his parents about some of the different birds and trees she saw on the hike. Artemis hadn't noticed them because he'd been concentrating too much on trying to breathe.

            Finally, the meal ended.

            "What are your plans for tonight?" asked Artemis senior. "More music?" An amused smile was twitching on his lips; he'd stuck his head in the night before and seen his son singing.

            "No," Artemis said quickly. He glared at Alyssa, "No more Queen, no more Beatles, no more."

            She grinned, as she had a habit of doing whenever she saw that she'd annoyed him. Of course, grinning only seemed to vex him more. "You're right. No music tonight. I was thinking we could watch some videos downstairs here."

            "That sounds nice," said Mr. Fowl.

            After dinner, Artemis and Alyssa went into the downstairs den. "What are we watching?" he asked.

            "Oh, just some videos I brought. I hope you don't mind chick flicks."

            Artemis blinked uncomprehendingly. "Chick flicks?"

            "You'll see. I'll be right back. I'll get the tapes from my room." She darted up the stairs.

            Artemis stared after her, shaking his head.

            "Wha'cha lookin' at?" mocked a voice beside him, from about three feet above the ground.

            Artemis looked down. "Hello, Captain." He squatted down beside her, very un-Artemis like. "You'll be joining us this evening?"

            "Wouldn't miss it. After all I didn't miss your performance last night."

            "Performance?"

            "Don't stop me now, I'm having such a good time, I'm having a ball, don't stop me now, if you're looking for a good time, just give me a call…" she started to sing.

            His eyes narrowed. "You little imp! You were spying on me!" he made to snatch had her but she dodged agilely.

            "I'm not an imp, I am an elf." She continued to dodge as he chased her. "And you know what a chick flick is?"

            "What?"

            "A mushy, romantic, sappy girly movie."

            Artemis rolled his eyes, hoping she wasn't serious.

            They were halfway around the room when she panted, "You might want to stop. Before your girlfriend gets back."

            He glared; he'd had to stop moving to catch his breath. Exercise did not suit him. He straightened and adjusted his hair and clothing. He was looking calm and serene when Alyssa came down. Holly was shielded and had made herself comfortable in an overstuffed chair.

            "All ready?" she asked brightly.

            "Yes. What movies do you have there?"

            "Oh, just some random things. I'll put one in. Go sit down."

            "What type of movies do you have there?" he could see her sorting through and deciding what to put in the VCR as she knelt on the carpet.

            "Oh, some of the classics. Some action, some musicals, some chick flicks."

            "A movie marathon?" he asked.

            "You read my mind." She finally picked a tape and put it in. "There, got it." She stood up and started walking toward him.

            "Which one is it?" he asked.

            "You'll see."

            Miss Congeniality started to play. "What's this about?"

            "FBI agent who kicks but and then ends up falling in love with another FBI agent," she whispered.

            Artemis said sardonically, thinking of Holly and Trouble, "That sounds familiar." He hoped Holly could hear him.

            "Ssh! I like this movie."

            So they watched the movie. Artemis was bored through most of it, and he thought that the pageant show woman who was going to blow up the contest winner was extremely obvious. Couldn't she have been a little more creative? Artemis thought. Really, these movie writers know nothing of evil geniuses. He did however give a snort of laughter at several points during the film.

            When the movie ended, Alyssa sighed and a faint smile touched her lips. "You now know my dark secret." She looked dreamily into space.

            "What's that?"

            "That I'm a hopeless case. I love sappy movies like this. But you can't tell anyone." Her eyes focused again and snapped down at him with that last sentence. She hit him with a double laser stare.

            "Oh, I won't. I'd be too embarrassed. After all, if anyone knew that an evil genius like myself associated with someone who was into sappy romance comedies, I'd be laughed right out of the business." He said this with a mocking, hurt tone, and then laughed.

            Holly stared. There was that genuine smile of his again. Wow, this girl was good. She didn't know anybody else who could really make him smile and without him plotting some evil scheme.

            "What's next?"

            "Well, the Unwritten Rules of Movie Marathon Watching strictly states that a chick flick or otherwise sappy romantic comedy of this sort must be followed by an action film, unless the marathon is of a particular actor, actress, or genre."

            "What are our choices?"

            "Spiderman or Pirates of the Caribbean. The rules also state that the male leads of the action movie must be attractive."

            Artemis glared at her.

            "Take your pick, Junior," she said cheerfully.

            "Pirates of the Caribean," he muttered.

            "Oh good! That also fufils our slight horror department."

            "Slight horror?"

            "Well, it's not an a horror film, but the evil skeleton ghost pirates are extremely creepy."

            "I haven't seen this movie yet."

            "Oops."

            "The Rules also state that when watching an action film or other movie containing violence, attractive male leads, sword fighting scenes or pirates, and a crossing dressing heroine, you must eat popcorn and drink soft drinks."

            "Is that so?" he asked, rolling his eyes.

            "Yes."

            "I'll go to the kitchen. You wait here and I'll be back."

            "I'll come with you."

            "No, that's fine, wait here." He knew she'd find it ridiculous if she realized he didn't know how to find anything in his own kitchen.

            "Don't be ridiculous. You're going to leave me here by myself? I don't think so." She walked past him.

            He sighed and followed her to the kitchen (kind of, he had to tell her when she took 3 wrong turns).

            "Okay, where do you keep the popcorn?"

            "Er, the cupboard," he guessed. Had he just said er?

            "Which one? There's about a hundred, no two hundred." She stared at him and he had no answer. "You don't know, do you?" she said finally, keeping eye contact with him.

            He slight blush started to tinge his pale skin. "No," he muttered.

            She laughed soundlessly and shook her head. "Come on."

            They spent the next fifteen minutes opening cupboards and closets trying to find the popcorn. Artemis was victorious. "I've got it." He held up the bag.

            "Good now stick it in the microwave."

            Artemis opened the microwave and put the bag in. He was closing the door when she grabbed his wrist. "What do you think you're doing?"

            "Just what you told me to."

            "You've got to take the plastic off first, airhead. You act like you've never been in a kitchen in your life." She stared at him. "You haven't, have you?"

            "Yes, I have," he said defensively.

            "But you never had to cook anything. You can't even use a microwave! I bet you can't do anything practical. Sewing? Cooking? Cleaning?"

            He shook his head. "Why do I need to? I can always pay someone else to."

            She ripped the plastic off the bag of popcorn and shoved it in the microwave, setting the time and pressing start. "What if you were out to dinner…and your pants split. You know, the seam at the back? What are you going to do about that?"

            "Well, I…" he didn't really have an answer. If something happened to rip, he always just sent it out to the tailors.

            "If you could sew, you'd have a little pocket sized sewing kit and you could go to the bathroom, take off your pants, stitch them up, and put them back on so you wouldn't have to walk around for the rest of the night displaying your undergarments to the world." She smirked.

            He'd never considered things this way before. He made a mental note to make sure that Butler carried a sewing kit for him at all times.

            Alyssa rolled her eyes and grabbed the popcorn out of the microwave. The bag had inflate and she carefully opened it, letting out the steam. "We need a big bowl."

            Fortunately during their search for the elusive popcorn, they'd passed by large bowls and vaguely remembered where they were.

            "Drinks." She went to the refrigerator and eventually came out with two cans of soda. "Ready?"

            "Yes."

            "Carry the popcorn," she ordered.

            Artemis did as he was told and followed her back to the den. Holly hovered close behind, still desperately trying not to laugh. Fowl didn't take orders from anyone.

            Artemis sat near the edge of the couch and held the bowl of popcorn on his lap. Alyssa pulled the coffee table nearer to the sofa so they could easily reach their drinks. She went and put the movie in the VCR.

            She came back and sat on the couch, closer to Artemis than before so that now she could eat popcorn as they watched the movie.

            Artemis found the movie amusing. He thought it was somewhat pointless. He didn't really understand how or why someone could risk so much just trying to save one person. However, he felt that the special effects were well done with the ghost-pirates or whatever they were.

            Artemis wasn't sure but he thought he saw (or heard?) Alyssa sigh at least a couple of times when the characters that played Will Turner and Jack Sparrow were on screen. Girls. He found himself glancing at her during the film. When the credits came up, Alyssa turned to look at him. "So we've covered romance/comedy and action/horror," he said. "What's next?" He put a hand to his face to stifle a yawn.

            "A musical," she said promptly.

            He winced. A musical? "And why, pray tell?"

            "After this many movies, you're drowsy, you're tired, you're about to fall asleep. That's why a musical is a very good wake up. I have a wide variety to choose from. Annie, Fiddler on the Roof, The Newsies, or The Sound of Music."

            "Synopsis?"

            "Annie is the story of a red-haired orphan girl who gets to stay with this rich guy named Warbucks, then she gets kidnapped after looking for her parents, then she gets adopted. Fiddler on the Roof is about a small Jewish village in Russia, I think around WWII, and this man Tevya and his five daughters who marry unusual matches. The Newsies is the story of the Newsboys of New York when they went on strike in 1899. It was a major revolution for working children and the lack of child labor laws and the fact that most professions didn't have unions. The Sound of Music is about Austria in WWII and a girl who's becoming a nun, and then she gets this job as a governess for these 7 kids. The dad is a widow and they fall in love."

            Artemis blinked. "Just how many times have you seen these movies?"

            "You don't want to know. Pick."

            "Fiddler on the Roof and Sound of Music both fall into that romance category, which we've sufficiently covered. I have quite enough people with red hair around, so I feel we can sufficiently ignored Annie. Newsies seems like it will be the least likely of the four to scar me for life."

            "Good. I like that one." She got up to put the next film in.

            Artemis stretched his arms. He was starting to get drowsy, though it wasn't very late yet. He put the now empty bowl on the coffee table and felt Alyssa plop down on the couch next to him.

            He saw her mouthing along with the songs as well as the dialogue. "Ain't it a fine life carrying the banner through it all? A mighty fine life carrying the banner tough and tall! Every morning, we goes where we wishes, we's as free as fishes. Sure beats washing dishes. What a fine life! Carrying the banner home-free all!" She turned and grinned at him. There was a part when different characters each sang a line (and she sang along with them) before a good chorus came up again. She continued to sing. "Summer stinks and winter's waiting, welcome to New Yawk! Boy, ain't nature fascinating when youse gotta walk? Still, it's a fine life, carrying the banner with me chums! A mighty fine life, blowing every nickel as it comes..."

            "Is now a good time to tell you that you should be committed to some sort of institution?" Artemis asked, staring.

            She just laughed, shaking her head and continuing to sing without missing a beat.

If I hate the headlines
I'll make up the headline
And I'll say anything I hafta
'Cause at two for a penny
If I take too many
Weasel just makes me eat 'em afta

Look! They're puttin' up the headline
You call that a headline?
I get better stories
From the copper on the beat!
I was gonna start at twenty
Now a dozen'll be plenty
Tell me, how'm I gonna make ends meet?
We need a good assassination!
We need an earthquake or a war!
How 'bout a crooked politician?
Hey, stupid, that ain't news no more!
Uptown to Grand Central Station
Down to City Hall
We improves our circulation
Walking till we fall

Would you look at that headline?
You call that a headline?
I get better stories
From the copper on the beat!
I was gonna start with twenty
Now a dozen'll be plenty
Would you tell me how'm I ever
Gonna make ends meet?
Hitched it on a trolley
Meetcha Forty-fourth and Second
Little Italy's a secret
Bleecker's further than I reckoned
By the courthouse
Near the stables
On the corner someone beckoned!
Go get 'em Cowboy
You got 'em now, boy!
Go get 'em, Cowboy!
You got 'em now, boy!
Go!

She laughed and let out her breath. She was rather pink in the face. That had been a long song. She grinned. "Isn't this movie great?" she gasped.

            Artemis found the story most educational. He reminded himself, don't let the little people in business know they have power. He wasn't sure how serious he was about that.

            Alyssa continued singing through a lot of the songs. "Seize the Day" and "The World Will Know" reminded Artemis a lot of the fist song. When they got to "High Times, Hard Times" she actually got up and swayed and danced while she sang. Most amusing.

            The only song she didn't sing in was "The King of New York". She got up and danced (attempting to tap like the boys on the counter) but she didn't sing. She explained later that she loved that song so much she had to show her respect by being quiet.

            One part of the song echoed in Artemis's head.

I gotta be either dead or dreamin'
'Cause look at that pape with my face beamin'
Tomorrow they may wrap fishes in it
But I was a star for one whole minute

He wasn't sure why, but he liked that part. The movie wasn't half bad. Artemis almost thought he was enjoying himself.

            When the credits started to roll, Alyssa didn't jump up quickly like she usually did.

            "Getting tired?"

            "Of course not," she said. "We have to watch at least one more movie."

            "What do the mighty Rules suggest?" he asked.

            "A classic."

            "Classic?"

            "One of those heart-warming, you-can't-live-without-this-movie movies. I've got the perfect one. The Wizard of Oz."

            "I haven't seen that. Judy Garland, correct?"

            "Yes, and how can you not have seen that? Everyone has seen that movie."

            He shrugged. "I don't watch movies."

            She gave an exasperated sigh. "Well, you can't fall asleep during this. That is one of the biggest crimes in movie watching. It's a good thing the Rules suggest a good snack."

            "What snack?" He stood up and yawned.

            "Ice cream!" she giggled.

            "Ice cream? It's cold. Why ice cream?"

            "Well, the Rules are that it must be something sweet that reflects the movie and I like ice cream. I always eat vanilla ice cream when I watch this. If you're cold I'll make cocoa. Go get some blankets and you won't freeze to death."

            When he came back into the den with some blankets, she was already there with two steaming cups of cocoa and two bowls of vanilla ice cream on the coffee table. "I already put the movie in."

            She got up to go press play and Artemis settled himself next to the arm of the couch with his the blanket over him.

            She pressed play and came back next to him, taking part of the blanket too. Just as the movie was starting she said, "Start with your ice cream, that way the cocoa will really warm you up."

            Good advice. After they both finished their ice cream, they started sipping at their cocoa.

            Alyssa finished hers and was leaning drowsily against Artemis's shoulder. She'd seen this movie a hundred times. More than that even. She watched the little munchkins singing to Dorothy and telling her to follow the yellow brick road. She saw and laughed quietly as Dorothy met the Scarecrow. Poor Scarecrow. No brains.

            Artemis glanced down uneasily. Alyssa was leaning against him, almost asleep as she watched the movie. She is so pretty, he thought to himself. Beautiful. He was content. Looking down at her he didn't think about gold, or money, or power, or taking advantage of people. He just saw her. He looked at her with more respect than he felt for most other still breathing humans. He knew she was the best thing to happen in his life for a long time. Maybe he was becoming a little more human now, was it such a bad thing? He'd been happier this past month than he'd been in a long time. Especially these last two days. When had he smiled or laughed so much before? Never in his memory.

            He looked up at the screen in time to see the Wicked Witch of the West threatened to turn the Tinman into a beehive and use the Scarecrow to stuff a mattress with.

            Artemis watched the rest of the movie sitting there beside her, he wasn't sure when she feelasleep. Just as the credits started to roll, Artemis realized how drowsy he was. He knew he could get up and go into his room. But that might wake Alyssa up. She looked so peaceful, he knew he couldn't disturb her. Besides, he was exhausted. It'd take too much energy to get up and go upstairs and put on his pajamas.

            Artemis's last conscious thought was that he found he did understand about that Pirates movie. He'd never risked his life because he was in love with someone, but hadn't he risked his life for his father? And on their several "adventures" Holly, Butler, Artemis, Trouble, and Root had alternately endangered their lives for each other. And Butler, how often had Butler's life been on the line for Artemis aside from that? Artemis sighed, a slight smile on his lips, and dropped into slumber.

            Angeline had gotten up, feeling restless. It was late now. She peered into Artemis's room quietly and saw that it was empty. She looked in Alyssa's room and found the same. She tiptoed down to the den where the kids had been watching movies. She went inside. She saw that they'd both fallen asleep on the couch. Artemis leaning against the side of the couch and Alyssa leaning against his shoulder. They both looked so peaceful. Especially Arty. She decided not to wake them. She recovered them with the blankets and shut off the television. She picked up the bowls and cups to take to the kitchen. She whispered, "Sweet dreams," as she departed.

            Alyssa shifted in her sleep and her head fell down on Artemis's chest as he breathed deeply.

            Holly woke up and saw the Mud Children. How sweet, she thought. She wasn't going to disturb them. Artemis's face actually looked normal and untroubled for once. She turned on her whisper silence wings and went upstairs to finish the night in Artemis's closet. She'd start to run out of magic if she stayed down their shielded all night.

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Disclaimer 2: I don't own any movies or musicals I listed or any of the song lyrics I used. I would have put this disclaimer with the other one but I didn't want to spoil any surprises.

To any Newsies fans reading this, I'm sorry I kinda just pieced together parts of Carrying the Banner but it's REALLY long. *cringe* Don't hate me.

Oh, and the den where they watched movies, I picture that kind of basement/wine cellar level. Down, downstairs and not as formal and dressy as the rest of the house.

Replies to Reviews:

Slime Frog—Thanks. Hope you liked this chapter.

Artemis's Worst Nightmare—I thought about horseback riding, since Holly made Artemis ride a unicorn the last time he was in Haven (my last Fic). Originally Artemis was going to spend the week at Alyssa's and she was going to live on like a ranch, but then I didn't like it. After all, I'd rather torture them both by sending her to meet the Fowl parents. Thanks.

Princess Arwen Evenstar 77—Thanks. Love your penname. Lord of the Rings rocks! (I love the books and adore the movies)

Matt—Thanks. I've been trying to normal-ify Artemis without un-Artemis-ing him. Glad it's working. Wow, how many words did I just use that don't really exist?

ElfinEmerald—I LOVE Lemony Snicket. Who do you like better? Violet/Quigley or Violet/Duncan? Or no romance? Anyway, as the saying goes: The world is quiet here.

Anon.—Thanks for the suggestion, but the other voters out voted you. I like pale Artemis too. When you asked me not to tan him I was thinking, "Oh, no, I'm going to burn him!" *giggle* I went to Blue Yeti and it wouldn't let me at the Litmus Test. Maybe I'll try again…

w—Aw, thanks, W.

spontaneousxhumanxcombustion—Yayness! I thought I was the only one who used that word? I love it! hehe. Yeah, I got the idea for that part and had to write it. Couldn't resist.

Alex—hehe, yeah. Thanks.

Kelsey—This is the 4th one in the series, though there will be at least 5 in the end. The titles and orders are listed on my bio page if you want to see them. J

(no name)—Yup wasn't planning on it, don't worry.