A Son's Worst Fear and a Fearing Mother's Decision
~ Maybe you should lay off on the pranks. People aren't taking them lightly anymore... Well,
after you have washed the pepperoni pizza out of your hair and covered up the bruise that has
formed on your forehead- yuck! Make-up!-, you are ready to leave the confines of your room
once again. Amazing, you don't have a headache... Strange.... Oh well! There's no point in
complaining, now is there? It's almost dinner time! Yippee! ~
I donned the only dress I had, hoping that it might cause Sango a moments hesitation in
beating the daylights out of me if something 'slipped'. I really didn't want to be pounded by her
again. She may be female, but... She isn't feminine when it comes to strength.
I left the washroom and noticed Inuyasha still sleeping soundly on the bed. I was really
starting to wonder if he had a sleeping disorder because of his ability to sleep at anytime no matter
how much he had already slept. I mean, he was able to sleep through that horrid thunderstorm
that I couldn't.
Sighing, I decided to wake him up and walked over to the bedside. I shook his shoulder
gently, trying to wake him up, but he didn't respond. He slept like a log! I mean it, he really did. I
tried yelling at him and hitting him and plugging his nose while covering his mouth- you know,
suffocate him into consciousness? Well, none of it worked.
Giving up, I turned away and started to make my way to the door. Before I could do so
much as take a step, I was pulled backward. It took a second for my mind to realize what had
happened. Inuyasha had pulled me into bed with him, holding me around the waist and burying his
face into my newly washed hair. And you know what I did?
I elbowed him.
"Jerk," I muttered.
He had been awake the whole time and I had worn my voice out shouting at him.
"Bitch."
"Bastard."
"Wench."
"Dogboy."
The word came out as a giggle from his breath tickling my neck. I struggled to get out of
his hold, trying to pry his hands away. He merely chuckled and held me tighter. "Don't pull away
from me," he muttered. For a split second, I considered it, until he spoke again. "Fangirl."
"I have a name," I stated, twisting to face him.
"Hai, I know," he whispered, closing his eyes and yawning. "I'm still tired."
"You sleep too much," I said, smiling at him.
Slowly, his eyes opened and I would have gasped at the look in those golden orbs if I hadn't
noticed the smirk first. The sadness had disappeared- no, it was replaced. And not with an
emotion you would guess. Even though I was disappointed to see it wasn't exactly love, I wasn't
disappointed to see he was happy now. But that smirk...
"You looked like shit earlier. Did you piss Sango off or something?"
"Yeah, but you don't look much better yourself," I mumbled, snuggling closer. "What
happened? Did you dye your hair silver and forget the tips, Goldilocks?"
"Ha, ha, ha. Very funny."
"I thought so, too."
Inuyasha snorted, resting his head on top of mine. We sighed contently in unison, causing us
to laugh lightly and snuggle even closer. I was loving my life at that point, thinking that everything
in the past was well worth it. Well, it all was, but I'd go through it all a million times over and love
every second of it.
"Ne, when I saw you on stage, I was so jealous of you," I said, thinking back. "But... I'm not
anymore, because I don't think I could have endured all of that."
"Of course you could have," Inuyasha replied. That wasn't what I was expecting him to
say... "You take beatings well enough."
"Yeah, but that is totally different."
"Honto. Still... I think you would have made it father than I have. You don't seem to let
things go all that easily," he muttered. "It would have been so easy to leave that little brat at the
hospital- or Ayame's side after she yelled at you and blamed you about Kouga."
"But I understood why she felt that way and I couldn't have left Shippo," I told him. "I... I
loved him from the first time he called me mother... Call me silly, but it is true."
"I know what you mean. I'm only teasing, ne?"
"Hai."
A comfortable silence filled the air. I loved it there, in his arms, and I wasn't moving. Well, I
wasn't going to until I heard it... and my heart broke.
"How could you! I knew it! I just knew it!" It was Shippo, wailing at the top of his lungs.
I bolted up, looking to my son in confusion. 'What the hell is he talking about?'
"I hate you Inuyasha! I knew you'd do this," he yelled, pointing a finger that shook in anger
at the singer. "You stole her! You stole okaasan from me!"
"N-nani!?" I stuttered. "Shippo-chan-"
"Iie! I don't care what you say! I know it's true," he said, calming enough to speak. "It
happened with my first okaasan. She lost dad and started paying attention to me, but then she
found someone else! He took her away from me! She didn't even smile, not once, afterwards! It's
happening again! Why- I knew it was going to happen, but why!? I hate you Inuyasha!"
"Sh-Shippo, that is not true," Inuyasha scolded. "Kagome loves you like a son. She won't
abandon you- especially not for me. And I'm not trying to steal her."
"Ha! I don't believe you!" He exclaimed.
"Shippo-chan, onegai," I pleaded. My throat had gone dry as I held back tears. "How could
you think that?"
"It always happens to me! Always," he whispered, bowing his head.
Inuyasha rose, talking quietly to Shippo as he walked towards him. "Shippo, I know that
I've been a jerk, but I'm not that cruel. I mean... If I was trying to ruin anyone's life, it would be
my brothers. Not yours, not Kagome's. Onegai, you have to see that."
"Iie, you're lying!" Shippo disappeared out the door in a flash and I couldn't move an inch. It
was impossible... How could he assume such a thing?
"I... I'll go after him," I muttered, standing feebly on my feet. They were weighed down,
though. With the lead filled bags that seemed to have appeared on my shoulders, I could barely
stand upright.
"Iie... I will go," Inuyasha said, starting to leave the room before I called him back.
"I'll come with you... Umm," I mumbled, embarrassedly. "I think I need help, though. I don't
know what's wrong, but-"
"It's called guilt, Kagome," he snapped irritatedly. "You shouldn't feel guilty, I should."
"Iie-"
"Hai, I should. I should have know. I should have seen that coming," he muttered. "It was so
obvious! I can't believe we didn't see it." He growled at the door, narrowing his eyes.
I stared at him in shock. He had spoken with irritation that was, unbelievably, self-directed.
I didn't understand, though I doubt I ever will. "Inuyasha..."
"Come on, Kagome," Inuyasha said, grasping my hand and pulling me forward. "We need to
find him. He shouldn't be allowed to feel this way... I... Gomen. I seem to screw everything up."
"Iie, you don't," I sighed. "People just... misunderstand you, that's all."
"Misunderstand, huh?" he thought aloud. "What is there to misunderstand about me?"
"The way you act, being a jerk and all," I giggled. "You have to admit it is true."
"Hai... but I've changed."
"Hai, and that's a little bit of the problem. No one is quite used to you being this way- at
least, I am not," I stated, looking to the floor as my cheeks heated up.
"So... I should stay the way I was?"
"Iie!" I exclaimed, snapping my head up. "T-that's not what I meant!"
Inuyasha chuckled and kissed my forehead lightly. "Does everyone want me to stay this
way, or just you?" I didn't answer, but refused to meet his gaze. "I see."
"Whatever..."
"Oh, a new word!"
"Eh?"
"Nothing."
"O...kay?"
A short silence followed as we continued searching for Shippo. After a few minutes passed,
we heard him crying. I started to run toward him, but was pulled back by Inuyasha.
"I'll talk to him," he said, releasing my hand. "Don't worry, I won't hit him, okay? Why don't
you go save us a table in the diner, or something?"
I looked at him suspiciously before nodding and walking away. Of course, I wasn't going to
go out of hearing distance. I needed to know what was wrong, too.
"Oi, Shippo," Inuyasha called.
I slapped my forehead, shaking my head back and forth, thinking,
'Inuyasha no baka. He just had to revert to his old self again, didn't he?'
"Listen, I know what you are thinking and you're wrong," he spoke.
"How could you know!" Shippo shouted.
"I am not sure how," he answered calmly. "But I know what you're thinking. You are
thinking, 'Okaasan will leave me again because of Inuyasha. I know she will. How could she
choose me over him. She just met me.' Well, Shippo, you may not believe it, but... she just met me
also."
I was having some serious flashbacks, listening to him speak and all. It was true, I had just
met him, and the other band members. Yet, I felt as if I had grown up with them, having them
there through most of my life. I was starting to become fearful, but I couldn't quite place my
finger on why.
"She loves you, Shippo," Inuyasha continued.
"It doesn't matter," Shippo said. "I'm not scared for me; I'm scared for her because... Like
my first okaasan, she won't love me. Not after she has to choose."
"Choose?"
"Between us... Even if she chooses me, she'll hate me. Because I made her choose and I took
her away from you. No matter what happens, she'll be hurt, and I'll be too."
I gasped... He had said some stuff earlier that made me feel bad, but this just made me sick
to my stomach. The boy cared that much for me and I was causing him all this hurt.
"What if... she didn't have to choose?"
"She will," Shippo stated. "You will have to leave and she will havto choose. Go with you or
stay with me."
That was it, right there and plain as day. We just met. He wouldn't stay.
"What if I didn't leave?"
"You will. You have to," Shippo stated. "You're a singer, you'll travel around the world...
and leave her."
"I won't."
"DON'T LIE!" Shippo yelled.
"I'm not! I'm trying Shippo, I really am!"
"What...?"
"I don't want to leave Kagome... I really don't want to leave- or hurt- her... or you, you little
brat," Inuyasha spoke, a chuckle entering his voice.
"Honto?"
"Hai."
::::::Silence::::::
"I-"
"Believe me," Inuyasha plead.
"I can't... I really want to believe you, Inuyasha, but I can't. You'll leave her, you will."
"Then help me," Inuyasha said gently. "Help me change it."
"How?"
"Keep her happy if I leave... until I come back."
"What if you don't come back?"
"Then you'll watch over her forever, but that won't happen. I'll return, I swear... If I ever
leave, I'll return," he promised.
My mind was drawing a blank, completely rapt in their conversation.
"You care for her enough to keep that promise?"
"Hai, and more."
A small smile made it's way to my face. He really cared, but unlike Shippo, doubt was in my
mind. He was a singer, a very well known singer that could have anyone he wanted. Why would
he choose me? He had the whole world at his disposal, so why me...? The smile disappeared as
one thought resounded in my head.
'He will leave... And I'll hurt Shippo by being hurt... I... won't let that happen... Inuyasha,
gomen ne. I can't let that happen.'
"Inuyasha... if you don't follow through with that promise, I'll hunt you down and haunt you
for the rest of your life," Shippo stated.
"I know," Inuyasha chuckled. "Come on, kid. Your ma reserved a table for us. Ya hungry?"
"Hai!"
"Let's go, then!"
"Oh, shit," I whispered, bolting for the diner. I couldn't let them see me like this! That would
be a seriously bad thing... I think...
"Oi, Shippo," Inuyasha called, drawing my attention once again. "Let's keep this between us,
okay? A secret."
"'Kay!" Shippo cheered.
There Shippo went again; changing his attitude in the blink of an eye. Remarkable. I sighed.
Everyone was reverting back into their old selves again.
"HENTAI!"
Yup. Everyone.
Entering the diner I spotted Miroku unconscious on the ground with a fuming Sango
standing over him and Ayame attached to Kouga's arm. Everything was back to normal... I
wonder what happened. Maybe it was just me that thought we had changed. Well, if we had, we-
the good old us- were back.
"MIROKU!" Sango and I shouted in unison. "LEAVE AYA-CHAN ALONE!!"
Well, Miroku obviously didn't hear, because, as we sat down to order our food, he made his
move once more. Then onto the waitress. Then the group of girls sitting next to us... After the
seventh beating, Miroku was put out of commission temporarily. Finally, I could quit wincing.
"So, Kagome, tell us... what have you been planning to do to us this time?" Sango asked with
sarcastic sweetness. "Bleaching Ayame's hair? Shaving Kouga bald? Declawing Dogboy?"
Inuyasha chuckled, Ayame snorted, and Kouga yipped, covering his scalp. I shook my head
vehemently. I wasn't doing anything stupid like that again... I didn't want anymore beatings.
"Iie. Actually I was thinking about laying off on the pranks," I informed them all. "I haven't
spent enough time with Shippo and... well, when we get to shore I was thinking about going on a
real vacation. I wanted to talk to my mother about it."
"That doesn't mean you can't find time to set a trap," Ayame noted.
"Honto, but... I don't want to leave with you all having grudges against me... The illogical
part of my mind is doing my thinking again," I laughed lightly into the stunned silence. "I think
that I need to get my mind on more important things... Chotto! I remember now! I was wondering
if you guys would like to play some games later?"
It took a while for anyone to respond. And Sango was the first to speak.
"A game? Like what?" She asked suspiciously.
"I don't know... maybe 'Questions' or 'Truth or Dare' or some puzzles," I listed, swirling the
straw in my Coke. "Something like that."
"Hmmm."
I watched them think to themselves, then look at each other and nod or shake their heads. It
was as if they understood each other's every thought.
"Fine," Kouga spoke. "Sounds like fun."
"Good. I was starting to get bored," I said, yawning.
"Right. So you mean- HENTAI!"
Miroku's back. Bet you guessed that though.
"Nice nap?" I asked, smirking.
Miroku smiled innocently. "Perfectly pleasant. It's a shame I woke so soon, though," he
muttered. "I was having a wondrous dream of my dear Sango in a-"
She didn't let him go any further, knocking him back into his 'wondrous dream'.
"Wrong move, San-san," I laughed. "He's going to have those pictures in his head for years
to come."
A silence fell after that statement. 'For years to come,' I had said. Those years...
"Okaasan, are we really going on a vacation?" Shippo implored, looking at me with pleaing
eyes.
"Hai."
"Um... Can Rin-chan come with us?" He asked. My attention turned to the girl. She seemed
so happy with that suggestion.
"I don't think she can, Shippo-chan," I mumbled. "She's going to be staying with her family.
They'll be awfully busy."
"Inu-chan and Sess-chan will be busy. Rin not be busy. Rin be bored. Rin wanna go with
Shippo-chan and oneechan," Rin pouted. "Rin not have work. Rin not wanna be left alone. Rin
never go on vacation before. Can Rin come to, oneechan? Onegai?"
"That is up to your brothers, Rin-chan," I spoke softly.
This was not going like I wanted it to. The only thing that kept me in my seat was the
silence from Inuyasha. He wasn't himself, though I could understand that. Shippo's words had
changed me, too.
"Kagome-chan," Ayame spoke. "Who were you planning to go with anyway?"
"Oh. Just Shippo, Sota, and mama," I answered. "I thought it would be a nice way for them
to bond, ne?"
"A family vacation, huh? So there is no reason that you can't take Rin and her brothers,"
Sango quiped.
With a heavy sigh, I set my cup down and turned to face her. "Sango-chan," I muttered,
extremely calm for once, "that joke is getting old. Get it through your head, we have nothing
going on between us."
For a while, I didn't know what I said, but slowly I heard myself speak. It was strange to say
the least and I am still unsure as to where it came from. I just sat back and listened to myself.
"I'm done with this match making thing, okay? You and Miroku are together and Aya-chan
has Kouga. I have my son to keep me company and Inuyasha has his sister back. We all have
someone special now. That's enough for me and that's the end of it, okay?"
Ouch, my words stung. And not just me, I could tell. It hurt Inuyasha and Rin. Shippo was
just confused. I couldn't stay there. Calmly, like everything else, I rose from my seat and left.
Shippo followed, as did Sango. She wasn't going to let me go without explaining.
Yet, no matter what, I wasn't going to go back to him. That's all I knew. I was a burden,
not Shippo. I had just made everything one-hundred times worse. Take all the problems I had ever
had in life and times that by ten thousand and it still fell short of what I just did with those words.
I had just made the worst decision of my life, but, in my mind, it was for the best.
I wasn't going to let myself get hurt. Not if it meant making Shippo suffer too... Even if
Inuyasha was trying to stay, he wouldn't be able to. We all knew that. And the illogical part of my
mind was taking over completely. I guess Ayame wasn't so strange to accuse me of 'stealing
Kouga'. I understood everything now.
Yup! The sky is green and the ground is purple with blue trees to decorate the horizon.
Everything made sense........
.....In the world I was now living in.
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