Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl.

I kind of make fun of some stores in the chapter. To forewarn you I have absolutely NO sense in fashion although I think black turtlenecks on guys are somewhat attractive (I dunno why but I think it works!). I don't know whether or not some of these stores have dressing rooms or what type of door the dressing rooms have. I don't know what stores are found in malls in Ireland. I haven't been there (but my dad has, I only went as far as England). Anyway, that's beside the point. The mall in this story is modeled after the one near my city, which is very very very far away from Dublin.

Sorry it's been so long since I updated. I was away most of this week and I had some trouble thinking of suitable torture for Arty. But I assure you, I believe this chapter is well worth the wait (well, I think so anyway).

Replies:

CaptainRoseShort—Thanks. I was kind of on a Sandra Bullock kick when I wrote that chapter. I hope Arty is as tortured at the mall as you want him to be (I certainly tried). Thanks. I'll email you soon, I was away pretty much all this week.

Evildeadbush—Thanks. Hey! I recognize the guy in the white coat. He took me to my padded cell too. *nods* The white coat people didn't trust me with pencils, said they were too pointy. I asked if I could finger paint my stories and they said I'd drown.

Alex—Story is probably going to be under 25 chapters. Maybe 23? The way this chapter worked out I'm already going to have one more chapter (at least) than what I thought before today.

Princess Arwen Evenstar 77—Hehe! Yes, indeed it is scary!

Digital Worm—This chapter is about 3 times longer.

Kelsey—Sorry, Kelsey, you don't get to find out the surprise this chapter. *evil laugh* I decided to torture Arty instead. After this he may not want to give her any surprises… Holly has some meaning I suppose, but I think she's mostly entertainment. I love PotC too! Yes, yes, Holly/Trouble is coming but there's still several chapters of this left and I haven't started the Holly/Trouble one yet. All I have for that is a basic plot idea starting to form.

SpikeTV58—Thanks

ElfinEmerald—hehe. Perish the thought! That's a good line. Mind if I use it somewhere? I think it sounds Holly-ish. Or maybe Foaly…Carmelita Spats being pushed out the window? Sign me up!

QueenTigris—Okay, updating. Sorry about the short chapter, this one is longer.

Weaselgurl27—Thanks, I'll try and update more quickly, I was having trouble thinking of suitable torture.

Sam—Mall torture coming up!

W—Really? Question marks, that's bizarre. I checked the chapter after I got this review and it was fine here. FanFiction.net goes crazy a lot.

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CHAPTER 18: Day 3: Torture

            Angeline was torn between her curiosity and her desire to let her son have a little freedom. She was interested to see how he and Alyssa interacted together, but she knew that it wouldn't be the same with her walking with them. She let her desire to see her son being normal win out.

            "Arty, you and Alyssa have fun with Butler, and Juliet and I will meet you at the food-court around noon."

            "Butler and I were thinking, maybe he should stay with you and I'll keep an eye on Alyssa and Artemis."

            "Really?" asked Mrs. Fowl.

            "Well, you see, Butler is more likely to stand out, and I'm just as well trained as he is. I'm a Butler too, you know."

            "I suppose that's true. Alright then."

            Juliet tried not to smile. She didn't see why Butler should have all the fun. Juliet always got Arty ready for his dates, but it was always her brother who got to tag along. Now it was her turn. This would be fun.

            She and Alyssa made The Gap their first stop. They pushed Artemis into a dressing room and shut the door. Jeans rained upon his head, shirts caught on his ears and shoulders, belts fell at his feet, and socks hit him in the eye as the girls through things at him from over the top of the door. He could here them holding a council of war and trying to decide the best plan of attack.

            "Okay, so we need a whole new look for him."

            "Black works really well with his complexion and dark hair, very dramatic, but we need to incorporate some good colors. No more khakis or polos. No more blazers or suits either."

            "Agreed. Jeans, sneakers, t-shirts."

            "And a leather jacket."

            "You're brilliant, Alyssa! Bloody brilliant!" Juliet clapped her heartily on the back and anybody less sure-footed probably would have fallen down. Not Alyssa.

            As Artemis listened to the conversation, he became very, very worried. Reluctantly, he peeled off his clothes and started to get dressed. The first ensemble was jeans and a button-down shirt with a checkered print. He thought he looked hideous.

            "Come out, Arty!"

            "I don't like it."

            "Now, Junior."

            Artemis was glaring daggers as he came out.

            "Not bad, I don't like the checks on him, but the color is good."

            "It brings out his eyes."

            They stood there, critiquing him for a while.

            "The black next," they commanded.

            Artemis tried on the next outfit. This was more like it. It was a black, long-sleeved turtleneck, with black slacks and a leather belt to match.   

            He came out without waiting to be called.

            "Very tragic."

            "I think it's dramatic."

            "Kind of starving artist."

            "He needs to put on some weight, Juliet. Don't you feed him?"

            "It's not my fault if he won't eat. You should try."

            "I've been stuffing him silly since I came."

            "I think he's missing something."

            "I know!" She snapped her fingers and raced off to the hat department. She found a black beret and came back, jamming it on his head. "There!"

            Juliet giggled.

            Alyssa laughed. "Yeah, I see what you mean. The boy looks as though he's never seen the light of day. I mean, I thought it was bad before, but this! He looks—"

            "Like a vampire," Juliet finished.

            Artemis smiled, just to add to the effect. What he really felt like doing was glaring. He stopped smiling and started to glare at the girls.

            "Definitely a vampire!"

            Artemis continued to glower at them, and he looked quite sour and on the verge of pouting.

            "No, no, I'm still convinced he's a starving artist. His work is misunderstood and he can't make a penny."

            "Art? What kind?"

            "Either poetry or painting."

            The two girls looked at each other for a moment and said, nodding, "Poetry."

            "Arty would never get his fingers dirty."

            "Yeah, all he needs now is a little pencil stuck behind his ear."

            "If you are quite finished?" asked Artemis, tapping his foot.

            "Yes, yes, you big baby. Try on the next outfit," Alyssa told him. She wondered why she took such pleasure in torturing someone she cared so much about. She was fairly sure that underneath his glares and cold looks, Junior was having at least some fun.

            He went through 3 more outfits at the store and after each one; he came out more unwillingly than the time before and listened to their critique.

            They walked out of the store with a few purchases, including the black outfit (with the beret included).

            The next stop was Hot Topic. Artemis had never in his life set foot in here. Alyssa had only been in a few times, but she said that if they wanted to create a whole new look for Artemis, this was as good a place as any.

            Artemis did not want to set foot in here. Devious criminals, kidnappers, policemen, tomboy fairies, Commander, smart mouthed centaurs, and any psychologist, but there people in here with holes in their bodies that should not be there, spiked jewelry that looked as though it could cause puncture wounds, hair that simply did not appear in nature, and there were pink bears on the walls! He had to draw the line somewhere. He was not stepping foot in this place.

            "Come on, Junior. You're coming in."

            "No," he said calmly, removing imaginary wrinkles from his polo.

            "We're going to make you come in, you know. So give up now."

            "Nothing short of your forcibly dragging me into this…shop would work. And don't even think about violence. I could have Butler here before you could move me an inch."

            "Oh, really?" She took a step so that she was standing very close to him and whispered in his ear. "You're not the only one here with computer skills, Junior. If you refuse to come inside I can and will spam all over the Internet, lies and half-truths about you; including a sound file of you singing to Queen and a picture of you wearing a fluffy bunny costume. In addition to all this and any embarrassing pictures I can find at the Manor, I can add such tidbits as Artemis sleeps holding a ratty old teddy bear and still believes in fairies."

            Anybody who wasn't Artemis would have dropped their jaw or started to gasp. Artemis on the other hand, admired her. Blackmail, how stylish. The girl was certainly resourceful. He opened his mouth to speak.

            "And it won't matter what you put online about me because nobody knows who I am. You on the other hand, are a well-respected and terrifying figure…to some. Not to me. I can hack into highly guarded sites and put anything I want there and people will believe it." She kept her face and voice composed and menacing (though he couldn't really see her face) and hoped that her bluff would continue to hold.

            Artemis knew he was defeated, but he couldn't help but still admire her ingenuity. And daring. "I have never worn a fluffy bunny costume and I don't sleep with a ratty old teddy bear."

            "Oh, but the wonders I could do with a photo program. Even if my photos aren't prefect, people believe what they want to see. Artemis with a teddy bear or in a bunny costume is much less threatening to most of them than Artemis with well-manicured nails and a custom made suit."

            She had a point there. Score: Alyssa 1, Artemis 0.

            Alyssa dragged him in, glad that their whispered conversation had gone so well. She hadn't thought that her lies would go over so well. She would have to remember the voice and tone she used. She was something of a computer wiz, but couldn't do all that she'd just boasted of. And as for having a sound file of him singing, well that was just impossible.

            Juliet waited until the two teenagers were fully inside the store before she allowed herself to laugh. This was so great. She didn't know (yet) what Alyssa had said to Artemis but it had to have been something or it wouldn't have worked. She was so glad that she had the iris cam for Holly to catch it all with. She followed the two into the store, wondering how safe it would be to leave them alone together. From the look on Arty's face…

            Artemis was looking distasteful at the clothes and pins that hung on the walls. He heard a few whispered words behind him, but just as he turned he was ambushed and carried off and stuffed into a small room.

            "What's going on?" he demanded. He looked around his confinement and within seconds realized it was just another dressing room. This one however had no locking door. Just a curtain. He concluded (correctly) that Alyssa and Juliet had each grabbed him by an arm and dragged him here.

            He was just about to get out when an arm came through the gap in the curtains. The hand at the end of the arm was holding a pile of clothes. Alyssa's voice on the other side said, "Put these on," and dropped them at his feet. The arm disappeared.

            Artemis got undressed and picked up the clothes to put them on. He looked at them. No. He was not going to put these on. No, no, no! "I'm not wearing this," he said, kicking the clothes out of the room from under the curtain. An arm reached under the curtain and before he could react, took the pants and shirt he had arrived in, which were lying in a heap at his feet (actually, they were folded). The clothes that he'd been instructed to try on were again shoved under the door. "Put these on."

            "No. Give me back my garments."

            "Look, Junior," came Alyssa's voice from the other side of the curtain. "Juliet and I are holding your other clothes hostage, which means you're standing in there in your underpants. This dressing room has no lock, as you've probably discovered. After all, you are a bright boy. It's just a curtain. Sure you can tie the end shut, but really, what good would that do? Either you put these clothes on now," she shoved them under the curtain, "or Juliet and I, who have become close friends over the past couple of days, can come in there and dress you ourselves. Choose."

            Artemis started muttering angrily, but he got dressed. It had to be better than being publicly humiliated, right?

            Artemis put the pants on first (if Alyssa thought he was taking too long and opened the curtain, at least his bottom half would be covered!). They were dark blue jeans at least two sizes too large. Did Alyssa think he was fat? No, earlier she'd said he was too skinny…

            He put on the shirt, which was a t-shirt that said in lurid green writing (that nearly matched the Captain's LEP jumpsuit), "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups". Wasn't that the truth! Artemis thought to himself.

            There was a black leather belt with dull metal spikes. There were two matching bracelets of the same sort. The outfit was completed with a leather jacket.

            He turned to the mirror, dreading the sight. He looked so…awkward. Very much not himself. He always appeared sure of himself, whether he was or wasn't. But in these clothes, he just looked too small and pale and…well, helpless. He lifted up his shirt and looked at his stomach. Was he really that skinny? He pulled up his pants, which were sagging.

            The shirt was too large as well, but he liked the way his jacket looked (though he would have preferred something sportier).

            He opened the curtain and came out. Juliet was standing there. He looked around for Alyssa and saw her coming out of the dressing stall next to his.

            "A fine pair we'd make," she laughed, seeing him. This wasn't really her sort of store, but she stopped in sometimes. The people were actually really friendly.

            Artemis stared at her outfit. He had reason to stare; it wasn't something she'd normally wear. The skirt was much shorter than anything he'd ever see her wear (just short of mid-thigh) and it was plaid, the a chain hanging across the hip. She wore chunky boots with dark gray tights and her sweater was a tight, sleeveless black one. The collar of the sweater did (for modesty's sake) did go up her neck in a kind of half-turtleneck. Her bracelets and belt resembled the ones Artemis was wearing, but shinier and a little pointier. She had pins that said, "Frodo lives!" and "I love geeks!" and "Kiss me, I'm a pirate" that she'd scattered artfully across her shirt with a few others. She had a medium sized silver chain around her neck and a snappy red hat on her head that resembled the one Artemis had bought earlier.

            She stared at his outfit too, though not as long as he stared at her. She eyed his clothing critically, deciding what could stay and what would go. Eventually, she'd decided enough about him so that she stopped looking at him, but realized that he was still staring at her. She started to blush, aware of how she was dressed. Maybe he was in shock. Maybe she should have chosen a different skirt. She walked up to him and snapped her fingers under his nose. "Earth to Junior!"

            He came out of his stupor.

            Juliet had been watching the scene with interest. She thought that Alyssa's outfit actually worked pretty well on her. Juliet was no great fashionist (for that matter, neither was Alyssa), but she had an idea that a shorter haircut, that kind of played out a bit at the ends would look really good on Alyssa with that outfit. Her hair color worked well with the red and blacks of her ensemble. "Are you two buying those?" she asked amiably.

            "No, no, no," they both said at the same time.

            "Actually, neither of you look to bad in those outfits if Artemis would just muss up his hair a bit. It looks too combed." She walked over and tousled his hair. "Much better."

            "I like the shirt on him, but the pants can go."

            "The pants aren't bad, but maybe a size smaller so that they're baggy without being too baggy."

            "Yeah, that'd work. I think the bracelets can go, but the belt is all right."

            Juliet went to find the pants and Alyssa removed Artemis's bracelets and put them back on the shelf.

            "I'm keeping the jacket," he said.

            "Good, something you like."

             Juliet returned with the other pants for him to try on and they were suitable. He came out, modeled for them once more, and then went to get dressed in the clothes he'd arrived in. He came out to find Alyssa and Juliet arguing quietly.

            "You should get it. That outfit looks cute on you."

            "No it doesn't." She'd never thought herself pretty.

            "I think it does and from the way Artemis was looking at you, I think he does too."

            Alyssa blushed.

            "Then again, he thinks you're beautiful all the time."

            Alyssa shook her head, blushing worse than ever. Somebody outside her family thought she was attractive? Highly unlikely.

            Artemis, watching her from the doorway, was practically reading her thoughts. "Beautiful. Auburn hair and deep eyes. Gorgeous," he said softly, and for no one's ears but his own. "Of course it's true," he said matter-of-factly, raising his voice.

            "What?" she blinked.

            "Alyssa, do you think I would spend this long dating someone I wasn't attracted to?"

            "I don't know. You tell me."

            "Well, as a matter of fact I wouldn't." He tried to think of something to do or say. He looked down at the pin she was wearing that said, "Kiss me, I'm a pirate" and leaned forward and gave her a kiss. It was no more than a second or two (like when they usually kissed at the end of a date) but it completely caught her off guard. Rather surprised him as well. He was not one for public displays of affection, or any emotion for that matter.

            She blinked and smiled shyly.

            He found himself smiling the same way.

            In the end, Artemis bought his outfit, the outfit that Alyssa had been wearing (though she picked out instead a skirt that was a couple of inches longer), a Wrestle Mania shirt for Juliet, and he snuck in a Care Bears shirt to surprise Alyssa with. He remembered her mentioning some weeks before that she still enjoyed Care Bears and had watched the cartoon as a child.

            They went into the Sweet Factory and filled bags of candy. They went to several other stores and as the day progressed, Artemis slowly admitted to his brain that he was in fact enjoying himself.

            Noon came all too soon for him to meet his mother at the food court. His mother got something from Wang's Chinese Express. Juliet and Artemis each got a slice of pizza from Sbarrows. Butler and Alyssa favored steak sandwiches and cups of French fries from the Great Steak and Potato Place. They shared a table and sat to talk about their day.

            Mrs. Fowl and Butler had gone to look at some cookware and party dresses. Butler had visited a gun shop while Mrs. Fowl tried on her dresses. "So what did you kids do?"

            "We bought Artemis some clothes. Very in fashion," Alyssa said. "Nice, normal teenage clothes."

            Angeline was positively beaming. This girl was such a good influence on her son. Music, movies, fresh air, shopping. Yes, a very good influence. What a shame she would be leaving in the morning. They'd have to invite her over again. Judging from the way Arty talked to her and looked at her and did nearly anything she asked him to, he wouldn't have a problem inviting her over again.

            "Can I see what you bought?"

            They'd charged everything to one of the Fowl credit cards (as they'd been instructed). Juliet passed her the bags and she looked at the different things they'd purchased. It would all look so nice on Arty. Except the skirt. She hope that was for Alyssa, otherwise Artemis would have to have a very serious talk with his father when they got home.

            "We're going to tackle shoes next," Alyssa said. "Hiking boots," she started.

            Artemis glared, "No…more…hiking."

            Alyssa smiled cheerily, "Hiking boots and sneakers I think."

            "Alright. I was thinking, if you get done early enough, you could go swimming. Arty loves to swim. He's on the school team." She looked fondly at her son.

            Artemis looked as though he might throw up.

            "Really? He never mentioned that." She smiled. "Juliet, do you think we should sacrifice shoe shopping in favor of swimming?"     

            Juliet easily read the wanted answer from the expression on Alyssa's face. "I think that'd be an excellent idea."

            "But, Mother, there's nowhere to go swimming at." The Manor, surprisingly enough, did not have it's own pool and there was no way he'd set foot in a public one.

            Alyssa's face fell. "We can't swim. I didn't think to bring a swimsuit with me."

            "We'll buy you a new one," offered Mrs. Fowl.

            "Thank you, but you don't have to—"

            "No, no, it's fine. You'll have a great time this afternoon. Butler, why don't you and Arty go look in on that electronics store and meet us at the entrance of the mall in an hour or so? Juliet and Alyssa and I will meet you after we pick out a swimsuit for Alyssa. I'll give Timmy a call ands see if he wants to come and we can all have the day. We can pick him up when we stop and change at the Manor." She was not really giving anyone a choice in the matter.

            When they met at the entrance, Juliet and Angeline had help pick out a nice two-piece for Alyssa. Her call to Artemis senior had led to his suggestion the perfect spot for them to go.

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Thanks. I hope you review and keep reading! The next chapter = more Arty torture! Probably. I'm fairly sure this will be a torturing experience for him.