Story # 1 - The Magical Pine Tree

In the land of Hyrule. In the Kokiri forest. There was. like. a tree, y'know.

It's a kick-ay tree. Pine tree. Yep. Magical Pine Tree we calls it. It was just growing, but the pinecones fell to the ground regularly. Yeah, like any other pine tree. `Cept. they smelled really, really cool. That's where our story starts. Suprizing isn't it? It's a damn tree, you'd think we'd start with Link attacking or something. Noooo we start with a TREE! Why am I stuck doing this? GET MY LAWYER!!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------In the Kokiri forest. Next to a TREE.not just any tree. the magical pine tree.

Link picked up a pinecone and tossed it in the air. up. Down. Up. Down. Look at it go! Whee! Um.wait, off track. Back to Link.

And so Link threw the pinecone up and down ect. He noticed the unusual smell around it; it was making his head hurt. He shrugged it off and sniffed the pinecone a little; just to be sure it wasn't toxic. He smiled, considering he's too stupid to notice that it WAS toxic and picking up a bunch of them and hurrying back to the other Kokiri.and Zelda. Zelda was there cuz. well. She could be.

Zelda smiled as Link returned with the funny smelling pinecones. which Link still was smelling. She blinked seeing the dazed look in his eyes. "Is something wrong, Link?" she wondered.

"ARE YOU DISCRIMINATING AGAINST ME!?" Link suddenly shouted, dropping the pinecones. "WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU?! WHAT?! TELL ME!!! WHATS THAT?! EH?! HUH?!"

Zelda just sat there and stared at Link idiotically.

Link's eyes suddenly started tearing. "YOU'RE SO MEAN!!" and so he ran off crying like a little girl.

Zelda watched him run away in utter confusion.she shrugged it off because she's a jerk and doesn't give a crap about the damn ass hero and so she picked up a pinecone. She giggled at the strange scent of it and sniffed it again. Her head hurt, but it smelled good. She could make nice air fresheners out of these. Yes, her father really stank up the bathroom when he came out so she needed some. But she'd only take 3. Yes. 3. Good number. yeah. 3 pine cones from the magic tree. That smells good. Right.

Thus Zelda picked up around 8 pinecones and walked away sniffing them.

Soon Mido stumbled in on the pinecones left. He growled and picked one up and was about to chuck it into a wall before he smelt the wonderful aroma of it. "MMMMM pinecone-y." So Mido started sniffing it. Fashion trend, duuu-ude. Soon all the Kokiri were sniffing pinecones from the magical pine tree! All except one. Saria.

----------------------------------------------------With Saria.who ISN'T sniffing pinecones.because she's not stupid.

Saria sighed, watching her stupid friends sniff pinecones. Yes. Pinecones. Did you get the point yet? PINE. CONES. She picked one up and sniffed it herself, but she found the aroma intoxicating and she didn't like it. So she threw it.

---------------------------------------------------Elsewhere in the forest.Pinecone!

Mido looked up with a dazed look before getting hit in the face with a magic flying pinecone. He just smiling moronically and picked it up and shoved it in his nose.

---------------------------------------------------In the underworld. Ganon doesn't own pinecones y'know. Wonder how he sniffs them.

Ganon sighed at the stupidity of the Hyrulians and Kokiri. They were all sniffing pinecones. Except one, Saria. Everyone said she was stupid because she didn't like pinecones. Oh well. Back to Ganon.

Ganon smirked, realizing that Zelda and Link were totally defenseless. For they too, were high on pinecones! It was the perfect opportunity! Yes, he is so eeeeeevil. Evil is heeeeeeee. They all laughed at him, but now he'd show them! He passed every exam in the school of evil people! YES THERE IS A SCHOOL FOR THAT YOU NUMBSKULLS!!! Ahem.where was I? Oh right. They're defenseless. Guess Ganon should commence the attack now.

--------------------------------------------------------Kokiri forest is the first target!

Moblins were attacking! Yay! Wait that's bad. AHH!.ahem.

Moblins ran in with torches and started burning down trees. TREES ARE BURNING!! RUN!! Saria was the only one who wasn't running around in circles, so she commenced an attack on them. She shot them with arrows.threw boomerangs at them.but nothing seemed to work. She's an idiot, forgetting she's a sage and could probably kill them easily. Oh well. Too many pinecones.

Mido accidentally ran into a Moblin, who dropped his torch. He screamed, realizing the torch would burn down the forest. "AAAHHHHH!!! DON'T BURN THE FOREST STUPID TORCHY TORCH THINGY MAJIGY!!" thus.he throws it into the lost woods.

---------------------------------------------------------In the Lost Woods

An innocent skull kid happened to pick up the torch. He shrieked when it burned his hand the threw it out of the lost woods.riiight into the Deku Tree. The Deku Tree would scream.but like.it's a tree. So it burned down without anyone knowing.except Saria.She noticed.cuz she ain't high.

---------------------------------------------------------As Kokiri forest burns, Ganon goes to attack Hyrule castle.

Ganon leaps into the Triforce.room.place.yeah. He smirked and cackled evilly, seeing no one guarding it. He figured Link and Zelda would be out destroying Moblins that were destroying the Kokiri forest. He never liked the Deku tree anyway.duh. He went to grab the Triforce of Wisdom but something stopped him. He heard Link scream, "ZELDA!! NO!! GET OFF ME!! EEEE!" Ganon chuckled to himself.

"I've got to see this." He sniggered as he looked into Zelda's room. He stopped when he saw what was going on.

"You hate me, don't you?! Don't you?!" Link shouted at Zelda. Zelda was sitting on his lap, all curled up, purring like a kitty. She gently nudged his face with her cheek. Link smiled again and pet her. "You LIKE me? Really? Good kitty kitty. Gooooood kitty kitty."

Ganon sweatdropped. That was just.strange. When he turned back to the Triforce.chamber.y.he saw something that amused him even more.

Saria held an arrow toward Ganon with a death glare. "Since Link is too stupid to notice you trying to get the Triforce of Wisdom, and Princess Zelda is too idiotic to even remind him or even stop acting like a cat.and.Link is.petting.her...." and thus Saria dropped the bow and arrow, scratching her head in utter confusion. "I don't even want to know.um.Ganon, I think I just realized that people in Hyrule are complete idiots who are totally high on pinecones."

Ganon sighed. "At least there is one smart Kokiri."

Saria rubbed the back of her head. "Hey. Just take the damn Triforce anyway. Not like I can kill you, I'm a weakling sage."

Ganon smiled politely. "Well thank you." He said as he took the Triforce and thus proceeded to rule the land of Hyrule and soon the world. Isn't that nice. Pinecone anyone?

~And thus, Ganon and Saria ruled the world as friends. Not really. Ganon just put up with Saria because she was helping him by giving him all of Link's weaknesses. Not like he wouldn't have figured them out anyway. Then Saria went and sat on a stump in the burned Kokiri forest for all eternity while Ganon poked at the Triforce and Link was enjoying his time with neko neko Zelda. The end.~

(Wow. Lame isn't it? The world is ruled by a big hog and Link is stuck with Zelda for eternity. It's so sad. Link and Saria should hook up.but he's too high on pinecones. What's next? Who cares.)