Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter of any of the characters of the books. They were created by and belong to J.K. Rowling.

Remus sat alone, in the dark, at his flat, feeling depressed. He was angry with himself for losing his temper like that, but he was even more furious at Sirius.

Sirius. Who had been one of his best friends for years. He still remembered the day they had met…

*Flashback*

Eleven-year-old Remus Lupin, tall and gangly for his age, sickly-looking, slowly pulled the door to the compartment open. All the others were full, and this one was too. "Sorry," he muttered, and turned to leave, but a voice cried out.


"Hold up!"


A boy, seemingly full of manic energy, leapt to his feet and bounded over to Remus. "Hold up, mate, hold up…" He looked Remus over as Remus looked the boy over. He had black hair and sparkling blue eyes. He held out a hand. "Sirius Black, and these lovely ladies at Phoebe and Janice. Say hello to… er…" He looked at Remus. "Who
are you, anyway?"

"Remus. Remus Lupin." Remus took the offered hand, hoping he didn't appear too nervous. A friend would be nice…

"Wonderful! Spiffing! Come and sit with me, mate." Without waiting for a response, Sirius Black seized his arm and dragged him to a seat near Janice as he sat next to Phoebe.

"Er…" Remus began, looking the girl. "You're not a first year, are you?"

"Nope!" she said, flashing him a wide smile. "I'm a fourth year. Ravenclaw, by the way. She's Hufflepuff," she added, jerking her head at Phoebe. "You'll have to excuse Siri," she added, giggling. "He's very energetic, but he's so sweet! And cute, too."

Remus gave her a tired look. "You realize, of course, that he's probably three years younger than you."

"Well, yes," she said, smoothened her hair. "But, so are you."

Remus peered at Sirius. "I'm not the one who's flirting, though," he said pointedly.

"Yes, well, that's too bad. I noticed, you know."

Just then, another boy, this one very annoyed, with dark hair, glasses, and hazel eyes, poked his head in. "Sirius!" he said, sounding irritated. "Did you find Snape?"

"Obviously not," Sirius replied, not looking at the boy. "Come and meet Phoebe and Janice, James. Do you ladies happen to have another lovely friend for my pal over there?"

Janine and Phoebe giggled.

"Ugh! Honestly," James said, rolling his eyes, and grabbed Sirius's shirt collar, dragging him out, but not before Sirius grabbed Remus's ankle and dragged him out as well.

Phoebe and Janice waved, Janice also winking and blowing Remus a kiss. "Come back and talk to me anytime, cutie!" she called. The compartment door slammed shut.

*End Flashback*

That was long, long ago, however. And Sirius was not that happy-go-lucky eleven-year-old boy any longer. No, he was a fully-grown man, and he was a murderer.

He remembered something that someone had once said to him, long ago, in passing. Once a wizard goes over to the dark side, there's nothing and no one that matters to him anymore…

Hagrid. Sirius had introduced Remus to him, too, in their first year, along with James. It seemed like eternities ago.

Well done, Remus. Very well done. You're alone, and you have no friends to run to. James, Lily, and Peter are dead. Your other friends were their friends, too, and now they're too busy in mourning to take notice of you. And Sirius…

Sirius was gone long before you even realized it. So there really is no one to run to.

No on, and nothing.

Remus slammed his fist into the coffee table, knocking several books over, in the process. Damn it! Remus thought angrily. Damn it all! This is so unfair!

I went to Dumbledore for answers – and I got nothing.

I went to Sirius for answers – and I got nothing there, either.

There's no one else I can ask. All my other friends don't even remember me – they're probably all getting ready for Lily and James's funeral.

And Harry is… somewhere else. I don't even know. Did Dumbledore tell me? I can't remember.

He stared out the window. It was too dark to see anything, at the moment. Except for the moon. The full moon was coming in ten days… and Remus would have no one to keep him company on it.

Why, Sirius? What made you do what you did? What happened to you?

Why did you change? What made you go over to the dark side?

"Once a wizard goes over to the dark side, there's nothing and no one that matters to him anymore…"

Nothing? Nothing ever mattered to you anymore? You gave everything you had – and you had so much – up for… for what? Power? Did you think you were doing something by joining Voldemort? What could you have been thinking?

I'll never know, now.

He no longer had anywhere to run to. He had been running all day, he felt – he felt even more so like he'd been running for years. He had gotten distant with all of this other school friends – he didn't even known them anymore. His pride was keeping him from calling on all the old friends.

Every one of them would only remind him of Sirius, anyway. Of Sirius, of James, of Lily, and of Peter. He didn't want to be reminded of them, not now. It was all too soon for him.

Remus suddenly remembered something – something he had forgotten about. He was in mourning; he was lost. He could think of no other way out. It was his last option…

Remus slowly left the dilapidated sofa, heading for his room. He rummaged around his drawers, searching for the thin box. None of his friends had ever known that he'd had it – he'd bought it secretly in Diagon Alley, when he was eleven, just about to start Hogwarts.

He'd never used it. His hands hit the smooth wooden box, and he pulled it out from underneath the many worn sweaters, blowing gently on it to remove dust. Slowly, he undid the latch, and forced himself to open the box.

Even in the darkness of the night, the blade glinted, flashing as if beckoning him. He stared at it, then took it out, dropping the box silently to the floor.

He stared at the silver knife, unblemished and unmarked by blood. His hands shook as he gripped it, mentally steeling himself.

You can do this. You can do this, Remus. What have you got left? Nothing at all. You're twenty-three, with nothing at all left. Nobody to run to anymore. You searched for answers. But you couldn't find them. Nothing and no one could help you – and they still can't.

It'll be over quickly. It might even be painless. The sooner you do it, the sooner it's done.

The sooner you're going to be put out of your misery.

Ten minutes later, the knife dropped to the floor. It had never spilled life's blood, and it never would.

Remus fell heavily to his knees, sobbing helplessly. Even now, there was no one and nothing for him to turn to. But he couldn't do it.

Where's that Gryffindor courage now, huh? His inner voice taunted him. Where did it go? You're suppose to be brave and strong, and all that. What happened to all those qualities the Sorting Hat supposedly saw in you?

They're gone – or they were never there. Does it matter, now? I tried to end it, and couldn't. But I feel so ashamed…

There's only one more option, then. I'll leave.

I'll leave England, and hide myself far away from here. No one ever has to know about me again. The world can forget that a Remus Lupin ever existed.

Slowly, painfully, Remus picked up the knife, and slid it back into its box. He stood, preparing to pack.

Fifteen minutes later, he was ready. The box lay where he had left it. He picked it up. He had intended to sell it, to get rid of it… but now that it came down to it…

He slid it into his patched bag. It would always be there, if he ever felt the need to use it. It would always be in his bag, or his pocket, or in his room, holding what could become a bloody promise.

It would always be his escape route – his way of finally letting go.

But as Remus left through the door, he knew that no matter how bad things got, he'd never use it.

Not ever.

X-X-X-X-X

A/N: Oh, wow! That took forever to update, didn't it? I'm really sorry – I completely forgot about this. The next chapter is the final one – it's the epilogue. Reviews are appreciated, as always! ~Peaches