pReading fanfiction always amuses me, especially the more absurd it gets. So I decided to write one of my own…

pNone of the characters belong to me really.

p'-'

pSnape paced up and down his rooms. What sort of a subject was English? Everyone in the school spoke and wrote it already. And getting a mudblood squib, of all people to teach it. Putting the absurd subject in the next dungeon was the final insult. He…

pSnape uttered a cry and stumbled backwards as Harry Potter's dead mother entered the room.

p"W-what do you want?" He asked, terrified that she had come to avenge his treatment of her son.

pThe apparition stopped, gaping slightly. "I-I wondered if you had a copy of… never mind." She turned and reached for the door.

pSnape's hand descended on her shoulder. "Lily?"

pShe turned to look at him, frowning. "Sorry?"

pIt was Snape's turn to gape. This was not Lily Potter whom he had loved until she had married, and then thought he hated. This girl, though startlingly similar was much younger than Lily would have been now, or even on the day she died. His thin lips pressed tightly together and he reached for his wand.

pThe girl gave a squeal and pulled herself free, rushing outside and slamming the door before Snape could so much as blink. His lips curled. They had had their fun, he would have his once he found the perpetrators. Undoubtedly a … potion, so some pupil had been raiding his store of magical ingredients again. Hopefully Hermione Granger and Harry Potter, they had been causing trouble in this school for enough years already. A smile crept over his face as he imagined them expelled… in front of the entire school.

pThat reminded him that it was almost time for the sorting. Sighing at the necessity of being present, he left his dungeon and started making his way to the Great Hall. Then he smiled once again. The potion wouldn't have had time to wear off whoever had entered his dungeon a few minutes ago. He would either be able to see and apprehend them during the meal, or make a note of who was absent.

pHe strode happily down the corridors, his gown flowing, pupils leaping out of his way, alarmed at the sharkish smile on his face. As soon as he entered the Great Hall he started scanning the four house tables, surrounded by chattering children. He seated himself at the staff table, only withdrawing his attention from his search to nod his head quickly to Dumbledore.

pHe scowled and his fist clenched as he noted Potter, Granger and every Weasley was present and in their usual forms at the Gryffndor table. As the final pupils entered, he eyed them, noting with disappointment their guiltless faces. He sighed and sat back, watching the sorting of pathetic, sniveling first years, occasionally glancing around the room. He clapped, bored as the last shaking first year joined the Hufflepuff table.

pDumbledore stood up, his long beard swaying like a snake. "Welcome to another or your first year of Hogwarts! First let me remind you that the Forbidden Forest is out of bounds, and that there is a list of banned items to be found…"

pSnape's attention wandered. He had heard this every year since he had joined Hogwarts as a student himself. He gritted his teeth as memories of his miserable life flooded back, and turned his attention back to the headmaster.

p"Finally," Dumbledore was saying. "I must welcome the new addition to our staff, Wanda White who will be teaching English to the senior years."

pSnape glanced casually at the new teacher as there was a round of applause and whispers. He almost fell off his chair. Lily Potter… no, her look-a-like was sitting calmly in a chair smiling. Tearing his eyes away from her, he cast a strained look at Dumbledore to find the head teacher calmly and reflectively watching him.

p"Come to my study later." Said Dumbledore in a low voice.

p '-'

pIt was later. Snape strode along to the entrance of the Headmaster's study wondering what tomfoolery Dumbledore was up to now. "Jelly-lunged Lions." He snapped and the secret door opened, allowing him to stride up the steps. Outside the door at the top he took a deep breath and checked himself slightly, knowing that getting angry in front of Dumbledore never did any good, although sometimes he couldn't prevent himself from loosing his temper. He knocked.

p"Come in Snape." Called Dumbledore's voice cheerily.

pHe obeyed and walked in, creating a breeze that caused Fawkes to sway on her perch. "You wished to see me, Headmaster?" Asked Snape in a credibly calm voice.

pDumbledore regarded him for a minute, his blue eyes twinkling. "Well actually I think you wanted to see me."

pSnape gritted his teeth. "Yes. Who is this – " He paused as he realized he hadn't payed any attention to the name.

p "Wanda White?" Suggested Dumbledore helpfully, curling a strand of his long beard around his thumb thoughtfully. "And I wouldn't recommend you did that, Snape…" Snape stopped gritting his teeth to glare at the Headmaster. "Bad for your teeth, when you get to my age…" The Headmaster continued mildly, but with that twinkle still in his eyes.

p "Yes, her." Said Snape, spitting out the words.

pDumbledore regarded the bubbling wet patches on his desk with mild dislike and stood up. "Perhaps I should have warned you that she bears a remarkable resemblance to the late Mrs Potter." He said thoughtfully. "But, I admit I didn't have the courage." He looked directly at the simmering Snape through his half-moon glasses. "You will have to learn to get along with her, Snape. I need her for more than an English teacher."

pSnape's narrow eyes widened slightly with surprise. What use could a mudblood squib..?

p "Is there anything else you wish to discus?" Asked Dumbledore, again deceptively mildly, knowing that the Potions Master did not have anything more on his mind.

p "No, Headmaster. Thank you for you time." Said Snape as venomously as he could, knowing that he would not get anything else out of Dumbledore on the subject. He took a half step back as he saw the Headmaster of Hogwart's eyes flash and knew he had gone too far. "I shall be in the Staffroom if you wish to speak with me." He said in the nearest tone to apologetic he could manage.

pDumbledore nodded and gave him a slight smile, knowing that the simple statement was more of an apology than it might seem. He realized that Snape was going to be polite at least to the new member of staff. Turning away as the Potions Master left, he reflected that it might do Snape some good to have to face one of the aspects of his life that he was most bitter about. He doubted that Snape would ever treat Harry any differently, but… miracles do happen.

p'-'

pAs he had said, Snape made his way to the Staffroom. He wasn't sure what he was going to do once there, but if he couldn't think of anything, he had perfect confidence in his ability to fade into the background.

pOnce there however, the panicy look that - what was her name? Ah yes - Wanda White looked at him was enough to convince him that he needed to apologize to her for his behavior. He did his best to walk over to her, but as she kept moving away he lost patience. "Ms White?" He practically shouted across the Staffroom.

pShe looked at his with wary eyes. "Yes, Professor?"

p"I want to apologise for my behavior earlier." He called, ignoring the curious looks he was recieving from the other members of staff, and also the flush that was mounting to his cheeks. "I must explain that you bear a remarkable resemblance to- a girl I was at school here with." He heard the other members of staff suddenly start to discus the phenomonem, but his eyes were fixed on a face that had once been dear to him.

pShe smiled and relief flooded his heart. Then anger, why should he be happy and relieved?

p"Your apology is accepted, Professor." Said Wanda with a warm smile, knowing that it would probably make life very uncomfortable for her to make an enemy of one of the members of staff on her first day. She walked cautiously over to him, and knowing that her wand was in safe reach started up a conversation on the events since Voldemort reappeared.

p'-'

pMore later... I haven't quite decided whats happening next yet... so it should be amusing. Hope you enjoyed this. Please post a review :)