Allie woke up the next morning after a long night, in which she didn't get much rest. She had been up most of the night after having yet another one of her nightmares. She had been getting them so often now that she began to give each nightmare it's own nickname. This time it was the 'Grab and Go' where Dean kidnapped her, took her to a remote location, and threatened to kill her if she didn't drop the charges she was pressing against him. Even though school was not in session because of the holiday break, Allie had seriously considered calling the number Ms. Sauve gave for her, in case of an emergency.
"I know I told her I was doing fine and that I'd be okay without our weekly sessions during the holidays. But, I don't know how much more of this I can handle." Allie said to herself.
Allie was reluctant to call the guidance counselor because she kept hoping that things would start improving again. Calling her felt like it was admitting that she was back at square one again, like when she first started seeing Ms. Sauve. It felt like she moving backwards instead of moving forward. For the last few weeks, ever since her nightmares had started again, Allie was fighting the urge to do something she swore to herself that she would never do again. She seriously wanted to take a drink from the bottle that she secretly kept under her bed. Even though it only seemed like it relieved her problems for a short time, it was relief nonetheless.
"Come on, you're stronger than that. You know you can get by without it." Allie said to herself, trying to fight the temptation to drown her problems with alcohol. "I'd better get up, maybe moving around will get things off of my mind." She thought as she got out of bed.
After an invigorating hot shower, Allie eventually made her way to the living room towards the front of the house. She sat down on the sofa that was adjacent to the TV. From where she was sitting, the TV was to her right and the kitchen area was to her left. The entire house was empty. Her Mom was at work and Brad had mentioned the night before that he had to get up early, so he could go and register for Spring classes. It was in that moment that she realized that she was all alone, and it made her feel really uneasy. From where she was sitting she could see the liquor cabinet against the wall and she actually considered going over to it, just for one little drink.
"No, you can't start that again! You just have to be strong." Allie said to herself, continuing to fight her urge.
So she decided to turn the TV on instead, at least the noise would make the house feel a little less empty. She started channel surfing, and her first stop was on MTV2, where a video by her favorite singer Christina Aguilera was playing.
"I wish I could sing like that, hell, I'd be happy to just look like that." Allie thought as she admired her favorite pop singer.
After the video finished, another one came on that Allie really didn't care for, so she changed the channel.
"Weather Channel, Sports Channel, 'Ancient' Movie Classics, wait, here's something." Allie said as she stopped on a channel. "I can't believe Angie got me hooked on this."
As Allie watched the Powerpuff Girls, she remembered how Angie constantly wanted to watch the cartoon when Allie babysat her. Eventually, Allie kind of looked forward to watching the show with Angie, and she would even watch it on occasion when she was home by herself. Once the cartoon had ended, Allie began to search the channels again. She stopped this time on a daytime soap opera. Allie became intrigued by this drama about love and betrayal by a cheating lover.
"Sometimes," Allie thought to herself, "it feels like I'm living in a soap opera."
The program had Allie engrossed, but the ringing of the telephone interrupted it.
"Hello," Allie said as she picked up the cordless receiver.
"Hi Allie," A familiar young voice replied.
"Hi Angie, what are you doing on the phone?" Allie asked her.
"I asked Craig if I could call you and he said okay and he helped me do it." Angela answered.
"So, what are you doing sweetie?" Allie said as she continued their conversation.
"Craig's gonna take me to see the 'Magic People' at the park, do you want to go too?" Angela asked excitedly.
Allie remembered that amateur magicians and entertainers performed at the park, and since the snow had let up it would be a perfect day to go and watch them. Plus, it would give her something to keep her mind occupied.
"Sure Angie, tell Craig I'll be over there as soon as I get dressed." Allie said as she hung up the phone.
Allie left her house wearing her pink wool sweater that was under her dark blue coat with matching scarf and gloves, a pair of stonewashed blue jeans and a pair of black suede hiking boots. The walk to Joey's house took her about half an hour. Once she got there, she rang the doorbell and Angela came to the door.
"Allie's here Craig, let's go before the magic people are gone." Angela said as she put on her hat and coat.
"Calm down Ang, we have plenty of time before they'll be gone." Craig said as he finished drinking a glass of juice at the kitchen table.
"Are you sure?" Angela questioned him.
"Aren't I always right?" Craig asked her.
"Okay." Angela said as she accepted his word on the matter.
"Hi Allie," Craig said as he stood up from the table.
"Hi Craig, it's nice of you to invite me to go with you and Angie to the park." Allie replied.
"No problem, besides the park is going to be full of little kids. Having you there will let me be able to talk to somebody my own age." Craig said to her.
"Wow, his own age." Allie thought to herself, "I always figured Craig just looked at me as another kid."
Once Craig had gotten his coat and hat on, the trio then set off for the park. Once they arrived there, they saw a small crowd of children that were mesmerized by the performers. Angela spotted some of her friends that were over by one of the magic acts.
"Can I go over by Kimberly, please?" Angela asked her older brother.
"Sure, just don't wander off anywhere else." Craig replied.
As Angela ran off to join her friend, Allie and Craig went and stood over a small bridge overlooking a small, but frozen, stream that ran through the park. As Craig watched his little sister, he and Allie started a conversation.
"So, Kendra said that you and Spinner started your own band?" Allie asked Craig.
"Yeah, it's me, Spinner, Jimmy and Marco. We've been practicing since before school started." Craig answered.
"Sounds like fun." Allie told him.
"Yeah, it's such a rush." Craig replied.
"Maybe you can perform at the Dot sometime?" Allie asked him.
"We're not quite ready for that yet." Craig informed her.
"Well, Nadia heard a rumor that the school's been considering having it's own talent show in the Spring. Ever since Paige and Ashley's band did so well at that contest last year…" Allie stopped herself in mid-sentence. She could see that the mere mention of Ashley's name really affected Craig.
"Sorry, I wasn't thinking when I brought that up." Allie apologized.
"It's all right. I mean it's not like I'm trying to pretend that she doesn't exist, even though I'm sure she wishes that I didn't." Craig confessed.
"Can you blame her? What you did was really stupid and I'm sure it hurt her a lot." Allie told him.
Craig became somewhat upset at Allie's comment. She wasn't saying anything new to him; he had said the same things to himself a million times since that night at the Holidays-Around-The-World performance. The night when his life fell apart.
"What do you know about it anyways? Every one of my friends has told me how stupid I was for treating Ashley and Manny the way I did. I've even gotten lectures from Joey and Caitlin about it. So what words of advice do you have for me?" Craig asked as the emotions he had been holding in came to the surface.
Allie could tell she had hit a nerve with Craig and she knew that she probably shouldn't have made that comment about him being stupid. She had done some stupid things herself, like lying to her mother about going to hang out with a friend, when she was actually going to meet Dean.
"Look Craig, I wasn't trying to cut you down. I was just trying to say that we all make mistakes sometimes, even me." Allie said, trying to show Craig that she empathized with him.
"And what mistake could you have possibly made that would compare to mine? What, did you put together an outfit that didn't match perfectly or something?" Craig yelled at her.
Even though Craig knew that he was upset, he also knew that he shouldn't have taken his anger at himself out on poor Allie. She was one of the few girls lately that really seemed like she wanted to look at things from his point of view. He could see by the change in her demeanor that he had really hurt her by his words.
"You know, despite what you and most of the rest of the world might think of me, I'm not just some airhead who only cares about her clothes." Allie said as tears started rolling down her face. "I have feelings and I have to deal with problems just like everybody else, maybe more than a lot of people. When I go to sleep, I have to dance with my own personal demons every single night and sometimes I feel like I'd be better off if maybe I just didn't wake up."
As Allie turned and started to run away, Craig tried to apologize for blowing up at her.
"What did you say? Look Allie, I'm sorry, please don't leave. Just stay and we can talk about it."
But Allie didn't respond to him. She just continued running towards her house, knowing the one thing that would make her feel a little better.
As she ran, Craig just stood there watching as she disappeared from his view.
"Great going Manning. You're batting a thousand." He thought to himself.
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Next chapter: Has Allie finally gone over the edge, and will Craig be able to help her come back?
