A/N: Special thanks to: TrappedinAb0x, artsigirl16, lyss33 , x Confused Girl x, & Yelak for your wonderful reviews of this story.
Most of the blinds and curtains in Allie's living room were drawn shut, casting an unnatural afternoon darkness. As she sat on the sofa, Allie was still crying and she was thinking about how things in her life were spiraling out of control, once again.
"I can't believe I made such an idiot out of myself. Craig'll probably never want to speak to me again and I can't say that I'd blame him. Yeah, like it really matters. Craig has girls left and right throwing themselves at him. I seriously doubt he's very concerned about what some grade eight girl has to say to him." Allie thought to herself, as she picked up a glass from the coffee table in front of the sofa.
Allie was sitting there wondering which was worse: the way she had acted at the park, or, the fact that she had finally did the one thing that she had promised herself that she wouldn't do. She was trying to ease the pain she felt inside with alcohol. She stared intensely at the, now half-empty, liquor bottle. She decided that at this point it didn't really matter which of her actions was worse, all she wanted to do now was forget. Forget about the park, about Dean, about the nightmares, about the way she felt about her appearance, about the well-meaning friends who just didn't understand what it was like to be her. She just wanted to forget all of it.
Allie now stared at the contents of the glass that she was holding in her hand. The smooth, brown liquid was almost hypnotic as it moved back and forth inside of it. She slowly brought it to her lips, and then quickly swallowed the drink. It burned her throat at first, but Allie knew that the discomfort was only temporary. At least this pain had some purpose in her life. As soon as she put the glass back down on the table, she had already started pouring herself another drink. When this bottle ran dry, she knew the right people to go to that could help her get another one, or that could get her something even stronger?
As Allie tried to forget everything, she wasn't worried about anyone walking in on her private party. Brad had left a message on the machine saying that he and his girlfriend had finished registering for classes. He told her that they were going to go to some music festival on campus, and that he wouldn't be back home until late. Her Mom was at work, and she would be coming home late too.
Allie's head started swimming after, this, her third shot. She tried to focus on the TV and she could tell Judge Judy was on, but Allie didn't really care what the show was about. She just let the numb feeling from the alcohol envelope her. Then Allie started wondering how everybody would react if they saw her right now?
"How stupid is this?" Allie thought to herself, "I go and get drunk to try and forget my problems, and instead, I try to find new ones to think about."
Allie poured herself another drink and quickly swallowed it down. She could feel it taking its full effect and she could also feel that familiar sick feeling in her stomach. She hadn't felt like this since the last time she went on a binge, it was before she had told her friends what had happened to her. Allie remembered how much talking about it that night helped and, for a moment, she considered calling Kendra or Brandy or Nadia. But she decided against it; she figured that they had lives of their own and didn't need to be bothered with her problems. She didn't want them to think of her as some sort of basket case that constantly needed to be rescued. All of this went to the heart of the reason why Allie kept what she was feeling to herself most of the time. She didn't want the whole world referring to her as 'That poor girl whose life must really suck'. Allie didn't think she could handle it if everybody that knew her thought of her in that way. She didn't want anybody's pity.
Allie decided she would take one more drink and then go lie down on her bed for a while. As she stood up she almost lost her balance. The room felt like it was spinning around, but she was able to regain herself after a few moments. She grabbed the bottle and the glass and started walking towards her bedroom. Just as she was doing that, the doorbell suddenly rang. She walked over to a front window in the living room and peered out through the side of one of the curtains.
"What is Craig doing here?" Allie thought to herself.
While she was thinking, Craig called out to her through the front door.
"Allie, it's me Craig. Open up so we can talk, just for a minute."
Allie didn't know what to do? If she didn't answer the door, he might call her Mom or something. So, she sat the bottle and glass back down on the coffee table and she managed to make it over to the front door. As she opened it, the sunlight seemed really bright, probably because she had been sitting in the dark for the last few hours.
"Hi Craig, what's up?" Allie asked, without looking him directly in the face.
"I've been worried about you ever since you took off from the park earlier, and so has Angie." Craig answered, as he walked inside the house and Allie closed the door behind him.
Allie had forgotten that Angela had been so excited about going to the park with her. She had taken off without saying a word to the young girl.
"I'm so sorry, I'll talk to Angela tomorrow and explain everything to her." Allie apologized.
"It's okay, I just told Angela you had to leave because you weren't feeling well. I waited until Joey got home and could watch her before I came over here to check on you." Craig told her.
"Thanks." Allie responded.
"Allie, you look like you've been crying. Tell me, what's really wrong?" Craig asked her.
"Nothing, I'm fine, really." Allie said as she tried to cover up her true feelings.
"Then what's this?" Craig asked as he saw the liquor bottle on the coffee table and picked it up.
"None of your business!" Allie said as she snatched the bottle from Craig's hand and almost lost her balance in the process. Craig quickly grabbed her before she fell down and helped her over to the sofa.
"Now I know something's wrong, I've never seen you drink before." Craig said as he sat down on the sofa next to her.
"Well, there are a lot of things you don't know about me." Allie responded, her tone getting angrier.
"You keep saying that, what do you mean?" Craig asked her.
"Look Craig, I don't feel like talking about it right now. You've checked on me and seen everything's all right, can you just leave me alone now?" Allie said as she turned away from him.
"That's just it, from what I've seen everything's not all right and I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on." Craig replied.
"Don't you get it, I don't want to fucking talk about it, okay! Talking about it doesn't make anything better, it just makes me feel worse." Allie yelled at him as she started crying again.
Now, Craig knew something was seriously wrong. Allie was obviously drunk and now she was screaming at him.
"Whatever it is, holding it inside won't make it any better." Craig told her.
Allie didn't want to tell Craig about what had happened to her, it seemed like too many people knew about it already. Every time she told the story of what happened that night, she had to put herself through that experience one more time. It was bad enough having to relive it in her dreams, but doing it consciously seemed like some sort of sick, self-torture. All she could do now was curl herself up in a ball on the sofa and just continue crying heavily. Craig was getting scared because he wasn't sure what to do now? So he did the most natural thing he could think of, he wrapped his arms around Allie and just held her.
"Look Allie, maybe I should call your Mom, or Joey and Caitlin? Maybe they can help with whatever's wrong with you." Craig said to her.
"No, don't do that. I'll tell you everything, but just don't tell Joey or Caitlin what I'm about to say. You have to promise me." Allie said to him.
"Okay." Craig replied.
Allie then proceeded to tell Craig the whole story about what had happened with her and Dean, not leaving out any details. Craig was stunned by what she told him and he finally realized why she had been acting the way that she did. He thought to himself that she was way too young to have to deal with something like this and he realized that it had forced her to have to grow up way too fast. He could kind of relate to what she was going through, considering the abuse he had suffered at the hands of his own Father. He knew it was hard to handle how somebody that you loved, could hurt you in such horrible ways. After Allie had finished telling him her story, he spoke to her again.
"Can I get you anything right now, like a glass of water or something?" Craig asked her as she rested her head against his chest.
"No, just sit here with me." Allie said, feeling very secure in Craig's embrace. They watched television together and she continued to talk about how she was dealing with everything. After Allie hadn't said anything for a while, Craig realized that she wasn't watching TV with him anymore, but that she had fallen fast asleep. Craig just sat there holding her, watching both the TV and looking at a girl who was sleeping like she hadn't had a good night's rest in a long, long time.
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Next Chapter: A New Year and new beginningsā¦
