Author's Notes: Yes, I know!!! I know, this chapter took forever to get out!! I mean FOREVER!! I'm really really sorry, I just haven't felt up to the whole writing thing... I know that's a lie too!!!! I was just working on my other story (Loving You is So Much Better and GoodBye to You).I know I said it would be out in a week or two, umm but I truly meant like 2 or 3 months lol. I promise the other one will be out in 3 weeks hopefully, its just my other stories need attention too. Ok.. Well here goes. I'm sure half of you have already forgotten what this story is about.. Thanks for all the wonderful reviews by the way!!! Here goes.. Chapter 5.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Sailor Moon. In fact, I don't own anything that has to do with anything. So there.
Decisions of the Heart
Chapter 5
Author: ~Belle~
SilverRose07@aol.com
****************************
The silence was unbearable. It cut through Serena like an invisible, sharp-edged knife that wounded its victim. Serena slowly moved her gaze from Mina's blue eyes to her captured wrist. Was there really nowhere else to run to? Was it truly time to face the music? Maybe they were doing it for the better. Shouldn't she be elated to have friends like hers? Friends who obviously...hopefully loved her. They wanted to help her. They always needed to help her. She was so mad at herself. Whether in the fights with the Negaverse or all of her emotional dilemmas, they were there to catch her falls. She was the weakling among all of them and she hated it. Serena hated it so much, she hated herself along with it. She wished she could be thankful, but she wasn't.
She had a strong urge to slap Mina's hand away and run far, far away. The words "let go" were at the tip of her tongue, but when she saw Mina's pleading look and her whispered "please" she couldn't help but let a tear escape her eyes. The tear held so much emotion that it caused her to tremble. It slid down her smooth, pale skin and dropped onto Mina's hand, the one holding her prisoner in the Crown Arcade.
Serena could take it no longer. Everything had piled up on her. She had been trying so hard to be on time to meetings, training so hard to be a better fighter. She'd been making steady progress until Darien dumped her. It was then she realized that she could never change. It was too much, too much for her to take, probably for anyone to take.
Serena then did something she would never truly believe. Right there, in front of Darien, Andrew, Raye, and anyone else who had entered...she crushed her body with Mina's and captured her in a tight, breath-taking hug. She hugged Mina as if she were the only thing keeping her on this earth, as if Mina was the only reality in the harsh world she lived in. Mina was the lifeline to this girl lost at sea, a girl choking, drowning. Mina was slowly pulling her to shore.
She cried crystal tears for all to see. She didn't care, at least not at that moment. She did not cry silent tears like she had forced herself to do for so long, but loud, sobbing cries, sounds that allowed everyone to see the deep pain inside her tattered heart. It was the sound of a babe missing its mother, of a wife mourning the death of her husband, and of a girl desperately holding onto hope and life. She was a wounded animal who had been left alone for far too long, and others had finally come to help her cure.
Mina was at first taken by surprise by the sudden force that was thrown at her, but then she did the only thing she could. She hugged Serena back with all the love she could muster. She rocked Serena back and forth and whispered sweet nothings inside her ear. She rubbed Serena's back as if she were a weeping child, trying to calm her shaking body.
"It's gonna be ok, it's gonna be ok," she repeated over and over again, for both the both of them. She was afraid that if she took her arms away from Serena's body she would fall; she knew she was the only thing holding her up. Slowly, Serena's cries became smaller and smaller and she just hugged Mina. Held tight, so very tight, afraid that letting go would mean finally moving on. She wasn't ready to do that just yet, not just yet. 'In and out Serena, in and out,' she kept repeating in her mind. 'Breathe...just breathe.'
The world suddenly came into perspective in Serena's eyes and she finally registered what she had done. She had made her feelings and hurt a public display for all to see. What would everyone think now? She had once again failed at being strong for them. She was always failing, always needing the comfort and love of others. She didn't even dare risk a glance at Darien; she already knew what she would see...a look of disdain and disgust. She had just displayed what she thought was the reason he left. Oh God, she was an embarrassment to everyone! As if sensing Serena's feelings, Mina pulled Serena out of their embrace and spoke in a clear, determined voice.
"No! No, Serena. No, no, no, no, no! Quit degrading yourself. We all owe you so much. So very much, Serena. And no one, absolutely no one should make you think otherwise. So stop it. Stop it right now. That stupid excuse for a man knows it. You bet my life he knows it. And he'll spend the rest of his life regretting it. But you sweetie, you have nothing to regret. You know why?" Serena shook her head and desperately tried to believe that she made a difference in their lives. That she in fact was anything BUT a burden.
"Because you gave him all that love in your heart and you never held back. Not once! And by Gods, it was more than enough! More than enough!!"
And as if Serena would still not understand, she shook her for emphasis. Mina stared at Serena and laughed at the lost look at her eyes, the look of a kid who was taught that 2+2=4 and was finally remembering! 2+2=4!!!!!! She then proceeded to do something even MORE unbelievable. Serena steadily walked towards a nearby table where a full glass of chocolate milkshake lay. She picked it up in her hands and as though in a trance, or perhaps mission, walked toward where Darien sat.
Inside she was going insane. 'Where is this courage coming from??' It seemed her legs were moving all by themselves, taking control of the situation and doing something they've wanted to do for far too long. They came to a halt in front of him and her nerves started getting the best of her but Serena quickly squashed them. 'This is my moment!' she all but yelled to herself. She looked into his dark blue eyes, the color of a black night and realized she had not been this close to him in far too long. She longed to extend her hand and caress his cheek but she seriously did not need any further embarrassment.
Darien watched Serena longingly. She was so close to him. She had not stood this close to him in far too long. He could smell her sweet vanilla scent; it invaded his head. She looked so beautiful, her eyes still slightly puffy, but a fierce determination burning in them, which he loved. He fought hard with himself not to reach out and touch her skin. Not to put his hands on those beautiful lips that once use to be his. Could it be that he'd never capture the strawberry taste that lingered inside those lips?
'Wait a minute, why is she looking at me like that?' he thought. If looks could kill, Darien would be buried six feet under by now. Serena stood in front of Darien and said the words that would free her and ruin him.
"I was more than enough."
'Of course you were, Serena. You were more than I ever dared to ask for. More than I ever dared dream of. I'm so sorry! So sorry! I love you. I love you a million times,' Darien longed to tell her. He yearned to shout that he couldn't stand seeing her cry every night for him. That he watched her only so that his tears could match hers, that she was not alone in the pain. That he forced himself to cry and cry because it wasn't fair that his angel felt such sorrow. Of course, Darien didn't have too much time to reminisce about that too long because he suddenly felt very slimy. Very, VERY slimy.
During his short trip to "dream" world, Serena had done something with her milkshake. It was anything but drinking, in fact, the milkshake was nowhere near the cup nor her mouth. Darien's head was dripping with the chocolate contents and his clothes were soaked with it as well. As if trying to add hurt to injury, Serena very sweetly handed him the cup. There were many audible gasps in the arcade, and Serena decided that laughing hysterically was the way to go. Her body shacked with giggles.
She turned to the girls and laughed even louder at their stricken faces. There were no longer two girls in the arcade but four. Somewhere in between the walking and the pouring, Ami and Lita had entered. The looks on their faces made Serena want to blow up from laughter. They looked thoroughly confused, like students in an Algebra II class who had absolutely no idea what that teacher was talking about. It didn't take long for Lita to see Darien's chocolate covered head and his surprised expression before she joined Serena. Soon all the girls had joined Serena, all delighting in the sound of Serena's laughter. They had not heard her laugh in a long time and they couldn't be more delighted.
Serena quickly moved away from Darien, deciding that it was better to leave him while he was still in shock. Only God knew what his pride would do if she stayed to feel its wrath. Still laughing she headed toward the door to exit, the girls closely behind her.
"Come on girls. I suddenly feel like strolling the park." They all nodded at the customers and Andrew who had a wicked, WICKED grin on his face. Oh boy, Darien would get made fun of for a long time to come. As they walked out the door Darien who had finally registered what the heck had just happened heard Serena comment something that made his ego deflate some more: "He always said he LOVED chocolate," which was quickly followed by sounds of more laughter, if that were at all possible.
Outside Serena looked toward the sky, seeing a flock of birds and beautiful clouds underneath a bright sun. It was definitely getting better. And she had her friends to thank. Always her friends. She looked toward the sky and whispered, "Thank you, mom. Thank you for them." The birds fluttered in the sky, and Serena knew her mother had heard her.
***********************************************
Author's Notes: Ehh...... ::looks around:: .....Sorry??? This is my weak attempt at trying to get back into gear. Did it work??? Hopefully. My next chapter SHOULD be out in about 3 weeks. Im hoping to make the chapters longer for yall. Ok, well. Sorry again! Review to tell me how good/bad it was. Be gentle with me please lol. Well thanks for the support on my previous chapters!!! Sayonara!
~Belle~
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Sailor Moon. In fact, I don't own anything that has to do with anything. So there.
Decisions of the Heart
Chapter 5
Author: ~Belle~
SilverRose07@aol.com
****************************
The silence was unbearable. It cut through Serena like an invisible, sharp-edged knife that wounded its victim. Serena slowly moved her gaze from Mina's blue eyes to her captured wrist. Was there really nowhere else to run to? Was it truly time to face the music? Maybe they were doing it for the better. Shouldn't she be elated to have friends like hers? Friends who obviously...hopefully loved her. They wanted to help her. They always needed to help her. She was so mad at herself. Whether in the fights with the Negaverse or all of her emotional dilemmas, they were there to catch her falls. She was the weakling among all of them and she hated it. Serena hated it so much, she hated herself along with it. She wished she could be thankful, but she wasn't.
She had a strong urge to slap Mina's hand away and run far, far away. The words "let go" were at the tip of her tongue, but when she saw Mina's pleading look and her whispered "please" she couldn't help but let a tear escape her eyes. The tear held so much emotion that it caused her to tremble. It slid down her smooth, pale skin and dropped onto Mina's hand, the one holding her prisoner in the Crown Arcade.
Serena could take it no longer. Everything had piled up on her. She had been trying so hard to be on time to meetings, training so hard to be a better fighter. She'd been making steady progress until Darien dumped her. It was then she realized that she could never change. It was too much, too much for her to take, probably for anyone to take.
Serena then did something she would never truly believe. Right there, in front of Darien, Andrew, Raye, and anyone else who had entered...she crushed her body with Mina's and captured her in a tight, breath-taking hug. She hugged Mina as if she were the only thing keeping her on this earth, as if Mina was the only reality in the harsh world she lived in. Mina was the lifeline to this girl lost at sea, a girl choking, drowning. Mina was slowly pulling her to shore.
She cried crystal tears for all to see. She didn't care, at least not at that moment. She did not cry silent tears like she had forced herself to do for so long, but loud, sobbing cries, sounds that allowed everyone to see the deep pain inside her tattered heart. It was the sound of a babe missing its mother, of a wife mourning the death of her husband, and of a girl desperately holding onto hope and life. She was a wounded animal who had been left alone for far too long, and others had finally come to help her cure.
Mina was at first taken by surprise by the sudden force that was thrown at her, but then she did the only thing she could. She hugged Serena back with all the love she could muster. She rocked Serena back and forth and whispered sweet nothings inside her ear. She rubbed Serena's back as if she were a weeping child, trying to calm her shaking body.
"It's gonna be ok, it's gonna be ok," she repeated over and over again, for both the both of them. She was afraid that if she took her arms away from Serena's body she would fall; she knew she was the only thing holding her up. Slowly, Serena's cries became smaller and smaller and she just hugged Mina. Held tight, so very tight, afraid that letting go would mean finally moving on. She wasn't ready to do that just yet, not just yet. 'In and out Serena, in and out,' she kept repeating in her mind. 'Breathe...just breathe.'
The world suddenly came into perspective in Serena's eyes and she finally registered what she had done. She had made her feelings and hurt a public display for all to see. What would everyone think now? She had once again failed at being strong for them. She was always failing, always needing the comfort and love of others. She didn't even dare risk a glance at Darien; she already knew what she would see...a look of disdain and disgust. She had just displayed what she thought was the reason he left. Oh God, she was an embarrassment to everyone! As if sensing Serena's feelings, Mina pulled Serena out of their embrace and spoke in a clear, determined voice.
"No! No, Serena. No, no, no, no, no! Quit degrading yourself. We all owe you so much. So very much, Serena. And no one, absolutely no one should make you think otherwise. So stop it. Stop it right now. That stupid excuse for a man knows it. You bet my life he knows it. And he'll spend the rest of his life regretting it. But you sweetie, you have nothing to regret. You know why?" Serena shook her head and desperately tried to believe that she made a difference in their lives. That she in fact was anything BUT a burden.
"Because you gave him all that love in your heart and you never held back. Not once! And by Gods, it was more than enough! More than enough!!"
And as if Serena would still not understand, she shook her for emphasis. Mina stared at Serena and laughed at the lost look at her eyes, the look of a kid who was taught that 2+2=4 and was finally remembering! 2+2=4!!!!!! She then proceeded to do something even MORE unbelievable. Serena steadily walked towards a nearby table where a full glass of chocolate milkshake lay. She picked it up in her hands and as though in a trance, or perhaps mission, walked toward where Darien sat.
Inside she was going insane. 'Where is this courage coming from??' It seemed her legs were moving all by themselves, taking control of the situation and doing something they've wanted to do for far too long. They came to a halt in front of him and her nerves started getting the best of her but Serena quickly squashed them. 'This is my moment!' she all but yelled to herself. She looked into his dark blue eyes, the color of a black night and realized she had not been this close to him in far too long. She longed to extend her hand and caress his cheek but she seriously did not need any further embarrassment.
Darien watched Serena longingly. She was so close to him. She had not stood this close to him in far too long. He could smell her sweet vanilla scent; it invaded his head. She looked so beautiful, her eyes still slightly puffy, but a fierce determination burning in them, which he loved. He fought hard with himself not to reach out and touch her skin. Not to put his hands on those beautiful lips that once use to be his. Could it be that he'd never capture the strawberry taste that lingered inside those lips?
'Wait a minute, why is she looking at me like that?' he thought. If looks could kill, Darien would be buried six feet under by now. Serena stood in front of Darien and said the words that would free her and ruin him.
"I was more than enough."
'Of course you were, Serena. You were more than I ever dared to ask for. More than I ever dared dream of. I'm so sorry! So sorry! I love you. I love you a million times,' Darien longed to tell her. He yearned to shout that he couldn't stand seeing her cry every night for him. That he watched her only so that his tears could match hers, that she was not alone in the pain. That he forced himself to cry and cry because it wasn't fair that his angel felt such sorrow. Of course, Darien didn't have too much time to reminisce about that too long because he suddenly felt very slimy. Very, VERY slimy.
During his short trip to "dream" world, Serena had done something with her milkshake. It was anything but drinking, in fact, the milkshake was nowhere near the cup nor her mouth. Darien's head was dripping with the chocolate contents and his clothes were soaked with it as well. As if trying to add hurt to injury, Serena very sweetly handed him the cup. There were many audible gasps in the arcade, and Serena decided that laughing hysterically was the way to go. Her body shacked with giggles.
She turned to the girls and laughed even louder at their stricken faces. There were no longer two girls in the arcade but four. Somewhere in between the walking and the pouring, Ami and Lita had entered. The looks on their faces made Serena want to blow up from laughter. They looked thoroughly confused, like students in an Algebra II class who had absolutely no idea what that teacher was talking about. It didn't take long for Lita to see Darien's chocolate covered head and his surprised expression before she joined Serena. Soon all the girls had joined Serena, all delighting in the sound of Serena's laughter. They had not heard her laugh in a long time and they couldn't be more delighted.
Serena quickly moved away from Darien, deciding that it was better to leave him while he was still in shock. Only God knew what his pride would do if she stayed to feel its wrath. Still laughing she headed toward the door to exit, the girls closely behind her.
"Come on girls. I suddenly feel like strolling the park." They all nodded at the customers and Andrew who had a wicked, WICKED grin on his face. Oh boy, Darien would get made fun of for a long time to come. As they walked out the door Darien who had finally registered what the heck had just happened heard Serena comment something that made his ego deflate some more: "He always said he LOVED chocolate," which was quickly followed by sounds of more laughter, if that were at all possible.
Outside Serena looked toward the sky, seeing a flock of birds and beautiful clouds underneath a bright sun. It was definitely getting better. And she had her friends to thank. Always her friends. She looked toward the sky and whispered, "Thank you, mom. Thank you for them." The birds fluttered in the sky, and Serena knew her mother had heard her.
***********************************************
Author's Notes: Ehh...... ::looks around:: .....Sorry??? This is my weak attempt at trying to get back into gear. Did it work??? Hopefully. My next chapter SHOULD be out in about 3 weeks. Im hoping to make the chapters longer for yall. Ok, well. Sorry again! Review to tell me how good/bad it was. Be gentle with me please lol. Well thanks for the support on my previous chapters!!! Sayonara!
~Belle~
