Disclaimer: Not mine, no money, don't sue.
Of Night Owls & Comfortable Silences
Azarath Metrion Zinthos
These words have become second nature to me. They help focus my powers when in combat and they allow me to center myself when I meditate. During meditation I can distance myself from my emotions while confronting any lingering doubts.
The events of the last few days have been weighing heavily upon my mind. Until now I haven't had a chance to meditate and these recent events have been especially taxing.
I close my eyes and focus on my breathing. The world around me slowly fades away and soon my body seems to do the same.
"Azarath Metrion Zinthos."
As I recite this familiar mantra my thoughts focus on what has happened in the last few days. One by one I confront the issues that have been plaguing my mind and the emotions which accompany them. As is often the case past failures are the most difficult to ignore and the first to surface.
Falling for Slade's decoy.
I understand now that the reflection on the detonator was placed there on purpose. I was so certain that Slade had made a mistake. I should have realized that he had an ulterior motive for telling us about the detonator. Slade could have easily drawn us out and surprised us with a real Chronoton Detonator. He wouldn't have batted an eye at the loss of Cinderblock, much less a few of his robots. Perhaps if we hadn't walked into that warehouse together we wouldn't have fallen so completely into his trap.
Perhaps I wouldn't have had to fight one of my friends.
After the Red X incident I wondered how we would have fought if we had known it was Robin under that mask. Red X took us by surprise, a complete mystery that knew how to exploit all our weaknesses. Now I have an answer to that question. And part of me wishes Robin had worn another mask and that we hadn't known it was him. But that is a selfish desire and it is quickly brushed aside as the most troubling event comes to mind.
We were used as a tool to control someone.
You would think that we would have been relieved to know that Robin was being forced to work for Slade. But any relief that could have come from knowing that was crushed by the fact that, in a way, we were the ones forcing him. With no way of removing the probes all we could do was follow the signal back to Slade's hideout and just… show up. No plan, no idea what we would find, just a refusal to be someone's puppet. Frankly, I'm amazed that all of us made it out of there alive.
But you cannot change the past no matter how much you dwell on it. All I can do is put these events behind me and try not to underestimate an enemy again.
I open my eyes and the familiar confines of my room come into focus.
In the comforting silence of my room I can barely detect the sound of the rain falling outside. It was because of the rain that I was forced to meditate indoors. Although that's hardly an inconvenience, my room is my sanctuary and I can find peace here as easily as anywhere else.
Glancing at my clock I find that it's 2 o'clock in the morning. That would explain why the tower is so quiet. Deciding that something warm to drink would be pleasant at the moment I leave my room and walk down the empty hallway.
I stop just before the entrance to the kitchen as I become aware of another presence. I don't even have to strain my senses to identify who it is. The only other person who would be awake at this hour is Robin.
The rain must have driven him from the rooftop. Unfortunate, since Robin seems to focus himself while on the rooftop at night. I can guess where he picked up that habit.
I don't want to intrude, especially since he has always respected my privacy. I consider returning to my bedroom unnoticed until that option is taking away from me.
"The water will be ready soon." Robin calls out from inside of the kitchen.
Surprised that I've been caught I walk through the doorway. I see that he's leaning against the counter. From that position he couldn't possibly have seen around the doorway.
"How did you know I was there?" I ask, partly from curiosity and partly to diffuse an awkward entrance. His response is somewhere between a dismissal and a poor attempt at humor.
"Aren't we all creatures of habit?" While there is some truth to that statement, that's not a real answer and he knows it. I stare at him patiently until he realizes I want an actual answer.
"The edge of your cloak was sticking out past the doorway." he admits finally. I respond with a small nod before I notice our surroundings. With the exception of one of the small hanging lights the kitchen is completely dark. Even though the room is poorly lit I can see that a kettle is resting on one of the burners.
Raising an eyebrow I turn to him and ask, "You enjoy hanging out in the dark?" I can't help but notice how odd it is for me to be asking someone that question.
"You should visit the Batcave sometime." He answers with an amused tone. Then he continues in a slightly more serious manner. "Feel free to turn on the lights if you want."
I move past him and take a seat at the table. I allow myself a small smirk as I respond in kind. "You should visit my bedroom sometime."
Then I stiffen as I realize how that sounds. I can feel myself blush slightly in embarrassment. Glancing at Robin I can tell that he's fighting down a smirk. Since I'm not fond of being embarrassed I decide to change the subject.
"What are you doing up?" I wince mentally at the less than neutral tone of my voice.
He takes a moment to secure a straight-face before answering, "It started raining pretty hard out there, finally had to come inside." He pauses to nod towards the kettle before continuing, "Thought I could use something warm to drink."
That explains what he's doing in the kitchen but not what he's doing up. If he wants to be alone with his thoughts I don't mind leaving and in all honesty I wouldn't mind putting most of this encounter behind me.
"Oh, so you're not obsessing over factors beyond your control?" I ask and while my tone isn't serious the question itself is. Of all the possible responses to that question his catches me completely off guard.
"Actually I finished with that a few hours ago. I was just thinking about how I haven't been a very good friend lately." All I can do is stare at him. My expression must reveal how surprised I am because he attempts to explain himself. "Even before my obsession with Slade I was more leader than a friend. I don't think I did a very good job of being there for everyone." His tone begins somewhat light but becomes more and more solemn.
When he finishes speaking I shake my head before I reply. While I'm not the most talkative I have never had a problem expressing my opinions. And as the most distant of all the Titans I'm uniquely qualified to respond to that statement.
"That's not true. You've always been approachable. We've always known that we could come to you if we had a problem. And… if I was going to talk to anyone in the tower, it would be you." As I finish speaking Robin smiles slightly before he responds.
"Thanks Raven, that means a lot to me. Um, that's not just because Cyborg can be insensitive, Starfire's often naïve, and Beast Boy is…dense is it?" He finishes slowly and only half-joking.
"Well that's part of it." I reply with a small smirk. I try to look him in the eyes as best I can despite his mask before I continue. "But aside from that, you look like someone who can keep a secret."
His smile visibly grows as he picks up my subtle attempt at humor. Unfortunately, my dry wit is often lost on some of the other Titans.
For a while nothing is said or done as we bask in the silence of the tower. Finally Robin glances at the kettle and begins searching some cups. Since the correct cupboard is closer to where I'm sitting then from where he has begun his search I decide to get them myself.
Rising from my seat I open the correct cupboard and reach inside for two mugs. As I pull out the first one my hand brushes against the some sort of fabric. Robin smiles sheepishly as he approaches and I hand him the first mug. I reach into the cupboard for the second mug and, out of curiosity, the unknown object.
And I find myself holding the skull mask from his Red X costume.
It's strange but I can actually feel the air in the room grow tense.
After the first run in with Robin as Slade's apprentice we searched both his room and his lab for anything that would explain his actions. Of course we didn't find anything because there was nothing to find. How the mask was left behind in the kitchen I don't know. But it appears that someone stuffed it into the cupboard so he wouldn't see it.
That's… actually thoughtful, stupid but thoughtful.
When I finally tear my gaze away from the mask I look at Robin and try to gauge his reaction. I can't read his facial expression but it's obvious, even in the limited light of the room, that he's paled.
"We searched…" I begin but he waves off my explanation.
"I understand. I just don't have the best memories attached to it." His voice is steady but it's clear that he's shaken.
I watch him silently as I wonder what he could be thinking about. He knows he made a mistake and that none of us hold that against him anymore. Suddenly, I realize he must be thinking about what Starfire said to him and before I can think about what I'm doing I find I'm voicing my thoughts.
"Starfire was wrong." I blurt out… well since I've already voiced my opinion I might as well explain myself. "Maybe you and Slade are alike but the situation wasn't exactly the same. Slade doubted your loyalty as Red X. But you've never questioned ours." I pause briefly thinking back to when he stood up for me after the incident with Dr. Light.
"You thought we would hold back if we knew who we were fighting…and you were right, we would have held back." The same way we held back when he was working for Slade.
As I meet his gaze I can tell he's thinking the same thing.
What could have been an awkward situation is interrupted by the kettle. Grateful for the distraction I walk to the stove and retrieve the kettle. I fill both mugs with hot water and I'm about to pick up a tea packet when I notice what Robin is doing.
"Hot chocolate?" I ask him in mild disbelief.
He blushes and stumbles through some sort of explanation, "Um…well the weather is getting colder. I guess it's just that time of year ya know?" He pauses to compose himself. "You should try some."
I stare at him for a moment before looking at the cup of hot water in my hands. Sighing softly I decide it couldn't hurt to humor him. "Why not."
I notice his face brighten as he hands me a packet of hot chocolate and takes a seat at the kitchen table. I take a seat across from him once my drink is ready.
So we sit down across from one another neither of us saying anything, just sitting here with our drinks listening to the distant sounds of the rain. I hate to break the silence around us but I should at least let him know what I think about the drink.
"Robin." I pause to make sure I have his attention. He meets my gaze from across the table and I smile slightly before I continue. "Not bad, but…next time herbal tea."
He just smiles back at me but it's a smile that actually reaches his eyes. And I realize how long it's been since I last saw one. Not that I notice those types of things.
I'm about to return my gaze to my drink when I hear him respond.
"Deal."
I take another sip of my hot chocolate savoring both the taste and the warmth. And I find myself thinking about the last time we were at this table, during our bizarre celebration after defeating Slade.
I honestly didn't have anything in mind when I suggested we celebrate. And that breakfast monstrosity was not something I particularly enjoyed.
This is definitely more my speed.
A/N: Constructive criticism is appreciated. Tell me if the format is odd or if the POV is awkward. I realize I kinda stood on a soapbox with that part about Red X but after seeing Nevermore again I realized Robin does trust the others to a certain degree.
