A/N: *looks around* ....daaaaaaaaamn. When's the last time I updated THIS fic?

*is bombarded by fruit*

ACK! I'm sorry! I've just...kinda lost my LOTR spirit and I've been busy with my other fics...so...uh...*runs*

Disclaimer: I know, you thought I'd own it by now, but I don't. *cry* I just realized how much I miss Legolas! *throws a conniption*

Oh, and thanks for all the--.....wait. I only got three last time...*shrug* Oh well! Thanks to Dew-Shan of Egypt, Lobo Diablo Lone Wolf and BURN THE R.U.M for reviewing! I think maybe I'll update this one regularly from now on! ^^ Though I have no idea how I'm gonna end it or anything.. o_o;;

~*~*~*~*~*Bats Like Humor*~*~*~*~*~

TO RECAP: We find our hero!...err...sexy little elf?...on the run from rabid fangirls! But when he runs to a nearby cave for shelter, a drunken Aragorn awaits him! Not to mention all the bats about to rip him to shreds...*covers face* I CAN'T WATCH!!

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Gyah!" He dives to the side, barely missing the infuriated swarm. "Aragorn, wake up!"

*snore*

"Leave it to a drunk to help his friend in need..."

The cries of the bats alert him to the situation.

"Uh, uh, uh...ah-HA!" He swipes the whiskey bottle off the ground. 'I guess he DOES have his uses...'

"EEEEEEEE?!"

He takes a swig, his face contorted by the taste, and grabs a log from the fire. "Take one more step...er, FLAP closer, and I'll blow you out of this cave!"

The mass hovers a little ways off, trying to make sense out of the shouting elf.

"...e EE!" A few of the younger ones fly forward shrieking.

He quickly places the burning log in front of him and blows.

"EEEEEEEEEEE!!!" They recoil from the flame, the smell of singed fur wafting behind them.

He laughs maniacally and tips the bottle back again, beckoning them with the wood. "Come on, let's go!"

"E ee eee e ee e e..." They talk amongst themselves, throwing worried glances his way.

"Hmph," he smirks, walking over to the unconscious ranger. "You plan on sleeping all night?"

*snooore*

He frowns. "Do I have to carry you?"

*grumble*

"...are you awake?"

"Maybe."

"Aragorn!" He gives him a small kick. "Get up you lazy bum! There's a horde of fiends above us!"

"Fiends! Where?!" His eyes fly open and he jumps to his feet, spinning on his heel. "I know!" He snatches the bottle out of Legolas's hand and smashes it on a rock.

*gasp* "What are you DOING?! That was our only means of escape!"

He ignores his friend and sticks the sharp end of the glass in front of him. "I'LL CUT YA BITCH!!"

"Not again..." He watches the now ecstatic man make jabbing motions at the air.

"YA WANNA PIECE A ME!? HUH?! DO YA?!"

The bats look at each other, making amused squeaks every now and then.

Meanwhile Legolas was thinking of how Elrond would react when he found out the Prince of Mirkwood and the future King of Gondor were killed by a measly pack of bats.

"Huh?" Aragorn throws an arm over the elf's shoulder. "What's the mattah buddy?"

*twitch* "We're about to die a horrible, disgustingly painful death."

"Hehe! You're funny Leggy! But what're ya talkin' about?"

"What do you mean what am I talking abou..." He trails off, his eyes widening in surprise at the swarm of bats above them.

They were all hanging from the ceiling, delight shining in their eyes, watching the two of them intently. Some were passing around popcorn and whispering in each other's ears, earning laugh-like squeaks from their counterparts.

"What are they...what are they doing?"

"I dunno, but I'm gettin' really hungry..."

Their ears perk at his comment and bits of popcorn fall to the ground.

He dives for them. "Oooo, yummy!" They flap their wings humorously, a couple falling from their perches and rolling on the cavern floor at his hilarious antics.

"Heh...heheh...yeah."

"Mm, that was good!" He jumps up with an imaginary microphone. "Wooo! Ya like that?!"

"EE EEE EEEEE!!!"

"Thank you, thank you!" He bows before going into stand-up comedian mode. "Yeah! It's good to be back in da Cave! Who here's from the Cave?!"

"E E E!!"

"YEAH! The Cave ROCKS! Gotta love the cave!"

Legolas blinks.

"And what's the deal with lembas bread?!" He makes a disgusted face. "Exactly what do those damn elves PUT in there?! It's GOTTA give you cancer or somethin'!"

"Hey, I resent that--"

"Well, looky here everyone!" He stumbles over to his friend. "Are you Santa's little helper or a Keebler elf!?"

"That's not funny Aragorn..."

The bats squeak their approval.

"Aw, look at those golden locks...and those pointy ears...and that tight little ass..."

"Aragorn!" He blushes, slapping his hand away.

"E EEE E E E EEEE!!!!"

"It's not funny!" He points at the rapidly falling bats. "I'm not GAY!!!"

"Come on buddy, that's not what ya said last night!"

"WHAT?!"

The remainder of the bats plummet to the ground in laughter.

"What are you all laughing at?! IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!"

"E E E E E EEEE E EEE!!!!!"

He takes a deep breath and abruptly slaps Aragorn upside the head. "What the hell was that all about!?"

"I dunno..." He looks around a little before resting his eyes on the elf. "...how YOU doin'?"

"Oh, cut it out!"

"What's da mattah companion of mine?"

"...you're an idiot."

*grin*

"Come on, let's get out of here."

"Okay!"

He grabs his hand and yanks him toward the entrance of the cave.

"...e?" One of the bats sees the movement and quickly takes flight. "E E E EEEEE!!!"

'EE?!" The rest whip their heads up. "EEEEEEEEE!!!!"

"Gah!" They break into a run.

"E E E E EEE!!"

"Aragorn, hurry up!"

*huff huff pant*

"I'm getting old!"

"It's the booze! Don't let it get to you!"

"Booze? WHERE?!"

"Uh, right outside the cave!"

"YAAAYYY!!!"

He sprints ahead, dragging the flustered elf behind him.

"Whoa, whoa, WHOA!!"

The bats increase their screeching volume, sending rocks tumbling off the ceiling.

"Ah, look out!"

"Wha?" Aragorn turns to look, but catches his foot in a crack and flies forward, sending the two of them out of the cave.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" The bats scream as the exit is blockaded by boulders.

"pant pant pant*

"...that was a close one."

*wheeze huff pant*

"Hehehehe..."

"....Aragorn...is that your hand?"

*smile*

"Oh, get off!"

He shoves him away and sits up, looking at the sky.

"I hope there isn't anymore lightning."

*BOOM!*

"IIEEEEE!!!!" Aragorn squeals and jumps into his comrade's lap. "I'M SCARED LEGGY!!"

*sigh* "This is gonna be a long night..."

Little did they know a bush rustled in the distance, accompanied by laughter.

....err, psychotic giggles.

O.O;;

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A/N: *extra large gasp* What was that rustle?! Where will our heroes...*coughcough*...go!? Will I ever leave them alone!? Will the storm ever clear!? WILL I EVER OWN LORD OF THE RINGS?!

....*blink*

Tune in next time to find out. (and review! ^^)