Disclaimer: Buffy no mine. Simple enough?
They were all lined up to go. Ready to head to the heart of LA for Cordy's funeral. They got into their cars and started driving. There really was no explanation for the feelings. Feelings aren't usually clear about death. They knew for a fact that Cordelia was in a better place now. She was happy and at peace. They wanted her back, but to bring her back would be horrible. So, this is where they were. Missing her terribly, but knowing she didn't miss them or need them, but loved them as much as ever. It wasn't really sadness. It certainly wasn't happiness. It was just lots of emotion. Lots and lots of emotion.
When they got to the funeral, it didn't fit. It was very...quiet. It was the middle of the night, but still. It was too quiet to be for Cordelia. Quiet was not like Cordelia at all. If this would have been like she wanted, it probably would have been a party. With balloons and smiles and people laughing as their friends made complete fools of themselves. She would have liked it that way. This wasn't Cordelia at all. This wasn't really any of them. It was kind of like the absence of them.
Buffy was trying not to hate Cordelia. She watched Angel looking so sad. He always looked pensive, but he only gets the way he looked then about people he loves, or loved. He loved Cordelia. It was cruel and stupid, but he loved someone after her and she hated that he could do that. 'How could I be so insensitive? One of my oldest allies, no, friends is dead from being a hero and I have to try not to hate her. God, that's twisted,' she thought. She tried not to look at the entire thing and turned from it all. When she looked up she saw Spike. It was nothing unusual. She actually imagained him being around quite a bit. Sometimes she would think about little things he used to say and how he used to walk. He was one of the good ones. Well, not to start off with, but eventually he came around. Yeah, he was a hero. She turned back to the funeral with a little bit more strength than before.
She looked at him. He saw her turn and look at him. She knew he was back now. She had to. Then, why didn't she look surprised? She just looked, 'Perfect,'he thought, 'She looks bloody perfect.' But, that wasn't the point. She looked like this was just something completely ordinary. She looked like it was nothing to see someone walking around that you watched die. That's not something that you see everyday. Well, not anymore, anyways.
The funeral went through unchaotically. There were no demon attacks. There was no sudden bursting out of the coffin. It was just a lot of people mourning someone who was bright and beautiful and good. Everyone stood and watched them take the body of one of their dear friends and lower it into the ground. Then, they were supposed to leave. Just, walk away from the place where the shell of their old friend would stay forever. How are you supposed to do something like that?
Angel walked up to Buffy after the funeral.
"Someone got Cordy's visions, didn't they?" he asked already knowing the answer, "That's how you knew I needed help. Someone got a vision that told you to come save me."
Buffy looked up at Angel slowly. "Yeah, there's a little girl named Allison that just came to the school. We thought she was just a slayer, but then she told us about seeing you get hurt and we realized she had visions just like Cordy," Buffy replied quietly.
"But, there are lots of reasons she could have visions. She could be part demon or something," Angel said.
"Come on, Angel. Cordelia dies and suddenly Allison gets visions is a little too much to be just a coincedence," Buffy replied.
"How could she have considering she was..." Angel said
"I know. We think she may have connected to Allison in her dreams," Buffy said.
Angel thought for a while and couldn't take it. He didn't cry. He couldn't do that. He just stopped talking and let himself be in pain.
She knew that look. That was the look he got when it was too much and he got into his "I'm going to wallow in my own misery" face. He hurt. She hated when he hurt. She tried not to let his pain break her, but she couldn't take it. She took his hand and made him look at her.
He almost kissed her. He wanted to so badly in that moment, but he knew he couldn't. If he did he might not feel the pain and he needed the pain. He needed to be hurting for Cordelia.
She almost kissed him. She would have if she didn't see it. She saw the moment after that second she'd been happy with him. She saw the pain of wanting to be with him so much more than before, but still not being able to. She saw her heart breaking all over again. Her heart broke one too many times for her not to stop herself from running back to him in her pain.
Spike watched the two of them.
"Damn, Angel," he muttered. It wasn't fair. He loved Buffy just as much as Angel did, but he knew she just couldn't love him like she loved Angel. He'd always known that.
'You'll fight and you'll shag and you'll fight and you'll shag, but you'll never be just friends.'
He recalled saying it so many years ago. Funny, it wasn't any less true now that the two of them had been apart, and with other people, and lived, and grown up, than it was the day he first said it. The irony was really quite monumental. Everyone he'd come close to loving, besides Cecily, (but she doesn't really count now does she?) had felt exactly the same way. Now the person he loved more than anything is the only one who doesn't love him back, instead she loved the person he liked the least out of anyone he'd ever met. He couldn't imagaine how anything could have made Angel, or anyone else, leave her and hurt her like that.
"Damn, Angel," he repeated as he walked away.
They were all lined up to go. Ready to head to the heart of LA for Cordy's funeral. They got into their cars and started driving. There really was no explanation for the feelings. Feelings aren't usually clear about death. They knew for a fact that Cordelia was in a better place now. She was happy and at peace. They wanted her back, but to bring her back would be horrible. So, this is where they were. Missing her terribly, but knowing she didn't miss them or need them, but loved them as much as ever. It wasn't really sadness. It certainly wasn't happiness. It was just lots of emotion. Lots and lots of emotion.
When they got to the funeral, it didn't fit. It was very...quiet. It was the middle of the night, but still. It was too quiet to be for Cordelia. Quiet was not like Cordelia at all. If this would have been like she wanted, it probably would have been a party. With balloons and smiles and people laughing as their friends made complete fools of themselves. She would have liked it that way. This wasn't Cordelia at all. This wasn't really any of them. It was kind of like the absence of them.
Buffy was trying not to hate Cordelia. She watched Angel looking so sad. He always looked pensive, but he only gets the way he looked then about people he loves, or loved. He loved Cordelia. It was cruel and stupid, but he loved someone after her and she hated that he could do that. 'How could I be so insensitive? One of my oldest allies, no, friends is dead from being a hero and I have to try not to hate her. God, that's twisted,' she thought. She tried not to look at the entire thing and turned from it all. When she looked up she saw Spike. It was nothing unusual. She actually imagained him being around quite a bit. Sometimes she would think about little things he used to say and how he used to walk. He was one of the good ones. Well, not to start off with, but eventually he came around. Yeah, he was a hero. She turned back to the funeral with a little bit more strength than before.
She looked at him. He saw her turn and look at him. She knew he was back now. She had to. Then, why didn't she look surprised? She just looked, 'Perfect,'he thought, 'She looks bloody perfect.' But, that wasn't the point. She looked like this was just something completely ordinary. She looked like it was nothing to see someone walking around that you watched die. That's not something that you see everyday. Well, not anymore, anyways.
The funeral went through unchaotically. There were no demon attacks. There was no sudden bursting out of the coffin. It was just a lot of people mourning someone who was bright and beautiful and good. Everyone stood and watched them take the body of one of their dear friends and lower it into the ground. Then, they were supposed to leave. Just, walk away from the place where the shell of their old friend would stay forever. How are you supposed to do something like that?
Angel walked up to Buffy after the funeral.
"Someone got Cordy's visions, didn't they?" he asked already knowing the answer, "That's how you knew I needed help. Someone got a vision that told you to come save me."
Buffy looked up at Angel slowly. "Yeah, there's a little girl named Allison that just came to the school. We thought she was just a slayer, but then she told us about seeing you get hurt and we realized she had visions just like Cordy," Buffy replied quietly.
"But, there are lots of reasons she could have visions. She could be part demon or something," Angel said.
"Come on, Angel. Cordelia dies and suddenly Allison gets visions is a little too much to be just a coincedence," Buffy replied.
"How could she have considering she was..." Angel said
"I know. We think she may have connected to Allison in her dreams," Buffy said.
Angel thought for a while and couldn't take it. He didn't cry. He couldn't do that. He just stopped talking and let himself be in pain.
She knew that look. That was the look he got when it was too much and he got into his "I'm going to wallow in my own misery" face. He hurt. She hated when he hurt. She tried not to let his pain break her, but she couldn't take it. She took his hand and made him look at her.
He almost kissed her. He wanted to so badly in that moment, but he knew he couldn't. If he did he might not feel the pain and he needed the pain. He needed to be hurting for Cordelia.
She almost kissed him. She would have if she didn't see it. She saw the moment after that second she'd been happy with him. She saw the pain of wanting to be with him so much more than before, but still not being able to. She saw her heart breaking all over again. Her heart broke one too many times for her not to stop herself from running back to him in her pain.
Spike watched the two of them.
"Damn, Angel," he muttered. It wasn't fair. He loved Buffy just as much as Angel did, but he knew she just couldn't love him like she loved Angel. He'd always known that.
'You'll fight and you'll shag and you'll fight and you'll shag, but you'll never be just friends.'
He recalled saying it so many years ago. Funny, it wasn't any less true now that the two of them had been apart, and with other people, and lived, and grown up, than it was the day he first said it. The irony was really quite monumental. Everyone he'd come close to loving, besides Cecily, (but she doesn't really count now does she?) had felt exactly the same way. Now the person he loved more than anything is the only one who doesn't love him back, instead she loved the person he liked the least out of anyone he'd ever met. He couldn't imagaine how anything could have made Angel, or anyone else, leave her and hurt her like that.
"Damn, Angel," he repeated as he walked away.
