Disclaimer: If Gainax, CO JP, or ADV Films looks down at the internet and sees my fiction I will remove it.
Neon Genesis Evangelion
Metonymy by YggdrasilOmega
Prologue: What a Wonderful World/The Beginning that sets off an eventual end.
The air smelled like roses and French perfume. The bedroom was lit in candlelight as two lovers embraced each other, both wearing nothing, but they're desire and love. The boy kissed his lover on the forehead, then on both cheeks, and finally on her petal-like lips. He kissed, not with the lust of a boy or the desire of a pervert, but the love of a person that knew exactly who he loved. She began to speak, but was silenced with his finger and another long kiss that drew both deeper into the bed. Her brown eyes showed the same love for him as he started kissing lower and lower down her neck until he stopped, looking straight into her beautiful brown eyes.
"Please, Shinji, please make love to me." Hikari, his love said, "Please, I don't care what you do to me, I just... I just want you so bad."
He said nothing, but nodded as he kissed her lips on final time before both became one in a single act of love, kindness, and compassion.
."Hhmmm... Hikari...mmm...? Oh, he he...Not there! Mmm..." mumbled Shinji in his morning deep slumber.
"Mmph...mm...ohhh?"
To
say Shinji's friends didn't exactly expect this was an
understatement.
To say Hikari was taking this well being audience
to his "single act of love, kindness, and compassion"
was---well---just plain stupid.
Kensuke was first to respond by
gently kicking Shinji in the leg, though this had the adverse and
disturbing effect of Shinji saying, "Ohm Hikari, not so rough."
giving another adverse effect: turning the "audience" a deeper
shade of red that previously thought possible.
Shinji yawned waking from a dream that would be deemed, in retrospect, very pleasant. He was already having a good day in terms of mood and he was not even out of bed, yet. He must be the luckiest guy in existence to feel this good in the morning. The events following his waking would prove without a doubt that either God has a sick sense of humor or that Shinji Ikari, normal high school student, was just very unlucky. He began his day by slowly opening his eyes, better to get adjusted to the light of the sun that always pored through his window in the morning. After the sun was done blinding him for a few seconds (he saw this as only a minor inconvinence) he began to notice that he was not alone...
...as he found 5 pairs of eyes staring down at him with the most interesting shades of crimson.
Finding several people in one's home is a very frightful occurrence that sent Shinji towards an inevitable set of actions.
First
he jerked forward and sat upward very rapidly while flinging the
sheets off his body to be in semi-groggy fighting stance. In almost
slow motion Shinji Ikari, protagonist, realized two things:
1. All
his friend's had come to his house to pick him up for school and
him once again was talking in his sleep
2. With the sheets on the
floor, the, um, mayor was wishing everyone else in the room a hearty
"Good Morning!"
There was silence. The wind whistled in the distance as his company stared at him and he stared back. Then abruptly, a loud explosion was reported coming from somewhere in Tokyo-3. Most agree it sounded something like this...
"WHAT THE HELL, IDIOT! HOLY CRAP! PUT SOME FREAKING PANTS ON!
Shinji sighed as he slid inharmoniously into his seat just as the bell rang. The day had just started and because of a big middle-finger from fate, it was already ruined. He looked towards Hikari, who seemed to still have a hint of blush still on her cheeks. But that blush was countered by a scowl or rather an inhuman, evil grin that exaggerated every shadow on her face as she looked back at Shinji no less than two seconds after he started looking at her. He looked away quickly, hoping maybe she was teasing with that freakishly evil-megalomaniac, James Bond villan-esque smile of hers when a plan started to form in her mind. He hated that little blemish on her psychological profiles, err... if she had psychological profiles, it's not like he would sneak into the school counselors office at night and swiftly steal Hikari's psychological profile to study over it night and day afterwards.
He was not one of THOSE types of perverts.
Hikari, definitely, was
not in the mood to discuss this morning's happenings although the
entire school will have found them amusing by lunch time. It was only
a matter of time that Kensuke would email the entire class and the
rest of the school of his findings, it was his social prerogative. He
let out another nervous breath as he imagined his sensei finding out
about any of this. Kaij-sensei and Misato-sensei are going to have a
field day with this one.
At that moment Misato Katsuragi slowly
lurched through the doorway, letting out a yawn that sounded
something like a "Good Morning". Misato was not a normal teacher
by far, especially with looks that could kill normal high school
students from blood loss which almost happened around 2 years ago
when Misato had accidentally entered the pool during the boy's
turn.
That day was a very hard day for every male student.
At
the moment she was once again flirting with several male students,
who despite their best efforts were doomed to failure. As Misato
Katsuragi, besides denying it venomously, was known to only go out
with one Kaji Ryouji. Namely the biggest pervert in the Tokyo-3
school district. Charming as always and it was also quite known that
both Misato and Kaji had long ago started a contest to see how many
students they could make blush in a single day. This ritual followed
by a counting every lunch period on how many "victims" they had
scored. The reason Misato denies being anywhere in the vicinity of
Ryouji is still a mystery.
Well, more like it's the almost
unorthodox fighting techniques they use in arguments.
Shinji soon
turned his head after calling his name in his usual quiet manner and
began examining Hikari once again. He had met Hikari two years ago
when he moved here. He was instantly attracted by her as if her eyes
gave off a hypnotic spell; also she had a killer ass. He, like the
many others, was doomed to certain failure. Hikari was perhaps one of
the most popular girls in the school, yet by all accounts had never
been on a single date in her high school career.
Bonk! A piece of
paper slapped itself on the back of Shinji's head. Looking straight
back he found his two nusanc---friends, Kensuke and Touji. Kensuke
was always planning something, albeit perverted most of the time, to
liven up things. While Touji seemed to be a lot calmer and wiser than
he let on during class with his flamboyant acts towards Ms.
Katsuragi. They both waved and then pointed down at their laptop.
Shinji turned his attention to his own finding several emails sent to
him: seeing all of them relating towards some perverted act and a
ransom of sorts. Ahh, my good friends are blackmailing me... again,
he thought. One email though was addressed from Hikari.
His heart
beat quickened. I hope...l hope she's not mad, he thought as his
blood pressure soared into the heavens at just the chance at talking
to Hikari, digitally or not. Miming a gulp he opened the letter.
Dear
Ikari.
Sigh...like everyday at this school I find myself bored
once again. I guess we should get this morning out of the way. To
tell you the true I'm rather embarrassed at all that being said in
front of everyone though I must admit I am rather flattered. So I
have decided to risk it this once with a date with a semi-perverted
soul such as yours. I will only do so if you reply with my request
though. You must stand up right now and preach your love for me to
the class.
Right-freaking-Now you idiotic pervert
- Love and
Kisses, Hikari
He was silent for a minute, rereading the short
letter again. Imagined repercussions swimming through his mind as the
various rumor speakers began their work, he was about to give the
grapevine a whole year of gossip. He looked up and then slowly stood
up all while whispering,
"So that's why she's never been
asked. So embarrassing..."
And so Shinji Ikari walked from his
desk and into hell.
It was a joke. Really.
They didn't mean to trick Shinji so easily. It's just that he's
kind of gullible when it comes to the female part of the human
species. So, when Shinji Ikari rose from his desk, Touji and
Kensuke's jaws unhinged and abruptly slammed into the desk. They
couldn't believe Shinji didn't even see the P.S. they left saying
unsurprisingly 'Just Kidding Shinji-kun!' He was walking slowly
to the front of the class, looking out of the corners of his eyes at
his supposed 'love'. As he was about to clear his throat, a small
bit of worry arose in them.
"Shinji will be very embarrassed
after this---" Kensuke said the first idea out loud.
Touji
continued, "---And will kill us the second he gets a chance."
There
they were left to ponder the way he would kill them. That is, if he
didn't die in the front of class.
Hikari wasn't normally
known to be pissed by a boy's affections.
Shinji was a special
case.
She felt her cheeks heat up with embarrassment as she
recalled this morning's incident. Though she had a hard time
repressing the thought of how cute Shinji was when he slept. To tell
the truth, she never caught on to Shinji's advances at all. He's
a great person and most of the time you wonder if he's doing kind
acts out of just habit. That's what many girls in the class right
now felt was special about him, and so did she at a certain
level.
But this morning was unforgivable.
Her head gently
lifted to find Misato once again rambling on like an idiot to her
psychiatrist. She always did this, always started the class out like
a perfect example of a teacher, and then smashed all logic by getting
off the subject and once again talking about her "interesting"
social life. Horror crept up across her face as she realized one,
Shinji Ikari, was approaching the front of the class with a
determined albeit nervous look that seemed to keep shifting over to
where she sat.
"He wouldn't."
Shinji cleared his throat
gently reminding the class of his existence, although Ms. Katsuragi
was already about to inquire, he raised a hand for no questions. He
then looked very affectionately towards her.
The blush resumed on
her face in full force, he was very cute.
That would not save him
from the execution she had planned for him if he said what she was
thinking he'd say.
Shinji had found his way
inevitably to the front of the class. Slowly 20 pairs of eyes rolled
their way towards Shinji's person, which Misato had yet to catch or
just did not care about the "being silent part and instead began
to talk even more.
"Katsuragi-sensei I...umm...I would..."
Shinji said, trying to unsuccessfully get the attention of said
teacher. In the back of Misato's brain though, a presence was felt,
the presence of her favorite vict---student. It was widely known that
because of Shinji's bashfulness and ability to blush at anything,
he had been eliminated as a possible point in her and Kaji's
contest, which did not exist and if it did she thought it was unfair
and undemocratic that Shinji was taken out as a possible point.
On
one day alone she scored 318 successful points all because of
him.
"Ahh, Shinji-kun, what do you need, hmmmm?" She said,
lowering her upper body a little to expose Shinji to more than a
little cleavage. Even if Shinji was not part of the game anymore he
was still the most fun to tease. His Id seemed to scream My gods look
at that while his superego spoke quietly, bur forcefully: no not
right now I have something even more important than...that.
"Well...
I'd like to announce", Shinji said audibly gulping, "that
I..."
Shinji looked over the class once again, seeing everyone
staring intently at him. He then looked straight into Hikari's
beautiful brown eyes. Brown eyes that unbeknownst to Shinji's
perception betrayed fear and above all, rapid and successful reprisal
for saying anything about her. Some of the students, in a
subconscious manner, decided to position their desks as far away from
Hikari as possible.
"...Love Hikari and I would like to go out
with her next Saturday." Shinji ended, the sweat was pouring down
his face and his palms felt like he had been manhandling a fish. He
ended by smiling at Hikari which started a level of chaos unheard of
in Tokyo-3 General Public High School.
For the second time that
morning Shinji was in the middle of a silence. He looked deeper into
Hikari's eyes with his most affectionate smile he could muster, this
certainly not the correct idea as Hikari, who had at this point, the
deepest crimson he himself had ever seen jump out of her seat and run
crying out the door screaming, "Bastard!" But not before
flattening Shinji Ikari with a Mortal Kombat-like uppercut.
The
class however took this time to glare at Shinji, throw foodstuffs,
and gossip like mad. Hikari, being one of the most popular
personalities at the school was not to be messed with and from the
looks of things; he was going to have a LONG day.
"Incoming!" yelled
Kensuke, soon after another piece of today's menu slammed into
their table. For the last ten minutes that was their routine. Someone
would tell the story of the day and soon after they'd have to duck
to avoid being hit with another food item. The teachers who were
supposed to stop such "routines" were presently in a "friendly"
conversation about their students.
That is to say Kaji and Misato
were again tallying up their scores and arguing with each other over
some trivial matter. The students had seen so much of it in the past
year that it had slowly turned from entertainment to just a normal
part of life. So the three notorious bachelors of the school were
resigned to having food thrown at them until said meals hit
Misato.
Like right now.
Wham!
"Who the hell threw
that?" Misato screamed, jumping out of her chair and scanning
the lunch room for possible targets to her now incomprehensible
fury.
Hell if you spent 3 hours a night and hundreds of dollars on
your hair you'd be pissed too.
Kaji was the first to speak
up...thankfully. "Katsuragi come on it's not that bad
really..."
This was met with a very loud slap by a very, very
angry Ms. Misato Katsuragi as she turned to face the scared to death
Mr. Ryouji. Although Kaji had witnessed many horrible sites in his
life; War, famine, and poverty had nothing on how Misato now looked
at him. As the verbal assault started many consider some of the words
that Ms. Katsuragi used were not really words, but swear words
combined to form even more complex swear words. All the students
silently thanked Mr. Ryouji for his bravery. The last time Misato had
not been given an answer to such a grotesque crime the whole student
body ran circles around the school until a freshman admitted the
transgression.
He was never seen again.
No one dared to
throw even a pea afterwards lest they invite certain doom from a
certain female vixen. So the boys once again sat peaceful away from
harm. Kensuke and Touji were still feeling guilty about this morning,
but they too were scared. Shinji once had to defend himself against a
no-name bully when he first came to Tokyo-3. It had not been
pretty.
"Hey kid do you think you can just come in and take
all my glory?"
"Umm, sorry...I'm just new and I guess people
around this place are really bored or something."
The bully
walked closer, making his several inches of extra height even more
intimidating.
"Well, I guess I'll just have to remind people
that things can always get interesting with me around,"' he said
pulling back his arm as much as he could while aiming his impending
fist at Shinji Ikari.
Slam! Although the bully didn't understand
what exactly hit him, there were clues such as Shinji's fist rammed
into his solar plexus and coming around—
Smack!
—with a
left hook. As the boy drooped over, coughing up several ounces of
blood. Shinji turned and walked away.
"Hey you son of a b
come back here and finish what you start" screamed the bully, blood
running down the side of his mouth oblivious to the apparent
hypocrite he was starting to become. Then he and several others,
Kensuke and Touji included, witnessed one of the most terrifying
things they'd ever seen.
Shinji turned back around looking him
straight in the eye with his own cold dark blue eyes and whispered
without hint of emotion, "I'm sorry for troubling you, really I
am. But please don't threaten me—ever." No one ever bothered
him with physical violence ever again and something else happened
after that.
Shinji walked away and the legend of Iron-Balls Ikari
was born.
But Shinji wouldn't hurt his best friends in the entire world over such a simple misunderstanding...would he? They didn't know and sure as hell didn't want to find out right now.
Shinji sighed for the one thousand-thirty-second time that day. He had counted ever since he woke up and thought of calling up some people on the idea of a world record. Today had been terrible, alright that was an understatement. The only way to even comprehend what Shinji was feeling at the moment would have you being retched from a dying grasshopper's mouth, eaten by a larger grasshopper, and subsequently digested.
To be Continued…
Author's Notes: I kind of want to congratulate myself for fixing most of the typos and grammatical mistakes. When I originally posted this story I forgot to actually proofread more than the parts I liked, so a few of the middles got tarnished. It's mostly fixed. Characters are WAAAAYYY out of characters, especially Hikari and ESPECIALLY Shinji. Look I know these things, Hell, if you made it through the prologue without vomiting I think I'd be proud of that. The formatting needs a fixing, too, can't forget that now can I? You actually might be wondering about the characterization: No I am not rewriting Shinji, Hikari, and the rest of the cast so I can make a "Shinji becomes less me mentally disturbed and kills all the antagonists in the story without once sweating profusely" fan fictions. I will be writing an alternate universe to the one in NGE episode 26.
As for reviewing, Claymor3 is one of my friends and likes to bad mouth me because he thinks he's clever. As for the rest of you—do as you wish, just don't waste my precious internet space.
Peace, YO
