Norrington sighed. He had hidden near the fort, and was hoping that no-one could see him.

"What the devil has gotten into Turner and Elizabeth?" he wondered. "Perhaps it's the water…"

Suddenly, a hand clasped his shoulder.

"AAAAAAAARGH!" screamed Norrington, bearing a striking resemblance to a woman.

"Calm down sir, it's only me." Said the man, who happened to be Norrington's Number One Yes-Man, Gillette.

"Oh, Gillette, thank God…" said Norrington, standing up. "I think Miss Swann and that Blacksmith Turner have gone mad! They've been… talking to me in ways that are quite unacceptable!"

"Calm down sir!" said Gillette. "You're very tense…" Gillette began massaging Norrington's shoulders. Norrington shoved Gillette off him.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Just trying to get you to relax, sir."

"I don't need you giving me a bloody massage, man! I need help! What do you think is going on?"

At Norrington's shouts, Murtogg and Mullroy hurried over. "What's wrong sir?" asked Murtogg.

"I think he needs a lie-down." Said Gillette. "He's probably very overworked."

"Ah, yes sir, you're an inspiration to us all." Said Mullroy. "But perhaps you need a rest?"

"I don't need a rest! I need someone to tell me what's going on with Turner and Miss Swann, and why they've been acting so strange!"

"I don't think their actions are strange at all, sir." Said Gillette, moving closer to Norrington. "You're a very attractive man…"

Commodore Norrington uttered a sound that was suspiciously similar to "Meep!"

"Gillette's right, sir. You're big, fluffy white wig is very nice-looking…" Mullroy added, moving closer on the other side of Norrington.

"And that's no lie!" said Murtogg, coming towards him.

Norrington was now cornered between 3 men and a wall.

"Dear God, not you as well!!! WHAT IS GOING ON!?!"

Norrington pushed his way out of the circle and ran for his… honor. As he ran, he saw random people turn, stare, and declare their passionate and undying love for him.

"NOOOOOO!!! THIS IS AGAINST ALL THAT IS RIGHT IN THE WORLD!!!"

He suddenly ran into a man. "ARGH! KEEP AWAY FROM ME!!!"

The man looked puzzled. "What are you on about, mate?"

"Wait a minute, I know you! Jack Sparrow!"

"CAPTIAN Jack Sparrow, if you don't mind…"

"Just what I need right now… my world is turned upside down, my wig is loosing its poof from all the running, and I'm talking to a PIRATE!!!"

"WOAH! Stop screaming, mate, you'll bust my eardrums… and that really wouldn't be a pretty sight…blood comin' out me ears and all…"

"Wait a minute, you're not attracted to me, are you?"

"…And when you think about it, you scream very much like a woman… rather frightening… and your wig makes you look 50 years older than you really are… so I'd rather not met my demise at the hands of ye, no offense, mate, and… Wait, what?"

Norrington jumped onto a conveniently placed bed in the middle of the street that revolved and began striking poses in a pale imitation of Austin Powers.

"Do I make you horny, baby? Do I? Do I make you…"

"Stop that, stop that!"

Norrington hopped off the bed.

"Well?"

"Please, never do that again… I have a massive hangover and you're not making it any better…in fact, I think I've been scarred for life just now, thanks very much, mate…"

"But are you madly in love with me?"

"Erm… sorry to disappoint you, mate, but I just don't swing that way."

Norrington breathed a sigh of relief. Jack looked confused. "Commodore Norringwhatzitz, what's going on?"

"THAT'S WHAT I'D LIKE TO KNOW!!!"

Jack put up a hand. "Please, no more screaming… no more…"

"Sorry, Pirate."

"I have a name, you know."

Norrington rolled his eyes. "Sorry, Jack Sparrow."

"CAPTIAN!!! CAPTIAN JACK SPARROW!!!"

"All I know is this: I woke up this morning, and everyone was in love with me… except for you."

Jack sat down on a barrel. "Well, Commodore Nottingham…"

"Norrington."

"Close enough, mate. Well, it seems to me you've got The Curse, and you've got it bad…I'm not affected, because I was drunk last night, which is probably when it started… I love rum… bloody fun stuff… once, that wench Elizabeth burned it all… I cried…not in public of course, waited 'til I was all on my onesie, savvy? But believe you me, Commodore Knox…"

"Norrington."

"CLOSE ENOUGH!"

"What is this… 'Curse' you speak of?"

"Well… it's an awful thing…The Curse of the Self-Mary-Sue…everyone around you falls in love with you…can't get rid of 'em, savvy? They'll just keep comin' atcha…" Sparrow wobbled on his barrel. "It's hell, I can tell you…"

"And how do I get rid of the curse?"

"What do you think, mate? You must go to the Authoress… a terrifying beast, not quite human… and demand that she let you go free."

"That sounds simple enough. Where is this Authoress you speak of?"

"Ha!" Sparrow smirked. "That's just it. You wouldn't know!"

"Now see here, Pirate! I've sailed all over the Caribbean, I think I can find a bloody Authoress!"

"You can't. She lives on an island that is invisible to all except to those who have been there…"

"This is sounding more and more like what you told us about the Black Pearl."

"And I was right, wasn't I?"

Commodore Norrington crossed his arms. "And I suppose YOU know where it is?"

"I've been there once or twice… free rum… drank the place dry… good times, good times…"

"Then take me there."

"What?" asked Jack, incredulous. "You expect me to do this for you for nothing?"

"I should arrest you right now, but I'm hiding from the rest of the men."

Jack brought his face close to Norrington. "What'll ya give me, eh mate?"

"I do not make deals with pirates."

Suddenly, Governor Swann ran by not seeing them. "Oh Commodore Norrington? Where are you, darling? I'd like a word with you, Lover!"

"EEP!" Norrington turned quickly to Sparrow. "What do you want?"

Jack smiled, showing his gold teeth. "Now we're talkin'."

"Gold? Silver?"

Jack laughed. "Too small for me, Commodore Nuttybar."

"Norrington."

"Close enough. Anyway… I want…" Jack spun around in a circle with his eyes shut for a few seconds, pointing his finger straight out in front of himself, then stopped and opened his eyes. He was pointing at a beautiful new ship in the harbor.

"I want that."

Norrington exploded. "THE SS SEAMONKEY!?! NO WAY IN HELL!!!"

Governor Swann's voice drifted through the air. "Norrington! My love, my lust, the one I imagine tied to a bed covered in whipped crème and marshmallow-y stuff… Where are you?"

Norrington turned and hastily shook Jack's hand. "It's yours. Now can we go?"

"Certainly. Let me just get my effects." Jack reached inside of the barrel and pulled out his hat, sword, and pistol. Jack began stroking the hat and talking to it softly.

"Well luv, we're going on another adventure, you 'n me…"

Norrington stared at Sparrow with a look of confusion on his face.

"That man is very odd." Norrington said to his wig.