Disclaimer: I do not own "Mahou Tsukai Tai" or any of its characters.
"Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action."
- Hamlet, Act III, Scene I, "Hamlet"
Lose the Name of Action
chapter three: "catch the conscience"
The only thing I could think about throughout the entire day was Aburatsubo. It was only Aya. All because he asked to kiss me. Asked. He didn't just tackle me and attempted to molest me right in the middle of the street. He just sat there and asked me as nicely as I've ever heard in my life.
Why didn't I just let him? He looked so sad. So incredibly sad.
But… But what if the neighbors had seen? What if they had looked out their windows just in time to see Aburatsubo, only in a towel, straddling my waist, holding my wrists above my head, and lean in and kiss me? What would they think? Would they jump back in surprise? Would they look in disgust and turn away from their windows while they pondered what had went wrong with the two of us? Everybody already knows I'm strange, they don't need the thought of what Aburatsubo and I could do together to stir their already ill feelings of me.
And what if Sawanoguchi saw? Or Nakatomi? What if all three girls saw? What would they think? Aikawa, would she mind? Would she even care? What about Nakatomi? Or worse, Sawanoguchi? What if she saw Aburatsubo and I together and lost all respect for me?
The more I think about it, the happier I am that I told him a flat out "no". Sadness or not, it would be better for the both of us. He would eventually get over it, I was sure about that. He always got over all of my reactions towards his hugs, kisses, and attempted molestations. I swear, he gets more and more desperate by the minute. Why did he choose me, of all people, to latch onto? He could have any girl he wanted in our entire school, why did he fall for me? It's extremely disturbing. I remember the first few days after he told me that he was attracted to me how horribly awkward us being together--especially alone together--was. It makes me shudder to think about it. I just wish that he would get over himself and become a normal--
"Takakura!"
The sound of a female voice brings me rushing back into reality. I blinked and saw that I was in the Club room, still in school uniform. After a few seconds, I realized that Sawanoguchi, Nakatomi, and Aikawa were all in the room. I was alone with three of the girls. No Aburatsubo at all. Just the girls and me. What could we do together?
"Mr. Takakura, Miss Sawanoguchi would like to talk to you." I felt someone grab my arm and shake me rather roughly. It was enough to bring me back from another daydream. I blinked, again, and saw that Aikawa had grabbed a hold of my arm. "You're being so rude!"
"Oh! I'm sorry!" I stammered as I shook my head and looked at Sawanoguchi. She looked so cute and innocent, especially in her school girl uniform.
"Takakura, I was wondering if you wanted me to make snacks for the party after school…" She said in a quiet voice as she looked at the ground, her face becoming redder with each word. I felt my own face grow hot. Sawanoguchi, make snacks for my party? Oh, I would love that! Yes! Yes, Sawanoguchi! Go ahead! Make your snacks of love and I will smother myself in them!
"Y-yes, that would be fine." I managed to get out before my imagination took me over.
There was a horribly awkward silence after that. I'm sure Sawanoguchi was happily listing off all the snacks that she could possibly make inside of her brain.
"Takakura? Where's Aburatsubo?" Nakatomi finally asked after what seemed like a year. I wanted to sigh, but I didn't. He didn't seem sick at all when I went over to his house to pick him up for school. He just looked sad. And lonely. Maybe I should've kissed him. Maybe that one action would've made him feel better. He is a good friend of mine, right? Shouldn't I be entitled to one random act of kindness per friend? I should've. "I didn't see him in school today…"
"He's sick." And I should've kissed him.
"Sick? Mr. Aburatsubo has never missed a day! Are you sure he's all right?" Nakatomi's tone went from interrogation to worry. "He's never been sick. He's always been here."
"What if it's some horrible disease and he has to go to the hospital?" Sawanoguchi chimed in. Nakatomi gasped. Aikawa was as silent as the day is long. I didn't blame her. When the two girls got together with their thoughts, their logic didn't seem much like logic.
"No, he'll be fine." Liar. You didn't kiss him.
Why, all of the sudden, do I have this strong urge to kiss Aburatsubo? I am straight, aren't I? Would one kiss, to a friend, make me like boys? Do I like boys? What if I really do and I'm just lying to myself by fantasizing about girls? Has my entire high school career been a lie? Should I have allowed Aburatsubo to swoon over me and not given it another thought? What if I do like Aburatsubo the same way he likes me? What then? What would the girls think? What would everybody think?
"Everyone, there will be no Club today. Go home and get ready for the party, I guess. I hope to see all of you there! Just to make sure you remember, it's at my house at seven." I felt much like a robot, reciting useless information off to anyone who would listen. I did hope my end-of-the-year party would be fun. "And Sawanoguchi, bring as much food as you like."
Before I could see her giddy reaction, I headed out of the Club room and made my way out of the school. I needed some time alone. Some time to think.
"He sounded so desperate…" I thought aloud as I replayed the morning's event for the hundredth time in my head. For some strange reason, Aburatsubo--near tears--looming over me in nothing but a towel with still-dripping wet hair had driven itself into my brain and there was no way I would be able to get it out. "He looked like a lost child. Aya, what was wrong with you this morning?"
I sighed and jammed my hands into my pockets as I picked up the pace down the sidewalk. I wanted to get home, get my house and myself ready for the party. I knew everyone was coming; Aikawa had been talking about outfits that all three of the girls had recently bought. I had paid no attention; I had been watching Aburatsubo the entire time.
As if it took all of his strength to keep himself up, Aburatsubo leaned against the table in the Club room heavily. So much weight had seemed to appear on his shoulders throughout the week and nothing appeared to be helping relieve the load. He wasn't standing up straight as normal. His back was as crooked as the letter "C". His maroon hair had lost all of its shine and hung limply on his shoulders. Before, it had seemed to dance around as he moved, as if it was alive--part of him. Part of his being. His bright green eyes always seemed to accompany his hair in radiance. But now, they lacked the life they once possessed. Now they seemed haunted and nothing more than a shadow. Even his uniform seemed to be uncomfortable for him. His Club uniform, which he looked best in out of all the other members, looked almost awkward on him. Everything just seemed wrong with his appearance.
I sighed heavily at the memory.
It hurt to see him so lonely and sad and just overall wrong. Was he nervous about leaving home for college? I know I was. England, to study magic. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that it would actually happen to me. The entire thought made me giddy. I could not wait to step foot into the ancient school. All my life I've wanted to become a great magician and now I would have the chance.
I admit it; I would miss Sawanoguchi the most. Recently, she and I had been sharing more memories and ideas with each other than we ever had. I was beginning to feel a very close tie with the soon-to-be-upperclassman. I was planning on seeing her a lot this summer. I was also planning on coming back home every chance I got to see her.
But what about Aburatsubo?
"He must be nervous, that's all." I thought aloud as I turned a corner. But how was I to know that for sure? How was I to know what exactly my friend was thinking every minute of the day? I knew most of his thoughts were directed at me. His actions showed me that. But what about everything else? Did he think about the future? Did he think about his past? Did he ever think about himself?
"What it, Takeo, you're getting a little too deep." I chuckled to myself. Analyzing Aburatsubo's mind was a challenging thing that I don't think I was up to. I had a hard enough time trying to figure myself out. "Just use your party to figure him out, man. That's the easiest way to go about it. Casually watch him and figure out what's going on in his mind."
It was all too simple.
I turned and stepped into my driveway. I had much preparing to do.
Comments: Takeo is probably the hardest character to write for in MTT. I had the strongest urge to go into a fantasy but I don't think my brain is capable enough of creating one crazy enough to call Takeo's. So, I just settled for some rambling. Alas. The rest of this story will be Aya POV, as it should be.
"Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action."
- Hamlet, Act III, Scene I, "Hamlet"
Lose the Name of Action
chapter three: "catch the conscience"
The only thing I could think about throughout the entire day was Aburatsubo. It was only Aya. All because he asked to kiss me. Asked. He didn't just tackle me and attempted to molest me right in the middle of the street. He just sat there and asked me as nicely as I've ever heard in my life.
Why didn't I just let him? He looked so sad. So incredibly sad.
But… But what if the neighbors had seen? What if they had looked out their windows just in time to see Aburatsubo, only in a towel, straddling my waist, holding my wrists above my head, and lean in and kiss me? What would they think? Would they jump back in surprise? Would they look in disgust and turn away from their windows while they pondered what had went wrong with the two of us? Everybody already knows I'm strange, they don't need the thought of what Aburatsubo and I could do together to stir their already ill feelings of me.
And what if Sawanoguchi saw? Or Nakatomi? What if all three girls saw? What would they think? Aikawa, would she mind? Would she even care? What about Nakatomi? Or worse, Sawanoguchi? What if she saw Aburatsubo and I together and lost all respect for me?
The more I think about it, the happier I am that I told him a flat out "no". Sadness or not, it would be better for the both of us. He would eventually get over it, I was sure about that. He always got over all of my reactions towards his hugs, kisses, and attempted molestations. I swear, he gets more and more desperate by the minute. Why did he choose me, of all people, to latch onto? He could have any girl he wanted in our entire school, why did he fall for me? It's extremely disturbing. I remember the first few days after he told me that he was attracted to me how horribly awkward us being together--especially alone together--was. It makes me shudder to think about it. I just wish that he would get over himself and become a normal--
"Takakura!"
The sound of a female voice brings me rushing back into reality. I blinked and saw that I was in the Club room, still in school uniform. After a few seconds, I realized that Sawanoguchi, Nakatomi, and Aikawa were all in the room. I was alone with three of the girls. No Aburatsubo at all. Just the girls and me. What could we do together?
"Mr. Takakura, Miss Sawanoguchi would like to talk to you." I felt someone grab my arm and shake me rather roughly. It was enough to bring me back from another daydream. I blinked, again, and saw that Aikawa had grabbed a hold of my arm. "You're being so rude!"
"Oh! I'm sorry!" I stammered as I shook my head and looked at Sawanoguchi. She looked so cute and innocent, especially in her school girl uniform.
"Takakura, I was wondering if you wanted me to make snacks for the party after school…" She said in a quiet voice as she looked at the ground, her face becoming redder with each word. I felt my own face grow hot. Sawanoguchi, make snacks for my party? Oh, I would love that! Yes! Yes, Sawanoguchi! Go ahead! Make your snacks of love and I will smother myself in them!
"Y-yes, that would be fine." I managed to get out before my imagination took me over.
There was a horribly awkward silence after that. I'm sure Sawanoguchi was happily listing off all the snacks that she could possibly make inside of her brain.
"Takakura? Where's Aburatsubo?" Nakatomi finally asked after what seemed like a year. I wanted to sigh, but I didn't. He didn't seem sick at all when I went over to his house to pick him up for school. He just looked sad. And lonely. Maybe I should've kissed him. Maybe that one action would've made him feel better. He is a good friend of mine, right? Shouldn't I be entitled to one random act of kindness per friend? I should've. "I didn't see him in school today…"
"He's sick." And I should've kissed him.
"Sick? Mr. Aburatsubo has never missed a day! Are you sure he's all right?" Nakatomi's tone went from interrogation to worry. "He's never been sick. He's always been here."
"What if it's some horrible disease and he has to go to the hospital?" Sawanoguchi chimed in. Nakatomi gasped. Aikawa was as silent as the day is long. I didn't blame her. When the two girls got together with their thoughts, their logic didn't seem much like logic.
"No, he'll be fine." Liar. You didn't kiss him.
Why, all of the sudden, do I have this strong urge to kiss Aburatsubo? I am straight, aren't I? Would one kiss, to a friend, make me like boys? Do I like boys? What if I really do and I'm just lying to myself by fantasizing about girls? Has my entire high school career been a lie? Should I have allowed Aburatsubo to swoon over me and not given it another thought? What if I do like Aburatsubo the same way he likes me? What then? What would the girls think? What would everybody think?
"Everyone, there will be no Club today. Go home and get ready for the party, I guess. I hope to see all of you there! Just to make sure you remember, it's at my house at seven." I felt much like a robot, reciting useless information off to anyone who would listen. I did hope my end-of-the-year party would be fun. "And Sawanoguchi, bring as much food as you like."
Before I could see her giddy reaction, I headed out of the Club room and made my way out of the school. I needed some time alone. Some time to think.
"He sounded so desperate…" I thought aloud as I replayed the morning's event for the hundredth time in my head. For some strange reason, Aburatsubo--near tears--looming over me in nothing but a towel with still-dripping wet hair had driven itself into my brain and there was no way I would be able to get it out. "He looked like a lost child. Aya, what was wrong with you this morning?"
I sighed and jammed my hands into my pockets as I picked up the pace down the sidewalk. I wanted to get home, get my house and myself ready for the party. I knew everyone was coming; Aikawa had been talking about outfits that all three of the girls had recently bought. I had paid no attention; I had been watching Aburatsubo the entire time.
As if it took all of his strength to keep himself up, Aburatsubo leaned against the table in the Club room heavily. So much weight had seemed to appear on his shoulders throughout the week and nothing appeared to be helping relieve the load. He wasn't standing up straight as normal. His back was as crooked as the letter "C". His maroon hair had lost all of its shine and hung limply on his shoulders. Before, it had seemed to dance around as he moved, as if it was alive--part of him. Part of his being. His bright green eyes always seemed to accompany his hair in radiance. But now, they lacked the life they once possessed. Now they seemed haunted and nothing more than a shadow. Even his uniform seemed to be uncomfortable for him. His Club uniform, which he looked best in out of all the other members, looked almost awkward on him. Everything just seemed wrong with his appearance.
I sighed heavily at the memory.
It hurt to see him so lonely and sad and just overall wrong. Was he nervous about leaving home for college? I know I was. England, to study magic. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that it would actually happen to me. The entire thought made me giddy. I could not wait to step foot into the ancient school. All my life I've wanted to become a great magician and now I would have the chance.
I admit it; I would miss Sawanoguchi the most. Recently, she and I had been sharing more memories and ideas with each other than we ever had. I was beginning to feel a very close tie with the soon-to-be-upperclassman. I was planning on seeing her a lot this summer. I was also planning on coming back home every chance I got to see her.
But what about Aburatsubo?
"He must be nervous, that's all." I thought aloud as I turned a corner. But how was I to know that for sure? How was I to know what exactly my friend was thinking every minute of the day? I knew most of his thoughts were directed at me. His actions showed me that. But what about everything else? Did he think about the future? Did he think about his past? Did he ever think about himself?
"What it, Takeo, you're getting a little too deep." I chuckled to myself. Analyzing Aburatsubo's mind was a challenging thing that I don't think I was up to. I had a hard enough time trying to figure myself out. "Just use your party to figure him out, man. That's the easiest way to go about it. Casually watch him and figure out what's going on in his mind."
It was all too simple.
I turned and stepped into my driveway. I had much preparing to do.
Comments: Takeo is probably the hardest character to write for in MTT. I had the strongest urge to go into a fantasy but I don't think my brain is capable enough of creating one crazy enough to call Takeo's. So, I just settled for some rambling. Alas. The rest of this story will be Aya POV, as it should be.
