Author's Notes: (Jan. 19, 2002)

I've uploaded this to html format. ^_^ And also changed my name to g3ozLizh. Much thanks to all the signed authors who reviewed!

Author's Notes:

Yup, I sort of changed my name from g3oz to g3ozL!zh. Hope you don't mind. Anyway, I'll write the chapter 3 of the story for I may not get any free time on weekdays… school stuff. But don't worry, I'll try to update it every free time I've got. To Jurie, thanks for the review. *_*

Disclaimer: Okay, I don't own FY.

Still Loving You…

By: g3ozLizh

Chapter 3

Am I really that predictable? And… and readable --- if that's really the appropriate term for it? Miaka slowed down to try to catch up with her breath. She had been nervous that Nuriko would try to run after her and ask her questions, ones that she doesn't want to answer. As she rounded a corner, she caught a glimpse of Hotohori's chamber.

It's really going to happen… She bit down on her lower lip to keep it from quivering. I don't really have the final decision yet but I know that I have to choose one of them. I can't keep both of them waiting forever. And I've been postponing the answer to that question. She sighed resolutely.

I think I know the answer but I just can't admit it to myself… Oh, how selfish I am! I want both of them so badly that I'm afraid to choose. Afraid to get hurt… but what kind of girl doesn't? She had been closing her eyes that she didn't notice she was only 3 feet away from the room until she caught a smell… that calming aroma which could only come from his room. Miaka's eyes snapped open and so did her pace. She could feel her heart hammering against her rib cage so hard, she wouldn't think it impossible if it jumped out of her system. Finally, after berating herself, she took a step, slowly… quietly… then another until simultaneously. Clutching her heart, she whispers, "Oh, Hotohori. I'm so sorry…"

~ * @@@ * ~

Just as Hotohori was about to go to Miaka's room, a knock resounded from the door. Hotohori held his breath. Miaka… Eyes glued to the door, he waited to hear her voice. And so he did.

"Hotohori? Can…" As if hesitating, "…can I come in?" Miaka's softhearted voice floated through the door.

Miaka… Hotohori's eyes never blinked, just staring directly at the door.

When he didn't answer, Miaka's worriedly asked, "Hotohori?"

At the sound of her voice again, he snapped out of his little reverie, blinking a few times. "Yes, yes, Miaka. You can come in. I've been waiting --- forever, he thought silently --- for you." He took a step forward, almost awkwardly, as he didn't know what to do. There was a pause so when he was about to open the door himself, Miaka emerged from it. He caught his breath. He had never seen Miaka so beautiful as she appears now. Her normally pale cheeks were flushed pink, making her look more delicate than she already is. Her warm chocolate brown eyes glittered softly, as if she had been crying. Had she? Am I causing her pain?

A pained look crossed Hotohori's features and Miaka, noticing it, flinched. Isn't he happy to see me? Can he read what's on my mind? Miaka shuddered, thinking of what that means if she really was correct. Then maybe Nuriko was right. I can't hide anything. They just stared at each other. So that would mean that I don't have to say anything. At least it would lessen the pain I know would be there once I say those words.

What is she thinking? Not having a moment to loose, Hotohori closed the gap between them, running, opening his arms as he did. "Miaka…"

At this, Miaka met him in the center and fell into his arms. Hot tears, which she had been bottling up, streamed down her cheeks.

Hotohori felt so happy for Miaka was in his arms that it took him a moment longer to realize that Miaka was crying. Because at the instant Miaka was in his arms, he forgot she wasn't his yet. He pushed her head up with his chest, making her look up. The face that confronted him depleted all his dreams and hopes. This isn't how she is suppose to react…unless…

Hotohori had been staring blankly at her that at the moment she mentioned his name, he blinked his eyes and focused it on her. She dropped her gaze and gently broke away from Hotohori's embrace. Back towards him, she spoke, "Hotohori," Silently adding, I don't know how to say this. "you have been very good to me." She sniffed, bracing herself as if the temperature went suddenly cold. "And… and…" Her voice shook and ended up sobbing.

Hotohori knew what was about to happen so he placed a hand on her shoulder to comfort her This may be the last time I get to touch her. Even though it was breaking his heart to know the unspoken answer. "I love Tamahome more." But to hear her say it was unbearable. His hands dropped to his sides and, silently, tears of yearning and rejection flowed freely down his cheeks.

Miaka suddenly turned around to face the man she wouldn't be able to love anymore. "I'm so sorry, Hotohori." Her tearful eyes were pleadingly looking at him to face her. Please look at me, Hotohori… Please, look at me.

When Hotohori did look up, it was enough to crush her heart. For the man who was usually so calm and composed was gazing at her with a face full of sadness and pain. Greater than she had ever seen him in. Seeing this, Miaka flung her arms around him and embraced him tightly. Voice trembling, "Please forgive, Hotohori…" She pressed her tearful face against Hotohori's chest.

"I understand, Miaka." He lifted her chin up with his finger. He smiled down sadly at her. "Tamahome sure is a lucky man. I know that you would be very happy with him." But you can also be happy with me. He wanted to add. Why him? Why not just me? But he knew that he should not sound so dejected for Miaka's sake for he couldn't bear to see her crying. For you, Miaka, I'd endure anything… even if it's ripping me apart.

"Oh, Hotohori…" A small bittersweet smile formed at the corners of her mouth. "Thank you." She blinked once and a lone tear fell on her already wet cheek.

They just stared at each other like that for what seemed like eternity, arms around each other, memorizing each detail, each feature, whatever they could about each other at the little time they have left and engraving it in their minds and hearts. They know that this would be last sweet memory they will have together, along with the other memories that each of them will treasure for life.

Finally, Hotohori spoke. "Miaka, would it be okay to… to kiss you one last time and to say I love you?"

Miaka nodded, trembling with unexplained emotions --- emotions that she didn't know she harbored.

So with her consent, Hotohori leaned down, bringing his lips closer to the woman he loved but will love forever. At the touch of his lips on hers, Miaka's whole body quivered, melting in his warm embrace. Such strong feelings for him and yet… I can't show that feeling back. Not anymore… In between kisses, Hotohori would whisper I love yous and Miaka just can't help kissing him back. It's as if they're doing everything now to fill those years to come that they're not together anymore.

When the kissing stopped, Miaka felt the heavy burden being lifted away but also replaced by an emptiness in her heart that she knew would never be fulfilled. You'll find someone special, Hotohori. One that will love you more than I do. Miaka slightly flinched but accepted the thought anyway.

"Be happy, Miaka." Hotohori smiled kindly, gently wiping the last tear away.

Miaka nodded, smiling. "I will."

With one last look, Miaka broke away from the embrace and ran. Ran to newfound happiness… ran to whatever it is that awaited her. Tamahome…

Author's Notes:

Yes, I have to say something again. Don't think that this is it already. The story hasn't even really started yet. Just hang on in there. What is to come will be juicier. Trust me. *_* So 'till next time. Sayonara!