Author's Notes:

Blame it on my school work and all. Heaven knows how I tried to get started on this chapter. Nevertheless, I'm very sorry for the wait. And hey, I haven't been getting enough reviews lately. Is my fic turning bad? :{ Hope not!

Disclaimer: FY's not mine.

Still Loving You…

By: g3ozLizh

Chapter 10

Right after her devastating conversation with Hotohori, she packed her backpack with all the necessary things she needed. Even though she was fuming inside, tears were falling down her cheeks. She hastily brushed them off as she stuffed granola bars and mosquito repellant into her almost bursting bag.

The tears she is shedding… for some reason, she can't simply convince herself that these tears were solely the effect of her fight with Hotohori. No, it was more that that. It was more on what she told him.

At this thought, their conversation repeatedly played in her mind. More tears escaped and after a while, she finally gave in. She slumped down on the floor, leaning on the edge of her bed. She brought her knees to her chest and just let all her frustrations, all her regrets, all her sadness flow from the windows of her soul.

I can't believe I just brushed him off like that. She squeezed her eyes shut, willing the pressure to nullify the ugly scar in her heart. What came over me??? She kept on weeping.

Footsteps can be heard approaching her room. Slow, even, firm footsteps. Those that can only belong to a single person.

Glancing towards the direction of the door, Miaka's heart thudded in her chest. Honestly, she doesn't know what to do if ever Hotohori enters her room. Will she tell him off again? Will she cry? Ask forgiveness? But the question that weighs the more is this: What is Hotohori's purpose for coming? Will he comfort her? Tell her that they can just forget about what happened? Will he stop her from going, ask her to stay? Will he still stand his ground that he loves her still…?

Or maybe, he'll tell me that I was right. He has to move on. That he can just eventually get over his love --- NO! Wiping the stray tears, she cleared her throat and fanned her wet face. She waited.

The footsteps finally stopped, right in front of her room. She can tell by the silhouette.

With abated breath, she waited for the doors to slid open. Much as she is nervous and confused, she wanted to experience for herself that Hotohori still cares. If he will still comfort her after what happened. Just as he always did.

… and waited. No wind came from the door. It is still closed. Then to both her relief and disappointment, the footsteps retreated until she can no longer make out the silhouette.

For a moment in time, Miaka just sat there, motionless. Her eyes were cloudy, staring blankly into space towards the direction of the door.

She can feel them.

Miaka turned her gaze away, turning her head away yet never blinking. She mechanically, like in a trance, wrapped her arms around her legs and pressed them close to her body, letting out a slow, long sigh.

As if she's suppressing sobs.

Miaka squinted back tears, biting her lower lip till it hurts. Though with that pain, she still tried to hold back tears. Standing listlessly, her body willed her to seek comfort in her bed. She gently lied down, still in a trance, curling up like a ball. She hugged a pillow and as soon as her head settled on its cool surface, the never drying river of tears flowed.

~ * @@@ * ~

Hotohori can't figure out what he had done wrong. Was he letting his forbidden feelings to show out there in the open? Was he letting his feelings control, manipulate his actions that Miaka took it as an advantage on his part since Tamahome isn't there?

Am I doing the wrong?

He wanted so much to talk to Miaka again and clear things that right after a few minutes she left, he went directly to her room. As he was standing right in front of the door, he did nothing. He could just slide the door with ease. But emotional stress takes a lot more that exerting physical effort, even how small the action is.

For the past months, he had been on an emotional rollercoaster. And physical too. He won't deny it. There really are times that his thoughts would wander to the feel of Miaka in his arms. The heat of her lips on his. But those dreams are only up to there. He couldn't bring himself to explore more. It would feel like doing something behind Miaka's back… and breaking the promise he made for her… and for himself.

Every time she's near, Hotohori's emotions become mixed up. Yes, she's there. But so near yet so far. Just within arms' reach, just within earshot. He doesn't know how to react sometimes. Should he be happy? To continue tolerating himself; that even if Miaka's physical self is with him, the one that he renders the most important is somewhere, to someone far off.

Her heart. Her love.

So off he forced his weary feet and wearier heart to turn away from its destination.

He never got to see her face again.

~ * @@@ * ~

The few rays of the sun that signaled the coming of a beautiful sunset woke Miaka from her troubled sleep. As she opened one eye, she gained consciousness of her surroundings. Her backpack left open, the damp sheet of the pillow… and her swollen eyes.

Blinking to clear her vision, she weakly rose to a sitting position. Her head throbbed as she sat upright; whenever she moves it, her vision swims around, making her dizzy. Clutching the side of her forehead, she drag her spent body to the edge to of the bed and slipped on her sandals. She shakily stood up, feeling as if she's gonna throw up any second.

Having set her mind on her next move, Miaka finalized everything with her backpack, leaving some stuff out to lighten the load. After that, she splashed some cold water on her face to waken her senses and tied her hair in a high ponytail.

Quietly walking towards the gate, Miaka glances from side to side every now and then to check if Hotohori is anywhere near her or her within his line of vision. She had been so caught up that she bumped onto one of the guards at the sides of the gate.

"Oooff!"

The guard merely flinched.

Miaka sheepishly let out a short laugh, head lowered to prevent the guard from seeing her face. She shifted her backpack. "Oh, stupid me!" She slaps her forehead to carry out her carefree act. "Well, just going to stroll some place else. Uh --- bye!" With that she half-jogged, half-ran and within seconds was out of the palace.

~ * @@@ * ~

Somewhere in the woods, Tasuki and Chichiri were finding a place to house for the night.

"Oh! My poor aching feet!" Tasuki immediately sat leaning against a huge tree and stretched.

"I'm going to sleep." Chichiri called out to him from another tree, a few feet next from where he is.

Tasuki ignored his companion and snuggled on the grass as if it was soft foam of a bed.

Some time during the night, Tasuki awoke from the cold air wafting around his sleeping form. He rubbed his sleepy eyes and surveyed the environment. He found out that the fire had gone out. "Kuso!" He turned to his side and called out to Chichiri.

"Hey, Chichiri!" He can see that Chichiri was unaffected by the cold atmosphere. He was actually smiling as he sleeps. After a few callings and many name-callings, Chichiri was quiescent as ever. Tasuki purposely marched toward him and shook him.

Still, he won't budge.

Coming to the conclusion that he might freeze to death and still his companion would be taking a siesta, Tasuki wandered to find twigs and pieces of wood for the fire. He grumpily tried to keep his eyes open.

During his search for the ever needed pieces of wood, he came across a river. Elated to have seen it, he carefully dumped the pieces of twigs near the bank of the river. Sloshing his hands into the water, he then splashed the cool water onto his soporific face. He was staring at his wide-eyed reflection on the water when he caught a glimpse of flaming red hair. A familiar flaming red hair. Instinctively, he raised his head to where the supposed figure should be. But he found nothing. He stood up and cranned his neck here and there.

"Hello!"

Nobody answered.

He tried again but still no sound or noise can be heard as to indicate the presence of another person.

He scratched the back of his head. I could have sworn that was Miaka. But what would she be doing here at this late hour? His logical mind told him that he was just hallucinating due to his interrupted sleep. And lack of food. He rubbed his palm on top of his growling stomach.

He tried one last time, just to be sure.

Silence.

"Oh, well. Might as well go back to sleep."

~ * @@@ * ~

That was close. That was too close for comfort. Miaka placed a hand over her fast beating heart. When Tasuki noticed her, she had sought shelter behind a big tree and both the notion at being caught and running all the way was too much for her already weary heart.

She cautiously peeked from behind the tree's edge and when she saw Tasuki's retreating back, she sighed with great relief.

For the past few hours, she had been diligently following the map. According to it, she was only halfway to reaching her destination. Enervated and itching all over, she would be ever thankful for a safe place to sleep the night away. Upon seeing Tasuki, she had been indebted to the heavens but not until a thought crossed her mind.

Letting Tasuki know that she's right there in the woods with him will lead to asking questions as to how she got there. Questions that might end her up right back to the palace, which is the last thing on her mind. And she's really not in the mood to be interrogated right now. Much as she craves for companionship at that very moment, she could not risk her chances of getting to Tamahome.

She walked away from the shadows of the tree and into the moonlight. I'm sorry, Tasuki. It's not that I don't trust you to not tell Hotohori. I'm not doing this on pure desire alone. I'm doing this not only for Tamahome but for myself too. I need work things out on my own, to prove to myself that I can face whatever it is that is laid before me. I can't always be dependent on others. She paused for a moment, analyzing what she had just said. Thinking that if she had done these months ago, she won't be out in the middle of the night --- alone. Thank god there were no foul incidents during her long walk.

I have learned that no matter how much you believe in someone, no matter how much they swore to you that they would never leave you… They just can't always be there.

Her thoughts wandered back to Hotohori. I wonder if Hotohori realized that I'm nowhere to be seen in the palace? Is he searching for me at this very moment?

Miaka leaned back against the tree, closing her eyes as the cool breeze soothed her face. She stared unto the starry night. Yes, Tamahome is with me. He always is. We are under the same heavens, starring at the same sky. A smile crept to the corners of her mouth. That thought alone gave her heart the boost of hope and faith and her body a boost of energy.

Even though she's still in the dark as to what Tamahome's reason for leaving; as to what really happened to him. Seeing his face again, to feel skin against skin --- solid --- not just a product of one's imagination, memories or dreams will ease all those worries, all those lonely nights. It will bring life, color and meaning to her life once more.

And the questions can always be asked for later.

Tomorrow, Tamahome, we'll be together again.

Author's Notes:

K! Finished this in one seating. For one reason or the other, I was inspired. Maybe because of this toothache I have? ^_^ Oh well!