Author's Notes:

Okay! Here is the complete Chapter 12! Hope you all like it as much as I had enjoyed writing it. I placed every inch of feeling I had in this fic to make it all the more… moving (Tee-hee! 0_o).

To Tamahome+Miaka Lovers (Important):

It's no secret now that this will be a Hotohori+Miaka fic unless more T+M reviews come and I have to alter what I already planned for the next chapters and the ending. (And yes, this is still far from the ending. ^_^) Either way, I will make Hotohori and Tamahome be on the good side, like they had a heroic reason for leaving Miaka or something. In short, I will not make them be the bad guy or anything (Sorry to those who were expecting that! You see, I also like Tamahome inasmuch as I like Hotohori.) So I hope that whatever the outcome will be, you'll support me all the way! Heeheee…

And Miaka's scene with Tamahome here… this wouldn't be the last. Soon, you will find out as to why he acted this way. All will be explained in due time.

Again, thanks for all the support!!!! Review please. a_a It's like the lifeblood of this fic.

*Please read the thank you notes at the bottom… (Want to email some of you guys but you didn't state your email adds!) More to add on the later chapters!!!

Still Loving You…

By: g3ozLizh

Chapter 12

The balmy air ruffled Miaka's hair as she stood stock-still. For a moment, nothing was said. The moment was just enough to try preparing on facing each other… facing a friend-turned-rival.

"What brings you here… Miaka?" The way it was said was nothing like a question.

Slowly, not knowing what to expect --- a smile or a frown perhaps --- Miaka turned around. "Yui…" Her brain was going overdive, not knowing what to feel. Perhaps a little bit of everything is what best describes her current emotion.

"Hmm… not quite the thanks I thought I'd get after saving a dear friend but it will do." Though her words told of having helped a friend, her tone was not. If it was anything, it was that of smugness. She flicked an imaginary flint from the shoulders of her light blue blouse then turned back to Miaka.

"Um… thanks… so much." Miaka weakly replied. Her mind tried to grasp everything that had happened. So you saved me… but why? Can it be that somehow, you had a change of heart, Yui?

Miaka didn't realize she had on a dazed and faraway expression on her face until Yui snapped her fingers to call on one of the guards behind her. Miaka's gaze instinctively took focus to that of the guards, all faces shadowed by cloth. Three guards, she absentmindedly thought. She then shook her head to get out from the trance. Something is quite… not in place but she can't put her finger on it. Her attention geared back to Yui when she heard her say,

"Bring me the medicine. I think our little guest here is still unstable."

Miaka then stretched out her hand in a stop gesture. "No… Yui. I'm okay." She smiled wearily.

The guard shrouded by a dark blue cloth froze midway, waiting for Yui's decision.

Yui dismissed the order with the flick of her hand and the guard fell back into position, half hidden beneath the shadows.

For the weeks that they haven't seen each other, Yui already had that regal grace. The way she turned her head to face Miaka, slowly and gracefully, screamed respect and prestige. If being a Maiden of Suzaku to Miaka had done nothing to change the way she acted, even to address one of her Suzaku Seven, to Yui it had changed a great deal. One would think that she owned the world.

Which brings us to the thought: She could one day own the world, right?

She stepped closer to Miaka, face void of any expression. "What brings you around these place? And all alone?" Inquiring in a way that was pretty obvious that she wasn't really interested in the answer; just for the sake of opening up a conversation.

Miaka wondered why. It's as if Yui knew the purpose of her journey. She tried her best not show her thoughts as she answered, "I'm…" Miaka hesitated, not knowing how to put into words what she was about to say without Yui thinking that Tamahome disappeared for the reason of a misunderstanding or anything… or that Tamahome left without informing her of his destination. "…looking for Tamahome," she finished, watching Yui's reaction carefully.

"Oh. He left?" Yui's reaction was not that of someone surprised, taking it all in stride. She started pacing slowly as if contemplating a big thought.

Yui's next question roused Miaka's suspicion. It was in the way that she said it, like as if taunting her to tell a certain truth, the "might be" reason, as to why he left. Miaka's guard went up, not willing to divulge any information. She wracked her brain to come up with a believable reason so when nothing decent came into mind, she settled for the oldest leeway in the book, "It's really none of your business." Her tone was quiet, calm.

Her companion arched a perfectly shaped eyebrow. "Oh?" Yui then shrugged her shoulders in a nonchalant manner, so unlike her when it comes to Tamahome that Miaka found this way too… suspicious. "I won't force you then. You can tell me when you're ready."

Suddenly, Yui was being the friend that she knew --- got along with. To be on the safer side in case Yui changes her mind, she shifted the conversation to another topic.

"So… why did you save me?"

Yui had on an insulted expression. "Why, Miaka! You really think I'm that bad, do you?"

"Well, if I can remember correctly, I'm your enemy number one," she retorted warily.

"In more ways than one," Yui supplied but she added with a short laugh, "But that's not really the point." Her voice and face then turned serious. "Really, Miaka, we may be rivals in many ways but I just can't let… my best friend die."

Miaka remained silent, watching her friend carefully though she tried to downplay her observing in case that Yui is really telling the truth. She just can't bear to see Yui's hurt expression if she found out later on that she doubted her.

Yui carried on. "For the haughty greeting moments ago, I had to act it in case Nakago's men finds out that I'm getting soft when it comes to the Maiden of Suzaku." She glanced at the guards from the corners of her eyes. "But now that I'm away from them, we can talk freely." She stared at Miaka, waiting for her any reply but the latter continued to just watch her in the eye.

She heaved a heavy sigh. "Okay! If I'm that so hard to trust mmph --- "

Miaka threw her arms around her best friend-turned-rival-turned-best friend again. "Oh, Yui! I'm so glad you're back!!!" Fresh big tears were rolling down her then pale cheeks now flushed with newly gained happiness.

"Ok" --- cough, cough --- "You can stop with the bear hug now or you're gonna suffocate me to death."

If nothing, Miaka tightened the hug more. "Oh, I'm sooo happy!" She then released her grip to stare at her best friend in the eye, sobbing all the while. "You really can't blame me… Getting to have my best friend again after loosing you both --- "

"Both?"

Miaka stopped halfway, her mouth hanging open. Her smiled faltered as she spoke. "Guess I can just tell you about Tamahome now."

"Tamahome?" Yui inquired. "Why? What happened?"

Miaka turned around, her back to Yui. She walked a few distances and chose to sit on the cold grassy dirt.

Yui followed suit but with more caution as to not sit on anything… yucky.

Miaka heaved a heavy sigh then started her tale of woe. "I don't know, Yui… Everything was going fine. I finally told Hotohori that Tamahome is really the man I want to spend my entire life with. So just when I was about to tell Tamahome… I couldn't find him anywhere." She paused, as if recalling the moment also relived the pain it brought.

Yui nodded her on.

"At first I thought he just went somewhere and that he'd be back by nightfall."

"But he didn't even return the day after."

"No, he didn't which is not like him. He always tells me where he'll be especially if he'll be away for long… so that got me really worried."

"And… did you ask for help?"

Miaka chuckled halfheartedly. "I… asked Hotohori for help. I knew he would help me, even if the man we were trying to find was the person he lost to." A faraway expression took over her face. "I--- "

"Shhh!!!!" Yui grabbed her arm, pulling them both up to their feet. "Someone's coming." She smiled slyly. "Better get into my act once more."

Miaka giggled despite the situation. "I'll help."

Before Yui could say anything, one of the three guards appeared.

Miaka noted that this was different from the one Yui talked to earlier.

He bowed and remained in that position. "Priestess, is everything all right there?"

Yui's eyebrows drew together. "I told you not to interrupt!"

The guard flustered. "S-sorry, Priestess. But it was Nakago's order to check on --- "
"Enough!"

The already nervous guard jumped out of his skin.

Miaka had to bit her lip to keep from laughing.

Yui's eyes narrowed. "Tell Nakago that I can handle this…," she looked up Miaka up and down, a look of distaste on her face.

For a moment there, Miaka forgot that Yui was still acting her part; so convincing is her performance. So to make it award-winning, her face scrunched up when Yui gripped her arm in a death grip that almost cut off her circulation.

Ouch, Yui! That hurt! Miaka had to restrain herself from jerking off her arm and not to knock out Yui into oblivion.

"… this pathetic Maiden. If you can call her a maiden…"

He straightened up, trying to regain his composure but failing. "That's --- "

"Leave!"

It seemed that the guard was still about to say something but his Priestess beat her to it.

"And don't make me repeat myself! Or I will tell Nakago to fire you. Let's see how that would affect your starving family."

Good choice, Miaka thought silently, noting her aching arm. Miaka wondered if Yui would actually make Nakago fire the guy.

As soon as the guard disappeared from sight, Miaka jerked her arm away and immediately tried to soothe the sore spot.

Yui slapped her forehead. "I'm so sorry, Miaka." She bit her lower lip sheepishly. "I guess I got carried away…"

"It's okay. I'm all right, somehow."

"Let's go to my room. We can talk there."

"Do we have to get into the act again?" Miaka asked apprehensively.

Yui laughed. "Nope."

Miaka raised an eyebrow in question.

Yui grinned slyly. "They don't have to know. C'mon!"

~ * @@@ * ~

"In here."

Miaka entered as Yui closed the door behind her, after checking to see if anybody saw them come in.

Yui snorted. "Those men are such airheads!" She turned to Miaka who had found a chair to sit on. "So. Where were we?"

Moments later…

"So that's the whole sordid story."

"…"

Miaka had her back to her friend so when Yui didn't make any reply, she twisted around and asked, "Well, what can you say --- " Only to find Yui standing, back to her, by the corner of the room. "Yui?" When she didn't respond, Miaka began to panic, sensing that there must be something wrong. She stood up abruptly, eyes wide. "Are we gonna get caught?"

This time, Yui did respond but with a chuckle though her back was still facing Miaka. "Miaka, when I say we wouldn't get caught, we wouldn't."

Relief flooded through Miaka's entire body. The thought of loosing a friend just after having her back for not more than two hours is more than enough to send her in panic. But then the relief was quickly replaced by another fear. "Then what is it, Yui? What's wrong?"

Finally, Yui turned to face her, her lips set in a grim line. "Miaka, I don't know how to tell you this…"

Dread began to creep up to Miaka. "Tell me… what?" Her voice shook but was unaware due to the thudding of her heart.

"Forget about Tamahome."

At first, Miaka could not comprehend what Yui was telling her but as seconds ticked by, the words began to pierce in. Her reaction was not unexpected. "What?!" Her voice was more of a stage whisper, due to the fact that if she were to speak her normal voice, it might just come out as a croak.

"Unless you have trouble hearing, you heard me right, Miaka."

Miaka couldn't read her friend's expression. It seemed to her that Yui was trying to be strong about it but half of her seemed to be hesitating, almost unsure of what to do: what to say and how to say the words that had been said.

"Forget Tamahome?" Miaka's mouth opened and closed for several times, unsure of what to think of the situation. "Yui, you can't be serious." Her brows were furrowed and her eyes kept on darting from one place to another, trying to make sense of everything that had happened. "First you let me tell you of my woe, listening to me and even giving me advises, comforting me and now…" She gestured frantically with her hands. "And now you want me to just drop the very reason of my purpose… of why I'm still out finding him…" She trailed off.*

"Listen, Miaka. I'm telling you this for your own good!"

"For my own good?!" Miaka glared at her incredulously. "Yui… if that's how you think it, then you definitely don't know what's good for me. If I've known better, you're doing this for your own good!" She lashed out her finger, pointing to her friend.

"For me?! I'm doing this for me???" The Yui of moments earlier returned. "Miaka, you don't know half of what you're saying. I'm trying to make this easier for you."

"The heck you are! You're not making this any easier if for one minute ago you were all this supportive and now you're turning to be the exact opposite."

"Well --- "

Miaka interrupted, the realization that Yui didn't really come back magnifying her emotions. "I thought you've come back to the best friend that I've known and loved…" Silent tears were flowing down her cheeks. "Now…" she choked. "Now I know that all you've been doing is a façade! A bluff! Anything to make me not realize the truth!"

"Would you rather want Tamahome to be the one to tell you to get the hell out of his life?!"

Miaka's sobs halted as Yui's words implied something more but didn't have the time to sort everything out as she saw a figure emerged from behind Yui.

"Tamahome!" Yui swiveled around.

Miaka wanted to call out his name but the word appeared to be stuck in her throat. All this time, you've been here…Her face was frozen in shock and all of a sudden, The guards…"You were that guy… guards…"

"Yes. Because I was watching over Yui." He simply stated.

Yui's eyes watered as she heard this and a sweet smile brushed her lips.

Miaka was aghast. "Tamahome…"

"Tamahome, I said I could have handled this." Yui berated him.

He kept staring at Miaka though his expression was blank and cold. "Yui, understand that she have to hear it from me."

Yui nodded. "Yes."

"I'll handle this. You could go and wait for me in your room."

You lied, Yui! You told me this was your room. Everything! Lies! Miaka wanted so badly to scream but just kept it all inside. What was important now was to know why Tamahome's acting strangely and how to bring some sense into him.

Yui turned around to leave but before exiting, she spoke to Miaka once more, "This time, Miaka, this is no drug."

Tamahome sighed, exasperated. "Please, Yui."

With one more nod and a smile to Tamahome, Yui exited.

Now just the two of them alone.

Eye to eye.

Silence.

Suddenly, Miaka broke the stillness by throwing herself at Tamahome. "Oh, Tamahome!" She tightened her embrace around his waist, cheek against his chest. "I knew it! That was just all an act." She pulled out a little to look up at him. "Tell me that was all just an act. I really wouldn't be surprised now… after all Yui put me through." Miaka's eyes sparkled with unshed tears and it was yet to be decided if those were for joy or broken-heartedness.

"Tell me, Tamahome." She prompted by hugging him once more, inhaling in the scent that was her beloved.

"Miaka…"

"Yes…?" She waited breathlessly.

"Let go of me."

It took Miaka seconds to comprehend what he had said. Somehow, it didn't feel right for him to say that. They had always been together, they had always belonged to each other. Slowly, her hold loosened and then finally, she let him out of her embrace.

Miaka's stared searchingly into his eyes that adamantly stayed void of emotions, making it hard to understand what was really going on with him. "Tamahome…"

"Miaka, I think that it is all for the best if we stayed out of each other's way… permanently."

"P-permanently?!" Miaka sputtered. "You can't be serious and I won't allow it!" she defied indignantly. You will have to kill me first, she thought vehemently.

Tamahome went on, disregarding her outburst. "Though I would still remain as one of the Suzaku Seven. I will return with you and I would still be your protector…"

And? Miaka stared expectantly at him.

"Your protector." He finished with finality.

"My protector?" She echoed, just making sure yet not knowing how to handle if ever he confirmed it. And he did.

"Yes."

"My protector?!"

"Yes!" Tamahome exclaimed. "Why, is there suppose to be anything else?"

Miaka was enraged! She wanted to tell him that YES, there is something else: they were supposed to be in love with each other. That YES, he just can't say your protector, period as if he could just thrash aside what they have. That YES, for they have not only love but friendship and a promise to one another. That YES, for she knows that he knows that he still loves her, however stubborn he was to admit it!… right?

Her mouth opened to speak but as the words sank in, he did have a point though it was not the point. (The point is, they have something: love and you can't whisk that aside.) The Protector doesn't have to be in an intimate --- the romantic one --- relationship with the Maiden. 'Coz even if they do, they will still be separated in the end, which brought the question,

"Are you afraid…"

Though she hadn't finished her question, Tamahome already knew what it was. "No!"

"Then why…?"

"Miaka," Tamahome started, as if speaking to a child. "Not everything has a reason."

"Oh, no." Miaka opposed. "There's a reason for everything."

"So okay, let me rephrase it: There are just some things that can't be explained. Satisfied? Do I make my self agreeable?"

When Miaka didn't make any reply, Tamahome strode off, toward the door and out into the woods.

Only then did Miaka found the strength to say something. "Tamahome, wait! We have to talk. You just can't walk away." She ran after him.

"Miaka, there really is nothing to talk about. I've said what's needed to be said." He didn't inasmuch stop.

She began with the questions that had kept her awake many nights and haunted her even in broad daylight. "Why did you leave me? Without any notice as to where you'll be?" Her eyes then widened as a thought seeped its way through. "Why are you here, Tamahome?"

Tamahome snorted. "I could ask you the same question."

Frustrated, Miaka exclaimed, "Tamahome, I've been searching for you and I ended up here! The whole Konan Empire has been searching for you! I was worried sick!" She hurried up to keep up with his long strides.

"Could have fooled me. The last time I remembered, you were seeking comfort in another's arms."

Miaka chose to ignore him. She had to tell him her side of story before he decided to brush her off again. "I can't even sleep at night, tossing and turning, wondering if you're still alive! Even Hotohori wakes up just to see me because --- "

"Please. I don't want to hear any of it." Tamahome interrupted.

Miaka then realized that she had conscripted the wrong words but she have to finish the sentence if only to make Tamahome know that it's not what he thinks. She didn't choose not to sidestep mentioning Hotohori's name --- to make Tamahome see that there's nothing between them; that she won't flinch at the mention of Hotohori's name nor hesitate to mention his name because there's really nothing between them anymore. She wanted everything to be out, no more secrets.

"Because I can't stop thinking about you…" Miaka finished, voice trailing off.

"…"

Miaka was indeed crying now; her cheeks sleek with tears. "Tamahome… please, say something…"

"…"

"Anything…"

"…"

"You can even shout at me. Yell!" She threw up her hands. "I don't care." She halted where she is, finding it hard to go on and still make known her feelings. "(Just don't - she prayed silently) Tell me you…" her voice shook. "… you hate me." She dreaded for the reply but still none came.

"…"

Miaka choked out. "I love you, Tamahome… I had and always will…"

He stopped in mid-track. Tamahome's whole body went rigid in trying to retain all the feelings that he has to conceal.

"Please…" The next question was nothing she feared about --- until now. "Don't you… love me anymore?"

"Miaka, I'm begging you," He muttered through gritted teeth. "Stop. You're just wasting your time." Tamahome's voice still sounded gentle and soothing but it definitely didn't feel anything like that.

Miaka tried one last time, ignoring her pride, what her logical mind was telling her, her dignity… hanging on to what little she have left. "So you're telling me that I've wasted my time --- all my life… because I chose to love you? Is that it?"

That hit him where it should hit the most. Tamahome chuckled though he didn't find the scene even a wee bit amusing. "Don't be ridiculous, Miaka. You're still very young."

"Answer me!!!"

Tamahome turned slightly to the side, just enough to catch a glimpse of her. Then without saying another word, he sauntered off, leaving her behind… again.

But this time, he left her with nothing to hold on to.

Nothing.

~ * @@@ * ~

Hotohori had been restless since he discovered that Miaka had gone missing. He had already ordered all his guards to search, ordered to ask the townspeople if they have seen their Maiden… but not one of them had any bit of information relating to her. He kept pacing back and forth in his throne.

That's it! I'm not staying here any longer. I'll go find Miaka myself!

"Guards!"

And two guards were immediately by his feet.

"Prepare my horse!"

~ * @@@ * ~

As she watched his retreating back, Miaka sank down to the cold ground, embracing her body and tried to be as compact and little as possible, hugging her knees to her chest. She felt a sense of déjà vu, remembering the first time she had told Tamahome what she felt for him. But this time, she wouldn't find herself lying comfortably on a bed with the thought that he had carried her and made sure she was taken cared of. This time, nobody would come to take the tears away. Nobody.

For she had made a mess out of everything.

Just accept it, Miaka. You aren't just meant to be happy. You made some mistakes and you have to pay for it your whole life.

Small droplets of water fell from the sky and from a distance, she could ascertain thunder and lightning.

"Tamahome…" she said his name. Even if he was the cause of the pain she was experiencing right now, the mention of his name never failed to comfort her. I must be going crazy!

"How will I ever live without you by my side…?"

And with that, she let the sheets of rain that started to fall envelope her in cold solace.

You guys made the difference: (in no particular order)

oolala girl: Well, it feels good to know my fic comes first before your growling stomach!

Princess Annie: OMG!!! A princess just reviewed my fic. Wait till I tell the presses about this. I'll be famous! Your Majesty, as you wish. Continuing my fic is the least I could do compared to the publicity that I'd get. *rolls eyes* Yeah, right! Dream on, g3ozLizh!

Mayo-san: Your name makes me crave for a burger. *goes into dreamworld* Burger…. Anyway, yes, I'm serious --- to continue this fic, that is.

Kagome-chan: Guess it's no secret anymore. Yes, this is gonna be an H+M, considering all the reviews. I'm sorry… *hangs head* Sob! So I guess I won't be expecting to see your name on the reviewer's list. *sigh* I'll make it up to you. I'll write a T+M fic after I get to have extra time, k? Next month, most probably…

Faith: Oh, gosh! I'm sooo flattered! Hehehe… I know. Less dialogue so I'll add more to the upcmoing chapters, k? It's just that my previous chapters really didn't call for major dialogues. And sooo sorry for making you wait. I'm so ashamed… *casts eyes downwards*

Hotohori4life-H4L: You're right… but don't let the others hear you or they'll definitely hunt you down. ^_^ It's a good thing I'm in between or I'll be out for your head too --- nah! Just kidding! The more, the challenging, right? ß Uhh.. pretty lame.

Justine: No fear! I won't ever pair Tama with another girl, especially if it's an "add-on". I'm so against that!

Warp Gurl: Waaahhh!!! Why do I write no fast still???? *ahem* (more flattery, please! Hihihihi…) Don't overdo it! A time might come that I won't budge unless you guys flatter me. He! I'm kidding.

Hara: Wha --- ? I made you change?! Wow! *fans self* And I'm not even H or T, just neutral. Hmm… I wonder what would happen if I choose between the two? Would I move mountains of believers???? *dodges knife from a T+M fan* Not my fault!!! Spare me!

Haiken: Ok, ok… but what did you write after the second to the last line? You made me stop before I could finish…

anonoymous: Uh… I definitely will! *hisses at manager* What more do you want me to say????

suzaku no miko: *gasp* The star of the show! Can I have your autograph? And no need to say please. I'll definitely finish this. *glances at autograph* Wait till the others see this…

Obsessed!!!!: ^_^ a_a *_* ^_~ uhh… &^))%$#&^(*nUmk

CeresAngel: You're truly are an angel. Thanks for the never-ending support from the very start… *sniff, sniff*

Valy the Hotohori x Miaka fan: I'm working, I'm working…. :P

anonymous: Wait no more!!!

Tsukino Neko: Whoa! Many ???s! *sigh* I guess you'll be leaving too since this is gonna be a H+M fic (unless more T+M fic review). *sob!* It hurts to lose a great reviewer, not to mention that you're an author too! But as I told Kagome-chan, I'll write a T+M fic… for you out there!!!!

demon-neko: *chuckles* You li'l devil you…

Author's Notes:

Gotta stop here! I know some of you will be bothered by this long list but let me just show my appreciation for all your patience and encouragement. Keep reviewing, you guys!!! Luv ya!