Broken Reflection
By Raine Ishida
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That morning as he raised the brush to his eyelids, he watched himself delicately sweep the color across his lids as he thought of his next plan of action. Well, there was no doubting that Zidane was someone to watch out for. But, as always, his thoughts returned to his own image.
Running his fingers through his thick, lilac hair, he decided his hair was good enough and went back to his face. Pasty white, his complexion was clear and flawless. He'd already painted his lips and was working on coloring his eyes. He had to look presentable.
Standing back to view himself in the full-length mirror, he realized he looked good that morning. Studying his trim waist, he frowned, narrowing his eyes. Reaching slender fingers to his middle, he pinched the warm flesh that surrounded his belly. Disgusted, he bit his colored bottom lip.
"What is this?" he asked himself, turning to the side and glancing at himself in the mirror.
"I look…It looks like I've…No, it can't be." Could he have gained weight? Was there…actual fat on his midriff?
Kuja's eyebrows creased with worry. This couldn't be. This…couldn't be allowed, if anything. He'd have to skip his morning and afternoon meal…again.
Scoffing faintly, he ran his hands over his stomach again. No, it just…no. He couldn't be seen like this!
Closing his eyes in sadness and near-defeat, he sank into a chair and thought. "What can I do…I…oh…" Overcome with grief and self-image, Kuja's mind spun. He'd eaten last night. Perhaps there was something left that would disappear.
Smiling faintly, Kuja nodded. That had to be it.
He'd have to retouch his lipstick, of course, but that was fixable.
Returning a few minutes later, dizziness flooding his mind and black dots clouding his vision, he sat again to rest. "I can't…keep doing this to myself," he admitted. He'd been binging and throwing up his food for weeks, almost months now.
It was starting to get serious. Zorn and Thorn didn't even ask anymore. They knew. They'd always known.
Then why did they refuse to help? Why did no one want to help? Did they want him to get thinner? Did he need to lose more weight? Was he not beautiful enough?
Tears burned in his eyes. If only he could Trance like…them. He might be able to achieve what he'd been hoping for…all of his life. He could end it all, right there, at the Trance. He'd destroy what he could with his power, that sweet, succulent, all-consuming power before turning and destroying himself. It would be the best way to end it all.
It would end the torment.
Kuja stood and approached his reflection in the mirror. Tears burned fiercely in his eyes, but he ignored them. Emotions. Who needed them.
"You ugly monster," he growled at himself. "What do you think you are?"
Rage swam in his veins and he raised a fist, slamming it into the mirror. The glass shattered, many pieces embedding themselves in his skin. He didn't even cry out in pain but winced, watching his own blood spill over his knuckles. Looking up at his broken reflection in the mirror, he nodded. Yes. A broken reflection. That was more like it.
