Warning: This fiction was created by the twisted minds of Pepe Lepew and Kinky Typo. Both of these writers have been notified as highly insane and their stories have been labeled as "outrageously hilarious" and "highly idiotic."

Beware: Characters in this story are entirely. . .umm. . .primitive and must be handled with caution. Nudity, profanities, exposure to stupidity, embarrassing sexual situations, saiyan mating calls and rituals, and a ton more of strange things will occur in this story.

Symptoms of Exposure: Outrageous outburst of uncontrollable laughter; laughter so hard that tearing of the eyes may occur. If these symptoms occur stop reading, take a brake, and then continue where you left off.

Disclaimer: Pepe and Typo hold no ownership of any Dragon Ball Z characters, except for Vegeta who's chained to our doghouse outside our home! ^_^ Just joking, we don't hold any ownership over anything other than the story line and the box we live in! Enjoy!!!

PLANET OF THE SAIYANS

"So preeettyyy. . . " Gohan lay on the floor of the room, gazing up at the ceiling. The stars hanging off the ceiling started spinning as Gohan blinked his eyes trying to focus. He had dashed in a mad rush to Bulma's house to retrieve her clothes capsules, but when he arrived, he was quite distracted. He went to the coffee table, as planned, and he saw the case. Yes, he saw it; he just didn't get it. He instead found a bag of what he thought were more of those things Bulma called chips.

Yes, he ate them all. They were a bit softer than the chips before, okay a LOT softer, but they weren't that bad! Now he lay on the floor as the room spun around him and his stomach felt as if it were being torn apart. He tried his best to sit up and grab the capsule case, Bulma NEEDED it, and she had given him something in return, he couldn't break the deal!

Bulma sat in her 'dressing room' and tapped her foot impatiently. "Where the hell is he?!" she fumed to herself. "I know he's been gone at least ten minutes!" she stood up and began pacing around the room.

"Five minutes!! Everyone! You have five minutes to get out here and in line!!" a female voice hollered out through the cave. Bulma guessed it to be Chichi or another woman who was mated and helping out. Then it hit her that the females were speaking Japanese. "Wow I'm a ditz." She thought.

"I'm gonna kill him when I see him again!! I showed him my BOOBS for Christ's sake!! He better not cheat me!" Bulma looked around her 'room', nothing that was of any use to her . . .

Meanwhile, Gohan had mustered up the strength to grab the case and slump to the door. 'Now, to just get out.' His stomach grumbled and gurgled at the attempted effort. "Come on big guy" Gohan winced as he patted his stomach. He slowly creaked open the door and stepped outside.

The world in front of him spun as he grabbed the banister to help himself focus. After things got a little better, he ventured off onto the first step. Then the next. Soon enough, he was on the mini-sidewalk. He started towards the cave, occasionally grabbing a tree to brace himself.

"Ooooo" Gohan groaned as his stomach pains worsened and the grumbling continued. Then, all of a sudden, his eyes grew large and he felt an all too familiar feeling. He jumped behind the nearest bush and dropped his loincloth as quickly as he could. It was coming! Right then and there, he relieved himself of maybe the worst case of diarrhea he thought any person would ever have to endure.

As if he were being punished enough with diarrhea for his crime of making Bulma flash him to do a favor, more was to come. Just then, a small group of males heading to the ritual passed by his bush, only he didn't know it.

"Oh it burns! Owww!! Gawd, that's a stinky one, ouch!!" Gohan's face scrunched up many times as the horrid sounds and smells continued under him.

The three Saiyans exchanged horrified glances. The sounds and the yells were bad enough at first, but then the smell, ooooh the smell! It was enough to knock out probably even Radditz!! They grunted in horror to each other and took off bounding on all fours towards the ritual grounds, yelling and screaming as they went.

Gohan, finally finished with his 'business,' walked out of the bush. "Wow." He said to himself, shaking his head in amazement. "That's some strong stuff there--man!" he then remembered his deed he had to finish and took off running towards the cave, hoping to not be too late, he had been gone quite a while. His first few steps were a little funny looking, considering that he had a rather funny feeling between his cheeks, but he soon gave up and run with all he had.

"There you are you little fart!! Where were you?! I have two minutes to get ready now!!' Bulma yelled at the little kid who looked rather wasted, but yet he still had the time to check out her boobs again.

She ripped the case out of his hands and snapped it open. She ran her finger through the list as she read them out loud. She couldn't find the outfit she was looking for! When she finally got the end of the box, she found it. "Aha!" She smiled as she snatched the capsule out and closed the box.

"Bulma, what were those purplish black things that were on your coffee table?" Gohan asked as Bulma activated the capsule and pulled out her outfit. She was so short of time that she didn't even care that Gohan was there.

"The purple soft things?" Bulma asked as she pulled a thin mini divider out between them. Gohan smiled as he could see the outline of Bulma's figure through it.

"Yeah." Gohan answered meekly at the thought of what they had done to them.

"Oh those are just prunes, not much of a big deal." Bulma stated haughtily, she was being timed here, she didn't have time to talk about prunes!

"What are prunes?" Gohan asked with a tiny weak voice.

"Oh, just things that are like ex-lax, you should only eat a few at a time unless you wanna have a house cleaning! I only eat them every once in a while. I think they're good, but if you try them ever, not to many!" Bulma laughed as she observed herself in the saiyan-made mirror. She was going to knock them dead!

"Well, I hope you didn't need them very badly because you kind of don't have anymore left." Gohan half smiled before Bulma stepped out from the divider. Only then did his smile turn huge and his eyes grew large.

"Oh, so you like my outfit, eh? Wait . . . what do you mean . . .what happened to my prunes?" Bulma eyed Gohan suspiciously, trying to figure out what he could be hinting. Then it hit her. "Oh my God! You ate the whole bag?! Gohan! Are you feeling ok? Did they clean you out?" Bulma started to laugh hysterically at the thought of Gohan wiping out an entire bag of prunes.

"Well, I'm FINE now! And I don't think it's very funny!" Gohan glared at Bulma for being so inconsiderate.

"Well, I'd love to sit here and mourn over you and your wiped out butt, but . . ." Bulma stopped and posed, "I have a debut to make." And at that, she rushed out the door and hurried into the front of the cave to join the others in line.

When she got there, all the females turned and grunted in awe over Bulma's outfit. All but Mya. She looked Bulma up and down then sneered as she turned her head and flipped her hair.

Chichi was at the mouth of the cave, whispering to another female. When the two finished talking, Chichi stepped up and called for everyone's attention. "Ok ladies! I have the list for the teams, so listen up for who your captain is!"

The first things Chichi called out were the captains. Surprisingly enough, Bulma was Captain of Team 1 and Mya was Captain of Team 2. Bulma smirked at Mya and stepped forward to head her team.

The rest of the members of the teams were called out and the girls were all grouped up into circles. They were trying to get over all their excitement. Then Chichi started laying down the rules.

"Ok ladies! You all are part of your own team and you have one captain for each team. Captains! You get to pick your own coaches and assistants, so pick wisely! They're allowed to accompany you on all of your matches, they are your cheerleaders, so make sure they are worth it!" Chichi finished off her speech with a victorious holler that was echoed by all the females.

After Chichi was done, Bulma snuck over to her. "Chichi, you and Gohan are my coaches, ok?" Bulma waited for Chichi's answer.

"Sure, go get Gohan and we'll start the Ritual Exercises." Chichi stated and called for everyone to follow her over to the 'modeling stage.'

"Gohan, can you walk? Hehehe, or does your butt still hurt? Haha, Well, hurry up and get over to the stage!" Bulma yelled as she took one last look at herself, she was cooking!

Bulma peeked out from the curtain and saw that the arena was almost completely filled-with male Saiyans. She searched around desperately for the one person she wanted to be there the most. There he was! Vegeta was sitting in his own special little 'Prince' chair with his comrades grouped around him at the front of the stage. They hooted and hollered with excitement.

Chichi stepped out onto the stage and announced in saiyan that the Modeling contest was about to start, well, it was starting. The stadium erupted with hoots and yells. Bulma saw Vegeta motioning to a Saiyan beside him the symbol for 'uggas,' as if she was too stupid to figure out what that was!

Gohan ran up and handed Bulma her long black leather coat with a sly wink. Bulma patted him on the head then put on the jacket and tied the sash. "This is gonna' be a killer!" she thought as she watched the boy run to the back of the cave. Chichi announced the male judges as they walked in and sat at the foot of the stage with the Prince.

Music began to play over on the side of the wooden stage. The sound of beating drums and reed pipes made Bulma remember just how primitive these people really were. God how in the hell was she suppose to model with that playing? Eww . . .

"Gohan," Bulma called. Gohan quickly ran past the long line of women to the third place position which was Bulma. He grinned up at her with adoring eyes. Bulma snorted.

"Close your mouth kid, your drooling. Oh, by the way I want you to run to my house again and get the case that's on my bed that says 'music'." Bulma said while pushing Gohan's bottom jaw back up. She noticed the look he was giving her and knew what he was going to ask so she decided to pull out the heavy artillery. She leaned forward towards him, letting her jacket fall slightly open and to reveal some of her cleavage that her leopard bikini couldn't hide. Bulma watched Gohan's eyes go from her face to her chest. She smiled wickedly when she saw his Adam's apple bob up and down.

"Pweezzze could you get it?" Bulma pouted sexually and batted her thick eyelashes. She straightened back up when Gohan gave her feverish nods and bounded off on two feet. Then a thought came to her, Gohan seemed to be the only male that didn't run on four feet. She shrugged her little observation off when the first contestant walked out of the curtain and onto the stage as her name was called.

Gohan could hear the first sounds of the hooting and hollering that would soon erupt even more when Bulma took the stage, he just knew it she'd knock them dead. He was almost to the house, he could even see the porch light. But then this smell, this retched smell of such inhumanity filled his nostrils that he felt like he was going to be sick all over again.

He slowly fished around in the dark to see if he could find where the smell had come from, he wasn't even going to dare to breathe through his nose! Finally, he stopped in front of a bush. He looked up thoughtfully. *Ahem* He looked behind the bush and his face squished up with disgust.

"Who the heck would do something like THAT? That's just, Euuuuee." He said in total disgust of the freak that would do something like that and leave it there!

Gohan straightened and look up, there was the house. And right beside him was a bush with very gross stuff behind it. Gohan looked around at his surroundings and saw that no one was around.

He slowly crossed his arms around his back and scuffed some dirt over the pile, trying to kill the smell a little. He then started leisurely whistling and walked toward the house. His nose caught one last whiff of the putrid smell. "Euuueeeee."

Gohan the Messenger found Bulma's room and grabbed the next capsule on the list. "Gawd! How many of these things does she have?" He thought to himself as he walked to the door and stepped out onto the porch. He then held his breath as he passed the cursed bush and scampered back to the 'festival.'

Authors' Note:

Oooooo . . . Pepe really likes picking on lil' Gohan. The poor kid is going to be scarred for life. It was all Pepe's idea about his escapade with the prunes. It seems now that Bulma and Gohan are getting along quite well; they seem to have an "understanding" for each other. ^_^ We [Pepe and I] are sorry Vegeta's role in this story has been somewhat lacking, but we assure you that he will have more parts later on. Right now we are trying to let you [the readers] get an understanding of what Bulma is going through and the closeness Bulma and Gohan have for each other [friend wise that is]. Now review and tell us what you think so far. We'll catch you later on "Planet of the Saiyans".

IMPORTANT: Also I [Typo] wish to address something that has recently come up. I have gotten a few e-mails from loyal fans [not saying that people that didn't or don't e-mail me aren't loyal] about making a lemon. Well I have nothing against lemons and I specially don't mind writing them but there is a problem. I don't see how I'd be able to actually WRITE the lemon since this is a humorous fic. and because Vegeta is. . . well. . . primitive. I could always just HINT what corresponded between the two [because Trunks WILL be in this story] or just write the lemon. I could write the lemon in a humorous fashion *evil grin* or I can be somewhat serious about the whole thing. Now this is where you, the reader, come into play. I would greatly appreciate your subjections about this dilemma. If you wish for just a hint of sexually intercourse, tell me in a review, or if you want an actual lemon and how you'd like it to be written [i.e. humorous or serious]. Thank you for your time and I'll see ya later on "Planet of the Saiyans." ~* Kinky Typo *~