Warning: This fiction was created by the twisted minds of Pepe Lepew and Kinky Typo. Both of these writers have been notified as highly insane and their stories have been labeled as "outrageously hilarious" and "highly idiotic."

Beware: Characters in this story are entirely. . .umm. . .primitive and must be handled with caution. Nudity, profanities, exposure to stupidity, embarrassing sexual situations, saiyan mating calls and rituals, and a ton more of strange things will occur in this story.

Symptoms of Exposure: Outrageous outburst of uncontrollable laughter; laughter so hard that tearing of the eyes may occur. If these symptoms occur stop reading, take a brake, and then continue where you left off.

Disclaimer: Pepe and Typo hold no ownership of any Dragon Ball Z characters, except for Vegeta who's chained to our doghouse outside our home! ^_^ Just joking, we don't hold any ownership over anything other than the story line and the box we live in! Enjoy!!!

PLANET OF THE SAIYANS

Bulma peeped outside the curtains and watched the first girl strut her stuff on the stage. The woman wasn't that bad. She needed a little work with her turns and maybe a little more pizzazz her hair tosses but still not a bad run. The men hooted and chanted their uh's and ah's as the girl made her way to the end of the deck closer to the crowd. Bulma watched the girl blow a kiss to Vegeta before turning and walking back.

Gohan was trying his best to stay out of the way of all the girls' beauty processes and everything. He was on his way to the front of the room when he passed a line of girls that were laughing hysterically about who knows what. He moved in closer to spy on their conversation.

"Oh my God! I was out in the audience talking to Yohji about the show, and he told me the grossest thing!" The tallest girl was saying as she flipped her hair.

Gohan edged in closer, he wanted to know! There was a rack of clothes behind them, so he snuck in it and listened.

"Yohji said that they were headed back from the forest where they had the prep talk from the mated guys, and right about the time they passed Lady Bulma's house, it happened. They heard these obscene sounds coming out from a bush next to the path. And then, it must have been some poor animal, but these screams started and then the smells! He said that the smell was SO bad it could probably even knock out RADDITZ!!! It was horrible! Yohji said it got so bad that they had to run for their lives! The sounds kept going and the smells just got worse. They were gonna' try and help the poor animal, but they couldn't stand it." The girl finished off with a shake of her head. Gohan looked around hoping that no one else was around. He felt so humiliated! Not only did someone hear him, they thought he was an animal!

The girl continued, "I just hope that wherever that poor little creature is, I hope he's okay. I just feel so sorry for it. . . what ever it was." The girl's comment was followed by nods and 'yea's that the girls expressed in equal sorrow.

"Oh Gawd!" Gohan thought as he slowly tried to walk away. . ."Some one heard! And told! At least they didn't see me." Gohan shook his head in shame as he walked back to the front of the cave.

"Hey kid, what's wrong?" Bulma asked when Gohan reached her with an odd expression plastered on his face. He just shook his head and handed the capsule chase to her.

Bulma regarded him with a wary glance before opening the small tin box. She pulled out a capsule, pressed a button, and dropped it to the floor. Gohan didn't even seem to notice the puff of smoke that came from the capsule's impact or the boom box that appear after the smoke.

Bulma eyed the boy in front of her closely as he stared at the wall behind her. She shrugged her shoulders at his weird behavior before she squatted down and opened the CD player. She smiled brightly when she saw that the CD she wanted was already in the player.

"Hey kid, you know how to work this?" Bulma asked as she glanced up at the obviously troubled boy. She noticed him jump out of his stupor and look down at her squatting form.

"No." Gohan answered meekly. Bulma just sighed and began to teach him how her equipment worked. After she finished explaining what Gohan was to do when it was her turn, she realized a blank expression on his cute little face.

"Gohan, do you need me to explain this over?"

"No."

"Then why the blank look?" Bulma asked. She watched Gohan just shake his head sadly. "You know, Gohan," Bulma started out mischievously, "there's talk about a poor animal behind a bush making strange noises." Bulma stated as she blew on her nails.

Gohan's little eyes grew wide with shock at Bulma's words. She knew! She knew it had been him! His shocked look turned into a glare when he saw the smug expression on her face.

"Yeah, the poor ANIMAL." Bulma added enthusiasm to the word 'animal'. "They say that they're going to send a search party to find the poor thing, but they shouldn't bother if you ask me." Bulma grinned up at Gohan. They stared at each other for a moment before Chichi came to announce she was up.

Bulma thanked Chichi and glanced back at Gohan as Chichi went out on stage to broadcast that Bulma was up. The coliseum erupted in hollers and yells from the male Saiyans. Bulma peeked out to see Vegeta glaring at any males close to him cheering for HIS woman. She slightly giggled as the lights were dimmed and she stepped out onto the stage.

Bulma walked to her position on the stage and waited for the lights to come back on. It was at this point that she noticed that their 'spotlights' were actually big torches in front of huge silver rounded plate-like things. Pretty neat for them to think up something like that. Even though it was probably one of the woman's ideas, but never the less!

Then the spotlight hit her and lit up the stage. Bulma stood in her position as she waited for the music to start. The hoots and hollers got louder and she even saw Vegeta sneak in a whistle. She smiled. "Hit it Gohan!"

The music started. It was Moulin Rouge! The opening words rang out and Bulma started it out slow, like the song. She raised her arms up over her head and swayed her hips with her head slightly tilted down. Then the music hit the loud fast beat.

Bulma walked sexily to the end of the model run way. She paused; then she ripped off the leather jacket causing the men to erupt with horniness. She tossed the jacket at Vegeta, trying to make it look accidental. A sly smile spread across his face knowing that it wasn't 'accidental'.

Bulma stood at the foot of the stage, in her barely-there leopard skin bikini. She was still working those hips, moving her body up and down in perfect rhyme with the music. When she felt she worked that part of the stage long enough, she turned and strutted back to the center of the runway, her hips still rocking.

When she reached the center of the stage her crew of back up dancers burst out from behind the animal skin curtains and they all started up in the rhythmic dance.

Several of the men were standing up and bounding around in circles with excitement. Others stood or sat with their jaws dropped as little strings of drool slid out. Vegeta stood looking up at his angel from heaven dancing around on the stage with a look of pure amusement on his face.

Bulma and her crew all crouched down so that they were squatting. They put their hands on their knees and moved their shoulders and heads in motion to the music. They bounced in a couple circles, all in perfect sync with each other. Mya and her team stood side stage, watching in pure hatred as the men went crazy. They all stood with their arms crossed and scowls on their faces. Mya shook her head and turned away to go back to the dressing room.

Gohan watched in amazement. He wanted to be in it!. . . not to mention dance with Bulma. With these thought in his head, he turned to the capsule clothes case and searched for an outfit that would fit him, yet match with the horde of half naked women dancing for the men's pleasure. He found it! It was perfect! He activated the capsule and finally figured out how to put the weird outfit on.

"Yea!"

After Lil' Kim's ditty in the middle of the song, Gohan burst out from behind the curtains wearing a white tuxedo and top hat. He strutted over to Bulma with a bounce in his step while tapping the cane in his hand with every footfall.

Bulma crouched down to him when he reached her side and cradled his face in her hands, holding it close to her porcelain face. "You know when this is over, I'm gonna kill you, right?" She said with a big smile on her face.

"Oh, but I look great, don't I?" Gohan said with a devilish grin. He was then surrounded in a circle by the back up dancers, separating him from Bulma. They all bent over towards him and moved around in erotic ways.

Bulma found a pole over on the side of the stage. 'Heh, eh, eh' she thought to herself as Mya's image was destroyed. She stood by the pole and put her back to pole and swayed around it holding an air microphone to her mouth and lip-synching to the song.

The crowd went even crazier, if it was possible. Gohan tapped his way over to Bulma when his little pack of women separated and they started doing their own little stripper dance with Bulma grinding her hips and tossing her hair.

Chichi, standing on the side of the stage, looked over at the two and gave a disapproving look. But it was for competing purposes, so she could let it go.

The song was almost over, so Bulma moved over to her position. As the last notes and words of the song blasted out, Bulma struck her pose and the others hit theirs around her.

She stood with one leg out showing off their shapely form and one hand on her round hip. She had Gohan's top hat on and had it tilted casting a shadow over most of her face. The others were all around her in their own little poses. Some were on one knee with their hands on their body in provocative places while others were standing back to back. They all had a sassy look on their face, the kind that said, 'We're Bad Ass and we know it'. The spotlight went out.