Title: In The End
Summary: A song-fic that came to my mind.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. NBC does. Sadly.
Notes: Read and review please? It's a Bosco/Cruz shipper so if you don't like it, don't read or flame.
Song: "In The End"-Linkin Park
It starts with
One thing / I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
Too many useless years have gone by and too much stress has built down on top of me, shielding my eyes from all the light. I sit here in the dark of my apartment wondering if it's going to be worth it in the end. I use to think it was, but now I'm not too sure.
All I know
time is a valuable thing
A lot of things have come down to this, and I'm starting to think that everything was going to fall apart sooner or later. It was always just a matter of time of ending it all.
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
I stare at the wall as I take a long swig from the bottle of whiskey. The cool liquid flows down my throat, stinging it like a hot drink. I flinch in pain before taking another chug before placing it down on my night-table.
It's so unreal
Didn't look out below
I walk down the hall and into the bathroom, swaying as I walk. Faith always thought it was funny, the way I walked when I was drunk, after a few too many drinks at Haggerty's with the gang.
Watch the time go right out the window
Well eat your fucking heart out cause this is the way I've been for a long time, swallowing some depressants to make me feel a little bit better about myself, or ending a long day's shift by getting drunk. It was just a normal habit that no-one knew about.
Trying to hold on / but didn't even know
It's not like anyone would care though.
Wasted it all just to
Watch you go
Standing in the bathroom I open the medicine cabinet as my blood shot eyes scan over the bottles of pills. All those god damn prescriptions that these doctors gave me, assuming I needed meds to make me feel better.
I kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time
Everyone was just too blind to see that all I needed was someone who cared one fuck about me.
When I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
Just when I thought I had found someone to help me end my misery, my world was turned upside down and I no longer knew who you were.
I got myself pulled in two sudden directions and not able to go either way, I fell.
Harder then I ever had.
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I thought about taking a few bottles of pills but I couldn't bring myself to actually do it. It wasn't the right way to go.
There was no pleasure in that.
My gun sat in my drawer but even that wouldn't justify the person who I really am. I'm not afraid of death nor pain, and I don't want anyone to ever think I was.
One thing / I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Picking up a razor I stare at it in my hand for a moment, that shiny metal. The pleasurable pain object was sitting right in front of me the whole time. I picked it up and observed it before running my finger along the blade. A small trail of blood dripped down my hand.
Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how
I tried so hard
The phone rings which causes me to jump and I drop the blade into the sink. Why that got me so edgy and moved my train of thought to the kitchen, I didn't know.
It rang again.
And again.
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Finally the answering machine picked up and I listened to a familiar voice.
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I'm surprised it got so (far)
"Damnit Bosco! Pick up!"
Things aren't the way they were before
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore
It was Cruz. Ignoring her request to pick up the phone I wasn't about to let her ruin this, ruin what I was planning to do. Overwhelmed with feelings of pain and betrayal I took the blade and pressed it gently along my wrist. At first it hurt, but in the matter of seconds it turned numb and I sought deeper.
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me
In the end
It rang again and I cursed loudly. "God stop" I scowled before ripping my gaze away from the blade and dropped it on to the sink's edge. The cut I had made on my arm wasn't deep enough, not near deep enough to end it. I started into the living room before grabbing the phone.
You kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I
I tried so hard
I told her to stop calling me. I didn't want to talk to her. I really wasn't aware I was crying freely, tears rolling down my cheeks until I felt the wetness on my hand when I wiped my eyes.
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
For some reason, she was crying too.
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I can't deal with this now.
I can't bear talking to her when I'm like this.
I can't let her know what I'm doing.
I can't let her see how weak I really am.
And yet she wanted to save me from myself. And that's in fact what she told me, through her salty tears.
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
I told her not to worry and that I'd call her later.
She didn't hang up though. She was too busy trying to make me promise I wasn't going to do anything stupid. Well Maritza, this isn't stupid. In-fact it's the smartest thing I'm ever gonna' do.
And for all this
There's only one thing you should know
"I love you."
And with those last words I hung up.
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
And for all this
There's only one thing you should know
Continuing back into the bathroom I leaned my head on the door, no longer fighting the tears that streamed down my face. Taking the blade back into my hand I sat down on the floor, resting by back on the wall and wept motionless.
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I ran the blade from the center of my wrist and up lining the bone. The vein had taken enough and slowly opened. I would have thought I'd feel something but the only thing I felt was my heart ache and the warmth of the blood run freely down my arm and to the floor.
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had left a note to tell you I was sorry on the bathroom sink.
But I crumpled it into a ball and threw it in the garbage because I got to tell you what I shared on the phone.
And that's all you needed to know.
