Lemuria: The Lost Empire

Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is copyrighted. I don't want to take forever typing the silly disclaimer. Why do we even have to do disclaimers? People already know that the video games belong to the video game people and movies belong to the movie people. Oh well....

Sammi: Okay, peoples. Someone reviewed, and said that this sounded waaay too much like one of Griffinkhan's stories. You know what that means! I want this fic more original, more funny, and more insane right now!

Ivan: You heard the lady! Dora, Sammi wants it more original, more funny, and more insane, pronto!

Dora: I'm on it!

Sammi: And now it's time to film the first part of the movie that isn't the prologue AKA Chapter One!

Ivan: That name is too long.

Sammi: Oh, really? Then what do you suggest we do, Mr. Genius?

Ivan: Why don't we just call it Chapter One?

Sammi: That's brilliant! I'm so glad I thought of it!

Ivan: Whatever...

Chapter One!

(down in the basement of the museum)

Sammi's Voice, Coming From No Where: Tolbi, Angara, 1914...

Ivan: Hi, peoples! Now I'm sure you've heard of the Legend of Zelda...Oops! Wrong script...The legend of Lemuria, a place somewhere over the rainbow that, according to our friend Lunpa here, just samk beneath the sea for no reason whatsoever. I'[m sure you're saying, 'Why Lemuria?' It's just a myth. Pure fanfiction. Well, that is where you'd be wrong. A million billion years before the eruption of Mt. Aleph, the Lemurians had already discovered cellphones and pizza, even video games! 'Insane!' you say, but no, I'm not. I'm telling the truth, I tell ya, the TRUTH!!! Angara and Gondowan and Hesperia all agreed that Lemuria must have some power source, even stronger that Psynergy! Now here is a page describing a book called the Adepts Journal, that says exactly where Lemuria is! It is rumored to be on the coast of Hesperia, but after looking at the runes that I found near Mt. Aleph, it's really near Imil! We should find the power source and bring it back!

(phone rings)

Ivan: Will you excuse me for a second? (picks up phone) Cartography and linguistics, Ivan Thatch speaking

(gibberish heard on the other end of the line)

Ivan: Right.....Excuse me gentlemen...(light turns on, revealing that the 'gentlemen' are really a skeleton and a few tiki masks) (turns up heater) There, you idiot! Are ya happy now!? Good. BYE! (hangs up) Now as you can see by this map-map that I've drawn, I hav eplottede a route to find the book! Isn't that cool!?
(bird comes out of clock yelling 'coocoo! coocoo!')
Ivan: That's it! Showtime! Well, I'm finally getting out of the 'dungeon'...Who wrote this darn script!? I'm goin' ad-lib, whether the stupid producers like it or not!
(goes to cabinet with hat in it)

(flashback: Ivan as a kid is sitting on his grandpa's lap. His grandpa takes his hat and puts it on Ivan's head. Ivan smiles. Then the hat falls down, covering his whole face except his mouth and he gets this confused look)

Ivan: (puts on hat) (smiles) (hat falls down, covering his whole face. He then walks around dizzily trying to get hat off)

(letter falls from the sky onto Ivan's head)

Ivan: Ow! (reads letter) Dear Mr. Thatch, this is to inform you that your meeting has been moved from 4:30 to 3:30.

(he looks at clock. It is 4:00)

Ivan: Crap! (another letter falls on his head) Double crap! (reads it) Dear Mr. Thatch, since you didn't show up, we're rejecting your proposal. Have a nice weekend, MR. GARET'S OFFICE!? THEY CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! (starts destroying everything in sight with Spark Plasma)

Sammi: CUT! Okay, action!

Ivan: THAY CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! (runs out door)

(in a big building) (Yes, I'm very descriptive, aren't I?)

Important Dude #1: I swear, that idiot Ivan gets insaner every year!

Important Dude#2: If I ever hear the word 'Lemuria' again, I'll step in front of a rampaging Killer Ape!

Important Dude #3: Ha ha! I'll push you!

Important Dude #2: T.T That's nice.

(Ivan comes running towards them)

Ivan: Mr. Garet! Wait!

Important Dude #1: Oh my gosh! There he is!

Garet: How did you find us?

(everybody rushes through numerous doors, locking them before Garet can get through. Garet hides behind plant)

Ivan: Sir, I-

Garet: *gasp* (opens umbrella, stunning Ivna, then runs out the door. Soon Ivan starts running after him)

outside

(Garet is trying to make his escape in a car) (Ivan runs up to him)

Ivan: (stuffs maps in Garet's face) Mr. Garet, if you could hold these...

Garet: (shoves the maps back at Ivan) We fund things based on TRUTH, not DARES!

Guy from Backstage: Ummm, Garet? I don't think you got your lines right....

Garet: SHUT UP! Now, as I was saying...You've got a lot of potential, Ivan, don't throw it all away chasing unicorns....

(car drives away) (Ivan runs after it and jumps onto the windshield)

Ivan: Sir-I really hoped it wouldn't come to this, but WHERE'S MY COFFEE!? GIVE ME BACK MY COFFEE!!!

Sammi: CUT!!!!!!! Ivan, what the heck was that!?

Ivan: I was ad-libbing!

Sammi: Well, when you ad-lib, it still gots to make sense. Okay, and Action! (boy, that sounded lame-o)

Ivan: That's it! This is...(takes out a piece of paper and slams it on the windshield)...a letter of quitting! If you refuse to help me find those unicorns, *under his breath* again, who wrote this idiotic script...? *back to normal voice....in fact, screaming voice* I'LL RESIGN!( falls off car and gets flung behind it)

(car screeches to a halt and backtrack)

Ivan (looking quite pathetic): I mean it, sir! If you refuse to fund my-

Garet: You'll what? Flush the career edown the toilet, just like your pathetic idiot of a grandfather!? Besides, we need you here!

Ivan: You do?

Garet: Of course! We depend on you. What with summer coming, that stupid A/C's gonna need a lot of attention.

Ivan: Stupid A/C!?

Garet: Ya wanna go on an expedition? (throws coin at Ivan) Here! take a wagon to the Karagol! Jump in! Maybe the cold water--and man-eating jellyfish thingies--will CLEAR YOUR HEAD! (drives away)

Sammi: And now for the part that wasn't in the original movie that this was based off of!

(girl walks by muttering something about 'stupid non-believers')

Ivan: Huh? What do you mean?

Girl (angrily): I'll tell you what I mean! All the stupid people in the city are taunting me, going, 'Lemuria don't exist! Lemuria don't exist'!

Ivan: Lemuria does TOO exist!

Girl: Of course it does! That's what I'm trying to prove! But no one will believe me! They only laugh! (gets mad and starts to walk away) Wait! Did you say...you DID think Lemuria exists!?

Ivan: Yes...

Girl: COOL! Someone actually AGREES with me! (walks away happily)

Ivan: Okay...that was weird...(starts to walk home)

The next scene: Ivan's house

(the lights are off and there is lightning and thunder outside...it sounds like the perfct setting for a murder-mystery movie, but it's NOT! This is an Atlantis parordy thingiemabob movie!)

Ivan: (walks in the door) (tries to turn on light, but there is a mondo power outage!) Kelsey? I'm home...here, kitty, kitty, kitty.....

(lightning flashes, illuminating the room enough to reveal a dark silhouette, signifying someone's there...ooohhh....creepy...)

Ivan: Who are you? How...How did you get here?

Menardi: I came down the chimney, ho, ho, ho. My name is Menardi Sinclair. My employer has an intriguing proposition for you...

Ivan: Ah, so you're selling something. I got two words for you. Not...interested. But, just for laugs, who is your employer?

Sammi: Okay, that's good! We'll stop today's filming here!

(after filming)

Dora: So how did you like it, Miss Sammi?

Sammi: Great! Now THIS is what I call more original, more funny, and more insane!

Dora: ^_^

Sammi: By the way, don't you think it's weird?

Dora: What?

Picard: Yeah, what?

Sammi: Lemuria. It seems to be the Golden Sun World's Atlantis, literally. I mean, first it goes underwater during the Great Flood, and not only that, the people live a long time, just like Atlantis, and everybody in Lemuria has blue hair, and everyone in Atlantis had white hair!

Picard: Gosh, even I didn't know how Atlantis-like Lemuria is, and that's where I come from, so that's pretty amazing!

Sammi: Ah, the wonders of the world....

Picard: The PYRAMIDS!

(suddenly they are teleproted to a jungle)

Picard: How did that happen?

Sammi: I did it so I could do what I did during school today! It's quite insane.

Picard: What is this place?

Sammi: Oooh, I know! I know!

Picard (monotonously): Can't anyone tell me where this is or what this is? Sammi!

Sammi: It's the SAHARA RAINFOREST! Okay, I don't know why I like saying it, I just do...

(they get teleported back)

Ivan: I'm so happy...

Picard: Why?

Ivan: I'm the MAIN CHARACTER! What's there not to be happy about?

Picard: Heck, I don't know. Ask Sammi.

Ivan: It's a rhetorical question, Picard.

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How did ya like it? I will get more up soon! YAY! As always, plz review!