Suffer the Little Animals

Part Four

Author's (Brief) Notes:

            It seems so far that the only two people who have reviewed this story are Jason fans who know me through my Nightmare on Elm Street fictions, and have never even played Animal Crossing. So sad for them. They had two questions for me. The first being, "Are all these guys original characters, or what?" Well, no. I don't own any of the animals, (yet, I am working on trying to get Nintendo to surrender their rights of the game to me, or I will hold Pikachu hostage at gunpoint) and I certainly don't own Jason. I do, however, own some of the animals' personalities, to a certain degree, such as Blanca's and Lobo's. I do own McAngus the Scottish Prophet of doom, but I haven't written him into the story yet. The second question was what kind of animal Totokeke was, and was it a boy or a girl. Totokeke is a white dog with really thick eyebrows, and he is a boy. You meet him in the beginning of the game, when you're creating your very first character. He is also known as K.K. Slider, but I like Totokeke better.

            I hope I made your day a little less confusing.

                                                            *          *          *

            (We see most of the animals frolicking by the lake, save Mr. Resetti and Wendell. We also see Totokeke, not playing his guitar but the bagpipes. It's all very strange.)

            Totokeke: (Singing in a Scottish accent.)

            The wee lil' beasties

            Arrre playing by the loch,

            But when McAngus comes,

            They'rrrre in ferrr a shock!

            (The afore mentioned wee little beasties are jumping off the dock, doing cannonballs and can-openers. Blanca finally runs up to them, faceless again.)

            Blanca: Hey! There you guys are! Why'd you leave me?

            (All the animals stare at her in terror.)

            Nook: It's… a… MONSTER!

            Blanca: (Looking around frantically.) Monster! Where? Where is it?

            Octavian: Watch out! It will suck off your tentacles!

            Opal: (Panicked.) I don't have any tentacles!

            Octavian: (Darkly.) Then it already has!

            (All of the animals panic, save for Lobo, who is floating in an inner tube a few feet off, casually regarding the events unfolding before him.)

            Lobo: Weirdos.  

            (All the animals, save Lobo, jump out of the water and start to furiously beat the bejeezus out of poor Blanca. This makes the poor, faceless kitty cry.)

            Blanca: (In a Lucille Ball voice.) Ricky, waaaaaaah!

            Lobo: (Shouts over to the others.) You dumb animals! That's Blanca, not some tentacle-sucking monster! Sheesh!

            Petunia: (Hands on hips.) How do you know?

            Lobo: Knowing Blanca as I do, nothing about her really comes as a surprise.

            Petunia: You just met her on the train!

            Lobo: Believe me, that's long enough.

            (The animals stop beating Blanca. She gets up, crying and sniffling.)

            Blanca: Aw, goshy-goo, my face must've come off again. I didn't even get a chance to look at the one Katrina drew me.

            Mysterious, Scottish voice: Aye, Lassie, it's bad luck, Ah tell ye. It bein' Frrriday th' Thirrrrteenth, bad things arrrre bound t' 'appen.

            (Everyone turns to see a little Scottish Terrier waddle over, wearing a plaid kilt, sash, and hat. He's smoking a corncob pipe, and discordant bagpipe music plays as he approaches them.)

            Mable: Who are you?

            Scottish Terrier: Ah'm McAngus, th' Scottish Prrrrrophet of yer DOOM!  

            Blanca: Hee hee, he has a funny accent.

            McAngus: Ah, put yerrrr face on, ya saucy lass!

            Blanca: Can't. Someone has to draw one.

            McAngus: Er, all rrright, but Ah can't draw too well.

            Blanca: Whatever, just draw me a face.

            McAngus: Yerrr funeral. (Takes out a black magic marker and draws an ear of corn on her face.) Voila!

            Opal: Um, like, why did you draw an ear of corn on her face?

            McAngus: Good luck! This nutty lass is gonna need as much of it as she can get!

            Lobo: Actually, I think it's something of an improvement.

            Blanca: I like corn. And I like yer dressie, mister Scotsman.

            McAngus: IT'S A KILT!

            Blanca: It's a pretty dress.

            McAngus: KILT!

            Lobo: (Paddling up to the dock with his front paws, while still lounging in the inner tube.) I thought you said you were a prophet of doom.

            McAngus: Aye, but Ah am. I have foreseen a fate so 'orrible ferrr th' lot o' ye, that only one o' yer will make it out alive!

            Sable: Will I beaten to death against a tree in my sleeping bag?

            McAngus: Ah'll bet ye twenty bucks ya do, lassie.

            Sable: Oh, the raging horror!

            Nook: Now, look, Mr. Prophet-of-Doom, you're scaring the girls!

            McAngus: They aughta be scared, laddie. They'rrrre all gonna die 'orrible deaths at the hand of th' banshee Jason Voorrrhees.

            Blanca: Oh! I heard another prophet of doom talk about that guy Jason Vacuum or whatever. She talked like this: (Her head begins to spins around, and white foams spills from where her mouth should be.) You're all going to die and stuff.

            Lobo: I bet you're a real hit at parties, Blanca.

            Blanca: Yeah. Wanna see my ping-pong ball trick?

            Lobo: You know what? Let's play the quiet game. You go first.

            Blanca: (Falls silent.)

            McAngus: Don't say Ah dinn't warn yoo, ye mad beasties. (Toddles off as complementary earsplitting bagpipe music plays.)

            Opal: … What a strange person.

            (Meanwhile, we see Mr. Resetti popping up from the ground and managing to burst through a wooden floor. He looks around, twitching his nose irritably.)

            Mr. Resetti: Where the hell am I now? (Pops up out of the ground, looking around what appears to be a bedroom in a shack. The room looks as if the house has been abandoned for ages. Mr. Resetti toddles around, looking through the room, tossing around objects he finds; knives, a teddy bear, pillows, etc. He comes across a rotting chest in the corner of the room. He opens it, finding only clothes inside. Overwhelmed by curiousity, he tries on a red turtleneck sweater, slipping it over his usual work shirt and overalls. He then finds a gray beehive wig and slips it on over his miner's helmet. The overall result looks rather silly.)

            (Unbeknownst to Mr. Resetti, the door to the little room has opened, and a silent, tall, hulking, dripping-wet figure wearing a hockey mask looms over him. Mr. Resetti turns around, looking over at the man standing over him. It is then that his pupils dilate in pure, unadulterated fear.)

            Mr. Resetti: … Mommy.

            (The scene quickly switches to Totokeke sitting on a cabin's porch, playing the bagpipes again.)

            Totokeke: (Sings once again in a Scottish accent.)

            Th' Prrrophecy 'as been made,

            And all the beasties arrre doomed.

            Which one will survive,

            While all th' rrrrest arrre scrrrewed? (Stops singing.) Keep an eye out fer Part Five, ya wee barrons!