SPOILERS: Meridian, Revelations

Sam Alone: Falling Apart

Sam had been quiet all through the meal. After their briefing following the rescue of Thor and Heimdal the remaining members of SG1 had gone out for something to eat, trying to repair the gap left by Daniel's absence, to keep the bonds of team-ship and friendship alive and strong.

Jack was keeping an eye on his second in command who seemed oblivious to his glances, picking at her food and looking as if she would rather be anywhere than here with her CO who could not see how much she needed to talk to him about Daniel's departure.

*Dammit,* Sam thought to herself. *I thought we were a team, I thought we were friends. Why did he shut me out like that? He doesn't seem to care that Daniel's gone. Maybe he never cared, doesn't care about any of us.*

'So Teal'c, how do you like Mexican food?' Jack asked Teal'c, trying to maintain a sense of normality.

'It is - interesting,' Teal'c responded, tilting his head to one side as he studied the forkful of food in front of him, the gesture telling Jack that Teal'c wasn't particularly enjoying the spicy food.

'Well, you have to try everything at least once, that's my philosophy anyway.' Jack grinned at him. 'So, do you guys want to come back to my place?' Jack extended the offer of friendship, looking at Sam and willing her to say yes. He was hurting too, just as he knew she was hurting but it was difficult for him to show it. He'd spent years putting up barriers to his feelings and it was not easy letting his emotions show, offering his house to his team was his way of helping close those wounds, re-establishing their closeness.

Sam said nothing and Jack wondered if she had even heard him. At last she looked into his eyes, trying to read what was there. For a moment she must have seen something she liked as her own eyes softened momentarily and he could see a hint of a smile at the corners of her mouth, but just as quickly her face hardened again and she stood to leave.

'I'm sorry, sir, I really don't feel like being around anyone, I'm going to head home. I'll see you tomorrow. Good night, night Teal'c.' And before anyone else could speak Sam was gone, climbing into a passing cab.

'What about you Teal'c?' Jack asked, hoping he would at least have the company of his Jaffa friend.

'My apologies O'Neill, but I must perform kel'noreem. It has been some time since I was last able to regenerate in this way and I must do so now.'

'Ok, I'll give you a lift back.'

*************

'Damn!' Jack muttered under his breath as he picked up the piece of paper on his desk. It was a message to tell him Carter had rung in sick. She'd even called early enough to avoid speaking to him. What the hell was going on here? Ok, she'd seemed a little withdrawn when they'd gone out last night, but that was understandable, they'd had a difficult time and.

Without continuing this line of thought, Jack made his way quickly to Teal'c's quarters, tapped on the door and entered before he heard the Jaffa's deep voice say 'Enter.'

'Teal'c, how are you doing?' Jack jumped straight to the point of his visit.

'I am well, O'Neill,' Teal'c reassured him raising one eyebrow.

'No, I mean how are you really doing? With the whole Daniel thing.'

'I performed the proper ritual after I returned last night. I regret the loss of Daniel Jackson and would wish this had not happened, but the past cannot be changed and I have accepted what has occurred.'

'And Carter - how do you think she's dealing with it?' Jack was starting to feel uneasy, Sam had tried to talk to him but he had dismissed her concerns, not being ready to explore his own feelings at that time. He had an uneasy feeling he'd let his team down badly.

'Why do you not ask her yourself?' Teal'c asked, never having understood the problems humans had addressing their innermost feelings, instead they would bottle them up and allow them to affect their judgment and sometimes their health.

'There's something you're not telling me,' Jack said, sensing Teal'c was holding something back.

Teal'c looked steadily at Jack, holding his gaze, his face remaining impassive as he replied bluntly. 'Major Carter and yourself would do well to tell each other how you are truly feeling regarding Daniel Jackson's departure, as would I. Perhaps we should arrange to discuss the situation away from the SGC.'

Jack looked at Teal'c thoughtfully, nodded an acknowledgement of his statement and quietly left to consider what to do next.

Jack kept himself busy through the day, catching up with paper work and entering into discussions with General Hammond regarding a fourth member for SG1. After this meeting Jack walked quickly back to Daniel's office, shutting the door behind him before he sat himself on one of the chairs, surveying the room and feeling glad that no one had yet gotten around to packing up Daniel's personal belongings. Here Jack was able to feel free to consider how he was really dealing with Daniel's ascension.

He was pretty cut up that his best friend was no longer around, but he also knew from that weird conversation he'd had with Daniel and Oma Desala that Daniel wasn't dead, and that wherever Daniel had gone was where he had wanted to be, it was his decision to move on and deep down Jack was glad Daniel would not have to suffer the incapacity caused by the radiation burns.

A question popped into his mind and he turned to ask Daniel for an explanation and that's when it finally hit home. Daniel may not be dead, but he was also no longer around and he had no idea when or if he would ever see him again. He was as good as dead and he remembered how he'd pushed Carter away when she had challenged his insistence on continuing their work, telling her Daniel wasn't dead and they needed to get back out there.

Sam was an excellent officer who would have her own command one day, in the not too distant future if he had any say in the matter. As an officer she did all that could be expected of her and more, demonstrating a strength of character and determination in the field. She was also one of the best in her field of astro-physics and put everything into her work when the opportunity arose, saving them all on more than one occasion. But in all of this, it was easy to overlook the fact that Sam was a thinking, feeling person with the emotions to match. Not everyone was able or wanted to hide their feelings and sometimes you just had to let them out in order to survive. He'd learnt that the hard way, being so close to self-destruction that only being recalled to the first Stargate mission had stopped him pulling the trigger and blowing his brains out. A coward's way out, for someone too afraid to face up to the way they were feeling and work through it.

Sam was much stronger than that, no matter what anyone said, letting your emotions out took a lot of strength but sometimes you needed friends and family around you to help you work through it.

Jack picked up the phone and dialled her number. The phone rang and rang but was not answered. He tried her cell phone, only to be told it was not switched on. He paced up and down Daniel's office for a while, trying to figure out what to do, eventually deciding on a course of action and acting on it before he could change his mind.

**************

To be continued.