"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there-" Long pause… "Now?"

"No."

"Now?"

"No."

"How about… NOW?"

"GOD DAMN IT BLACK! SHUT UP!"

"Now Lilykins, it doesn't do anyone any good to lose your temper. Remember this CTTATADB."

"Do I want to know?"

"Doesn't matter, I'm gonna tell you anyway! Count To Ten And Take A Deep Breath! Now repeat after me. Count To Ten And Take A Deep Breath."

Lily made strangling motions in the air.

"No! You must CTTATADB!"

"Black, if you want to live to play this stupid little game, I advise YOU SHUT YOUR STUPID MOUTH!"

"Ouch, it bites."

"Grr…"

Luckily for Lily, Sirius decided the next bit of tor- I mean fun, could wait until they arrived in the Mess Hall. Thankfully, the rest of the journey progressed in silence, or Lily would have arrived in the Mess Hall alone, Sirius's broken body laying somewhere underneath a very high window.

Upon their arrival to the Mess Hall, Lily tried to discreetly run away, screaming for help. Needless to say, Sirius didn't notice. Until…

"AHH! MY LEG! YOU STUPID BASTARD!"

Lily and James had run into each other. Literally. And Sirius finally noticed Lily was not next to him, making constant death threats.

He walked over to her and tapped her shoulder. When she turned around, he clamped his arm around hers, and dragged her away, kicking and screaming. Again, literally.

"'Scuse me professor, have an announcement to make!"

"Black, where the hell do you think you are going?" Professor McGonagall said warningly.

"UP! And remember professor, CTTATADB!"

Before she could stop him, he jumped onto the teachers' table, still grabbing hold of Lily.

"EXCUSE ME FELLOW STUDENTS AND HONORABLE PROFESSORS."

Lily groaned.

"I AM DELIGHTED TO ANNOUNCE A SCHOOL WIDE GAME OF PARTNERS HIDE AND SEEK! ANYONE WHO DOES NOT PLAY… WELL, LET'S JUST SAY IT WON'T BE PRETTY!"

And that kind of threat from a Marauder was taken pretty seriously. No pun intended.

"NOW GET INTO PARTNERS, WE WILL DO THE REST!"

Lily sighed. This was going to be ugly. I mean, an entire school, playing one game! She mentally resigned herself to never ever sleeping again. She jumped down from the table and wandered back to her friend May.

"I swear to god this wasn't my idea!"

May laughed. "Come on, it could be fun!"

"Speak for yourself. Sirius Black isn't choosing your partner!"

"Oh. That could be bad..."

"Really? I hadn't fucking noticed!"

"Lilykins, were you not listening to me? CTTATADB. It's the only way." Sirius said in a singsong voice.

"No, how about this. STFUASYAUYA!"

"What does that stand for?"

May sighed. "I can only imagine..."

"Shut The Fuck Up And Shove Your Anagram Up Your Ass!"

"No thanks!" Sirius said brightly. "Hey May." He giggled. "Wanna be my partner?"

"Sure. Whatever."

"What did you just say?" Lily said slowly and deliberately. "Are you crazy? Do you have a death wish?!" She demanded.

"Sure whatever. Not that I know of, but most likely because I hang out with you. And, tell my parents I love them. Ya, I think that's about right." May said thoughtfully. "Why?"

"Because you just agreed to be Sirius Black's partner!" Lily rolled back her sleeve and shoved her wrist against May's forehead. "Hmm, no fever, that's curious. Must be hallucinations or something" She muttered.

May brushed her hand away with a laugh. "I'm FINE Lily."

"Sure. Whatever."

"That's what I said."

Lily sighed. "Alright Black, which idiot am I to be paired up with?"

"Er..."

"LILYKINS!"

"Dear god no." Lily moved slowly towards Sirius, arms outstretched, a maniac expression on her face.

"NO LILY! CTTATADB!"

"Sirius. Shut up if you know what's good for you." Lily growled.

"Oh dearie me..."

"Lily! No! You can't kill him! McGonagall's watching!" May protested.

Lily looked behind her, hands closing around Sirius's neck. "May, she's smiling. And waving for me to continue. I don't think she'll hold this against me."

"True, it kinda looks like she'll worship you, not give you detention for the rest of your life." May admitted. "Better go on."

"How could you May? You just signed my death sentence!"

"Sorry. Bt you kind of deserved it."

"Kind of?!" Lily growled. "HE PAIRED ME WITH POTTER! HE'S JUST LUCKY I'M NOT USING HIM FOR TARGET PRACTICE!"

"Really Lilykins, CTT etc, etc, isn't going to do it's self."

Bad timing Sirius.

Now, Lily didn't mean to turn him into a green and purple chicken with no head.

Really.

Sort of.

Okay, not really.

But you have to admit it did look funny.

Unfortunately, Professor McGonagall had to turn him back, though she really regretted it.

She did make sure to give Lily points though.

But if anyone asked, she helped a fellow student...

Really.

"Lilykins, I'm hurt."

"That's nice."

"How could you?"

"Quite easily actually."

"It wasn't very nice.

"I wasn't really going for nice there."

"I could pair you with someone really horrible."

"You already have."

"Lilykins... I could pair you with James!"

There was something to be said about stupid villains.

"Wait a second..."

"Take your time."

"Oops."

"You don't say?"

May shook her head, black hair falling into her face. "I'm beginning to think I just might be doomed..."

"Doomed? YOU'RE DOOMED?!"

May winced.