"I've never seen anyone more determined to get better," Dr. Davis mused as
she took Summer's blood pressure. "And I must say, it appears that your
eagerness to be healthy has helped to make you healthy again."
"Good." Summer shook her head and smiled at the doctor. "No offense, but I'm looking forward to getting out of here."
"Summer, we've discussed this." The older woman shook her head. "Your father just wanted you to get the best medical care available."
"I know, I know, scarlet fever can have lasting implications on the heart, you guys are the best for preventing heart damage, etc." Summer tapped her feet against the floor. "So, what are you going to write on my chart?"
Dr. Davis smiled. "We're releasing you today. Your father is sending a car to pick you up – he's in Switzerland, but he'll be home on Saturday."
"He's coming home tomorrow?" Summer bit her lip. "I thought he couldn't leave Europe until all the mergers were finalized."
"Apparently he's pushed himself to finish early." Dr. Davis stood and moved towards the door. "Guess that's something that the whole Roberts family has in common!" She chuckled as she walked out of Summer's room.
Thank god, Summer thought, falling back onto her bed. The Napa Valley Heart Clinic was gorgeous, but she had to get home. Six days had been more than enough. In order to promote total healing, the clinic didn't provide television, internet or telephone access to patients, so she'd been thinking about everything she'd been missing incessantly.
Especially Seth Cohen. Now that she was mere hours from returning home, she was getting nervous. It didn't help that with all the tests at the clinic, she'd become acute aware of the beating rhythm of her heart. She knew what it was trying to say, and she knew what she had to do. It wasn't just about Seth – she'd just been so scared for so long. She'd been cruel to so many people, and she had to prove to them that she'd changed. And she wanted to prove it to them – and to herself.
********************
When the car swung onto the Seth's street, Summer felt her heartbeat pick up. She took a deep breath and whispered to herself. Ok, calm down, you can do this. So much of what she had hoped for was so close. Her father would be home soon, and Dr. Davis had told her that he was planning on staying home for some time. She knew that her friends had been forbidden to contact her while she was at the clinic, that they weren't expecting her to be back so soon. But she couldn't wait any longer.
In the backseat of the car, she pulled out the heavy text of Anna Karenina. She'd finished the first book while she had been at the clinic, and now she found a comfort in the familiar passages.
"Peace was made. But with her father's coming all the world in which she had been living was transformed for Kitty. She did not give up everything she had learned, but she became aware that she had deceived herself in supposing she could be what she wanted to be. Her eyes were, it seemed, opened; she felt all the difficulty of maintaining herself without hypocrisy and self-conceit on the pinnacle to which she had wished to mount. Moreover, she became aware of all the dreariness of the world of sorrow, of sick and dying people, in which she had been living. Kitty returned home to Russia cured. She was not so gay and thoughtless as before; she was serene."
Summer smoothed her hair as the car rolled to a stop. The driver came around to open the door for her.
"Shall I wait here, Ms. Roberts?"
Summer smiled. "Thanks Charlie. Do you think you could take my baggage home? I might be here for awhile."
"Of course, ma'am."
The car pulled back down the driveway and Summer anxiously pulled on the skirt of her dress. She knocked gently on the Cohen's door. No answer. She rapped a bit harder, and then she used the whole weight of her fist to knock.
The door swung open quickly. Ryan.
Summer tried to regain her composure. "Chi- um, Ryan, hi." She swallowed. "Is Seth here?"
"No."
"Okay." Summer stared at the blond boy. "Are you going to tell me where he is?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, Summer, I forgot, I'm Chino Boy, at your service." Ryan leaned against the doorframe, a tired smirk on his face.
"Chi- Ryan. Ryan." Summer looked down for a moment, and then took a breath before meeting his eyes. "I know you're just trying to watch out for Seth, to make sure that he doesn't get hurt."
"You're right." Right shrugged his shoulders and looked at her expectantly.
Summer tapped her toe against the ground. She was quiet for a moment, and then the words flooded out of her.
"Look, Ryan, I know I've been mean to you, and I'm sorry. But right now, I need you to tell me where I can find Seth, because I have to see him. I've been waiting a long time and-"
"So has he."
Summer's breath caught. "I know." She took a step forward. "Ryan, please. I'm trying to start over."
Ryan looked at her, as if considering her for the first time. His voice was quiet. "I know what you mean." He tilted his head to one side, and then walked out of the house to an old bicycle. "Come on."
"Are you kidding?" Summer looked down at her outfit. "Despite my many talents, I can't ride a bicycle in a dress and heels."
"That skirt is long enough – for once." Ryan smiled. "Hop on the handlebars – you said it was urgent, and Seth took the car. We're going down to the pier."
Summer bit down on her lower lip. "Okay!" She gingerly pulled herself up onto the bicycle.
"Hold on!" Ryan warned, as the two set off down the rolling street to find the boy who'd changed both their lives.
********************
Seth leaned against the corner of the Snack Shack. Pathetic, he told himself. You're just sitting here, reading an old Russian novel. He closed his eyes for a moment, and then flipped open the text.
"Rousing himself, Levin got up from the haycock, and looking at the stars, he saw that the night was over. "Well, what am I going to do? How am I to set about it?" he said to himself, trying to express to himself all the thoughts and feelings he had passed through in that brief night. All the thoughts and feelings he had passed through fell into three separate trains of thought. One was the renunciation of his old life, of his utterly useless education. This renunciation gave him satisfaction, and was easy and simple. Another series of thoughts and mental images related to the life he longed to live now. The simplicity, the purity, the sanity of this life he felt clearly, and he was convinced he would find in it the content, the peace, and the dignity, of the lack of which he was so miserably conscious. But a third series of ideas turned upon the question how to effect this transition from the old life to the new. And there nothing took clear shape for him."
Maybe I can just move on, Seth thought. He lied to himself – yes, that's it, stop the drama, go back to being the old Seth, loner Seth, hanging out with comic book characters and video games. He sighed and leaned back against the corner of the Shack Shack. He was hunched over in one corner, invisible to the outside world. I can see them, but they can't see me, he observed with a gruff laugh. Just like my life.
"A slight wind arose, and the sky looked gray and sullen. The gloomy moment had come that usually precedes the dawn, the full triumph of light over darkness. Shrinking from the cold, Levin walked rapidly, looking at the ground. "What's that? Someone coming," he thought, catching the tinkle of bells, and lifting his head. Forty paces from him a carriage with four horses harnessed abreast was driving towards him along the grassy road on which he was walking. The shaft-horses were tilted against the shafts by the ruts, but the dexterous driver sitting on the box held the shaft over the ruts, so that the wheels ran on the smooth part of the road. This was all Levin noticed, and without wondering who it could be, he gazed absently at the coach."
Seth watched as a bicycle drew nearer, his eye immediately drawn to a young woman perched carefully on the handlebars.
"In the coach was an old lady dozing in one corner, and at the window, evidently only just awake, sat a young girl holding in both hands the ribbons of a white cap. With a face full of light and thought, full of a subtle, complex inner life, that was remote from Levin, she was gazing beyond him at the glow of the sunrise. At the very instant when this apparition was vanishing, the truthful eyes glanced at him. She recognized him, and her face lighted up with wondering delight. He could not be mistaken. There were no other eyes like those in the world. There was only one creature in the world that could concentrate for him all the brightness and meaning of life. It was she. It was Kitty."
Summer's eyes paused on him for a moment, as if she saw him, and he shrank back into the wall of the building. He saw her in his mind's eye as if observing what had just happened in slow motion. Her hair was softly tousled from the salty ocean air, her dress clung to her, pushed around her figure by the breeze. And in that moment he saw her face, he knew that she was searching, searching too, and they were looking for the very same thing. But the bicycle kept going, with Summer seeing Seth everywhere, unsure which was the dream and which was the reality.
"There only, in the carriage that had crossed over to the other side of the road, and was rapidly disappearing, there only could he find the solution of the riddle of his life, which had weighed so agonizingly upon him of late. She did not look out again. The sound of the carriage-springs was no longer audible, the bells could scarcely be heard. The barking of dogs showed the carriage had reached the village, and all that was left was the empty fields all round, the village in front, and he himself isolated and apart from it all, wandering lonely along the deserted highroad. He glanced at the sky, expecting to find there the cloud shell he had been admiring and taking as the symbol of the ideas and feelings of that night. There was nothing in the sky in the least like a shell. There, in the remote heights above, a mysterious change had been accomplished. There was no trace of shell, and there was stretched over fully half the sky an even cover of tiny and ever tinier cloudlets. The sky had grown blue and bright; and with the same softness, but with the same remoteness, it met his questioning gaze. 'No,' he said to himself, 'however good that life of simplicity and toil may be, I cannot go back to it. I love HER.'"
********************
"Hey." Seth closed the door to the poolhouse behind him and flopped down on Ryan's bed.
"Where the hell have you been, man?" Ryan snapped. "Summer and I have been out looking for you all day."
"I saw you."
"What?!?" Ryan spoke loudly. He quieted himself and took a seat next to Seth. "Why didn't you stop us?"
"Because!" Seth pulled a pillow over his face. "All I could think about when I saw her is how-" His voice softened. "How much I love her."
The two looked at each other. Ryan read the fear off Seth's face – he was scared, Ryan realized. There was nothing stopping him now.
"Boys?" Kirsten pushed open the door to the poolhouse. "I just got a call from Summer's dad – first one of those in a long time. Anyhow, he's having a party for her tomorrow night to celebrate her homecoming, and we'll all be going. It'll be fun!" She closed the door behind her, as Sandy complained in the background.
"This is it, Seth." Ryan looked solemn. "Tomorrow night. It's then or never."
Seth nodded slowly. "I know."
"Good." Summer shook her head and smiled at the doctor. "No offense, but I'm looking forward to getting out of here."
"Summer, we've discussed this." The older woman shook her head. "Your father just wanted you to get the best medical care available."
"I know, I know, scarlet fever can have lasting implications on the heart, you guys are the best for preventing heart damage, etc." Summer tapped her feet against the floor. "So, what are you going to write on my chart?"
Dr. Davis smiled. "We're releasing you today. Your father is sending a car to pick you up – he's in Switzerland, but he'll be home on Saturday."
"He's coming home tomorrow?" Summer bit her lip. "I thought he couldn't leave Europe until all the mergers were finalized."
"Apparently he's pushed himself to finish early." Dr. Davis stood and moved towards the door. "Guess that's something that the whole Roberts family has in common!" She chuckled as she walked out of Summer's room.
Thank god, Summer thought, falling back onto her bed. The Napa Valley Heart Clinic was gorgeous, but she had to get home. Six days had been more than enough. In order to promote total healing, the clinic didn't provide television, internet or telephone access to patients, so she'd been thinking about everything she'd been missing incessantly.
Especially Seth Cohen. Now that she was mere hours from returning home, she was getting nervous. It didn't help that with all the tests at the clinic, she'd become acute aware of the beating rhythm of her heart. She knew what it was trying to say, and she knew what she had to do. It wasn't just about Seth – she'd just been so scared for so long. She'd been cruel to so many people, and she had to prove to them that she'd changed. And she wanted to prove it to them – and to herself.
********************
When the car swung onto the Seth's street, Summer felt her heartbeat pick up. She took a deep breath and whispered to herself. Ok, calm down, you can do this. So much of what she had hoped for was so close. Her father would be home soon, and Dr. Davis had told her that he was planning on staying home for some time. She knew that her friends had been forbidden to contact her while she was at the clinic, that they weren't expecting her to be back so soon. But she couldn't wait any longer.
In the backseat of the car, she pulled out the heavy text of Anna Karenina. She'd finished the first book while she had been at the clinic, and now she found a comfort in the familiar passages.
"Peace was made. But with her father's coming all the world in which she had been living was transformed for Kitty. She did not give up everything she had learned, but she became aware that she had deceived herself in supposing she could be what she wanted to be. Her eyes were, it seemed, opened; she felt all the difficulty of maintaining herself without hypocrisy and self-conceit on the pinnacle to which she had wished to mount. Moreover, she became aware of all the dreariness of the world of sorrow, of sick and dying people, in which she had been living. Kitty returned home to Russia cured. She was not so gay and thoughtless as before; she was serene."
Summer smoothed her hair as the car rolled to a stop. The driver came around to open the door for her.
"Shall I wait here, Ms. Roberts?"
Summer smiled. "Thanks Charlie. Do you think you could take my baggage home? I might be here for awhile."
"Of course, ma'am."
The car pulled back down the driveway and Summer anxiously pulled on the skirt of her dress. She knocked gently on the Cohen's door. No answer. She rapped a bit harder, and then she used the whole weight of her fist to knock.
The door swung open quickly. Ryan.
Summer tried to regain her composure. "Chi- um, Ryan, hi." She swallowed. "Is Seth here?"
"No."
"Okay." Summer stared at the blond boy. "Are you going to tell me where he is?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, Summer, I forgot, I'm Chino Boy, at your service." Ryan leaned against the doorframe, a tired smirk on his face.
"Chi- Ryan. Ryan." Summer looked down for a moment, and then took a breath before meeting his eyes. "I know you're just trying to watch out for Seth, to make sure that he doesn't get hurt."
"You're right." Right shrugged his shoulders and looked at her expectantly.
Summer tapped her toe against the ground. She was quiet for a moment, and then the words flooded out of her.
"Look, Ryan, I know I've been mean to you, and I'm sorry. But right now, I need you to tell me where I can find Seth, because I have to see him. I've been waiting a long time and-"
"So has he."
Summer's breath caught. "I know." She took a step forward. "Ryan, please. I'm trying to start over."
Ryan looked at her, as if considering her for the first time. His voice was quiet. "I know what you mean." He tilted his head to one side, and then walked out of the house to an old bicycle. "Come on."
"Are you kidding?" Summer looked down at her outfit. "Despite my many talents, I can't ride a bicycle in a dress and heels."
"That skirt is long enough – for once." Ryan smiled. "Hop on the handlebars – you said it was urgent, and Seth took the car. We're going down to the pier."
Summer bit down on her lower lip. "Okay!" She gingerly pulled herself up onto the bicycle.
"Hold on!" Ryan warned, as the two set off down the rolling street to find the boy who'd changed both their lives.
********************
Seth leaned against the corner of the Snack Shack. Pathetic, he told himself. You're just sitting here, reading an old Russian novel. He closed his eyes for a moment, and then flipped open the text.
"Rousing himself, Levin got up from the haycock, and looking at the stars, he saw that the night was over. "Well, what am I going to do? How am I to set about it?" he said to himself, trying to express to himself all the thoughts and feelings he had passed through in that brief night. All the thoughts and feelings he had passed through fell into three separate trains of thought. One was the renunciation of his old life, of his utterly useless education. This renunciation gave him satisfaction, and was easy and simple. Another series of thoughts and mental images related to the life he longed to live now. The simplicity, the purity, the sanity of this life he felt clearly, and he was convinced he would find in it the content, the peace, and the dignity, of the lack of which he was so miserably conscious. But a third series of ideas turned upon the question how to effect this transition from the old life to the new. And there nothing took clear shape for him."
Maybe I can just move on, Seth thought. He lied to himself – yes, that's it, stop the drama, go back to being the old Seth, loner Seth, hanging out with comic book characters and video games. He sighed and leaned back against the corner of the Shack Shack. He was hunched over in one corner, invisible to the outside world. I can see them, but they can't see me, he observed with a gruff laugh. Just like my life.
"A slight wind arose, and the sky looked gray and sullen. The gloomy moment had come that usually precedes the dawn, the full triumph of light over darkness. Shrinking from the cold, Levin walked rapidly, looking at the ground. "What's that? Someone coming," he thought, catching the tinkle of bells, and lifting his head. Forty paces from him a carriage with four horses harnessed abreast was driving towards him along the grassy road on which he was walking. The shaft-horses were tilted against the shafts by the ruts, but the dexterous driver sitting on the box held the shaft over the ruts, so that the wheels ran on the smooth part of the road. This was all Levin noticed, and without wondering who it could be, he gazed absently at the coach."
Seth watched as a bicycle drew nearer, his eye immediately drawn to a young woman perched carefully on the handlebars.
"In the coach was an old lady dozing in one corner, and at the window, evidently only just awake, sat a young girl holding in both hands the ribbons of a white cap. With a face full of light and thought, full of a subtle, complex inner life, that was remote from Levin, she was gazing beyond him at the glow of the sunrise. At the very instant when this apparition was vanishing, the truthful eyes glanced at him. She recognized him, and her face lighted up with wondering delight. He could not be mistaken. There were no other eyes like those in the world. There was only one creature in the world that could concentrate for him all the brightness and meaning of life. It was she. It was Kitty."
Summer's eyes paused on him for a moment, as if she saw him, and he shrank back into the wall of the building. He saw her in his mind's eye as if observing what had just happened in slow motion. Her hair was softly tousled from the salty ocean air, her dress clung to her, pushed around her figure by the breeze. And in that moment he saw her face, he knew that she was searching, searching too, and they were looking for the very same thing. But the bicycle kept going, with Summer seeing Seth everywhere, unsure which was the dream and which was the reality.
"There only, in the carriage that had crossed over to the other side of the road, and was rapidly disappearing, there only could he find the solution of the riddle of his life, which had weighed so agonizingly upon him of late. She did not look out again. The sound of the carriage-springs was no longer audible, the bells could scarcely be heard. The barking of dogs showed the carriage had reached the village, and all that was left was the empty fields all round, the village in front, and he himself isolated and apart from it all, wandering lonely along the deserted highroad. He glanced at the sky, expecting to find there the cloud shell he had been admiring and taking as the symbol of the ideas and feelings of that night. There was nothing in the sky in the least like a shell. There, in the remote heights above, a mysterious change had been accomplished. There was no trace of shell, and there was stretched over fully half the sky an even cover of tiny and ever tinier cloudlets. The sky had grown blue and bright; and with the same softness, but with the same remoteness, it met his questioning gaze. 'No,' he said to himself, 'however good that life of simplicity and toil may be, I cannot go back to it. I love HER.'"
********************
"Hey." Seth closed the door to the poolhouse behind him and flopped down on Ryan's bed.
"Where the hell have you been, man?" Ryan snapped. "Summer and I have been out looking for you all day."
"I saw you."
"What?!?" Ryan spoke loudly. He quieted himself and took a seat next to Seth. "Why didn't you stop us?"
"Because!" Seth pulled a pillow over his face. "All I could think about when I saw her is how-" His voice softened. "How much I love her."
The two looked at each other. Ryan read the fear off Seth's face – he was scared, Ryan realized. There was nothing stopping him now.
"Boys?" Kirsten pushed open the door to the poolhouse. "I just got a call from Summer's dad – first one of those in a long time. Anyhow, he's having a party for her tomorrow night to celebrate her homecoming, and we'll all be going. It'll be fun!" She closed the door behind her, as Sandy complained in the background.
"This is it, Seth." Ryan looked solemn. "Tomorrow night. It's then or never."
Seth nodded slowly. "I know."
