Story: Paperwork Author's Disclaimer: I do not own the concept or any of the characters of Star Gate. This story is for entertainment purposes only; no money is being made.....

Col. Jack O'Neil looked up from the paperwork that was piles haphazardly across the top of his desk and sighed. SG-1 was on down time for the next week and General Hammon had hint not so subtly that it was the perfect time for them to catch up on their paper work. "Yeah right paperless society my ass!..." Rubbing his tired eyes the he glared at the remaining paperwork piled in his basket and not for the first time toyed with the idea of just chucking the whole lot into file 13. "I'm a field commander, dam it.... and this is just sooooo wrong. "

"Note to self.... need to get an LT to file paper work" picking up a cup of coffee he took a sip before grimacing, a small smirk cross his face "and make coffee." Sign off on yet another requisition request for Major Carter he added it to the growing stack. A soft chime from his computer announced the receipt of mail. Turning around he clicked on the icon to see who it was from....

From: Jackson, Daniel

Sent: Tuesday, February 03, 2004 8:32 AM

To: O'Neil, Jack Col.

Subject: USEFUL MILITARY WARNINGS

Hey Jack, one of the Sgt's down in security sent this to me and I thought you could use a laugh.

Daniel

Useful Military Warnings

"Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." - U.S. Army

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are

guaranteed to always hit the ground." - U.S.A.F.Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you

least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of

your unit." - Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just

bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal

"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance

Five-second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - Col. David

Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're probably walking into an

ambush." - Infantry Journal

"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper ... once." - Anon

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown

Army Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your Buddies

(And lastly)

"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him." --

U.S.A. Ammo Troop

A small smirked crossed his face as he read the last line of the email. "You better believe it....."

Fini...

File 13 – Trash can.

A/N: This is an actual email received from a friend of mine.