WARNING!!!!! This Fan Fic contains large amount of nastiness e.g.,
violence, swearing, the using of people and there's some fictional
prejudice (and I don't mean in any sort of funny/humorous way. Though there
is sick/strange humour in it fic itself. And I'm sorry to admit this but
elves aren't real and there are no alternative meanings in what I've
written. You can all kill me later for saying that they don't exist) and I
don't condone any of it. And yes I know it's a little hypocritical writing
a fic with it in... But it's something that happens everyday and I try to
live in the real world; (no matter how much it can suck) as much as
possible and this is fiction (well a poor attempt at fiction, and well just
writing in general). So no one physically gets hurt, no offences intended
and I've put this warning here so that I can reduce any badness it might
cause anyone. Ok. just thought I'd add that thought as things have been
brought to my attention and I thought a warning would be appropriate at the
beginning of my fic. And THIS IS NOT A CUTE AND CUDDLY FIC!!!!!! I've
probably condemned my fic by saying this, but I can rest easier knowing it
that I've said it.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fic. except the plot (which isn't
much, and nothing to shout about). Practically all the characters and
places in this fic belong to the marvellous Mr Tolkien (who's more than
likely turning summersaults in his grave as I write). They're his toys, I
just sneaked in while no one was looking for a little play with them and I
promise to put them back the way I found them when I'm finished. And if
there's anything else you read in this fic that has already happened
somewhere else I'm sorry for it, it's totally unintentional, I'm not
stealing ideas .you should just be glad that you have someone out there
imitating you and taking no credit for your work. So please please
pleeeeeeeeeease don't sue me, it's not my fault I'm stupid with a memory
like a sieve. I DON'T OWN ANYTHING IN THIS FIC. just to clear things up.
Information: Ok, just an ickle bit of info. This is my first fan fic ever,
so don't expect anything earth shattering, 'tis also my first slash fic so
don't except anything earth shattering there either. Also expect large
amounts of waffle, I can't help it, I just get very carried away with a
pencil/pen/keyboard in my hand. Also the synopsis is really crappy coz I
just can't write them so don't read it, it might put you off reading my
fic. And most of this was written in the early hours of the morning, which
might account for it being nothing but total 100% crap. Also the main title
of the fic and the chapters are 'work in progress' and will probably change
many times over the course of writing.
Right. This is a slash fic (male/male 'tis also an AU fic, so don't expect
it to stick close to the book). So if you don't like them or you're not old
enough to be in here (you naughty person you), [ahem *whistles*] I'd advise
you to turn back while you still can. For all you slash addicts out there,
this isn't a cute cuddly slash (or at least it won't be when I get round to
writing the slashy parts). It will also contain lots of violence and some
swearing (once again, when I get round to writing it) ...if you don't like
that sort of stuff, see above. And I've made our beloved elf a right
bastard coz, well, just because, and I apologise now to any Aragorn and
Elrond fans out there who read this fic. What can I say? I'm evil (you'll
probably figure it all out before the end anyway) but all will be
revealed... And I'm sorry for it, so please don't hate me, it's not real,
it's just a fan fic, everything will be fine. Also I decided, coz he rocks,
to make Haldir very very bad tempered and a big bad ass. (i.e. he'll take
any chance to go kill a whole load of people for the tiniest of reasons.)
And its also my way of venting my anger for what they did in The Two Towers
(won't say any more for all you people out there who haven't seen the
film).
Synopsis: Orlando Bloom always describes Legolas as an assassin, so I
decided to make him one. And this is his account of becoming an assassin
and how far he'll go to get the job done and that he has no thought to
breaking rules, even ones he makes himself. This fic is set before The
Fellowship, though it has nothing to do with the Ring or Frodo or anything
like that (though there is kinda hints of Ring related things)
R&R is you wish. (Though I'm writing this fic to try and tire me out as I'm
a bit of an insomniac, so I can't say that I'll read most of the reviews
you nice, kind, wonderful people write 'til I've finished the fic.) But I'm
not twisting your arms up your back to do it. And fire is pretty but it
burns, so please keep the flames down to a minimum. (I know that my
spelling, punctuation and grammar are crap. you don't have to tell me, but
if there's a problem with the tenses let me know coz I hate it when I get
the tenses wrong). And if you just don't like the fic, why read and review
it, coz if you don't like it to start with I very much doubt it'll get any
better.
Also I've dedicated this fic to Drae (Laura) [YAY!! GO ME!!] Coz without
her I'd never have written this fic. Its all the LOTR/elf/fanfic/slash
crazy talk we've shared. Also 'tis a way to repay her for being my beta
reader (so now if there are any mistakes you can all blame her. So, this
ones for you (though not just for you coz I'm allowing other people to read
it) Drae. Love n spoons From Remmie
Assassins come with smiles Told through Legolas's POV
Darkness, an assassin's best friend. Nothing but total pitch-black darkness. That's how they all learn, its easy, all you have to be is quiet and the person you're after won't know your there 'til its too late. Until they have a knife in their chest or a gaping slash across their throat. Then all you have to do is melt back into the darkness and that's half the battle won. Darkness is definitely not for me. Why should I sneak around like some common murderer? Why should I lower myself to their standards? I can run rings around them. True nearly all of them have a fatal flaw that is no fault of their own because not everyone can be an elf. Strange I see so many people all wishing to be like us, beautiful, graceful and immortal, but what do they know? Nothing, that's what, they're stuck in their short humdrum lives all waiting for one thing: death's cold clammy hand to point at them, and all the while wishing it would never happen. But to those of us that will never have the opportunity to greet the Grim Reaper, a mortal life is less that appealing. Yes many of us wish for an end to it all but that would mean being one of 'them' and very few of us are willing to do that. Yes, there are other ways for us to pay a visit to the afterlife but when your one true love is going to live forever and there's no horde of evil storming over the hills trying to hack us all to bits, these ways kinda become obsolete. But even in times of peace, death can still pay some a call. However, few are willing to take up this challenge, even in the most barbaric of races. But not me. In fact I am one of an elite few who search out the challenge, to deal out death and not get caught, and I have mastered it. Though I'm sorry to say that I am the only one of my kind who does this. And I do this because I like it, not because I'm sick of the monotony of immortality and I'm looking for a quick way out, but for the power it gives me over them. The power to end it all, plus the big fat pay cheque at the end of it all helps too, as does the line up for another job if the last one is done well. What can I say? I'm a greedy selfish bastard who loves his job and the power it gives him and isn't afraid to use everyone and everything to get what he wants. But who isn't? We all look for something in this world that we want and the easiest and cheapest way to get it. Ok so to get it we might have to get our hands dirty or a slight smudge on our perfect elven foreheads and many people are afraid of what might happen or what it might lead to. But you don't get anything for nothing. That's how I got into all this. I wanted something and I took it regardless of where or to what it might lead to. I guess I was just lucky as it lead me to something I'm good at and it helped me become better. Now I'm number one, everyone wants me, the demands is high, as are the costs. For patience is a virtue and something I use a lot of and need from those who wish to use my services. Because I take my time, I make sure everything is prefect and if I'm wanted that badly then people will wait, if they don't it only means that they and what they wanted just aren't worth it. Simple, they can't wait for me then I don't have time for them, no matter what they want or how much they have on offer. I didn't become the best by rushing into things and getting the job done as quickly as possible so I could move on. I am my own boss and I do what I want and when I want to do it. I decide what gets done and where. I answer to no one except myself. In a way I'm glad that what I do is frowned upon so much by my own people, it would only mean competition for me and I hate coming out anywhere else but first. Stuff the idea of 'healthy competition'. You're either first or your nowhere, nothing. And I could never be second at this, for it is my life, it keeps me alive, for I was born for this and there is no better than I. I am an assassin, I kill people because someone else wants them dead, and they have enough money to make it happen. I don't ask why, that's none of my business. You may think that I'm no better than a common murderer, maybe your right but I don't care. I love the thrill of the hunt, the chase, the capture, the kill, the escape, it makes me feel alive even after more than two millennia of living. And maybe I'm doing the world some good, as there would have to be a pretty good reason to want someone dead. But that's their world, not mine and as long as it doesn't interfere with it I don't give a toss about their reasons. The elves have very little to do with other races anymore. We tried to help and guide them, but they rejected our help and thought themselves better than they truly are. And if some jumped up mortal thought they'd have a go at taking over us and trying to change our ways, then they'd be meeting their maker quicker than they would have planned. -Especially with me around. I have three simple rules about what I do. Three simple things that I should know better about breaking, yet find the urge to do so much. It's easy: No women, no kids, and no elves. But rules are made to be broken, aren't they? We all do it, say that we won't do something but when the time comes we do. I can't resist it, breaking rules, being different, and making my mark on the world. But I wonder how far I'm willing to go. And how far I AM willing to go. Even though I would never do anything to change my life could I really break one of my rules? Could I really kill Elrond?
Assassins come with smiles Told through Legolas's POV
Darkness, an assassin's best friend. Nothing but total pitch-black darkness. That's how they all learn, its easy, all you have to be is quiet and the person you're after won't know your there 'til its too late. Until they have a knife in their chest or a gaping slash across their throat. Then all you have to do is melt back into the darkness and that's half the battle won. Darkness is definitely not for me. Why should I sneak around like some common murderer? Why should I lower myself to their standards? I can run rings around them. True nearly all of them have a fatal flaw that is no fault of their own because not everyone can be an elf. Strange I see so many people all wishing to be like us, beautiful, graceful and immortal, but what do they know? Nothing, that's what, they're stuck in their short humdrum lives all waiting for one thing: death's cold clammy hand to point at them, and all the while wishing it would never happen. But to those of us that will never have the opportunity to greet the Grim Reaper, a mortal life is less that appealing. Yes many of us wish for an end to it all but that would mean being one of 'them' and very few of us are willing to do that. Yes, there are other ways for us to pay a visit to the afterlife but when your one true love is going to live forever and there's no horde of evil storming over the hills trying to hack us all to bits, these ways kinda become obsolete. But even in times of peace, death can still pay some a call. However, few are willing to take up this challenge, even in the most barbaric of races. But not me. In fact I am one of an elite few who search out the challenge, to deal out death and not get caught, and I have mastered it. Though I'm sorry to say that I am the only one of my kind who does this. And I do this because I like it, not because I'm sick of the monotony of immortality and I'm looking for a quick way out, but for the power it gives me over them. The power to end it all, plus the big fat pay cheque at the end of it all helps too, as does the line up for another job if the last one is done well. What can I say? I'm a greedy selfish bastard who loves his job and the power it gives him and isn't afraid to use everyone and everything to get what he wants. But who isn't? We all look for something in this world that we want and the easiest and cheapest way to get it. Ok so to get it we might have to get our hands dirty or a slight smudge on our perfect elven foreheads and many people are afraid of what might happen or what it might lead to. But you don't get anything for nothing. That's how I got into all this. I wanted something and I took it regardless of where or to what it might lead to. I guess I was just lucky as it lead me to something I'm good at and it helped me become better. Now I'm number one, everyone wants me, the demands is high, as are the costs. For patience is a virtue and something I use a lot of and need from those who wish to use my services. Because I take my time, I make sure everything is prefect and if I'm wanted that badly then people will wait, if they don't it only means that they and what they wanted just aren't worth it. Simple, they can't wait for me then I don't have time for them, no matter what they want or how much they have on offer. I didn't become the best by rushing into things and getting the job done as quickly as possible so I could move on. I am my own boss and I do what I want and when I want to do it. I decide what gets done and where. I answer to no one except myself. In a way I'm glad that what I do is frowned upon so much by my own people, it would only mean competition for me and I hate coming out anywhere else but first. Stuff the idea of 'healthy competition'. You're either first or your nowhere, nothing. And I could never be second at this, for it is my life, it keeps me alive, for I was born for this and there is no better than I. I am an assassin, I kill people because someone else wants them dead, and they have enough money to make it happen. I don't ask why, that's none of my business. You may think that I'm no better than a common murderer, maybe your right but I don't care. I love the thrill of the hunt, the chase, the capture, the kill, the escape, it makes me feel alive even after more than two millennia of living. And maybe I'm doing the world some good, as there would have to be a pretty good reason to want someone dead. But that's their world, not mine and as long as it doesn't interfere with it I don't give a toss about their reasons. The elves have very little to do with other races anymore. We tried to help and guide them, but they rejected our help and thought themselves better than they truly are. And if some jumped up mortal thought they'd have a go at taking over us and trying to change our ways, then they'd be meeting their maker quicker than they would have planned. -Especially with me around. I have three simple rules about what I do. Three simple things that I should know better about breaking, yet find the urge to do so much. It's easy: No women, no kids, and no elves. But rules are made to be broken, aren't they? We all do it, say that we won't do something but when the time comes we do. I can't resist it, breaking rules, being different, and making my mark on the world. But I wonder how far I'm willing to go. And how far I AM willing to go. Even though I would never do anything to change my life could I really break one of my rules? Could I really kill Elrond?
