The idea was quite simple and made so much easier as it involved men. As
men are incredibly stupid and don't know or won't except that they're
beaten or when to stop, it was pretty obvious that more would come and try
to finish what the first had not completed. This would give me ample
opportunities to find out what I needed to know. So the plan was this, find
the next dipstick that with delusions of grandeur, get him, make him tell
me who hired him and were to find him, then probably smash him up or if I
can't be bothered turn him over to Haldir and watch the great entertainment
as Haldir rips the dumb mortal to bits. God I love it when Haldir gets
angry, though not at me.
Well, as they say 'the best laid plans for mice and men (which isn't surprising)' thought why I did that I'll never truly know or understand and it'll bother me forever how close I came to totally cocking the whole damn thing. I told Haldir. I told the fiercely loyal and easily angered Captain of the guard of Lothlorien that more men would try to enter Lorien to kill Galadriel. As was expected, Haldir was less than happy about it, in truth he went almost apoplectic with rage and I have never been gladder for my elvish reflexes as Haldir almost took my head off when I told him. He nearly always shots the messenger of bad news. I guess that's Haldir tip number two: Never bring Haldir bad news, always get someone else (preferably someone you don't like) to give it to him.
So to try and ease things before he really did take someone's head off I told him that with him on guard no one would get through. Which was a bad thing as Haldir took it rather personally and patrolled the boards of Lorien almost 24/7. After a day or so of this I suggested to one of his guard that it might be better if they told Haldir that he shouldn't have to patrol all the boards by himself and that they would help him. Again I used my looks and body to get the elf to go and ask Haldir about, because if he weren't half asleep from me shagging him stupid he would have told me exact where I could shove my idea. True I don't think that that elf would have been long for this world, as my temper quite bad (thought no where near as bad as Haldir's), I hold grudges forever and I always get my revenge, if he had have told me that. But all I had to do is bat my eyelids like some simpering she-elf and purr at them like a kitten and they're all putty in my hands.
Well the elf did this, though he appeared the next day with a huge black eye, the patrols had been doubled around the boarders. He may get unnecessarily angry but nothing can stop Haldir being logical. Yeah so the double patrols were overkill as nothing mortal would be able to set one toe in Lorien unless they has permission from either the lord or lady. But I had still almost cocked up my whole plan. Double patrols meant more elves around and that meant it would be harder for me to get one of these men alone so I could get the information out of him. Plus the patrols wouldn't stop Haldir from being out there on the front line and he was in a foul mood and I guessed that he would be feeling like he could take on the entire race of men, at once, by himself and beat them all to a very bloody pulp.
So, to try very hard to remedy this situation and pull it right out of the crap, I volunteered myself to help patrol. I knew Haldir trusted my skills, and me as he'd taught me most of them, and I would be the only person he'd trust to keep an eye out for any attacker. This would mean that he wouldn't stay where I was for that long and so I would just have to keep all the others off my back while I found out what I needed. This would be a lot easier than it would if I had Haldir breathing down my neck, not that I'm scared or the tiniest bit intimidated by pressure or an extremely pissed and hellishly strong elf. So as I said before, Haldir logic is always good no matter what happens, and my suggestion was greatly welcomed by him. I guess it was coz I'm the only one who truly makes him calmer when the shit really hits the fan but he just gave me some flannel about how I was the only one who could truly handle the job of guarding his home, other than himself.
So I went on guard with Haldir, at first I stayed with him, mostly through his request and partly so I could calm him down enough so I could leave him to go and search the other areas of the forest and so he wouldn't get so frustrated that he lashed out on someone. I can take the brunt of whatever he can throw at me, thought I don't always do that well when it involves sharp objects been thrown but I give as good as I get. But I don't have to put it with Haldir for the rest of my life; I can walk away at any time. For some of the other, it's not that easy. Also I have to make Haldir, at the very least, tolerable to everyone, as I would not like to hear that he's been found dead in some ditch somewhere. For that would call for some serious revenge, and the people responsible would wish that they'd never been born when I got my hands on them.
So the patrols continued for a few weeks and only one or two men were caught near Lorien, and by Haldir himself. They were given thirty seconds to explain why they were there and then they were taken away for 'further questioning' by Haldir (i.e. taken away and turned into mince meat). This was a major blow to my plan. But on the up side it gave me a chance to calm Haldir enough to get me transferred to other patrol on the other side of Lorien. Now all I had to do was wait, hope and pray that the next person to try anything out enter close to where I was. After all, the first couple had tried in the same area as the rest, and surely the limited intelligence of men would finally get the idea to change tactics and try from a different area. However, after three weeks of no sightings, I began to think that my plan was up shit creak without a paddle and that the mortals were a little smarter than I'd given them credit for. But that was not so, as almost as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, fate delivered the perfect moron of a man to me. And he practically fell into my lap. Well it was more like the other way around.
Well, as they say 'the best laid plans for mice and men (which isn't surprising)' thought why I did that I'll never truly know or understand and it'll bother me forever how close I came to totally cocking the whole damn thing. I told Haldir. I told the fiercely loyal and easily angered Captain of the guard of Lothlorien that more men would try to enter Lorien to kill Galadriel. As was expected, Haldir was less than happy about it, in truth he went almost apoplectic with rage and I have never been gladder for my elvish reflexes as Haldir almost took my head off when I told him. He nearly always shots the messenger of bad news. I guess that's Haldir tip number two: Never bring Haldir bad news, always get someone else (preferably someone you don't like) to give it to him.
So to try and ease things before he really did take someone's head off I told him that with him on guard no one would get through. Which was a bad thing as Haldir took it rather personally and patrolled the boards of Lorien almost 24/7. After a day or so of this I suggested to one of his guard that it might be better if they told Haldir that he shouldn't have to patrol all the boards by himself and that they would help him. Again I used my looks and body to get the elf to go and ask Haldir about, because if he weren't half asleep from me shagging him stupid he would have told me exact where I could shove my idea. True I don't think that that elf would have been long for this world, as my temper quite bad (thought no where near as bad as Haldir's), I hold grudges forever and I always get my revenge, if he had have told me that. But all I had to do is bat my eyelids like some simpering she-elf and purr at them like a kitten and they're all putty in my hands.
Well the elf did this, though he appeared the next day with a huge black eye, the patrols had been doubled around the boarders. He may get unnecessarily angry but nothing can stop Haldir being logical. Yeah so the double patrols were overkill as nothing mortal would be able to set one toe in Lorien unless they has permission from either the lord or lady. But I had still almost cocked up my whole plan. Double patrols meant more elves around and that meant it would be harder for me to get one of these men alone so I could get the information out of him. Plus the patrols wouldn't stop Haldir from being out there on the front line and he was in a foul mood and I guessed that he would be feeling like he could take on the entire race of men, at once, by himself and beat them all to a very bloody pulp.
So, to try very hard to remedy this situation and pull it right out of the crap, I volunteered myself to help patrol. I knew Haldir trusted my skills, and me as he'd taught me most of them, and I would be the only person he'd trust to keep an eye out for any attacker. This would mean that he wouldn't stay where I was for that long and so I would just have to keep all the others off my back while I found out what I needed. This would be a lot easier than it would if I had Haldir breathing down my neck, not that I'm scared or the tiniest bit intimidated by pressure or an extremely pissed and hellishly strong elf. So as I said before, Haldir logic is always good no matter what happens, and my suggestion was greatly welcomed by him. I guess it was coz I'm the only one who truly makes him calmer when the shit really hits the fan but he just gave me some flannel about how I was the only one who could truly handle the job of guarding his home, other than himself.
So I went on guard with Haldir, at first I stayed with him, mostly through his request and partly so I could calm him down enough so I could leave him to go and search the other areas of the forest and so he wouldn't get so frustrated that he lashed out on someone. I can take the brunt of whatever he can throw at me, thought I don't always do that well when it involves sharp objects been thrown but I give as good as I get. But I don't have to put it with Haldir for the rest of my life; I can walk away at any time. For some of the other, it's not that easy. Also I have to make Haldir, at the very least, tolerable to everyone, as I would not like to hear that he's been found dead in some ditch somewhere. For that would call for some serious revenge, and the people responsible would wish that they'd never been born when I got my hands on them.
So the patrols continued for a few weeks and only one or two men were caught near Lorien, and by Haldir himself. They were given thirty seconds to explain why they were there and then they were taken away for 'further questioning' by Haldir (i.e. taken away and turned into mince meat). This was a major blow to my plan. But on the up side it gave me a chance to calm Haldir enough to get me transferred to other patrol on the other side of Lorien. Now all I had to do was wait, hope and pray that the next person to try anything out enter close to where I was. After all, the first couple had tried in the same area as the rest, and surely the limited intelligence of men would finally get the idea to change tactics and try from a different area. However, after three weeks of no sightings, I began to think that my plan was up shit creak without a paddle and that the mortals were a little smarter than I'd given them credit for. But that was not so, as almost as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, fate delivered the perfect moron of a man to me. And he practically fell into my lap. Well it was more like the other way around.
