Several weeks later, Ryan catches a ride to school with Marissa and doesn't see Seth until they are changing classes for third period.
"Hey, dude, you left so early that you didn't give Rosa a chance to give you this," Seth says, leaning against Ryan's locker. He holds out an envelope.
"What's this?" Ryan asks, flipping the letter with no return address around in his hand.
"Don't know. Open it and find out," Seth replies. The bell rings for class. Seth groans in anticipation.
"I'll fill you in at lunch, spaz," Ryan smiles. He goes to History and sits down beside Luke. His once sworn enemy, Luke, is now one of Ryan's few friends in Newport. They have made peace with Ryan's relationship with Marissa and are great teammates on their winning soccer team.
"Did you finish that chapter last night?" Luke whispers as they wait for the professor. Ryan slides him a set of notes. He tears open the letter.
He recognizes his mother's handwriting. Luke glances at him and is stunned. All the color drains from Ryan's flesh and his hands are shaking as his eyes scan the piece of yellow paper.
"You okay, Chino?" Luke asks, concerned.
"I'm going to be sick." Ryan says calmly, dropping the letter and bolting from the classroom. The teacher, knowing Ryan is an exemplary student, sends Luke to check on him. Luke gathers Ryan's books so he can take them to the nurse. Luke finds him in the bathroom, vomiting violently in one of the stalls. Luke waits for several minutes but Ryan doesn't improve.
Finally, Luke hears Ryan breathing shallowly and not puking.
"Hey. You okay?"
"Okay? No, I don't think I've ever been okay." Ryan replies weakly. The door swings open and Ryan steps out, swaying.
"What's going on?" Luke asks.
Ryan goes to the sink washing his face. He looks at himself in the mirror, pale skin and dazed blue eyes. He's shaking. He leans heavily against the sink.
"Ryan, dude, what's up?" Luke asks again, worried.
"I have to get out of here." Ryan mutters suddenly, starting for the door. Luke stops him.
"No. Not until you tell me something that makes sense," Luke replies.
"I have to get out of here, Luke.don't make me go through you."
"What about Marissa? What about Seth? What am I supposed to tell them?" Luke asks, still blocking the way.
"Tell them that they're better off." Ryan mutters, his voice weakening. "Tell them that they can be safe now that I'm not around to fuck them up." His eyes roll back suddenly as his body goes limp.
Luke catches him by the shoulders and lowers him to the floor.
*****
Ryan's history teacher came to Seth's class to get him. It was common knowledge that the two boys were rarely separated outside of class and that they are dependant on each other. Seth follows the teacher from the classroom, confused.
"Ryan collapsed in the bathroom." The older man explains.
"Where is he? Take me to him," Seth demands, panicked instantly. Seth bursts into the nursing office. Luke is standing beside Ryan's bed. Ryan's eyes are closed and he is completely still.
"What happened?" Seth asks Luke. A few months earlier, Seth would have assumed that a fight was involved but today he knows that because of Ryan's sage-like patience, the two boys are friends.
"He got sick, he came to class, gave me his notes and then he said that he was going to be sick," Luke explains. "I waited for him outside the bathroom and when he came out, he was acting all crazy. He said he had to get out of here."
Seth's brown eyes are dark with thought. "What was he looking at before he got sick? Where's his stuff?"
Luke points to his backpack as the nurse starts to wave smelling salts under Ryan's nose.
Seth searches Ryan's bag until he finds the piece of yellow paper that doesn't match anything else. He starts to read. He pales.
Ryan coughs, sitting up and gasping for air. His blue eyes are panicked and confused and Luke helps the nurse hold him down as he struggles.
"Chino. Chill. You're in the nurse's office," Luke says. Ryan relaxes, his eyes becoming lucid.
"Why?" Ryan asks.
"You fell out," Luke responds. He glances at Seth, concerned but Seth has turned away. "Are you okay, now?"
"Yeah. I think so. Thanks. I'm cool," Ryan says, sitting up.
"Luke says you got sick in the bathroom." The nurse asks.
"I got a little nauseous," Ryan tells the nurse.
"We're calling your parents." The nurse says.
"No, I'm fine. I'm okay now," Ryan interrupts.
"Ryan." Seth's voice stops him from protesting. Ryan glances at him and sees the yellow sheet of paper in his hand.
"You going through my stuff now?" Ryan asks after a pause.
"Nurse Jenkins, would it be okay if I just took him home?" Seth asks the nurse.
"I still need to call his parents. Are you family?" The nurse asks Seth.
"They're brothers," Luke answers before they can respond.
"Let me get your file, Ryan. I'll be right back," The nurse says gently.
"What's going on?" Luke asks.
"I'm sorry," Seth says to Ryan.
"It's not your fault. It's mine," Ryan whispers.
Seth hands the letter to Luke and goes to Ryan's side. Luke skims it. "Your brother. He's dead?"
"It appears so," Ryan replies.
"It's not your fault," Seth says quietly.
"Why would it be your fault?" Luke asks.
"Because I didn't help him. He asked me for help and I turned him away.and they killed him," Ryan whispers. Seth silences Luke's questions with a warning glance. The nurse returns.
"I spoke with.Mrs. Cohen and she says that it's okay if you bring Ryan home. She'll take him to the doctor's from there," She explains.
"Doctor? I don't need a doctor," Ryan replies, tiredly.
"That's up to your guardian, Ryan. You boys go straight home."
Ryan stands up and offers a hand for Luke to shake. "Thanks, man. I flipped out a little."
"Are you going to be okay, dude?" Luke asks.
"Yeah. I'm cool," Ryan replies. All signs of his early 'flip out' are gone. His face is blank and his eyes are unreadable.
Ryan waits for Seth to get his things from class in the parking lot. Seth hasn't given him the keys so he sits down beside the Range Rover to wait. He wishes he had a cigarette.
