It's late when Ryan returns. He walks into the kitchen and finds Kirsten on the phone. Her face dawns with relief when she recognizes him.

"Thanks, Jimmy," Kirsten says and hangs up. "Ryan. Where have you been?"

"I'm sorry for running off. I took a walk," Ryan replies, sitting down at the counter.

Kirsten walks over to him and starts to embrace him. He flinches but she doesn't stop, she hugs him tightly. After a moment, he returns her hug. She releases him. "You've been smoking." She holds out her hand and he puts a half-empty pack of cigarettes in her hand.

"Ryan. Thank god," Sandy remarks as he walks in. "Are you okay?"

"I feel better. I needed some space. I'm okay."

"You just lost your brother," Kirsten says quietly.

Ryan hesitates. "I think I lost him a long time ago."

"Ryan. . ." Sandy begins.

"No, its okay. I mean, I'm upset, but I'll get over it," Ryan says slowly.

"We're here if you need to talk or anything," Kirsten offers.

"I know. Really," Ryan nods after catching the concerned glance between her and Sandy. "I'm just not big on the talking like you guys."

"We've noticed. But you should talk about this, kid. It's not healthy to keep everything inside," Sandy says slowly. "And if your grief is making you physically sick.. . . "

"I'm okay now. I just feel like going to bed. I need to go to school tomorrow," Ryan replies.

"Marissa came by for you. She waited as long as she could but she went home a few hours ago," Kirsten says.

"I'll call her. I forgot all about her coming by," Ryan admits.

"Have you eaten anything today?" Kirsten asks.

"I'm not hungry. . ." Ryan starts.

"No arguing. You have to eat," Kirsten says. "I'll go get the delivery menus."

Ryan doesn't argue. His hands aren't shaking like before. He seems to be in complete control of his emotions again. Sandy waits until Kirsten has walked out of the room before approaching the boy.

"Where'd you go?" Sandy asks.

"I took a walk."

"Something's changed since you ran out on Seth this afternoon," Sandy replies. Ryan glances at him.

"I gave my cigarettes to Kirsten," Ryan replies.

Sandy doesn't know why but he doesn't believe Ryan simply went for a walk. He senses something different in the way Ryan is carrying himself. Ryan's too calm and quiet. "Have you been drinking, Ryan?"

Guilt flashes in Ryan's eyes for a second before he lowers his gaze.

"I know I don't need to explain to you that this isn't a healthy way to deal with this. . ." Sandy starts slowly.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know what else to do," Ryan whispers. "I thought I was going to explode. . .I didn't drive, Sandy. . .I just walked around, I swear. . ."

"Where's the alcohol, Ryan? I can't let you have it around," Sandy asks quietly.

"I finished the bottle. I put it in a dumpster down by the pier," Ryan replies.

"Do you need a lecture, Ryan? 'Cause I can do that," Sandy says.

"I know."

Sandy examines Ryan carefully. "You drank a bottle of what, Ryan?"

"Vodka," He whispers. He won't meet Sandy's piercing gaze.

"And you're not even slurring your words," Sandy says.

"I don't drink. I don't know why I even did tonight. . .I hate it. . .but I figured it would be the only way I could pay my respects to Trey. He taught me how to drink so I figured. . .I should drink to him," Ryan says.

"Ryan, I don't even know how to start on this. . ."

"Can we do this tomorrow? I need to get up early for school. . ." Ryan sighs.

"Not until you eat. Chinese, Japanese, Pizza, what are you up for?" Kirsten asks as she returns.

"Whatever you want," Ryan mutters.

"Kirsten. I think he'll be okay. He can have a big breakfast," Sandy says quietly.

"Sandy. . ." Kirsten protests.

"Go ahead, Ryan. But don't be late for school tomorrow. We'll force feed you if we have to in the morning," Sandy says.

Ryan nods. "Thanks. I promise I'll eat whatever you want tomorrow."

*****

Ryan falls asleep as soon as he lies down on his bed. When he wakes up to the sound of his blaring alarm, he's late. It's nine o' clock and a letter written in Marissa's handwriting is lying on the pillow beside his head. He skims it quickly and regrets not calling her the night before. She hopes that he is okay and that he knows that she's there for him.

He rubs his temples. He has a headache from the vodka. His throat hurts from chain smoking after months of no smoking. And his brother is still dead.

He wants to believe Sandy and Seth. He wants to believe that Trey's death isn't his fault but he can't. Trey was an Atwood and Ryan knows how hard it was for him to ask for help. Along with the notorious Atwood luck comes the notorious Atwood pride. Trey had asked for his help in the past, but never because his life was at stake. He trusted Ryan to help him and Ryan had failed him.

Ryan shakes off his thoughts. He lives with the Cohens now. Seth is his brother. Sandy and Kirsten treat him like their own child. He lives in a place where he has everything he could ever want. Why should he risk that to help Trey? What Trey wanted him to do could have gotten him killed. It could've gotten him arrested and it would have devastated the Cohens. He had to say no. He couldn't know that Trey would really get killed. He didn't know. . .

"Ryan? You up?" Kirsten interrupts his swirling thoughts as she steps into the pool house. She carries a tray of food.

"I overslept," Ryan says, sitting up.

"Sandy said that you were drinking last night. I brought you some coffee and some bagels," Kirsten says as she sits down on the bed beside him.

"And my lecture?" Ryan smiles slightly.

"Sandy's bringing that in a few minutes. How do you feel?"

"I'm okay."

"Well, if you're okay then I'd hate to see you when you're not okay," She replies immediately.

"I messed up last night. I shouldn't have been drinking. I'm sorry. I just. . .I didn't know what else to do," Ryan admits.

"It's not okay, Ryan. You shouldn't feel like you have to drink to get rid of your problems," Kirsten replies.

"I know. . .I'm just in a really weird place right now. . .I can't get my head straight. . ." Ryan says. "I needed something to steady me. . ."

"And drinking makes you steady?"

"I'm sorry, Kirsten. . ." Ryan sighs.

"I'm just here to make you eat. Sandy's got the lecture. I'm just getting you warmed up," Kirsten smiles gently. She puts the food on the nightstand beside his bed.

Ryan takes a swallow of coffee and doesn't wince as it burns his mouth. "Thanks, Kirsten."

"I expect that plate to be empty before Sandy gets here," Kirsten says, standing up.

"I'll do my best," Ryan replies. "You guys aren't making me go to school?"

"Not today. You should rest," Kirsten says.

"I'm okay now, Kirsten. I had a little. . .crisis. . . but I'm over it now," Ryan admits.

"I'm sorry that I don't believe you," Kirsten replies sadly. "I don't think you're dealing with this at all, Ryan. But I'll leave you alone so you can eat."

"Okay. Thanks," Ryan says.

*****